• Tue, Dec 10 - 11:00 am ET

10 Reasons Being Pregnant Over The Holidays Rocks Even Though You Can’t Get Crunk

108347871Giving up holiday spirits doesn’t have to ruin yours. Here are 10 reasons why being pregnant during the holidays really does make it the most wonderful time of the year:

1. You can eat whatever you want without judgment. 

Everyone becomes a food monster during the holidays, but you are in the awesome position of people encouraging it. Even your uber judgmental mother won’t raise an eyebrow to that second plate of stuffing, since it’s “for the baby” and all. Stretchy maternity pants mean you’ll be super comfy post meal, perfect for lounging on the couch watching the game with a slice of pie.  Added bonus- you can avoid making the cliché “I’m going to lose 10 lbs” New Year’s Resolution and actually enjoy the holidays.

2.Everyone will cook to suit your cravings.

 Maybe you don’t care for your Aunt’s green beans but have always been too polite to refuse. This year, blame the nausea, and she’ll give you a sympathy pat on the arm as well as a free pass. Hate marshmallows on the yams? Tell your MIL and she will banish them to the far corner of the pantry. Your culinary wish is everyone’s demand.

Love your aunt’s cookie bars but find your cousins always destroy them before the main course leaving you with crumbs? She’ll make you an extra batch to eat in the privacy of your own home over the course of one evening. She will even admonish your partner that these are YOUR cookies, saving you from the awkward embarrassment of having to apologize for growling at him when he reaches for the box.
3. No one expects you to clean up.

Everyone knows the worst part of a big meal is the cleanup .All that fancy china is hand wash only, leaving you with pruned fingers and a soggy shirt. There’s never enough aluminum foil or Tupperware and no room in the fridge. Plus, by now the sides are starting to congeal and there is something about being full that makes the turkey look less like delicious noms and more like a carcass. Just smile sweetly when someone inevitably tells you to “Go sit down and relax”. Why, don’t mind if I do.

 4. You have the perfect excuse to get out of office parties.

 Even when not with child, holiday office parties suck. There’s never alcohol, or if there is, you can’t really drink in front of your boss. It’s mostly making chitchat with the spouses of coworkers whose names you forget immediately after being introduced or talking with you coworkers as usual, only now you’re not getting paid. Being pregnant at a dull party like this makes you a form of entertainment. You’ll spend the night repeating yourself with stats such as your due date, the gender, your plans for breastfeeding and what the nursery looks like- all while avoiding women who want to tell you their labor horror story and people who want to touch your belly. Claim exhaustion and curl up with a reality TV marathon instead.

5. People will tell you how pretty you look no matter what.

 If you do decide to be social during the holiday season, no worries. Some pregnant woman are lucky enough to get thick shiny hair and nails as part of their bump package, others get a chubby melon face to match their new puffy lips. Either way, people will say “you’re glowing”. Enjoy it. And don’t worry about what to wear. It really doesn’t matter. You could wear an oversized men’s button-down with yoga pants to a black tie affair and no one will notice since people will only be looking at your mid-section. (Ok, fine, they may also check out your awesome new cleavage, but mostly they’ll be looking at that belly.)

What We're Reading:
Share This Post:
  • Justme

    Two words: maternity jeans. I’m tempted to bring them out of retirement every Thanksgiving and Christmas just for the sole reason that they will expand to fit all the mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and cornbread stuffing I shove in my face.

    • Paul White

      as a male, I’m limited to sweatpants for that role.

    • Janok Place

      Men should totally be allowed to wear Mat jeans. In fact, all jeans should come with the delightful stretchy band and we could do away with the painful button business all together.

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Or we could stop being lazy and fat. Maybe then our pants would fit better.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Oh fuck that

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      I agree. I’m all for fat and lazy. My wife makes these amazing cake pops. I think it’s her way of making sure they need a flat bed to get my butt out of the house.

      By the way HELLO EVE!!!

    • Anna Molly

      Hi cool mod lady

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Watch this one Eve. He bites and we’re pretty sure he has some weird monkey disease.

    • Anna Molly

      I don’t bite beautiful mods

    • Justme

      I wear my yoga pants in the effort to look like a “chic but casual” suburban mom…but in reality, I just need more room for my food baby.

    • Andy

      Yeah, I had my baby in September, so ‘technically’ I could still get away with the maternity jeans-that is, if they hadn’t gotten a huge rip up the inseam and had to go to jean heaven :(

    • Kay_Sue

      I was just about to say this myself, lol. I resisted getting them the first go round, and when I finally did, oh my, they were the one thing about being pregnant that I was totally unwilling to give up.

  • Bethany Ramos

    I wasn’t called pretty per se, but my FIL did refer to me as “very pregnant” in a Christmas email at only 5mo preggo – I guess it was better than saying “hormonal bitch monster.” ;)

    • Zettai

      LOL @ hormonal bitch monster. Think that needs the official HBM acronym.

