• Tue, Dec 17 - 9:00 am ET

Here’s What I’m NOT Making For Christmas Dinner: A Cthurkey

I’m sort of dreading posting this because I know as soon as my co-worker Julia Sonenshein sees this she is either going to duplicate it or else shame me for being squeamish about the whole thing. I’m a fan of interesting cuisine and I totally appreciate the Cthulhu vibe this thing has going on here but it just seems like too much of everything. Like when Taco Bell releases a new taco but it’s actually a taco stuffed in a burrito stuffed in a chimichanga and covered with a cheesy gordito sauce and deep fried and placed in a Doritos shell.

Screen Shot 2013-12-17 at 4.52.24 AM

The Cthuken, posted on Twitter, is the creation of Rusty Eulberg who works as a database administrator in Lubbock, Texas. From Gothamist:

According to Eulberg, he and wife Jennifer Robledo “wanted to do something unique for Christmas dinner with friends of ours. Jenny is a big fan of Cthulhu so we went and bought some crab legs and some octopus and bacon and cooked them all separate and slapped them together on a plate, and that was it. The next year I made a Cthicken; the same thing using squid instead of octopus and a chicken.”

Another super creepy aspect of this Christmas feast is that they serve it on an old Nazi platter emblazoned with a swastika. Happy holidays everybody!

This sort of makes my plan of serving fondue for Christmas seem pretty dull in comparison. And basically this is just a big old excuse for me to ask you guys what you plan on serving. Because food!

So let’s discuss that while we enjoy this lovely carol.

(Image: Twitter)

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  • Julia Sonenshein

    Okay yeah well I have to make this now. TRY AND STOP ME!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      PICS or GTFO

    • Julia Sonenshein

      This thing is deeply upsetting but I must conquer it.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Ok, on a practical note, wouldn’t the octopi cook poorly because I think it would get all tough idk at the same temp as the turkey? or does one cook as this separately and frankenstein this shot together?

    • Tinyfaeri

      It would have to be a cook separately and Frankenstein deal – otherwise you’d end up with charred squiggly bits that used to be tentacles.

    • Jayess

      Cook separately, as per the quote in your article, dear Eve. <3

  • Natasha B

    Prime rib! And maaaaybe crab. Our kids are weird, they love crab. We get our fill of turkey at thanksgiving, and neither hubs or I are big ham fans.
    I don’t think I could eat something that looks like it could eat me.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      wait, attach the crab legs to your prime rib and voila!

    • Natasha B

      I’m not sure it will have the same effect as that thing birthing that alien haha.
      But I will try.

  • http://carrie-murphy.com/ Carrie Murphy

    That photo actually gave me a bad feeling. I’m with you, Eve!

  • DeanaCal

    Ham served for Christmas at our house. That alien turkey thing is freaking me the freak out.

  • Williwaw

    This is the best Christmas idea ever.

  • Janok Place

    Turkey, potato, turip, carrot…. but my baking has been replaced by candy making due to my father and step mother’s new wheat free thing they’re doing. Lots of candy. Curse them, I think I’ve gained 5lbs.

  • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

    Omg omg omg omg I need this

  • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

    ….why a Nazi platter though.

    • http://www.ambiencechaser.com/ Elizabeth Licata

      I feel like that is the most important question here.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Yeah, that’s….weird. To say the least.

    • Rusty Eulberg

      We happen to have the platter, it was given to us by a friend… and what do you do with it?
      we figured that it worked, kinda like the ‘hellboy’ movies

  • Alicia Kiner

    Assuming I can find one, Christmas Day, we’re trying a turducken. I can’t eat ham (migraines) and we all wanted to try something different this year. We save the crab legs and stuff for New Year’s eve.

  • That_Darn_Kat

    My family does a taco bar for Christmas dinner. It’s different, and we totally love it.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      hahahha Taco bar> Cthulhu bar

  • That_Darn_Kat

    Also, that picture will now haunt my nightmares.

  • Mikster

    Our traditional is lasagna with garlic bread. I usually serve a tossed salad, but this year I’m during a cold green bean, ham, egg and red onion salad.

  • keelhaulrose

    Fire isn’t enough to kill that thing. I demand nothing less than a nuclear strike or shooting it into the sun.

  • keelhaulrose

    My mom won a tenderloin at work, so she’s trying to make a beef Wellington this year. Little did she know I’m going to run in during the cooking process dressed as Gordon Ramsay and call her a donkey or something of the sort.
    Christmas isn’t complete at our house without someone pulling a prank of some sort, and I have to top wrapping my husband’s gifts in duct tape from last year (I even wrapped a roll of duct tape in duct tape… revenge for the year where I had to open twelve boxes to get to actual present)

  • Jessica

    How about a pumpple? More calories, less tentacles.

    • Jessica

      whoa, giant cake! I am new to the internet, apparently

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      IS THIS A PIE WITH A CAKE PIE THING WITH NO TENTACLES?

    • Jessica

      2 pies + 2 cakes held together by pounds upon pounds of buttercream icing.

    • Megan Zander

      RECIPE?!!
      I need this. forget the ham, this will be my main course.

