All These Parents Are Making Video Christmas Cards And The Rest Of Us Can Barely Get Our Paper Ones Out

168681080 copy__1387565549_142.196.156.251All of these holiday videos are not making me merry. If I see one more expertly produced video before I get my Christmas cards in the mail, I’m going to freak.

I’ve finally figured out why I am so social media averse; it’s for over-achievers. It’s no secret that what we see online are highlight reels; no one posts pictures of themselves chasing their unmanageable toddler around – or showing off their toy-ridden living room. I mean, who wants to see that?

Me.

I thought about a list of things I’d be able to brag about in my own holiday video. There is no way I could sum up a whole year – I can’t even remember what I did last week. Instead, I decided to make a list of things that would be in my holiday video, if my holiday video celebrated all of the things I accomplished yesterday. I think it’s pretty impressive.

I made breakfast! 

 I put on real pants! 

I put pants on both my kids!

I didn’t say “shit” out loud once! 

I folded clothes instead of leaving Mt. Clean Clothes in my room to be confused at at later time this week for dirty laundry and re-washed!

I finished a cup of coffee before it got cold!

I did 12 sit-ups!

I watched this week’s episode of Top Chef after the kids went to bed and I didn’t fall asleep!

I didn’t pillage any of the stocking stuffer candy!

 

This is why I won’t be making a Christmas video.

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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    • Kay_Sue

      Real pants are overrated.

      • Lackadaisical

        All of my trousers are real. I am not imagining them, when I put them on I am less cold and people in the street don’t point and whisper that I am naked. Perhaps some of my trousers are not smart and are all about comfort, but they do exist so they are real. Of course, by real trousers we probably mean not tracksuit bottoms (sweatpants?) and that just sounds rather too fussy. Not leaving the house in pyjamas feels like an achievement.

      • Kay_Sue

        But are your pants real because they are independent of your individual reality or because you perceive them to be real?

        Not leaving the house in PJs seriously does feel like an achievement right now. My Pajama Radius has expanded exponentially.

      • Lackadaisical

        As Descartes never said “they cover, therefore they are”. If the trousers I sling on are part of my imagined reality then it is a reality shared by those on the street who don’t point and laugh, and for me that is enough.

        Might I recommend a very long coat that is warm enough that the lack of trousers doesn’t freeze you and long enough that no one notices the pyjamas. Also I make my eldest two walk to school themselves so that only my youngest is made late by my reluctance to leave the warm embrace of the cosy duvet. Only useful if you live near the kids’ school (or just don’t care … tempting).

        Where I live (UK) pants refers to underwear as we use it as an abbreviation of underpants rather than pantaloons. This makes the idea of no pants rather different and makes me think of my aunt’s favourite phrase “all furcoat and no knickers)

      • Kay_Sue

        That is pretty hilarious. I actually had never considered that “pants” could stand for something other than “pantalones”, so it’s a pretty cool idiom to have up my sleeve. And while I may occasionally go without on laundry day, on the whole, I do hope that my underpants are, indeed, quite real, in and of themselves. ;)

    • Kara

      I have already eaten all of the Reese’s stocking stuffer candy and I’m not even sorry. I blame the eight week old embryo that is demanding all of the peanut-buttery-deliciousness.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        As you should!

    • Severed Cliche

      I found my stack of Christmas cards from last year, all enveloped and ready to go. My goal? To get them out this year. Reality? There’s always next year.