• Thu, Dec 26 - 11:00 am ET

All I Got For Christmas Was Fat-Shamed By My Mother

155095122They say with gift giving it’s the thought that counts and you should be grateful no matter what you receive. But whoever said that has clearly never received a festively wrapped box from my mother.

When my mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas this year, I was prepared. I really wanted a new set of makeup brushes, partially because I needed them, partially because I saw a photo on Pinterest with makeup brushes displayed in a mason jar that I wanted to replicate so I could get my smug on for a day or two.

My mom told me what she bought for my kids at Target, and since Target has nearly an entire aisle dedicated to makeup brushes; I thought I was good to go. I may or may not have purchased a mason jar in anticipation. So when the time came to open presents, I was not prepared for what actually happened.

She bought me a Fitbit. For those of you who don’t know, the Fitbit is a device that tracks your sleep, monitors how many calories you burn, has a GPS function for running and comes with an online program to record what you eat. It’s basically an accessory made of shame, self-loathing and metal.

I tried to hide my reaction, since I’m not a child and I didn’t want to spoil Christmas for everyone else, but inside I felt like this:

Never mind the fact that she gave my sister a trip to Hawaii for a week and gift cards for a whole new wardrobe, never mind the fact that she got my lover-of-all-things-nerdy husband a magic wand that functions as a remote control (which, according to him, is best gift anyone has ever given him, period, so I can never top it and shouldn’t even attempt to try), or the fact that I emailed her a link to the makeup brushes I wanted when they went on sale for her convenience. Socks would have been a better choice; they would fit no matter what I weigh. She could have at least been passive aggressive about her opinions on my body and got me yoga pants, at least those I would actually wear (you know, because I’m a SAHM who doesn’t do anything but sit around all day)

But no, this Christmas my mother skipped the passive part and went for just straight out aggressive. 24/7 fitness tracking and the capability for her to spy on my stats from her own computer. I’m pretty sure the mob gets more privacy from the FBI. At least the Don and his underlings can still stuff themselves on pasta without it being recorded.

And the Fitbit does not mess around. It doesn’t pretend to be anything but functional; unlike the Nike Fuel Band which resembles a rubber bracelet. But no, this Fitbit is a little metal clip thing, which, my mom told me excitedly “You can hide in your bra so no one sees it!” Great, so now I’ll have this calorie chastity belt jabbing me in the milk makers all day as a constant reminder of your disappointment. Awesome.

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  • Jessica

    You had me until you mentioned that fitness is one of your shared interests, and that you’re both fitness instructors. Sounds like your mom was trying to get you a gift that you would really like and use. Although, no-fairsies on your sister getting a trip to Hawaii!

    • m

      I had the exact same thoughts. I was on the writer’s side before she was like “oh yeah I’m not actually fat and also we are both fitness instructors”. Probably that gift was pretty expensive too.

    • Gretta

      Yeah what the heck was that?! Just kidding my Mom can’t be fat shaming me because I am not fat and fitness is an interest we both share.

      It isn’t crazy to buy someone WHO IS TRAINING FOR A MARATHON a fitness tracker. Author sounds a little like a spoiled brat.

    • AugustW

      They are not cheap for sure. I wanted to get one for my mom because I have the Jawbone Up but she wouldn’t let me spend that much on her.

    • Rachelxoxo

      Yeah, this was definitely one of the more confusing articles…wtf? Do you hate the gift? Love it? Feel insulted or is it just not what you asked for? Way to troll for fat shaming controversies, when really your mom just got you , a health professional, a gift that relates to what you do???

  • Really?

    Sorry, but you sound like the passive-aggressive one, not your mother. Have you ever tried opening your mouth and using your big girl words? “Hey, Mom, I’m a bit sensitive to being given products related to weight loss and fitness. Please don’t do this in future. I know it comes from a good place, but it hurts me.”

    Really over reaching to say your mother fat shamed you.

  • alice

    When one personal trainer gives another personal trainer a “personal training related gift” is it really fat-shaming?

    If your mom is really focused on fitness and body image and you’re not into it anymore, then just tell her that.

  • Paul White

    It’s a gift common to a shared interest. If my wife bought me a set of 90 lb dumbbells I wouldn’t cry “weak shaming”, I’d go “Hell yes, I’ve wanted those.”

    • Tinyfaeri

      It’s all about perspective, I guess – considering the scale at 16, there may be some history there. Personally, I’m hoping (fingers AND toes crossed) that my in-laws got me Focus T-25, because I just can’t muster up the time commitment for another round of Insanity at this point in time (and my current level of fitness).

