Last week our best friend Blair from STFU Parents took parents to task for being a little too cynical with their ‘Elf On The Shelf” holiday scenarios. I agree with her, I think it’s one thing to depict this annoying little elf getting run over on a Hot Wheels track, and a little excessive when we see the same elf murdering women and playing in their ketchup blood. Now thanks to Pinterest, we have some people who just want to fuck that whole elf middleman and go straight to the gist of the matter.
I love all of the black humor elements of parenting. Parenting is hard and difficult and a lot of the times if we didn’t laugh, we’d cry. I get it. I’m not one for pearl clutching or getting my panties in a twist (I really loathe that term) over people making fun of aspects of parenting, but come on. I get that some parents are cool, and think they are super funny, and they need to put their own special little brand of cynicism and holiday loathing on everything and share it with their friends so they can appear someone cooler than, beyond than, this whole silly little parenting thing – but come on.
For every asshole parent out there who finds this sort of shit funny, there is a little kid out there who has this sincere optimism about the holidays, who still loves dolls and elves and ugh, we get it parents, you are cool and smart and oh so clever and you can take a dumb elf idea and puke all over it. Now go away.