  • LadyClodia

    I wasn’t pregnant over the holidays; well, only Thanksgiving I guess. My companion piece to this would be “10 reasons why it sucks to have a newborn over the holidays.”

    • Justme

      But as a teacher, if you’re going to have a baby during the school year – around Thanksgiving and Christmas is the best time to do it because then you don’t have to take as much maternity leave (which is never, ever paid for when you are a teacher).

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    ALSO if you are at least a couple months pregnant over the holidays, that means you won’t be pregnant in the summer, which I’ve heard really sucks!

    • Ripley

      i think you should just skip the pregnancy thing all together. That way, you don’t have to use math for timing, seasons, etc.

    • Janok Place

      DD1, July 14th. Heat Wave. Yup.

    • Bethany Ramos

      No way. The bulk of my pregnancies were in colder months for Texas, and I was and still am a sweaty mess. :( You are a saint.

    • Janok Place

      This one is due in March, I did a little party dance ;) Granted, I’m in Canada… I’m not sure July here is any better then the colder months in Texas. PS, sorry about all that snow… we have none, the world is backwards.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Haha when it snows here, worlds collide!

    • http://www.twitter.com/ilikeswears Dusty

      I would die if I had to do pregnancy during Houston’s summer months. DIE.

    • Andy

      I did that this past summer. Forget dying, it’s a good thing I didn’t kill anyone, I was so miserable.

    • Justme

      It’s actually not that bad (so I’ve heard) because you can wear big flowing dresses and sitting in a pool takes a considerable amount of weight off from carrying that baby around.

    • ChillMama

      No, just…no. Big and flowing quickly turns into sticky and uncomfortable. And if you don’t have a pool, all you can do is pout and sweat. Especially if you don’t have AC. :(

      *written by a woman who was waiting for an overdue baby during a record-setting heat wave and drought. The memory is still all too clear.

    • Justme

      I don’t know – depends on the situation, I suppose. My friends who were all pregnant during the summer really enjoyed it because they’re teachers which meant no getting up in the mornings and putting on work clothes. They could also take midday naps and rest their feet when necessary. And I have a pool so that meant weekly dip sessions in the water.

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      I had my daughter August 31. Two weeks before I gave birth we had a record heatwave in Washington state and it got to 104. This may have been okay if I didn’t work in a pizza place with insufficient air conditioning at the time, next to a 500 degree oven. I planned poorly.

    • OhHeyDelilah

      Unless you’re on the other side of the globe. I’m in Australia, and apparently we’re heading for the hottest summer on record. And I’m six months pregnant *cries*

  • Rebecca R

    I’m only 10 weeks along right now; not enough for strangers to know and let me skip ahead in line, but all of my family knows and I already used my pregnancy as an excuse to be first in line at Thanksgiving dinner and for my husband to carry all of the Christmas decorations down from the attic. It’s going to be a great Christmas.

  • candyvines

    Naps :)

  • G.E. Phillips

    I only have one child, but I’m guessing all of the above is mostly true if you’re pregnant with your first child over the holidays (which I was, a glorious 7 months–big enough for all of the above to apply, but not so big that I was no longer capable of enjoying life.) I would think that if you’re pregnant over the holidays AND have one or more small kiddos already running around, it’s probably more stressful.

    • AgonySpews

      You could always smoke some weed and chill out.

    • Ripley

      what’s wrong with alcohol?

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Didn’t you hear it causes teen pregnancy.

    • Ripley

      yeah, but whats wrong with alcohol?

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      uhhhmmm It causes teen pregnancy.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      Alcohol is the cause, and solution, to all of life’s problems. – Homer J. Simpson, aka my life guru.

    • G.E. Phillips

      Um, not just teen pregnancy. My son’s conception was literally sponsored by Jagermeister and boxed wine.

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Mine was from those mixed drinks in a bag. You know the ones that you put in the freezer and then squeeze out into a cup. I know it’s kinda fruity but, it’s the best way to get my wife drunk.

    • Brokeass Mirror

      THAT is a winning combination!

    • AgonySpews

      IDK, these pregnancy rules keep changing. When my mom was young they suggested smoking to keep pregnancy weight down.

    • Ripley

      weed or cigs? I go for weed

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Crack is better. Have you ever seen a crack head. They look like a damn skelton.

    • Ripley

      Yep. I know some.

    • AgonySpews

      Cigarettes. She sort of missed the whole crazy 60′s & 70 ‘s drug culture. I think I mention she eventually became an Anglican priest!

    • Ripley

      aren’t priests… male?

    • AgonySpews

      Not the Church of England

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      I’m a priest in the Federation of Klingon Evangelicals.

    • Ripley

      well, good point. Isn’t Liz head of that church?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I have a beautiful photo of my mom breastfeeding me, cigarette dangling from her lips

    • G.E. Phillips

      I have that exact photo! Well, I mean, not of your mom, but you know what I mean.