    • Paul White

      I can get that. And I agree that the trip to Hawaii versus this…no contest there.

    • Heather

      Umm she asked for a scale, so her mother went out and bought a really good scale for her. She is training for a race, so her mother bought her a race training related gift. Sounds like her mom is great at gifts and she’s just ungrateful and whiny.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Giving people gifts that promote weight loss or measure fat is always tricky. Yes, she said she asked for a scale. It does beg the question of why a 16 year old girl would request her own scale, though – or at least for me it does. That’s an odd gift for a 16 year old girl to ask for, and it doesn’t seem to have helped that her mother not only got it for her, but enthusiastically went the extra mile and got one that measures body fat as well.

    • Heather

      Of course it can be tricky, and you’re right, we have no clue WHY she wanted a scale at 16. But to me her mother didn’t go the extra mile to ensure her child’s misery and lifelong self esteem issues. Her mom probably went to the scale aisle at the store and looked for what appeared to be the best on the market for her daughter.

      Maybe this is me speaking as a mother of a (toddler) daughter, but I can’t see that the mother was trying to do anything mean spirited or to put pressure on her. If anything, I interpret her mother’s desire to share her training info is to be more encouraging, as they ARE training TOGETHER to run a half-marathon. That isn’t a small feat and maybe the mother wants to be the best support she can to help her daughter achieve her goal?

    • Tinyfaeri

      She gave one daughter a trip to Hawaii and a new wardrobe, and the other daughter who recently had a child a device that monitors exercise activity, eating habits, etc. Maybe this is the daughter, and mother of a daughter in me, but I think there’s more history there than you’re giving the author credit for.

    • Heather

      Okay, so instead of claiming to have been “fat shamed” perhaps she should have talked about how hurtful it was to be given a gift worth less than a sibling. And how her relationship with her mother was strained due to something or other. But she didn’t. She could have even talked about how being given an activity/food/sleep tracking device made her FEEL pressure and made her feel fat. But she didn’t. She said her mother “fat shamed” her. Aggressively. Then she turned around and said ” I know I’m being a bit over dramatic. I’m not fat, and I know my mother doesn’t think that. And in her defense, fitness and exercise are one of our biggest shared interests.”

      So essentially she wrote out this diary entry of wah wah wah I didn’t get what I want and I’m jealous of my sister and my mommy is so mean, then she came to her senses and changed her mind, but decided to leave everything as it was and hit publish!

    • Tinyfaeri

      The author never said she was fat-shamed, the title did. The authors don’t write the titles, the editors do. Calm down, and please fix your caps lock – it keeps getting STUCK.

    • Heather

      HAHAHAHA, Oh my gosh, You took the fact that I was using caps lock to emphasize words that, had I been speaking to you in person I would have placed special emphasis on, and made it seem like I was stupid. HAHAHAHA You’re the wittiest person on the internet.

      But I did have no clue that the authors didn’t title their own work. In which case, Shame on Mommyish. Author is still whiny, but if it’s the editors calling what she encountered as fat shaming, then it is the site that is to blame and where my real ire lies.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Not stupid, sweetie, just annoying.

    • AugustW

      It can be tricky, but it sounds like she’s just being whiny because she wanted to look Pinteresting for a minute. GO buy your own damn brushes if it’s that life or death.

    • Tinyfaeri

      She did. And the fact that her husband had to give her a credit card to do so says it might not be that simple for her to just go buy them herself. Also, her sister got a trip to Hawaii and a new wardrobe while she got a device that monitors her activity and caloric intake – it would take a saint not to get at least a little upset and/or whiny at that. I’m pretty crafty, so if you really think you would not be at all upset if you were her, I can put your face on a candle!

    • AugustW

      I was raised to be grateful for any present, regardless of intent or desire to have said present.
      And yeah, considering I bought myself an activity tracker for Christmas, I may be biased.

      I would be annoyed if my sibling got a trip to Hawaii and I didn’t. But I also wouldn’t write a whiny article about it, especially when she got a pretty speedy gift herself.

    • Tinyfaeri

      ‘K, I’ll get cracking on that candle.

    • Gangle

      While I admit a scale seems like a strange sort of gift to ask for, my guess is her mother got her the fancy-schmancy scale with all the extra features because she sounds like doesn’t do cheap presents. A magic wand remote for her husband? Those are expensive. Fitbits are expensive. A plain old scale is pretty cheap, but why not get a really fancy one because it is your daughters birthday present? Considering the author is a fitness instructor and is currently training for a marathon, I don’t think the gift was passive-aggressive or intentionally offensive. If this sort of gift makes the author feel pressured or bad about herself, then perhaps she needs to have a chat to her mother and tell her that, and that she would prefer some make-up products or whatever instead, rather than passively-aggressively writing an article about it. Quite possibly she may find she scores the most awesome, amazing make-up brushes ever!

