A GIF Guide To New Year’s Eve As A Parent

200547529-010I have been pregnant the past two New Year’s Eves, and I can tell you from personal experience that celebrating this awesome holiday either with child or as a new parent blooooows.

If you’re newly pregnant, you may mistakenly think you’re still cool. You may convince yourself that you haven’t morphed into a boring parent just yet and are still fully capable of soberly ringing in the New Year with all your drunk friends. Newsflash—there’s nothing that sounds less fun than that, especially if you’re a narcoleptic pregnant person, like I was.

As a new parent or an experienced parent, you may decide to get a babysitter for this fantastical holiday. Another newsflash—pregnant or not, you’re probably still going to be narcoleptic. Come 10 o’clock, you’ll be wishing you hadn’t blown your cash on six hours of babysitting and had hit the hay early instead. Once you’ve seen one ball drop, you’ve seen ‘em all, amirite? (Insert “That’s what she said” here.)

So, parents, your New Year’s Eve this year may be totally boring, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Or, you may still have high hopes that you’ll be able to party like it’s 1999 and forget about your kids for one GD second. It may look a little something like this…

Sometime after Thanksgiving, you remember that an epic holiday is coming up. What was it called again…? New Year’s Eve, that’s right! Maybe this year will be the year that we do something SPECIAL.

It’s official. I’m going to go out in public on New Year’s Eve or at least invite a few friends over to get crunk after we put the kids to bed. Better go buy some champagne, and lots of it.

It’s New Year’s Eve day. It’s really happening!

I just got to the party in my expensive new dress that probably still has the tags on it. Better act cool so people can’t tell that I never go out anymore.

I’m just so happy to be here and to be talking to all of these TALL PEOPLE about anything besides poop.

You guys, it’s almost 11. I haven’t been up this late since college.

10, 9, 8… THIS IS IT. I haven’t felt such excitement since my first child was born! Toast me, toast me, toast meeeeee!

Holy shit, I have to be up in six hours. My spawn rise with the sun. This better have been fucking worth it.

Whatever your New Year’s plans may be, boring or potentially awesome, my hat is off to you. Once you become a lame parent, it takes superhuman effort to be fun and cool again, and most of the time, it hardly feels worthwhile when you know your little creatures are going to wake you up before dawn anyway. One night of the year, cut yourself some slack, and remember—staying up past midnight is a pretty big deal in my book.

(photo: Getty Images)

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  • robbie

    Total LMAO!! Laughed through the whole article! Toast YYYOOOUUU, Bethany Ramos!

  • Andrea

    Yeah this pretty much sums up why I have always hated New Years. Nothing good comes out of it except the next day where I feel like shit but my kids are either (a) well rested and ready to play at 6 in the goddam morning (because I put them to bed early) or (b) the biggest bitch faced brats and still up at 6 in the goddam morning (because I let them stay up till midnight)

    • Bethany Ramos

      Hahaha I always consider New Year’s Day to be the worst day of the year.

    • historychick79

      DST in the fall is close….

    • http://himanivakarian.tumblr.com/ Himani

      I laughed so hard at ‘bitch faced brats’.

    • Andrea

      I love them with all my heart, but no one around here does very well on little sleep.

  • Momma425

    My husband has to work the day after new years eve- he has to open the store at 6am. I doubt he and I will even stay up to watch the ball drop- that’s how old we are. It’s okay- 5:30am “I’m leaving for work, I love you” kisses totally rock just as much as “Happy New Years” kisses at midnight. :)

    • Asia Woodley

      Yes! Same over here @ year old twins, daily. My maternal girlfriends want to even get together. Hubby has to work, it might not be that serious anymore. He kisses me Good Morning everyday at 5:45 am and yes They ROCK!

  • kay

    When I was like 17 or so I went to a party full of college kids on New Years. I was in jeans, the only high schooler there, and dead sober (I had a curfew, so I needed to drive myself home). Other girls there were in party dresses getting their drink on. At midnight I literally had a line of boys to kiss, and the fancy pretty girls had no one.