    • Jessica

      It’s actually from a store called “The Flying Monkey” in Philadelphia. If you google “pumpple recipes” there are tips from people who have attempted it. I think there’s a triple layer from an LA bakery too that throws some cherry pie into the mix!

    • Williwaw

      How about a Cthumple? I am not sure what it would look like but it would have both tentacles AND calories.

    • Jessica

      I feel like that might be a good pitch for a show on TLC , or at least an episode of Cake Boss

  • Jayess

    We do raclette! It’s like a mini grill/oven thing you put on the table, and then you have nibbles and meat and SO MUCH CHEESE that you cook on it/in it.

  • LiteBrite

    Oh dear God. I don’t know if I’ll ever look at a turkey the same way again.

  • Megan Zander

    That thing does not look like something you eat, it looks like something that should be behind plate glass while Bill Packman asks it why its here and what it wants from us.

  • Zettai

    Am I really the only one who took a look at that picture and went, “GROSS!” and “WHY?!”

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Noo, we all did, which is why I had to share it with you lovely readers.

    • Zettai

      I think I lost my sarcasm gene while reading the comments, lol

  • AmazingE

    And now I have to run all over town to find octopus. Thanks, Eve.

  • Rachel Sea

    The only thing I find upsetting is the Nazi platter. The WWII souvenir Nazi pocket knife that we inherited from my grandfather-in-law is so upsetting to me, I keep it wrapped in a hanky, and stuffed in an old cigar box at the bottom of our hope chest. Aside from that though, I would totally make a cthuken, minus the bacon, because that’s just going too far.

    My wife and I will be having Mickey Mouse pancakes for Christmas breakfast, though I would be cooking a turkey, and buying a Honey Baked Ham Store ham (because if you’re a Jew celebrating Christmas, there should be ham) if we were staying home.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Oh man, that reminds me of a bar mitzvah I attended a few years ago. It was held at a strip mall banquet centre in the ‘burbs. We as vegetarians were pretty disappointed when we ate what we were told were ‘cheese balls’ and found bacon in them. Then we looked around and noticed everyone else gobbling them up voraciously…….

    • Rachel Sea

      Oh, wow. Did the parents find out? A lot of people would sue for that. My grandmother would probably shoot a caterer who served treyf to her rabbi.

      It’s one thing to choose to eat pig because we’re irreligious, and irreverent, even though we hold to the cultural traditions, and quite another to serve it at a religious celebration. I love crab, and eel, and might cook pork for my wife once or twice a year (I wasn’t raised on it, so except for honey baked ham I don’t have a taste for it) but I wouldn’t even have it in the house during a celebration.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Yeah I don’t know what ended up happening actually. I was pretty surprised and if it were me, I’d be really upset. I get that the banquet centre doesn’t get very many bar mitzvahs and it’s probably just their standard appetizer, but I’d have thought the whole jewish pork thing was pretty common knowledge.

  • Paul White

    LOL NOPE.
    That freaks me out.

  • Williwaw

    That whole thing needs to be put in a deep-fried gordita shell, smeared with guacamolito sauce, dipped in chocolate and refried beans…and THEN shot into the sun.

  • Fuzzy ‘n Broken Mirror

    Eve, when you’re bored (and frisky) google image “tentacle porn”

  • Andy

    #1-What the F?
    #2, Oh yeah, our food-my dad is smoking a couple of ducks and I’m doing dressing, sweet potatoes, green bean bundles and a cranberry pecan pie.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    Our dinner is pretty standard middle-class-Canadian-WASP I guess….turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, carrots, peas…..

    However lately my sister has been hosting, and it’s AWESOME because she likes to find weird recipes online and them try them out. Last time she made purple carrots (they were regular carrots but in some kind of beet sauce, so they went purple) and it was great because all the older folks were so focused on how ‘weird’ the carrots were that no one picked on me for not eating meat!

  • Paul White

    what I am doing: Vietnamese leftovers is kind of my plan for Christmas day. I’m fabulous like that.

    • Natasha B

      OOOOH what kind of leftovers? We get down with Vietnamese over here :)

  • Aussiemum

    We are having lunch with the whole family at Mums. My sister is bringing all the meat (her hubby is a butcher, so awesome roasts for basically free), mums doing the rest. I’m doing rolls and bringing the 4 kids and hubby. Ok, 5 kids. I manage a bakery so every time there’s a party or a family get together, I’m responsible for the bread products.
    So basically we eat chicken, beef, lamb, turkey and ham, bread rolls, salads and potato bake. The potato bake is also a family tradition, regardless of the temperature. Last Christmas it was like 40 degrees (104 f) and we still ate that one hot dish. And we argue over who makes the best one. I don’t care what anyone says, mine is the bomb! Garlic and French onion soup mix and cream are hands down winners! And the fact that the baking dish always gets scrapped clean.
    And beer. Lots and lots of beer. And vodka, I’ve got 4 kids, I need all the vodka I can get!

  • Emily

    I am never sleeping again, thanks to the fear that that thing will come anywhere near my side of the country.

    On the other hand, that is my favorite gif ever, and I want to use it everywhere, now.

  • Simone

    Faaaaaarrk……