    • Tinyfaeri

      Right. Since you obviously know them in real life (since she was 16, no less), you know for a fact that she has never tried to talk to her mother about her body image issues and is just being a passive aggressive bitch for absolutely no reason. Boy are the claws coming out on this one.

    • Gangle

      No, I don’t think she is being a bitch. But the author herself admits that her mother is not trying to fat-shame her, and has been very supportive of her. According to the author they don’t exactly sound like they aren’t close. Hell, they have even participated in past running events and are currently training together for an upcoming marathon event. Perhaps this isn’t a healthy thing for them to be doing together if it is causing the author unnecessary stress and pressure to perform, particularly if her mum is taking it so seriously. But going out and buying a mason jar and then emailing your mum a catalogue with some make-up brushes in it isn’t exactly communicating your desire to scale back on the training, particularly if past present requests have included such items as a bathroom scale. I don’t think the author is a nasty cow, but obviously there is a communication breakdown.

  • Mel

    Wow, sis got a trip and a wardrobe and you got a fat-tracker?! I’m so sorry. I really do feel your pain. My mother fat-shames me (and everyone else in her life) constantly. Even our hairdresser commented that when mother greets her she gives her the once-over and shakes her head. No one is safe. I understand you wanting to soften to blow to yourself by trying to explain it away as a “shared interest gift.” Self-preservation is so important. But the fact that you wrote this article and titled it the way you did shows how it really made you feel. That’s kinda proven by the 16th bday gift of a scale.

    • Megan Zander

      Mel I love you. You totally get me. We may really be long lost sisters. Sure, I’m into fitness, but when it’s the ONLY way to prove good enough to someone despite anything else you accomplish in life, or how many times you try to talk to them, it gets to you.

    • Mel

      Unfortunately, I do totally get it. Anyone who sees this as anything but an insult is so fortunate not to have our mothers as mothers (in lots of ways. I’m sure yours has redeeming qualities like mine). You can talk and explain your feelings until you’re blue in the face, but all they see is their side of it and you’re being ridiculous, overreacting, and taking it wrong. Or, as my mother says “I’m your mother, it’s my RIGHT to tell you these things and it’s my job to tell you these things. Everyone else is thinking it, but as your mother, I get to tell you why you’re wrong. You’re just not taking it right.”

      I feel you sister! Hopefully you can return that horrible gadget. If not, you’re an adult, and you can totally stick that thing in a drawer and just not deal with it. Either way, you’re screwed. If you use it, you’re making yourself miserable and giving her the win. If you don’t, you’re going to get in trouble with her. Since you’re going to do it wrong either way, you might as well do it the way that’s going to make you less unhappy!

    • Rowan

      My mum’s response when I call her out on being critical is to pack her bags for the guilt trip. “You’re so over-sensitive… I’m just trying to help… I suppose it’s all my fault for being a terrible mother…” And so on.

    • Mel

      Ouch, that’s pretty unpleasant. I’m sorry about that! I hate that she manipulates you like that :(

    • Rowan

      I’m in my 40s now so it pretty much goes in one ear and out the other most of the time. And my mum has finally mellowed a bit and stopped being a drama queen!

    • HotEarlGrey

      You accuse other commenters of ‘deciding the extent of her emotional turmoil,’ yet you go on to project your own relationship with your mother onto the author and her mother.

    • Mel

      Actually I said that to one poster not all. And I’m simply understanding and commiserating. Are those concepts foreign to you? I’m confused as to how a shared experience means I’m judging her?

    • Heather

      So why are you still training for races with her and running with her? Why are you LYING to your mother and saying you enjoy the things you’re doing with her if you’re just doing it to prove something. This is about your own neuroses, not your mother “fat-shaming” you. I’m fat. I’ve BEEN fat shamed, for real. So the fact that you’re trivializing a VERY real issue and sensationalizing your own story in order to garner reads and sympathy is insulting and continues to promote thin ideals. I get these are your feelings, but you should really think about what you write before you spew this kind of confessional diary entry in a very public place.

