• Tue, Dec 17 - 12:00 pm ET

Mommyish Gift Guide: 10 Fertility And Pregnancy-Themed Etsy Christmas Gifts Of Questionable Taste

As a doula and a feminist, I have a certain fondness for knitted uteruses, vulva art and things of that nature, despite the fact that I would most likely never buy or wear any of it. But I can still look at the wealth of handmade goods in this small category (mainly on Etsy, of course) and sit back in semi-horrified but also appreciative amazement. Here are 10 sperm-y, belly-ish gifts that are definitely on the unusual end of the spectrum but might actually make a great gift for a pregnant person (or a midwife) in your life. If they have a very healthy sense of humor and sense of the absurd, that is.

sperm-and-egg-toms

Sperm And Egg TOMS, BStreet Shoes on Etsy, $149.00. For those interested in wearing a depiction of human reproduction on their feet. They’re kinda pretty, right?

cookie-cutter

Pregnant Belly Cookie Cutter, Crafty Cupcakery on Etsy, $12.00. I’ve stared and stared at this and I can’t tell how it’s supposed to be a pregnant belly?

labia-pendant

Labia Pendant, IvithJasCreations on Etsy, $17.99. Georgia O’Keefe would be proud.

baby-girl-sperm

Crochet Baby Girl Announcement Ornament, Crochet Fun 2010 on Etsy, $6.00. A teeeeeny tiiiiiiiiny sperm with a little pink hat on! It’s strangely cute but also…strange.

uterus-fanny-pack

Uterus Fanny Pack, VulvaLoveLovely on Etsy, $40.00. As the seller of this item says, the 90s are coming back.

fetus-speciment

Encapsulated Fetus Specimen Ring, Noadi on Etsy, $25.00. A great gift for a biologist?

pregnant-t-shirts

Baby Belly And Beer Belly T-Shirts, Jellybean Apparel on Etsy, $35.00. Yeah, these exist. Yeah, I also wish they didn’t.

fetus-ornament

 Fetus Natividad Ornament, Fetopia on Etsy, $7.00. LOL a fetus for your Christmas tree.

placenta-painting

I Created A Placenta And All I Got Was This Lousy Baby Painting, Cappysue on Etsy, $35.00. Um, whatever this is.

pregnant-sculpture

Pregnant Sculpture, MamAdore on Etsy, $700.00I think I’m somewhat on board with this piece of art’s message about consumerism and women’s bodies. But hoo boy, $700.

All photos via respective retailers

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  • Zettai

    The sculpture is interesting, the others are weird, the ring is just wrong. I can see a bunch of abortion protestors wearing these while they harass women outside the clinic.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      Honestly from this angle i thought it was a beaver. Which has it’s own hilarious connotations of course!

  • DatNanny

    I had to click really fast on that sculpture link to see if it was a girl I went to art school with. She worked with the same type of mannequins, just not pregnant ones. But I guess at least two people have chosen that medium. Hmm.

    • Bethany Ramos

      It reminds me of Phoebe’s mannequin art on Friends!! Also, the 90s are NOT coming back. No fanny packs!

    • TheGiantPeach

      Gladys!

  • Amber Starr

    I may be a colossal asshole for this, but all I saw on the painting was the glaring grammar fail.

    “should of”…. UGH. You’re trying to SELL this. Perhaps a run through on you computers’ spell-check would HAVE been appropriate.

    • Amber Starr

      And if any of us screw up our grammar HERE, it’s cool because we aren’t charging 35 bucks to read ‘em.

    • EX

      You were not the only one!

    • SusannahJoy

      Yeah, that was the first thing I noticed. Most grammar mistakes don’t bother me too much, but that one drives me crazy. That and incorrect use of “whenever” instead of saying “when.” Like, “Whenever I was 7 we used to go to the beach all the time.” At least using “of” instead of “have” is the same number of syllables, but saying “whenever” adds two! Ugh!

    • EmmaFromÉire

      Hands down the most irritating one is ”I could care less”. Second is ”dribble”, as in ”why am i reading this dribble”. Drivel, idiots, drivel.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      “try and” is the one that bugs me.
      Dribble is kind of cute actually. Although I might be biased because it sounds like something my little mrs malaprop of a wife might say.

    • lea

      I am SO with you on “could care less”.

      My other pet peeve is inappropriate use of apostrophes.

    • Amber Starr

      Oh, I despise “irregardless”. That’s not even a word, people!

      Actually, it’s so misused that it’s starting to be accepted as a real word. That makes me sad.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      OH Thank God you said it! It was killing me!

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    As a dyed-in-the-wool feminist, can I say that HOLY CRAP some feminist art is super ooooogly?

    • http://www.gamedevwidow.weebly.com/ FaintlyXMacabre

      you may, because it is.

  • Katja Yount

    I thought that the fetus ornament was a Jack Skellington.

  • Skipper

    The cookie cutter is basically a woman’s dress from the front. It could just be a chubby lady too.

  • Laurengoesto11

    This post just makes me miss Regretsy.

    • Toastlette

      Me too!

  • TheGiantPeach

    I will have nightmares about that ring. Eek.

  • Charging $700 for anti-consumerism… that’s funny.

  • Natasha B

    The ring. I can’t.

  • Ashley

    Aw, the little spermy is adorable.

  • thrillho

    I can’t wait until I’m pregnant so I can purchase those baby/beer t-shirts and wear the beer one around.