• Sun, Dec 15 - 5:35 pm ET

8 Hilarious Examples Of Twitter Mommyshaming

twitter mommyshame

memegenerator.net

Isn’t Twitter just grand? Nowadays all you need is a computer and the internet to connect to friends, family and people from all over the world. Your college boyfriend’s roommate that you haven’t seen in 10 years? Now you can connect with him on Twitter and tell him all about your latest pap smear! YAY!

But nobody loves Twitter like sanctimommies (except maybe porn spammers). Where else can you passive aggressively shame other moms in public? The mall? I think not. Sanctimommies love Twitter the way DudeBros love popped collars, trucker hats and rapey t-shirts. They especially like shaming other moms on Twitter, especially moms they think are dirty, dirty whores, or worse, drunken dirty whores. And they want to tell the world about it.

8. Where’s your baby, you drunk?

Twitter Mommyshame

Silly drunk-o, don’t you know that once you have a little uterus crusader, that you can’t have fun? Where is your baby? Did you leave it in a gas station bathroom? The zoo? SO SAD. SO VERY SAD.

7. Lesley needs mommy friend, but not drunk ones, you lushes. 

Twitter Mommyshame

Lesley is looking for mommy friends. Some girlfriends she can share a laugh with and relieve the stress of parenthood. But you better not be a stinky-drinky lush, and you best have time for her and her daughter. Lesley don’t play around.

6. Dick Crazy Slut

Twitter MommyshameLet this be a lesson to all you dick crazy slut moms out there. Someone who seriously goes by the name “Smokahontas” on the internet thinks you should BE A MOM and stop drinking and being so darn crazy for dick. Sluts.

5. A question for the ages…

Twitter MommyshameIf a slutty mom sluts it up in a forest, and there isn’t a DudeBro around to call her a slut was she ever really a slut at all? #MindFuck

4. Respect yourself

Twitter Mommyshame“Bree’ana” here (is that a real name?) used to dress like a nasty old slutty McSlutterson, until she became a MOM. Now she dresses like a mom should. Probably in these:

3. Congratulations, your mom is a slut.

Twitter MommyshameDo I get a prize?

2. Mommy duties are serious shit

Twitter MommyshameAlyssa’s just being honest, you slags. Mommy duties include cooking, cleaning, feeding, clothing, washing, baking, and maybe watching Days of our Lives, but they most certainly do NOT including partying. DUH.

1. Mommy pride

Twitter Mommyshame“Blonde Milf” here wants her son to be proud of her. And everyone knows you can’t be proud of a mom who *gasp* drinks. We will never be as awe-worthy as “Blonde Milf.” We shouldn’t even try.

 

 

 

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  • Bethany Ramos

    Haaaalarious. Smokahontas kills me.

    • http://www.ambiencechaser.com/ Elizabeth Licata

      Before today I would have sworn that I would want to be BFFs with someone named Smokahontas. I am so disappointed!

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Right? She is NOT the right person to represent such an awesome screen name.

  • Dick Crazy Slut

    A judgmental parent is going to be a worse influence on a kid than an open-minded one who happens to love fucking.

  • Amber

    I, for one, am aiming for my kids to be ashamed of me. Life will be more fun that way. :)

  • Cee

    My favorite types of moms are the slutty ones

  • Andrea

    Ok, some of these are sanctimommy, but some could be legitimate; we don’t know the whole story. I would think that most of us would sorta judge any woman that was out partying and sleeping around every night instead of taking care of her children. Not saying that’s what happening, but we don’t know.

    • Justme

      But regardless of the “legitimacy” of these claims…Twitter still isn’t the best place to air (or subtweet) someone’s dirty laundry. If you’re REALLY that concerned with someone else’s parenting skills, it’s probably best to voice those things with that person and not vaguely call them out on social media.

    • Andrea

      I suppose you are right. I avoid PA facebook posts that don’t name the person because I hate PA bullshit, but I can see the appeal of bitching instead of calling someone out in person. *shrug*

    • Justme

      I don’t think there’s anything appealing about immature, catty and unproductive social media behavior.

    • Andrea

      Well, we are sitting here judging these posters and their tweet handles aren’t even blurred out…not sure we have a higher moral ground either.

    • Justme

      I’m just commenting on the idea of “subtweeting” and other passive-aggressive measures taken out on social media. I see it all the time with my middle schoolers and it causes far more problems than it solves.

    • brebay

      They were public to begin with. These passive-aggressives are seeking attention. They got it.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Exactly. And I think the tone of these speaks a lot about the person writing it.

    • AP

      Agreed. I had a friend who came from a, uh, questionable background, and this sounds like the kind of nonsense her high school classmates proffered back in the days of MySpace blogs. About half of them were being hypocrites, and half of them ran in social circles where Responsible Adult Behavior was as rare as a unicorn, so they ended up socially isolated when they decided that things like “getting blackout drunk while pregnant and then driving home” or “hotboxing in the nursery” were not good ideas.

