Kim Of Queens Is Here To Fix All Of The ‘Ugly Duckling’ Young Girls

38313758_KOQ_07162013_KW_1300_2Kim Of Queens premiered on Lifetime yesterday, because what the world needs more than anything is another show where a mess of heavily made up women scream at awkward young girls about using their instrument and rising to the occasion and spray tanning.

The show mainly focuses on Lauren, the daughter of a preacher who wants to draw attention to her singing talents by entering pageants. Lauren is all flannel shirts and combat boots and ripped jeans and minimal makeup:

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which makes Kim, who owns a business called The Pageant Place which prepares young girls to enter beauty contests, all:

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will Kim be able to transform this “ugly ducking” into a beauty queen?

It’s all super uncomfortable and creepy and the exact sort of show you would watch if you were hungover on a weekday and wanted to feel really sad about the world.

Lauren is adorable and obviously talented and she shows up on pageant day and Kim is all no, you need bra, bible and brows which is her motto or something.

There is another contestant named Anslee who basically walks around crying the whole episode.

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So then we have Lauren’s BIG REVEAL and she looks all:

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So how do you parent an ‘ugly’ child? Get them a spray tan, stick them in a strapless gown covered in jewels, get them fake eyelashes, lots of lipgloss, heels, and make them feel really bad about themselves.

The show of course doesn’t say any of this and to be honest, Kim doesn’t seem to be a bad person, but the main takeaway is that being super talented and a good person isn’t enough because you also need a lot of bronzer.

At least if you want to win a beauty pageant.

I guess winning enough contents would get Lauren attention so she could go on to win Miss Georgia and maybe get a record deal, but she seems so uncomfy with the whole thing it makes me feel bad. And I hate it when these shows take these young girls and GIVE THEM A MAKEOVER because they are basically telling them they are ugly and they need all the glitz in order to be considered attractive. Lauren doesn’t need it, none of these girls need it, and I (shocker) think they all look better without all the bling.

Yes, it could be argued by people that pageants are great and teach adolescent girls poise and self-esteem and how to apply fake eyelashes and all those other necessary life skills, and I suppose if a girl really wants to do it, which Lauren claims she does, she should be allowed to, but ugh, I just want to take them all and hug them and tell them they don’t need any of it.

(Image: Lifetime)

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  • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror


    Did you know that Maxx wins a lot of beauty pageants too? Other times, Mr. Congeniality

    • Egg Norton

      He has a great “personality”.

    • Ripley

      of course

  • Kay_Sue

    She actually bears an uncanny resemblance to Ursla in that GIF. Hmmm.

    • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror

      too many tentacles

    • Kay_Sue

      Naw, Kim just keeps hers in her pants.

  • Humphrey Bugoy

    Is this a show about ugly people?

    • ohreally

      No this post was obviously made by someone who didn’t even watch the show. Also, Lauren WANTED Kim to train her, even begged Kim to go against her father’s opinion.

    • tom tom

      The dumb person who wrote this crappy article obviously never watched the show because there is nothing mean about it. (and even more stupid because many of us did watch it and stand ready to correct her). Kim is lovely and funny as all get out. They just want this to be Dance Mom so they can have something new to hate.

  • candyvines

    Lauren is totally adorable as is, but I don’t think there is anything wrong with learning how to wear stage makeup if you want to be a performer. She looks good in the after photo and not too overdone (for stage). Hopefully she’s not being told this is how she should look all the time.

    • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror

      Oh stop hitting on Human Target, too many guys are already drooling all over her as is

    • tom tom

      I like the fact that this beauty queen is using her pageant exercises to build up the confidence of these girls who start out very shy and overly reserved – she is not mean to them – she is encouraging and loving and her sister and mother are freaking hilarious – it is like Duck Dynasty meets Dance Moms but with no hate.

    • RCIAG

      The 2 episodes I’ve seen seem like the 2 “fish outta water” girls were intentionally cast or came there because they wanted to come there. I have no problem with that, but it just seem really obvious that those girls were gonna “win” their pagents (or part of the pagent). And the dress debacle with her sister seemed obviously planned too, but I still enjoyed the shows.

