I am a firm believer that every holiday presents the occasion to dress in an awesome slutty costume. Halloween? Slutty nurse. 4th of July? Slutty Uncle Sam. Columbus Day? Slutty explorer, duh. It’s so easy even a baby could do it—which really isn’t a bad idea. I could dress as a slutty baby for an upcoming baby shower. Why not?
My penchant for slutty costumes started years ago when I jokingly suggested to a friend that we should go as slutty leprechauns to a St. Patrick’s Day party. She took me seriously and showed up at work with two sets of green thigh-highs, booty shorts, and suspenders, and sluts were born.
There’s nothing that puts the XXX in Xmas like the perfect slutty costume for a holiday party. Bonus if your costume comes with boots with the fur.
8. Sexy Elf
This one is kind of a given and may tie with slutty Mrs. Claus as the most popular slut-tastic holiday ensemble. I like the Sexy Elf getup because you can wear it with shiny stripper boots. Yippee!
7. Sexy Mrs. Claus
Who knew Santa’s old lady was such a hussy? This is the Playboy version of the sexified Mrs. Claus costume. Eve also wanted me to point out that it is low-cut enough to breast-feed, making it perfect for any new moms to wear around the holidays—how convenient.
6. Sexy Santa Baby
This is similar to my slutty baby idea, except it is a Sexy Santa Baby costume. It looks pretty darn close to slutty Mrs. Claus, although you get to wear vampy thigh-highs with bows and bells—bonus!
5. Sexy Winter Wonderland Lady
This costume kinda makes no sense, but it’s shiny, sparkly, and easy on the eye. If you want to dress up for the holidays and don’t want to commit, dress up like a slutty Winter Wonderland Lady in a silver sequined corset!
4. Sexy Polar Bear
This slutty holiday/winter costume is hard to pass up because it comes with “boots with the fur.” A slutty polar bear is better than a modest polar bear, I always say.
3. Sexy Reindeer
This slutty costume is entitled “Reindeer Games,” and we all know how great that movie was… But anyway, it’s still fun to dress up like a slutty animal when the opportunity presents itself. ‘Tis the season!
2. Sexy Gingerbread Girl
This costume is kind of hokey but still sexily slutty nonetheless. Even better, when you wear it, you can make ridiculous, nonsensical puns, like, “Here I am, piping hawt out of the oven…”
1. Sexy Christmas Gift
This slutty Christmas costume wins the prize because it really leaves nothing to the imagination. I can only envision that the scene would play out (in a tawdry motel) a little something like this… “Have you been a naughty boy this year? Why don’t you unwrap me and find out what Santa brought you, you bad boy, you?” This is either totally brilliant or totally creepy—you be the judge.
(Image: Julia Sonenshein/Shutterstock)