Amazingly Brave Kim Kardashian Reveals Her Post-Baby Body And All Is Right With The World

Kim Kardashian Post Baby Body It’s a Christmas miracle, you guys. I would like us all to take a moment, reflect on things, and light a candle because the amazingly heroic Kim Kardashian has appeared on the cover of US Weekly in a white bikini to show the world she has shed all of her baby weight.


Let’s discuss all of the things that wouldn’t have happened had Kim NOT lost this weight. There could be horrible wars. People could be without warm coats or food to eat. There could be pollution. Or global warming. Or crime. But thanks to Kim going on the Atkins diet and shedding 56 pounds all is right with the world.

I don’t know how women who have babies and who haven’t lost over 50 pounds can be mothers. I don’t get it. Without this weight loss she would be basically worthless as a mother and a human. Everyone knows that moms who gain 50 pounds during their pregnancy and don’t lose it are basically incapable of caring for their newborns, changing a diaper, feeding them, even singing them a lullaby.

Plus, can you imagine poor Kanye if Kim had not lost this weight? He wouldn’t even be able to wake in the morning and look at the mother of his child, much less have a relationship with her. Everyone knows that excess weight causes women to have no personality, no intellect, and have a total incapacity for being loved. It’s all too terrible to contemplate.

And for those of you concerned that Kim isn’t quite thin enough after this weight loss, don’t you worry, because according to The Daily Mail who got their information from Now magazine:

A source told Now magazine earlier this month: ‘She’s hit her goal weight but wants to drop to a size 0. Apparently she’s eating just 1,000 calories a day and drinking herbal teas in a bid to shed the weight.

‘She also wakes up for daily 5am workouts and often does another hour in the afternoon.’


A size zero! Now that will be an excellent mom.

(Image: US Weekly)

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  • G.E. Phillips

    I can’t.

    • Eve Vawter


    • G.E. Phillips

      Face can’t, either. He’s diametrically opposed to society’s persistent objectification of the female body.

    • Eve Vawter

      Face is the best

  • Fluffy

    So are we hating on Kim or society?

    • Eve Vawter

      I will take C: all of the above , alex

  • CMJ

    Well good thing Kim got her body back cause, apparently, her sister’s marriage is imploding. Amirite?

  • Bethany Ramos

    I don’t see how she can go for a size 0 with the giant ass everyone loves. Isn’t she supposed to be curvy? Also, dieting as a mom makes me effing IRRITABLE, like I would eat my baby.

    • Megan Zander

      Don’t eat the baby! Though they do smell delicious….

    • AmazingAsh

      How many calories are in a baby?

    • CMJ

      I mean – 1,000 calories? When I am working out a lot I want to eat the world. THE WORLD.

    • AugustW

      I did 950 calories a day for a diet previously. After about the third day I wasn’t so hungry…but I was also drinking a ton of extra water so my stomach was pretty much always full.
      Even then, I only lost about 15 lbs, and it wasn’t worth it. Now. I’m at the gym 5 mornings a week and eating what I enjoy. Much better.

  • pixie

    Can she even get to a size 0 with those hips? Like those are some great curvy hips, but I’d think in order to get into a size 0 she would have to shave off some of the bone.

    • Fabel

      Yeah, my own body reads to people as “thin” (not even “bodaciously curvy” like Kim) & I can’t get into a size 0. I don’t understand why people trot out “0″ as THE SIZE when I’m sure even some models (like VS models?) would need a size, like, 2 just to accommodate some hips.

    • Kelly

      She can’t. Even when I was emaciated from illness, severely underweight and looked like a walking skeleton I was still a size 2 because of my hips.

  • momjones

    I tire of this. A gif would help.

  • Megan Zander

    Celebrities ( OMG I just called Kim Kardasian a celebrity someone slap me) make money off thier appearance, so to me, this is as celebratory as a ” normal” person going back to work after maternity leave. Where’s my cover Us Weekly? Sure, working out and dieting ain’t all fun and games, but that’s why it’s a job.

  • Kay_Sue

    Her appearance–brand, if you will–is her job, so I totally understand why she needs these articles, so to speak. As irritating as it is, Us Weekly isn’t exactly known for earth-shattering pieces of investigative journalism.

    I also kind of get that she probably wants to go “in your face!” to all the folks that were fat-shaming her while she was pregnant.

    Am I gonna buy it? No. But I get why it’s there. Doesn’t mean that I am happy that this is the expectation placed on women post-baby, but she’s making a living off of her image.

  • Coby

    Perfect Sister Act gif with Whoopi shaking her ass is perfect, Eve.

  • Cee

    I get alerts from US Weekly *shame*. My groggy sleepy self was so confused as to why I got an alert at 5am on Kim Kardashian. I didn’t have my glasses on. I thought she died.

    • CMJ

      Nope. Just her fat. Her fat died.

    • Eve Vawter


  • TwentiSomething Mom

    So she showed us her ass in that intimate photo she sent sent to Kanye then tweeted out, then she was topless for an entire music video. Why would she think we’re surprised at how her body looks?

  • NicknamesAreDull

    I am not bothered by the fact that she is advertising her weight loss. I’m bothered by the fact that for most people (and probably her) it isn’t healthy. I want people to advertise healthy ways to lose weight, with realistic expectations. A size 0 shouldn’t be a goal.

  • MommaJen

    I smell photoshop and strategic camera angles. They posted a picture of her not too long ago in skinny jeans and there was nothing skinny about it

  • ted3553

    what???she’s eating 1000 calories a day. Obviously not committed to weight loss. If she was a good mom she would just eat bubbles.

  • ted3553

    What???she’s eating 1000 calories a day. She’s obviously not committed to weight loss. If she were a good mom, she’d just be eating bubbles.

    • Frances Locke

      You eat bubbles? You cow.

    • marly

      you eat? you fat bitches!!

    • alexandra

      Tori spelling ate “air”. Now THAT’S commitment.

  • simpleton

    If Kim Kardashian can turn herself into a size 0, I can turn into a unicorn. This is the truly sad part, that she threw this in there in a desperate “Don’t worry, I’ll lose even more weight, I promise”, even though every person participating in this knows that that isn’t possible.

    • Sara610

      I agree, “sad” is exactly the word I was thinking of. The rest of this was just ridiculous and eye roll-inducing, but when I got to that part I actually felt sad for her.

  • LyssyWyx

    I dont see why ppl care… :S she’s not “skinny”.. if she runs she will jiggle… Im a bigger girl myself so idc about ppls weight to begin with… but c’mon. she is no size 0… im bigger and her hips and ass are bigger than mine!! front to back n side to side! and I wear a size 18-20 jean. this is honestly pathetic… dont spread lies when there are pix to prove ur not as small as u claim you are. be a real woman… real women dont lie about size, bc it’s just a damn number! real women own up to the truth.

  • LyssyWyx

    there is no way she could ever be a 0… her hips n ass wont allow it.

  • Angela Brown


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