• Mon, Dec 30 - 5:30 pm ET

I Put Breast Milk All Over My Child Today Because, Why Not?

104304872A few weeks ago, my son broke out in a pretty bad rash. At first it looked like insect bites, then the bumps became smaller and started to spread to different parts of his body. It turns out my cat’s recent flea problem has become a problem for him as well – he’s having a bad reaction to flea bites which in turn caused a bout of eczema. Poor thing.

First, the doctor said he was having an allergic reaction to some sort of bug bite. She prescribed some antibiotic cream, which did nothing. In fact, the bumps just seem to get worse with every application. I took him back to the doctor, and that time she recommended cortizone for what she said looked to be a breakout of eczema in addition to a reaction to flea bites.

My son is miserable. The cortizone doesn’t seem to be helping at all, either. We’ve moisturized, given oatmeal baths – removed all products with any kind of scents or possible irritants and laundered pretty much everything in the house. Of course, we’ve also treated the cat and house for this flea situation. Nothing is helping.

This morning, I remembered my son’s primary doctor (who we haven’t been able to see because he’s been on vacation) recommending breast milk as a cure for a rash my infant had developed. In fact, he recommends breast milk/ breastfeeding for a lot of things. I picked up a pump that I haven’t used in a while and expressed some milk. I dipped a cotton ball in it and put it all over my child’s legs, hands and everywhere else the rash had formed. He looked at me like I was crazy. I have to admit, I felt like a homeopathic wizard.

I just checked on the rash a few minutes ago, and either this is all in my head, or the bumps are actually becoming less inflamed. So, i’m going to keep with this strange breast milk regimen for a few days. If it works, I’m freezing the stuff before I wean so we can have a go-to stock of this liquid gold available for all that ails us. I am the woman using her breast milk for random stuff around the house. And I’m strangely okay with it.

(photo: Getty Images)

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  • Véronique Houde

    Think of this: Your boobs are miraculous. You have a glorious golden fountain of healing juice. It’s so beautiful it makes me want to cry. Almost.

  • Alanna Jorgensen

    Hey, if he’s miserable and it works I say go for it. If it can help pink eye I don’t see why it wouldn’t help inflammation from a rash.

  • DatNanny

    I can just picture Maria Guido, children grown, walking around with a spray bottle full of her breast milk stockpile. “Pink eye? Let me spray some breast milk on that. Pimple? I’ll just give you a spritz of mama’s liquid gold here. Hemorrhoids you say? Breast milk!”

    • DatNanny

      But I will say, I’m glad it’s working. I really do believe in the power of the glorious mammary fountain for the healing of small ills. I’d let you spray me any day.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      Haha! I’m bottling this stuff!

    • noelle 02

      I know it’s crazy, but I was the mama squirting milk on my kid’s butt to get rid of a killer diaper rash. You do what you have to do if it works.

  • Jallun-Keatres

    I regularly put breastmilk all over my child. I don’t mean to, but I still have an over supply and my tits spray her in the face all the time. Her hair is often styled with a breastmilk pomade.

    • Iris

      Up vote for breastmilk pomade!

  • Natalie

    Breast milk has so many many immune factors and even some anti-inflammatory qualities in the vitamins and minerals, this ABSOLUTELY makes sense! And if you can drink it, why not put it on the outside? Plus, antibiotics for non-bacterial infections, such as a allergic reaction, will never work. I honestly have no idea why your doctor gave you that.

  • personal

    Giggled throughout. Thanks for that. I breastfeed my baby. I even breastfeed my 4-year-old (not because I want to but because she begs so much and I do love the child) but I actually do not use my milk for anything else, though I keep hearing of its miraculous tendencies.
    Maybe it’s the wine (yes, I bf but it IS New Year’s Eve, after 10 pm here in Western Europe and the boob-suckers are asleep!) but for some reason I sat here with an Elton John concert on in the background laughing my ass off.
    Thanks for that.
    Hope your kid’s rash clears up. Freeze that sh+t! Hahahahha!

    • Teleute

      You breastfeed your four-year-old because she BEGS for it? You’re fucking sick. Those children deserve better.

    • Simone

      Fuck off, Teleute. You’re a dick.

  • Humphrey Bugoy

    Looks like I have a rash too…if only I could have some breast milk too…