    I’ve always assumed I can never top that new years in terms of party success, and as such never have tried. Last year I was pregnant, we watched Mad Men. It was fantastic.

  • LadyClodia

    Actually, I would like to go to bed before midnight on New Year’s Eve; that would be a treat. Even before kids our exciting New Year’s Eves usually just consisted of a bottle of wine and maybe some chocolate fondue, and no real effort to stay up until midnight. We weren’t very exciting before we had kids, and we are probably even less exciting now, but that’s OK.
    What’s not OK is that dancing Spider-Man…he will haunt my dreams tonight.

  • LiteBrite

    For the first time in four years, my husband actually gets to go out WITH me. Usually it’s me and two of my close friends, but this year my MIL offered to have our son overnight. Not sure how that’s going to work though as New Year’s involves two things my husband dislikes most in this world: people and spending money.

    A couple of years ago, my two friends and I were stuck downtown and couldn’t get a cab. So I ended up calling my husband at 4 a.m. to come get us. He of course has used that as leverage ever since.

    Me: “And you don’t do this, and you didn’t clean that. I feel like I have to do everything around here!”

    DH: :Yeah, remember that New Year’s Eve when I had to bundle up our three-year-old son at 4 a.m. and pick you and your two other drunk friends up at the bar?”

    Me: “Ummmm…..uhhhhh….yeah…..uhhhhh…..”

    • Bethany Ramos

      This had me lolling. All it takes is one epic good deed these days… :)

  • historychick79

    Since parenthood arrived, we get together with 2 other couples with kids the same age. Everyone goes to someone’s house; pajamas are the required attire. A fancy dinner is prepped, with the wedding china. Kids run rampant; mine has managed to stay up to midnight all 3yrs so far. We grab a sip of champagne, and say goodnight; people can stay over if they need to. We are comfy, save money, eat well and the kids entertain each other. Much better (and cheaper) than a crowded club or weird hotel dance, pricey babysitter and making sure you’re sober enough to go home.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Pajamas all night sounds AWESOME.

  • Alicia Kiner

    I was just thinking that I haven’t actually done anything for New Year’s since I was 18. Which was an all night movie fest, and alcohol free. Cause I didn’t go to those parties till after high school. But at 21 my husband was deployed to Iraq, at 22 I was pregnant. At 23, I had a 4 month old and no sitter, at 24, I had a 16 month old and a newborn, and so on and so forth. Oh, and my hubby, who works for the railroad, never has off for New Year’s. It’s not even a paid holiday for him anymore. So yeah, it’ll be me and the munchkins and some movies and snacks. My son will probably make it to midnight, judging by Christmas Eve, my daughter will make it to about 10. I’ll put him to bed, take a shot of raspberry vodka, toast to myself, and go to bed. Shrugs. That’s the most partying this girl gets. Maybe next year.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      This sounds a lot like my New Years Eve history. One year my husband and daughter and I went to a neighbor’s for New Years; my little daughter (who was super excited, gonna make it till midnight) and I got sleepy and came home to “celebrate” on our own at about 10. My husband came home after midnight and found us asleep on the couch.

  • Kerry

    We’re hosting New Years Eve this year and sending our 4 year old to spend the night with grandma. I don’t know why, but New Years has always been one of my favorite holidays. I love dressing up and ringing in the new year with cocktails and friends. That hasn’t changed since having a baby. I may not stay up as late as I used to, but I’m good until at least 2, maybe later. I also don’t get wasted as I may have done when I was younger. Hangovers suck.

    • Bethany Ramos

      I love the holiday too! For some reason, it’s just one of my favorites. But hangovers – no way!! They destroy me for like 2 or 3 days now that I’m “old.”

  • tSubh Dearg

    I don’t have kids yet and our New Year’s plan is to have a pajama party with some close friends. We’re going to drink nice booze, eat party food, watch tv and play games. We did it last year too and it was epic. The super bonus is not having to wear a bra!

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