    • Mel

      Ironically, you’re doing the very thing you fuss at her for doing. You’re trivializing her feelings because you feel you’ve got it worse. There’s always someone who is more of a victim than you, but that doesn’t take away from your own pain. This is not a competition. Please don’t accuse others of lying just because it’s not something with which you agree or understand. How about showing some of that compassion that you wish others would show you?

    • Heather

      No I don’t accuse her of trivializing something as simple as my own feelings. I accuse her of trivializing an entire category of real abuse against human beings that is fat-shaming. My chastising her for being whiny and ungrateful is making a character call based on information she willingly shared with me via her writing, not simply making a judgment based on what she looks like. Mmm’kay? See the difference?

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      Considering that a lot of women have their body image issues gift-wrapped and handed to them by their mothers – I think it makes sense. You may not have a relationship with your mom like that – but a lot of women do. I spent years struggling with eating disorders because I have a mother who is obsessed with body image – and I think I am a strong, sane individual.

    • RageFace

      Hah yeah. When I was sixteen and a NORMAL size 36 (I THINK that’s a ten or eight?) I was in a changing room trying on a cute pair of pants my mother told me (and I quote): “Wow RageFace, you’ve never looked as crap as you do these days.”

      Today I am a size 40/16 and I cannot lose weight despite my best efforts and my mother fat-shames me at every goddamn chance she gets.

    • Tinyfaeri

      You’re being a little dramatic. And since when does someone have to be fat to be made to feel ashamed of their weight or how their body looks?

    • Heather

      Again, She is perfectly fine to feel ashamed of her weight and hurt that she didn’t get what she wanted. The problem is that she is trying to claim she was “fat-shamed” because it sounds sensational and it gets lots of readers these days. She may have a terrible body image, and that’s sad. And if that is something her mother instilled in her, that’s terrible. But what she SAID in the article tells a different story.

    • ElleJai

      I’m morbidly obese with a whole trucks worth of fat shaming stories.

      And here’s the thing: even tiny waisted ladies can be and are fat shamed. France has made it a national sport. It doesn’t hurt less because they’re picking on an imaginary 5lbs vs an all too real extra 180lbs. It’s still being shamed, it’s still being judged, and it’s still a horrible thing to do to someone.

      On my scale, that wouldn’t even register because my tolerance has increased the more I was bullied; but for the author it hurts. And as a writer, she’s decided to deal with the disappointment and hurt by writing.

      You are entitled to think she’s overreacting, just be careful not to assume that your experience of being bigger is the only valid standard for others xx

    • Mel

      You can snark me all you want but that doesn’t change the fact that you are deciding for her the extent of her emotional turmoil. You don’t get to be the arbiter of who is whiny and who is truly entitled to feel something. Again, this is not a competition!

    • Heather

      No, I’m not deciding the “extent” of her emotional turmoil. She may have suffered dramatically, and obviously she was upset by the experience. Being whiny is the tone of her writing. My kid can be actually upset about something and still be whiny about it. What I’m saying is that what she experienced was not “fat shaming” and that she used the term dramatically to incite emotion in her readers and create more views for her article. That’s like a person saying that they were physically abused when they got spanked once as a child. It downplays the seriousness of the real issue.

    • joe

      Heather, quit being a dick.

  • Fabel

    Hell if you don’t want it, I’ll take it..

  • brebay

    The last thing my mom gave me was probably a Barbie. The last thing she gave my oldest (13,) was a yellow sleeper, because he was still a fetus – sex unknown. My youngest-nothing. I know everything’s relative, but I’m sick of hearing people bitch about gifts people give them or their kids. Your mom showed up, she tried. Tell her how you feel, re-gift the thing and move on.

    • Mel

      I get where you’re coming from, and I’m sorry if the lack of gift-giving has hurt your feelings. But, for people who’s parents give them gifts that are designed to hurt their feelings or manipulate them, not giving anything would truly be a better experience. I’ve been on both sides of the issue, I’ve been ignored and I’ve been directly insulted. Both are hurtful, but I’ll take ignored over humiliated/insulted any day of the week. I’m a big supporter of the idea of adults not exchanging any gifts at all, but just enjoying the time to hang out and socialize without all the pressure. Unfortunately, nobody in my family agrees, so I keep getting outvoted.

    • brebay

      I’d be with you if I thought it was intended to humiliate, but well-meaning and clueless is still well-meaning. They are both trainers, and it’s kind of a cool gadget. If she truly feels intentionally humiliated, it’s time to cut her off, no use including people in your life who are that cruel just because of shared DNA.

