• Mon, Dec 30 - 4:00 pm ET

Resolution Week: 8 Things I’m Going To Continue To Do In 2014 Because I’m An Adult And I Do What I Want

I’ve seen several stories about behaviors adults should leave behind for the New Year. I guess when the new year comes you are supposed to totally change your personality, habits, interests and ways of speaking. Just FYI.

Well, I’m not listening to any of these people – even though I do agree with some of the things they find annoying. I’m an adult and I do what I want. That’s one of the only benefits of being an adult – besides legal drinking and the ability to buy your own candy.

1. Saying awesome, totally and rad.

Yes, I am forty. So what? Sometimes things are awesome and I was raised in the valley so rad and totally are just part of my vernacular. Sometimes “awesome” is the only way to truly express how happy you are with something.

2. Occasionally eating a candy bar for breakfast.

This goes back to the adult thing. I make the rules.

3. Making my cup of coffee before I get my kids anything in the morning.

I love you sweet smell of coffee. Me first.

4. Taking the best looking piece of pizza.

I bought it.

5. Using hyperbole – ALL THE TIME

I get excited about things. It’s my personality – and this is not going to change. I will use the words ever, best, worst and most to my heart’s content.

6. Watching every show that has the word “housewives” in it.

Okay, maybe not every one – but there’s no shame in my game. I’m pretty sure these shows are making me dumber, but I don’t care.

7. Loving bacon

I loved bacon before it was cool to love bacon and I will continue to love it in an un-ironic way until the end of time.

8. Occasionally putting on workout clothes when I have no intention of going to the gym.

It’s the thought that counts, right?

(photo: Getty Images)

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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  • Kay_Sue

    That best looking piece is the goddamn pizza tax, and as king I demand it. Preach on, please.

    • keelhaulrose

      My daughter, just the other night, decided she stopped liking crusts her pizza. On stuffed crust pizza night. I told her to eat that thing, cuz it’s freaking gold, not to mention about half the pizza.
      I’ll admit to buying a “mommy and daddy” pizza and a kids pizza. Kids: cheapest thing on the menu (or hit up a Little Caesar’s), mommy and daddy get the ooey-gooey, deep-dish, Chicago-style deliciousness cuz that’s just wasted on kids who thinkLittle Caesar’s is gourmet.

    • Kay_Sue

      I would have taken the stuffed crust myself, lol, probably mumbling something about “ungrateful”. That is absolutely gold!

    • keelhaulrose

      Normally I would have, too, but apparently “sneeze into your sleeve” is forgotten at meal times around here. Stuffed crust with a side of Petri fodder isn’t appetizing.

    • Kay_Sue

      So very, very true, lol! Kids are gross. I say that with love, of course.

    • Véronique Houde

      Only with kids can we name their snot “snot stalactites” with complete neutrality – and only because they are totally normal in their repulsiveness.

    • Kim

      We do the grown up pizza and the kids pizza too. Mostly because our kids don’t appreciate good toppings and turn their nose up and feta, olives and chorizo. Sad, sad children. Missing out on all the deliciousness.

    • Shannon

      Is it terrible that my 2 year old only likes the pizza crust and I’m excited that I don’t have to share the good parts of the pizza with her?

    • keelhaulrose

      You’ve hit pizza lottery. My 2 year old ingrate will walk from person person stealing toppings she wants off their pizza. Or slices of bacon. Or the icing off cake. You see where I’m going, I have a dog like toddler.

    • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

      mine too. Its like having our own little scavenging hyena. A pizza hyena.

  • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

    Are we twins?

  • Rachel Sea

    If you can’t have a candy bar for breakfast (or ice cream for dinner), there is literally no reason to become an adult.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      So agreed.

    • Samantha_Escobar

      Agreed. I waited my whole childhood to eat whatever the shit I want to, and if that includes bourbon ice cream with brunch, then so be it.

