I love Christmas. Everything about the holiday makes me happyâ decorated trees, Christmas lights, gifts, cocktails, and even Christmas music. Invariably, the Christmas episodes on TV shows are my favorite, I canât get enough of Christmas movies, and I cry every time Meg Ryan decorates the damn tree in âYouâve Got Mail.â Then again, that doesnât feel like my fault. Joni Mitchell is playing. What, am I supposed to sit there, not crying?
Thereâs a few standbys around this time of year that Iâve come to expect: weird dudes trying to get girls to go on horse-drawn carriage rides, holiday parties where I am the only person not wearing an ugly sweater, and some tired version of ââBaby Itâs Cold Outsideâ: Is This Seasonal Favorite Really About Rape Culture?â It happens every year, and every year, the answer is yes. Yes, âBaby Itâs Cold Outsideâ really crosses a lot of boundaries and makes many people (me included) very uncomfortable. We should banish it from our Christmas Pandora (yeah, I still use Pandora because I find Spotify to be confusing. What of it?) stations and move on to a new song.
Who here likes âI Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?â No one, obviously. That song is weird and gross and you know why? The creep factor doesnât come from some deeply voiced dude being like âyouâre hurting my pride by not letting me put my candy cane inside you and if you go outside you will die from inclement weather.â No, itâs far worse. The kid is the creep.
First of all, letâs take this from the infidelity angle. Letâs just say your mom is cheating on dad with Santa Claus and youâre peeping around the corner like some sick lunatic gleefully watching your mom do weird stuff to some dude whoâs not your dad. If you see that, shouldnât you have other feelings? Like âoh my goodness, my mother is having an affair with an intruder dressed in a weird garment. Iâm probably going to have to go to therapy.â Also, I hope you can understand that your mother is a person and if she cheated on your dad, sheâs not a bad person necessarily, sheâs a person who did a bad thing. And cheating is never acceptable but I hope in time youâll come to realize that even your parents arenât infallible.