    • Mel

      I totally get that it’s hard to hear the fact that they’re both trainers and not assume that it was a well-meaning gift. But having a parent who masks her digs and insults with “well, I meant well, you’re just taking it wrong” I can see how things are not what they appear on the surface.

  • Natasha B

    Ugh, that sucks. My mom doesn’t ‘shame’ me with gifts, but she always asks for a list and then gets me something the total opposite. Well..I guess it’s kind of a ‘you need this cause you’re a mom and housewife now’ thing. I ask for birchbox/Nordstrom gift cards-I get pampered chef. I ask for a clip less curling wand (I want one so bad!) I get a Taste of home subscription. I’m not 50!
    I would have pitched a FIT over the Hawaii thing-not cool.

    • anon

      I’m 52 and I want the birchbox/Nordstrom and clipless curling wand. Don’t age shame either.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I turn 44 tomorrow. I’m with ya

    • Natasha B

      Yeahhhh, didn’t mean to age shame, sorry. I meant it as a ‘just because I have 3 kids and am a housewife doesn’t mean the only thing that I want is crap to clutter up my kitchen counters’ kinda way. Which is how my mom sees it-even though I have super diverse interests, makeup (Birchbox) and shoes/clothes are ‘shallow’ and should be saved for my younger, hotter sisters. I should be chopping shit in the kitchen.
      Even though hubs is the chef in the house.
      Sorry….was whiny….got a melon baller and some other weird gadgets….I JUST WANT SHOES

    • Natasha B

      OOOOH girl sorry :/ I meant it like my mom is in her mid 50s and into that stuff. I’M NOT YOU MOM. I feel whiny when I say that though. First world problems, right?

    • Ptownsteveschick

      Not following a list when you ask for one is a dick move for sure, but I just have to say I would be super excited to get a pampered chef anything or a taste of home subscription!! I asked for a costco membership and I didn’t get one, but I did get some cool flameless candles so I was happy. I should also mention I’m the most boring person ever and I’m 25!

    • Natasha B

      Trade? Lol :) I mean, it’s cool…but we’ve had our house a long time, I have a ton of unopened pampered chef stuff I’ll never use that just takes up space, so meh.

    • pixie

      I can (kind of) relate. I tend to ask for gift cards for different stores that I could use (grocery stores, drug stores, restaurants) because I’m a poor student, but my dad’s sister has a problem with that for some reason. Instead, she’ll go to a store meant for older people (I’m 23 and also have a more alternative fashion), pick out a ton of clothes, then phone my mom to go check out sizes and styles to see if I’d like any. Thankfully my mom actually knows what I like/my size and ends up putting back pretty well everything and picks out one thing I actually would like (and the sales ladies also are told of my age and colour/style preferences, and my mom says they tend to look a little unsure if their stores would carry anything I’d like). My aunt’s other nieces and nephews are into the types of clothes she picks out for me, but apparently she still hasn’t gotten the memo and I am really appreciative of my mom.

    • Natasha B

      That’s awesome your mom is there to help handle it gracefully!!!! Some people are like ‘gift cards/cash are so impersonal’ dude, gift cards are THE best gifts.

    • pixie

      They totally are! I love gift cards. When I pay a ton of money on rent, hydro, and internet/cable/phone every month, what I really want for Christmas is help buying groceries and soap lol! (Being out on my own has really made me a practical person, I’d rather have something in my fridge than a fancy gizmo that I can’t eat).

    • RageFace

      Thank heavens my super-married cousin has a one-year-old baby and another on the way so now my mother and my sister and everyone else can continue buying HER all the mombie-and-babbie gifts and keep buying me books and art supplies and camera equipment and gadgets!

  • mmw814

    I’m sorry that your mom’s gift made you feel badly–nobody should feel that way on Christmas. However, I did have to laugh a bit at this article because my husband bought me one of these (at my request) for Christmas.

  • Heather

    UMMM Sounds like SOMEONE is projecting her own insecurities into a completely unfair rant against her mother, who bought her a sweet little techy gadget that was well thought out and given the shared interest and goals the author has with her mother, it was a really useful gift.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      UMMM Sounds like SOMEONE is ignorant to the possibility of other people having feelings.

    • Heather

      Is this a diary? Of course she’s got feelings. But who the hell gets a gift and turns around and writes almost immediately about how horrible their mother is for giving them a pretty expensive gadget they didn’t happen to want? She sounds like a brat. If her mother gets online I hope she never gets her another gift for this kind of attitude.