    • Véronique Houde

      Dude, the main reason kids want to grow up is so they can do that shit. We would be a disgrace to our kid selves if we didn’t actually eat chocolate for breakfast when we want

    • Ddaisy

      I never eat the crusts on my sandwiches, and when people ask, “Are you five?” I say, “No, when I was five, my mom *made* me eat them. Now, I’m an adult, and I don’t have to eat anything I don’t want to!” :)

    • Alexandra

      LOVE IT!

    • EmmaFromÉire

      My mother and I have a constant battle about yoghurt and orange juice with bits in it. I’m really picky about food textures, so I wont touch it. She keeps telling me that i’m 20, i can cope with OJ with pulp in it…

    • Ddaisy

      Well of course you can, but more importantly, there’s no good reason to! There are enough times in life when we actually have to do things we don’t want to, no point inventing more. I fully support your right to drink whatever kind of OJ you please!

    • AS48

      I’m with Ddaisy on this! Many people have texture issues with food – but as a child, we had to eat what we were given, even if it triggered our gag reflex on the way down. For me, it’s any sort of meat product with aspic (gel) on it. My grandmother made a huge batch of head cheese every time we visited. To this day, memories of my dad spreading that fatty, meaty, jiggly crap on toast and eating it makes my stomach churn. I can eat what I want, and head cheese is NOT on the list!

    • DebbyX

      I’m a “bit” older than 20 (but still act it) and refuse to drink OJ with pulp in it. I’d rather have water in the morning instead!

    • ikallicrates

      Are you kidding? The crust is the best part!

    • DebbyX

      Oh no it isn’t!

    • Kay_Sue

      X 1,000,000,000 to the umpteenth power.

    • spacewoman

      This. I just told my kids about the time I had an ice cream bar for breakfast my first week of college. In the version I told them, it ended with me getting a stomachache and “never making that mistake again,” but in real life, it ended with THIS IS AWESOME.

  • G.E. Phillips

    I’ll be 37 this year, but I resolve to continue to allow myself to buy the occasional top at Forever 21. Also, since I’m single, I will continue to sometimes call guys “boys” as in, “I really hope I meet a nice boy in 2014.” Because my dating self is also forever 21.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      This seems totally reasonable to me.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Man, I’m so torn about Forever 21. I still really like it, and now I’m forever 30 :/

    • EmmaFromÉire

      They make some fantastic pieces. Maybe i’m biased, because i buy from the plus section where the clothes are usually gorgeous and aren’t 90% glitter and sequins. Most of my clothes are from F21. And they make kick ass jeans.

    • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ Theresa Edwards

      yes. “occasional”.

    • Alexandra

      I LOVE forever 21. And Joyce Leslie. Bought leggings and cardigans there that I’ve worn throughout my old-ass (35) twin pregnancy. Just to “show them” LOL
      Their faces are pretty funny when I’m shopping I must say….

    • DebbyX

      Hey if they still fit and look good, go for it! Have you ever shopped in Free People? I think you’d love it if you like “21″.

  • MerlePerle

    Nobody likes mommy before she’s had coffee. It’s in their best interest really.

  • keelhaulrose

    I convinced my daughter just Last night big people are allowed to swear at referees and coaches on the TV.

  • Bethany Ramos

    Maria, we are eerily similar and AWESOME. I love/hate my housewives addiction, and I just can’t stop. Except RH Miami because it’s so staged – I have some “standards.”

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      Haha! I don’t watch that one either.

  • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror

    How is No. 7 even a question?

    • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror

      In fact, No. 7 should go along with No. 4

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    Where’s the Beyonce ‘Grown Woman’ gif???

  • AnastasiaMcNally

    Ha! Just 30 minutes ago my sweet, sweet baby was crying for a bottle… So I got out of bed and made hot delicious coffee thinking to myself “I am not a bad mum! I bet everyone does this!” Thanks!

    • DebbyX

      No, sorry…………..baby has to come first……….you’re a big girl now!

