It’s a Christmas miracle, you guys. I would like us all to take a moment, reflect on things, and light a candle because the amazingly heroic Kim Kardashian has appeared on the cover of US Weekly in a white bikini to show the world she has shed all of her baby weight.
Let’s discuss all of the things that wouldn’t have happened had Kim NOT lost this weight. There could be horrible wars. People could be without warm coats or food to eat. There could be pollution. Or global warming. Or crime. But thanks to Kim going on the Atkins diet and shedding 56 pounds all is right with the world.
I don’t know how women who have babies and who haven’t lost over 50 pounds can be mothers. I don’t get it. Without this weight loss she would be basically worthless as a mother and a human. Everyone knows that moms who gain 50 pounds during their pregnancy and don’t lose it are basically incapable of caring for their newborns, changing a diaper, feeding them, even singing them a lullaby.
Plus, can you imagine poor Kanye if Kim had not lost this weight? He wouldn’t even be able to wake in the morning and look at the mother of his child, much less have a relationship with her. Everyone knows that excess weight causes women to have no personality, no intellect, and have a total incapacity for being loved. It’s all too terrible to contemplate.
And for those of you concerned that Kim isn’t quite thin enough after this weight loss, don’t you worry, because according to The Daily Mail who got their information from Now magazine:
A source told Now magazine earlier this month: ‘Sheâ€™s hit her goal weight but wants to drop to a size 0. Apparently sheâ€™s eating just 1,000 calories a day and drinking herbal teas in a bid to shed the weight.
‘She also wakes up for daily 5am workouts and often does another hour in the afternoon.’
A size zero! Now that will be an excellent mom.
(Image: US Weekly)