  • sarahbregel

    i have to say, practice what you preach. you may not like these tweets or see them as judgmental but i don’t believe every person with an opinion on social media is a “santimommy” or deserves to be slammed on a website for a tweet unless it’s purely awful. can’t say i know anything about the background on any of these twitter conversations so wouldn’t dare judge the person writing them. pieces like this seem much more cruel to me than the tweets themselves.

    • Christa Louise

      I don’t think it’s cruel towards these twitter users… I think the only thing we’re judging is their superiority towards other women’s choices and nobody likes that, it’s never cool to do. We’re calling them out but they wrote these publicly in order to shame others.

    • jessica

      I do see your point. However, there is a more appropriate way to vent issues with other people’s behavior than taking to Twitter or some other public forum. And, I’m a huge fan of the golden rule. If these ladies want to be obnoxious then it follows that they can’t really complain if other people respond obnoxiously. Within reason, of course.

  • coffeeandshoes

    I’m about to become a sanctigrammarian and shut these morons down. BAM!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      new favorite word :)

  • Kay_Sue

    I’m going to swallow this piece down with a nice Smirnoff Wild Grape.

    • libraryofbird

      Good sluts swallow so they don’t become moms.

    • Kay_Sue

      A little late for that for me, at least.

    • Bunny Lucia

      UGH. You can drink grape flavoured vodka?

      I haven’t been able to drink that since I was 15.. Too many bad memories

    • Kay_Sue

      It’s their malt beverage line. I’m a pansy most of the time. Especially on Sundays, it being the Lord’s day and all. :-P

    • jessica

      Really? I always thought Sunday was the day to go hard. I won’t worship any deity that doesn’t like a good time.

    • Kay_Sue

      We’re in the deep South and can’t even buy it most places on Sunday.

      Seems hypocritical to me, what with the whole “water into wine thing”.

  • EmmaFromÉire

    Hey, leave off the dick crazy slut. I’ll be friends with every raging cockmonster in town as long as she can look after her kid.

  • brebay

    Nothing make a son more proud than a mom with a MILF handle…except maybe a mom who wears her MILF t-shirt to parent-teacher conferences…sons luh dat shit!

  • chickadee

    Hee…I was wondering if one these mothers being criticized might be the soul sister of the gem who forced her baby to smoke weed.

  • Roberta

    I am less likely to take your advice about keeping my legs closed if your Twitter handle has “MILF” in it, or vague references to pot. But I am not a mommy, so I am not allowed to judge others.

  • FF4life

    I hate the “where are your kids” questions the worst.

    Look at Frances Locke blogging it up. Why’d you have kids at all if you’re just going to blog all the time.

    • Gangle

      Isn’t the answer to that question always “In the back seat of the car, but don’t worry I left the windows cracked so it is all good”?

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Or in the closet, but don’t worry, I left them a half a pack of crackers and a water bottle.

    • pineapplegrasss

      oh. I left mine with half a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka. Was that wrong?

    • Gangle

      So long as you put the vodka in a sippy cup or bottle so it doesn’t get spilled. Don’t want to teach the little rugrat to waste booze. That is bad parenting.

    • break_time

      I once responded to that with a concerned look and “I thought YOU had them…”

  • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

    If a slutty mom sluts it up in a forest, and there isn’t a DudeBro around to call her a slut was she ever really a slut at all? #MindFuck

    I love everything about all of this, always

  • Muggle

    Is it me, or do all these girls look like they’re in their late teens or early 20s? Way to make us all look bad. It’s amazing how little perspective people have right after graduating high school.

    I just want to say to them, “I used to be a judgemental mommy-shaming twat like you, but then– no, no, I didn’t take a fucking arrow to the knee, goddamn it. I grew the fuck up and got some perspective.”

    I bet they all got left with babysitters every now and again and went to daycare so their mothers could not just work, but have some time to herself– even just one night every few months. Jesus. My parents went on “date nights” when my sister and I were little, my mom worked while we went to school and for a little bit afterward, and we turned out fine.

  • SA

    Ugh. One of the worst I saw in my news feed was one by a really young mom who said “I’m glad I had my kids young, I will have more days of my life to spend with them”….damn bitch, now you have me thinking about dying and leaving my child. It was an odd thing to be sanctimommious about.

    • Karen Milton

      As a young mom (well, I WAS young) I can kind of sort of get this, maybe. I was asked every other second whether I regretted all the things I was missing out on, whether I resented giving up my youth and having to grow up so fast, yadda yadda – and I was at the advanced age of 21 when I had my first. Sometimes, after a lifetime of those questions, I can see how it might be nice to stick some sanctimommy in there first, you know? I’m going to give the benefit of the doubt and pretend that’s what was happening.

    • Karen Milton

      Rereading my comment after some weeks. It’s really stupid.

  • Janok Place

    Good Ol’ Momma Shame! Seriously, everything from having sex, sipping a beer to ordering pizza. Because, babies!

  • tSubh Dearg

    I am so ashamed of my mother, she regularly went out to parties, looking sexy and drinking with her friends when I was growing up. It’s what has turned me into the fun-hating fiend I am today. Having fun wrecks homes!

  • Lee

    #1 is proud that she spred’em while wasted at a party and got knocked-up?
    That’s how I read it…