    • AnastasiaMcNally

      Sorry, but my baby is not going to die or be irreparably emotionally damaged in the 3 minutes it takes me to put together a coffee before I make her bottle.

    • DebbyX

      Neither will you! I guess in your house what mommy wants comes first.

    • AnastasiaMcNally

      You bet your ass it does!

    • DebbyX

      Grow up!

    • AnastasiaMcNally

      I think the whole point of this article was about how kick ass it is to be a grown up and if you look closely, you’ll see that point number 3 was about getting your own coffee before you get your kids anything so I’m not really sure what your issue is!

    • Bj Lincoln

      If my child was in real danger then I would rush to his side but if he is just hungry, I need my coffee to be the best mom I can be. I’m thinking DebbyX doesn’t have kids.

    • AnastasiaMcNally

      Exactly! Hunger isn’t going to hurt anyone and neither is using the 3 minutes of boiling time to wake up a little! I think you might be right, or it’s been so long since she had a baby-baby that she’s forgotten!

    • DebbyX

      You’d be thinking wrong Bj! You and anastasia are the typical Generation X’ers. Spoiled and self centered. If somebody doesn’t agree with you, you take your toys and go home!

    • Bj Lincoln

      Is my 32 year old son a Gen X’er ? I am the last of the baby boomers. You are?
      All I said is you may not have children. Most mothers will agree having been it the same situation many times.
      I am not spoiled or self centered. I was and am a good Mom who has a few years under her belt.

    • DebbyX

      I have a 32 year old son also………….jumped the gun! Apologies.

    • Bj Lincoln

      Apology accepted.

  • keelhaulrose

    Do sweatshirts and sweatpants count as workout gear? Cuz if they do I pretty much live in workout gear from November to March. I may put on jeans if I’m going somewhere fancy, like Costco, but other than that… pfft.

    • Karen Milton

      My 25 year old self would be horrified, but my 35 year old self is fine with the fact that I honestly get dressed as infrequently as I can get away with. I ask myself, “Am I at work? Am I meeting with the lawyer or a distinguished guest? No? NO PANTS”. I don’t want to draw on my eyebrows unless I really have to.

  • pixie

    I’ll eat whatever the hell I want for breakfast. Cake, candy bar, KFC chicken sandwich. And bacon is the most delicious meat ever. And even more-so if wrapped around steak.

  • Samantha_Escobar

    #1 FOREVER. I get made fun of for saying “rad” but goddammit, it’s a great word.

    Also if I had cable #6 would be my jam.

  • amanda

    #2 is the best. ITs why we become grown ups. Also is that a Merlin clip?!

  • Shannon

    I was raised in the valley too. I am literally completely unable to extricate the word “dude” from my vocabulary. It’s totally ingrained in my DNA.

    • Serai 1

      “Dude” is a language unto itself. I’ve had whole conversations consisting of nothing but that one word. Amazing how much meaning you can pack into it.

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    I love using hyperbole more than anything else in the world.

  • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

    What i find interesting in all of these “Things to leave behind once you’re an adult” articles is the fact that they’re all about how lame it is to use popular slang, or how people are enjoying their entertainment for the wrong reasons, or other equally superficial nonsense.

    I’m not seeing things like “Stop nitpicking about petty bullshit that has no bearing on anything meaningful in life in order to make yourself feel superior”.

    • Serai 1

      So all those people making a living writing on the internet should just go dig ditches? The reason these kinds of silly listicles get published is because that’s what people want to read. You gotta problem with that, take it up with the readers.

    • http://www.benwhoski.com/ Benwhoski

      I think it’s quite a leap to make between my implying that these articles about ‘acting one’s age’ are engaging in far more childish behavior than they are criticizing by nitpicking over superficial nonsense, and my allegedly implying that people should stop writing things on the internet and perform manual labor.

      That one would made such a leap is just totes adorbs.

  • Serai 1

    Well, that completely contradicted the title.