• Tue, Dec 17 - 11:00 am ET

In Defense Of The Mom From “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”

mommy-santa-claus

I love Christmas. Everything about the holiday makes me happy– decorated trees, Christmas lights, gifts, cocktails, and even Christmas music. Invariably, the Christmas episodes on TV shows are my favorite, I can’t get enough of Christmas movies, and I cry every time Meg Ryan decorates the damn tree in “You’ve Got Mail.” Then again, that doesn’t feel like my fault. Joni Mitchell is playing. What, am I supposed to sit there, not crying?

There’s a few standbys around this time of year that I’ve come to expect: weird dudes trying to get girls to go on horse-drawn carriage rides, holiday parties where I am the only person not wearing an ugly sweater, and some tired version of “‘Baby It’s Cold Outside’: Is This Seasonal Favorite Really About Rape Culture?” It happens every year, and every year, the answer is yes. Yes, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” really crosses a lot of boundaries and makes many people (me included) very uncomfortable. We should banish it from our Christmas Pandora (yeah, I still use Pandora because I find Spotify to be confusing. What of it?) stations and move on to a new song.

Who here likes “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus?” No one, obviously. That song is weird and gross and you know why? The creep factor doesn’t come from some deeply voiced dude being like “you’re hurting my pride by not letting me put my candy cane inside you and if you go outside you will die from inclement weather.” No, it’s far worse. The kid is the creep.

First of all, let’s take this from the infidelity angle. Let’s just say your mom is cheating on dad with Santa Claus and you’re peeping around the corner like some sick lunatic gleefully watching your mom do weird stuff to some dude who’s not your dad. If you see that, shouldn’t you have other feelings? Like “oh my goodness, my mother is having an affair with an intruder dressed in a weird garment. I’m probably going to have to go to therapy.” Also, I hope you can understand that your mother is a person and if she cheated on your dad, she’s not a bad person necessarily, she’s a person who did a bad thing. And cheating is never acceptable but I hope in time you’ll come to realize that even your parents aren’t infallible.

You can reach this post's author, Julia Sonenshein, on twitter.
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  • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

    We all have Santa sex fantasies and if you disagree with me you’re entitled to your wrong opinion. Santa Claus is a dude who enters our chimneys to give us his sack full of gifts. That is literally the definition of heterosexual intercourse. Your dad was clearly just fulfilling one of your moms’ fantasies and you have to make it all weird. Way to go, idiot.

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • Guestling

    I’m typically one of those “nonchalantly say I think something is funny when I think something is funny because I don’t laugh” sort of people. This very literately just made me lol at my desk.

    • Julia Sonenshein

      that makes me so happy!

  • Jayess

    The only acceptable “Baby it’s cold outside”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_SUVPPvjAA&feature=youtu.be

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      This may haunt my dreams.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      This is so gross. This may take the place of Christmas Shoes as the holiday song that makes my skin crawl the worst. It’s not adorable or cute or funny it’s creepy

    • Jayess

      RIGHT?! ahha

    • Jayess

      Yes. The very creepiest. That’s why I have brought it here to share with you. <3

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      OH THANK GOD I THOUGHT YOU HAD LOST YOUR MARBLES. Now we are all discussing how much we hate that Christmas shoes song

    • EX

      Is that the one where the kid’s mom is dying? How could anyone think that’s a good premise for a christmas song?

    • Alicia Kiner

      THANK YOU!! This song has always infuriated me! It’s so freaking sad.WHY?!

    • Rachel Sea

      I want to punch Christmas Shoes in the face. I think that child is a scam artist who is going to be returning those shoes for a full refund. Mawkish little shyster probably has a deal going with the clerk.

    • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ FaintlyXMacabre

      If you like the Christmas Shoes song you are a terrible person, and that’s just science.

    • cesp

      Effing Christmas Shoes…because God decided to kill a little boys mother on Christmas Eve just to teach some asshole the meaning of Christmas.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      There was a petition to the Irish Christmas radio station to never, ever play that song again, and it actually worked. It’s the single most awful song EVER.

    • tSubh Dearg

      But the played it at the weekend! I heard it while driving to Sligo! Clearly they lied about never playing it again.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      The HORROR. Maybe i’ve just been super lucky and escaped it!