    • MellyG

      I have to agree with Heather – her mother bought her something based on a SHARED interest. That, to me, is thoughtful. My mother has been freaking out about wrinkles and skin maintenance, especially since her boyfriend is younger…i bought her a facial, and we’re doing a mother/daughter spa day. She didn’t freak out and go “OMG MY DAUGHTER IS EVIL SHE THINKS I HAVE AN AWFUL FACE” she went “OMG this is great, mother/daughter bonding beauty day, that was thoughtful!”

      The woman runs marathons with her mother, I’m on the side of mom because EVERY runner i know is foaming at the mouth over the fitbit, and it’s pricey, so mom was probably like “hey, this will be awesome” not “hey, my daughter thinks i want to monitor her every move” (which, you can’t on fitbit” (i grew up dancing, and my christmas gifts, even into law school, were often pricey shoes or extra classes, or legwarmers, etc – which i always appreciated it – i’m having trouble understanding why a personal trainer and runner thinks a fitness gadget is fat shaming)

  • Momma425

    In comparison- a new wardrobe and a trip to Hawaii versus a fat tracker and basically a dieting gadget would feel a bit insulting. I know we’re grown ups, but it is very hard not to feel jealous and like the least favorite when you see what your parents give your siblings on Christmas, and then what they give you. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
    Personally- I would log nothing but junk food into the thing and leave it somewhere in my house even while exercising- and then when I showed up looking great and slim and mom asked, I could smugly say, “Oh, I’ve lost weight? That’s weird, I haven’t even been trying. Must have melted off.”

    • Gangle

      I really hate when grown people do the whole ‘but her present was more expensive than mine! Boohoo!’ Nearly every year my mother takes my older sister on a cool holiday to watch the tennis grand-finals. I never go, nor get invited. I *could* say it is because my mother doesn’t love me as much. Or, it could be that I think tennis is horribly boring and I wouldn’t enjoy it. I would much rather go on a local dog-a-thon with my mum, because our shared interests include animals. It doesn’t cost as much, but then, that isn’t the point, is it?

    • AugustW

      Shit, I could play the hell out of this game. I gave my brothers family collectively about 20 gifts and I got 4 bottles of lotion that my sister in law discovered she was allergic to. Used lotion.

    • Gangle

      That wasn’t the point I was trying to make. I am cool with my mum taking my sister to the tennis. They are both nuts about tennis. I don’t want to go. The holiday would be completely wasted on me and I would be bored silly. I really enjoy and appreciate my mother and I getting together for the local dog-a-thon and participating in the local shelters dog-wash fundraiser.. It may not be as expensive, but money spent isn’t the point in a gift.

    • Paul White

      I largely agree but I can kind of see it if there’s a consistent lopsidedness to it. I mean, if she’s showering one kid with thousands of dollars of vacations and gifts and trips and the other doesn’t get anything…

    • Gangle

      You could be right but I don’t know if we are getting the full story.. obviously the mother doesn’t do cheap presents in general: fitbits are not cheap, nor are those magic wand remote control thingies. It isn’t as if she got one child a holiday and the other a lump of coal… is there a special reason this year why the other daughter got something extra special? My little brother and I got married in the same year. As a wedding present my family got my brother a honeymoon, while none of the rest of my siblings got anything even close to that for ours. But my brother and his wife had just had a really rough 12 months and we found out that they were not going to be able to afford a honeymoon at all. We wanted them to be able to get away and relax.. I mean, come on! Everyone needs a honeymoon! Sometimes one persons need/situation is greater than anothers, and sometimes money spent isn’t the whole point.

  • jsing014

    Sorry, but no woman with any sense or decency would buy this gift for another woman without being expressly asked for it. Why are people so quick to paint this mother as innocent and clueless? She certainly had no problem picking an incredible gift for the sister. And the idea of her mother checking her caloric intake, location, and exercise is flat-out creepy – who does that?

    • AugustW

      Unless she shared the info with her mom, she wouldn’t be checking it. All that info would be on the daughters account.

    • AE Vorro

      I was thinking the same thing. She doesn’t have to share any information with her mother – the FitBit is not all-powerful… that particular part was an over-reaction.

  • FF4life

    For the third Christmas in a row I relieved basically nothing from my mother. My sisters and brothers this year all got expensive new phones, clothes and various other expensive gadgets. I got a pair of pjs that are too big to ever fit me and a check for $300. Before you say…omg you got money how ungrateful, my siblings all also got a check for $300 on top of the other gifts they got which was supposed to be kept secret from me. Last year was the same. They’ve also purchased all of my siblings brand new cars. My sister totaled hers this year and they just bought her a new one despite the fact that the piece of shit car I have purchased and maintained myself since I was a teenager broke down over the summer and needed a simple part and I was told they couldn’t help me fix it because they just “couldn’t afford it”. Coming home to my sister bragging about her SECOND brand new car by them only a month after this incident is beyond what I can describe.