      I’m not sure if that’s the theme of this show, once a week she’ll “makeover” a girl, but I hope it isn’t. I’d like to see more of the regular girls too.

      Even if the “makeover” girls were cast from an agency, Lauren got a whole hour of free publicity for her future singing career on a national TV channel which ain’t a bad thing.

      There also needs to be less Mom & sister & more Kim. She’s the reason to watch. She reminds me of an aunt who was just like her, all hair, makeup, big, over the top personality, so that’s another reason I watch.

      More of Kim singing would be good too.

  • pixie

    When I first saw the title and saw “Kim of Queens”, I immediately thought that there was a new show about drag queens. I am disappoint.

  • Alexandra

    I thought this took place in Queens, NY – which would have been surprising, and probably a lot funnier.
    *sigh* too bad God makes us all so damned ugly!!

  • Billie

    I must be watching a different episode but you didn’t mention her standing up for the country bumpkin who the other girls were laughing at

    • tom tom

      you must have been on a bathroom break. She stands up for her BY TRAINING HER. A duh

  • Jt

    Great show ! Kim actually cares about her girls and this show it’s awesome!

  • Amanda Hoffpauir

    According to this read, forbid anyone step outside their comfort zone in striving for their dreams… and these GIRLS are asking and accepting Kim’s assistance. And, Kim is someone who wants to help these girls grow into the beautiful young women they can become, in whatever their calling may be. She builds them up and pours on the support, love and respect for these girls. Her critiques are done with humor and love, not through threats, screaming, humiliation and fear.

  • Dust

    Way to be objective. Kim seems extremely kind and she believes in the girls. She doesn’t try to motivate them by yelling or putting them down. If they feel silly or uncomfortable doing something, she joins in to show them not to be afraid. This article only shows your bias. It’s poorly written and researched.

  • tom tom

    This author obviously did not watch the show. she is funny, sweet to the girls and works on building up their confidence. Please watch the show before writing a false review – it is hilarious and uplifting.

  • Jay

    She is training these girls for Miss America… that’s not a glitz pageant…

  • Angela

    First, the author of this has never had the reward of being in a pageant. It teaches you way more than about the glam. It takes a lot to get in front of the judges and a crowd. Kim also teaches these girl’s how to interview and what not to say not to look uneducated in front of other’s. Plus, you have to remember it is a show and you only see the highlight’s and you don’t see all of the support, coaching, and guidance that they get into making them into a responsible, confident young women that give back to their community. I would much rather watch “Kim of Queen’s” than “16 and pregnant”.

  • Egyptian

    Did you actually watch it? Your poorly written commentary eludes to the fact that either you were away cooking dinner, or you were otherwise occupied. This is a great show. Let me guess, you applaud the trash tv like honey boo boo.

  • Barrack Hussein

    I’d tap anslee in her little cry-baby A$$

  • Cassie

    Who wants your hug???????? Just saying. WTH is your hug gonna do???????

  • lauren

    this article is meanspirited and totally off base. how can you not see the GOOD in this show?

  • LeafsNation77

    Wow! I agree with the comments below when people ask if you even watched the show? Kim is very genuine! I like that it is a family venture. They are very respectable about not forcing anything and they include the parents. She is mentoring these girls and helping them become the best they can be. I think it is great! I wish I had someone like Kim when I tried my hand at pageants. Your review, Eve, seems almost a little jealous to the point of rude…how to parent an ‘ugly’ child?? I think all the girls in this show are darling with or without all the glitz. Of course they aren’t teaching them that the only way they are pretty is to be all glammed up. I’m glad I participated in pageants, it was a great opportunity. I didn’t do it because I wanted to win the crown, I did it for the experience and to challenge myself and along the way I grew and learned things.

    Kim is wonderful and a great person! She sees these girls as her own, she never tears them down, but loves them and lifts them up teaching them to be the best they can be while working for what they want. I see nothing wrong with that. Unlike Abbey-Lee on Dance Moms who is basically evil IMO and does nothing to build up any of those girls.

    This article is definitely poorly written and completely missing the point and purpose.