    • tSubh Dearg

      It was a truly terrifying moment as I didn’t recognise it at first and I was humming along. Then I did the fastest change ever to whatever my next preset button was, which happened to be Marian Finucan on RTE 1. Talk about out of the frying pan….

    • Jayess

      sorry, didn’t make it clear enough I was being a smartass. :/

  • Bethany Ramos

    “It can be hard for parents to have sex when their obnoxious children keep trying to watch their foreplay and then write jingles about it.”

    I am DYING!! And now I understand all the sexy Santa innuendos and feel the better for it.

  • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

    I love this post so much I want to print it up and read it everyday.

    • Julia Sonenshein

      <3 THANK YOU

  • http://fckwhatyouheard.wordpress.com/ Lunashademom

    This is fantastic.

  • EX

    This is hysterical. So many gems!

  • Alicia Kiner

    I have to admit, I never thought about these songs from this perspective before. Obviously, I got that Daddy was dressed up as Santa Claus, but never really went to the creeper kid or the date rape ‘Baby, it’s Cold outside”. Guess I always took them at face value. But this was hilarious. Love it

  • Des

    Santa sex fantasies? Well I didn’t BEFORE, but now…thanks a lot!

    • SA

      haha…that’s what I was thinking….damn it, he is going to start creeping into my thoughts!

  • G.E. Phillips

    I had to sing this song, solo, at my 2nd grade holiday recital. An innocent 7 year old forced by pervy adults to sing about her own parents’ sex life. For shame.

    • Julia Sonenshein

      NOOOOOO.

    • tSubh Dearg

      Me too! Only I had one of my male classmates to sing it with and we both had to kiss another classmate on the cheek, who was dressed as Santa. Looking back on it, it was a really weird and creepy thing to get 5/6 year olds to do.

  • SusannahJoy

    Wait, cool kids don’t listen to Pandora anymore? I only started listening to it recently… This is probably why my mom told me on her last visit here that I should just accept that I am not cool, have never been cool, and will never be cool.

  • SA

    I’m glad you said something about “Baby it’s Cold Outside”….she is trying to leave and he is trying to get her liquored up…SO creepy…

    • SA

      DAMN IT!!! Now I have it stuck in my head. I just realized I was humming it in my office.

  • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror

    To accommodate modern times, we need a I saw “daddy kissing Santa”

    Also, “mommy kissing Mrs. Clause”

    And for you polyamorous folks, “Mommy kissing elf number 2, Daddy kissing Santa, Mrs. Clause going solo”

  • silly_world

    Am I the only person who always thought this song was about daddy dressed in a santa suit?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      The article says so too: “That’s your dad who went to the store, bought a freaking Santa suit, and put it on to entertain you. And then to entertain your mom.”

    • silly_world

      Thank you, one day I’ll learn to read better

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      HAHAH AWWW XO

  • Carinn Jade

    This is the best post EVER.

  • pineapplegrasss

    This is by far the best Christmas article I’ve read in weeks. Totally has me still chuckling here at work and I’m getting those weird looks again. Thanks Julia I needed more of that lol
    I’d buy a Santa suit but, I actually kinda hate santa and am pretty scroogish and just fake it for the kids. What kind of suit can I buy dear old hubby instead? hmmm, xmas is really looking up this year. And don’t say an elf suit, bc I hate elfs too. Unless you’re Will Farrell, that was really one of the only xmas themed movies I liked, but now that’s ruined too, bc they sing that creepy song! I had to go look up the lyrics bc of course I hate xmas music and never realized what they were saying and it is sooo creepy.

    • Julia Sonenshein

      Look, Buddy the Elf is the ONLY acceptable elf, ever. Any place, any time.

    • pineapplegrasss

      I went home last night and put that movie on with the boys. Just HAD too. I still love Buddy. And my 2yo wanted SYRUP on his mashed potatoes for dinner omg (and I let him) grossed out the rest of the kids lol

  • Lisa

    Ugh, Baby it’s cold outside is NOT about rape. It was written and performed by a husband and wife.

    • Muggle

      The problem with it is really about how times have changed since it was written. When it was first written 70 years ago, it was romantic and innocent… not so much now with a greater awareness of date rape. I do agree though, it’s either time for the lyrics to change or time to retire the song because of how disturbing it can be now.