    I am always grateful for any help I get from them but sometimes I’m sick of struggling while my siblings are handed everything without a second thought. And what’s worse is that they are entirely ungrateful. They act like they’re entitled to these things and they’re all over 20. None of them pay for their own car insurance or cell phones. Their college tuition is paid for.

    So Christmas time is usually very emotional for me… It’s just a day to summarize what life has been like for me since I was 18 and basically just reaffirms where everyone stands in the family

    • Bethany Ramos

      Man, that’s rough. I hope you had some time to decompress and “treat yourself” over the holidays. xoxo

  • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

    Well, I agree with you Megan. That is the worst gift, ever.

  • Renee J

    My husband got me a fitbit for my birthday. I thought it was great. Mine only tracks my steps and sleep, though.

  • AugustW

    I bought myself the Jawbone Up bracelet because nobody in my family could afford it but me and I really wanted it. It’s not a vehicle of shame. It’s interesting to see, hey I walk more on Tuesdays and I sleep better Thursday nights. And yeah, setting a goal for 8,000 steps actually motivated me to try for it.
    The food stuff is optional. I almost never log my foods, just because I forget.

  • Robert

    Christmas Gift is worth sharing as it should be unique so that u can tell your best buddys. http://bit.ly/ChristmasGiftsharing

    • Simone

      Oh, fuck OFF with the spam already!

  • Ardis Lundy

    Get millions of views to your music/videos…. Google viewbros

  • CW

    I was sympathetic to you until I read the bit at the end where you said that you were a certified personal trainer and are in training to do a half marathon. That TOTALLY changes the whole implication of the gift. Nice clickbait though…

  • Kay

    I was fat shamed growing up by both my mother and sister. They were relentless. Although not weight related, one year for Christmas I got wrinkle cream and my sister got a beautiful sweater. Karma sucks. I just lost 85 pounds and they are both struggling with their weight. I would never say a word to them but I know they are eating their words.

    • RageFace

      Same here, but my mother never showed it through Christmas and birthday gifts thankfully. I just always have to hear her tut-tutting and reprimanding me: “Rage, it’s time you should do something about that belly of yours – it looks like you’re pregnant!”

      Yes, I have a beer gut from too much booze but goddammit I am half German and half South African – I love beer and wine! That particular comment of hers especially upsets me because 1) I find children and pregnancy repulsive and 2) my mother is everything but a Victoria’s Secret Angel.

  • Gangle

    Wait.. You are a fitness trainer. Your mother is a fitness trainer. Neither you nor your mother think you are fat. You are training for a marathon together and health and fitness is a big interest that you and your mother share and seem to enjoy. She got you a fancy and expensive high-tech gadget to do with your shared interest.. What did she do that was so terrible? It sounds like she really tried to choose a gift she thought you would really get a lot of use out of, one that would promote your continued shared interest. If you don’t like receiving this sort of gift anymore, that is ok. But rather than being passive-aggressive about it, perhaps you need to actually SAY something to your mother about it. Nobody likes to see a grown woman sulking in the corner.

  • AugustW

    Your mom can’t win apparently, because you whine when she doesn’t get you what you asked for (makeup brushes) and you whine when she DOES get you what you asked for (scale)!!!!!!

  • SusannahJoy

    I actually got a FitBit from my husband! Its in my pocket right now. And I just set up my account to be separate from Facebook and everything, so its not like anyone can see it unless I show them.

  • Véronique Houde

    From what you’ve said yourself, your mom seems to like giving people super gadgets – look at the scale she got you. She went above and beyond the basic model and got you one with additional functions. She gave your husband the super duper remote. So this time, she gave you a super duper gadget with tons of functions that relates to a shared interest. Do you really think that badly of your mom?! Okay, I don’t understand the difference with your sister… Did something important happen to her this year? (a tough year, an engagement, graduation, special birthday…?)

    • Gangle

      I agree! She sounds like she doesn’t do cheap presents? Basic old scale? Not good enough for a present – get the coolest one with the most functions on the market! Plain old boring pedometer? I don’t think so! Same with the remote.. My only guess is maybe the author finds their shared interest in fitness just a little too competitive right now? If so, she needs to speak up and say that this type of gift makes her feel bad or pressured, rather than simmering in the corner. As far as the big gap in gift prices between her and her sister.. well, I don’t think that we all need to receive a gift from the exact same price range for things to be fair. My mum takes my sister on a tennis grand final holiday nearly every year, which I don’t get invited to. But then, my mother doesn’t get the opportunity to spend time with her as much as me, and over the years with things she has done for me, it all evens out in the long run.

  • Jack

    You ever think maybe your mother, wants you to live longer. Fat people often die young. so get off your lazy ass and start working out.

    • Simone

      She’s a certified personal trainer! SHE KNOWS STUFF!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      My contacts are acting all wonky and I’m on my cell and I read this as “get off your fat ass and start smoking pot” and I was all HELL YEAH but then I enlarged my screen and saw this was just a douchecanoe comment boooooo
      Ps: butter is amazing

  • Nomi

    My husband got me, mother of 6 week old twins who spends all day feeding and is not at all into fitness, a fitbit for Christmas. Sigh, I know he means well but I was a bit offended.

    • Guest

      Now THAT i can understand being offended by. That’s rough, I’m really sorry, and I hope it isn’t getting to you too much.

  • Alexandra

    Yea sorry you had me until you said you were a personal trainer!
    I get fat shamed by my mother CONSTANTLY – in an aggressive (not passive aggressive) way, and I was so ready to be on your side!

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    What a waste of an article. I was kinda with you until you mentioned you’re a certified trainer and training for a marathon. The gift makes perfect sense. If you use the product and find it useful, its something you can recommend for your clients if and when you decide to start training again. You can use to track your progress while training for the marathon.
    And you asked for a scale for your 16th birthday which you got- but it was too high tech and it made you feel bad. (waaaah)

  • Sophie

    Gee, my sister got me a FitBit for Christmas a couple of years ago and it never occurred to me to be fat shamed by it. It’s not a monitoring device for anyone, by the way. It’s your account, you control who sees it. You are trying to turn it into a bigger deal than it is since you are angry about the gift.

  • Allyson_et_al

    Yeah, no. One year, my mom got me a pair of silk pajamas for Christmas that were at least 2 sizes too small. When I mentioned this, my mom proceeded to take them from me, go upstairs (while we were all still unwrapping presents), and try them on herself. They fit her perfectly, so she kept them. Now THAT is fat shaming, my friend.

    • Holly

      good.grief. I can’t believe your mother did that to you. Sending you a big hug through the internet.

    • Allyson_et_al

      Aww, thanks. The thing is, I wasn’t even fat then. (I am now, thanks in part to years of dieting, but at the time I was maybe a size 12.) My mom had an eating disorder, and I tried to cut her slack, but it got hard at times like that.

  • Heidi Quayle

    That is not fat shaming IMO. My mother calling me the day after Christmas with a great recipe for a fat burning soup cleanse, that I may just want to try along with my daughter, is. See the difference?

  • Spiderpigmom

    …”has a GPS function for running”: call BS on the whole story. No fitbit accessory has a GPS function, they’re all basically advanced pedometers. Anyone with just a passing knowledge on the subject, let alone anyone actually owning a fitbit gizmo, would know that.

  • MellyG

    I don’t see this as fat shaming……if your mother and you have a SHARED interest of fitness and are training to do a run, i see it as a thoughtful gift she thought was based on something you are doing, running for a marathon. Any runner i know, myself included, would want a fitbit (i didn’t ask for one because i thought they were were too expensive, and i needed bras!) Also, if you’ve been working on losing baby weight………I think you’re being dramatic and your mother is being thoughtful. My mother knows i’ve been struggling to lose weight and i’m a dancer and runner – if she bought me new running shoes, or ballet slippers, or a punch card for classes, i wouldn’t call it fat shaming! Also, i don’t think your mother can magically see your stats unless you allow it…..i would brush up on your tecnology

  • Kahn

    Sounds like she’s just pissed the sister got the trip to Hawaii and a new wardrobe and she didn’t get something as good. Boo Hoo.

  • Jenn

    I got a Fitbit for Christmas from my mother-in-law. I found it insulting. I am overweight and I have plantar fasciitis. It is taking a long time to heal and I can barely walk right now. Why would I want something that proves I’ve been sitting on my ass all day? This is the kind of gift that should only be given if asked for.

  • Blunt_Logic

    This article is kind of old and I agree that it seems like a reasonable thing to give to a marathoner, but I’m just going to point out that you’re not obligated to share your FitBit stats with your mother. I’m baffled that you think she would automatically be able to see your usage information. You could always keep them private.