    • Brokeass Mirror

      cuz that woulda been creepy as heck!

      puahahaha

    • G.E. Phillips

      Me, personally? Yes, I could, but I’m not pregnant.

  • Maxx

    testing

  • Brokeass Mirror

    I dunno, the not drinking part must still suck…

    • Maxx

      puahahaha

    • Maxx

      not banned

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      did you guys get banned from CNN again?

    • Anna Molly

      we missed you

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Maxx went to Lunch. We actually just wanted to stop by and say hello. We haven’t been banned from CNN.

    • Brokeass Mirror

      Eve, you are more than welcomed to join our new crib here

      http://kreslev.tumblr.com/post/69588936403/title#comment-1157477113

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      ^^^Stalker^^^

    • Anna Molly

      teehee

    • Faddisphere

      Hello Eve, good to see you again.

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Don’t be such a prude. I say go for it and drink! Don’t let anyone tell you what to do sweetheart!

    • Maxx

      Right….drink till u puke and drink some more.

    • AgonySpews

      When pregnant you can have oxytocin

    • Paul White

      You know, I got nothing against having some fun and getting a bit tipsy, but I really do get a bit worried at the “OMG I CAN’T GET DRUNK!” type of thing.

    • Ripley

      six years. after awhile you don’t think about it. just like a bad relationship

    • box of rocks

      papa?

    • Brokeass Mirror

      HOLY SHIRT! Dude, where you been homez?

    • Anna Molly

      You dont know? What kind of father are you?

    • Brokeass Mirror

      puahahaha nice.

      OK, i’m gonna delete my posts cuz yall just drew the mod’s attention

    • Anna Molly

      no need me an her are all good

    • box of rocks

      out for a couple of weeks. been back since friday, but i’m slammed at work. tryin to dig out. tell ice or kres that i can’t post.

  • Maxx

    Eve where are you?

    • Brokeass Mirror

      True love must be reunited

    • Anna Molly

      she down below

  • Guyzer398

    Just make sure they put the bar down when you get on the roller coaster

  • HumanCommodity3

    I don’t always get pregnant but when I do I drink Dos Equis

    • Ripley

      get them started while they’re young! thats what i say

    • candyvines

      I have do not always make good sentence.

  • Anna Molly

    Dang this article is too late…it’s December already

  • Shanstar2109

    So true. What a great article!!!

  • Ripley

    Whats with the white house down guy? I thought this was a room about babies.

    • Justme

      I’d make babies with him, does that count?

  • Janok Place

    I want that dress, please… someone? Anyone? 6 months pregnant at Christmas is very little fun, and green satin trimmed with gold would totally make it a party!

    • AgonySpews

      I’d ask the significant other. Not mine though, she probably wouldn’t take to kindly to pregnant women asking her on my suggestion for clothes…

  • HumanCommodity3

    I’ve seen them fetch as much as forty bucks, used.

  • Faddisphere

    Testing 1…2…4

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      You fail. You missed the 5.

    • Brokeass Mirror

      But Fadd’s way is more efficient

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Yes but, what if you only have 5 apples. How are you going to count to four. Huh???? Tell me I need answers!!

    • Brokeass Mirror

      4 + 2 = 5 apples

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Hmmmm.. Something seems off with your math. Let me get my asian out for a minute.

    • Brokeass Mirror

      I had to fire my asian recently.

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      They are fairly easy to replace. Just be careful though. When you’re not looking they’ll convince your wife to buy a Kia and replace your boss with one of their friends.

    • Faddisphere

      It’s the new math.

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      It’s the american math. No answer is wrong.

  • jess

    frankly id rather get crunk. and as for eating guilt free, my doctor constantly tells me i shouldn’t put on more weight and i should watch what i eat – ive put on 28 pounds at 30 weeks though i was underweight pre-pregnancy – so i can’t relax and enjoy food

  • rompy Room Raff

    Just gobble lots of taters and gravy. LOTS I TELL YOU!
    You’ll be fine. NOM NOM NOM NOM!
    ‘Sides it’s only 2 dinners per year. Thanksgiving and Xmas.

  • NotHarryCaray

    So, this is solely focused on the woman, huh? Figures!

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Not solely……. Well not entirely….. Some are about kids and other junk.

    • NotHarryCaray

      Well, this article doesn’t even mention that, since the pregger doesn’t have to clean up, her husband does! And what about putting up the Christmas tree?!?!

    • AgonySpews

      Don’t put the Christmas tree up yourself. That can hurt, and it’s pretty disgusting mental imagery anyway.

    • NotHarryCaray

      I usually put it up myself but then she decorates it and services it.

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      What about hanging the lights. Not to mention the work all the work to maintain the cars and yard. I’m sensing a little bit of ingratitude.

    • NotHarryCaray

      Men always get the short end of the stick!

    • Frozen_Dude x12

      Don’t bring that stick anywhere near me dude. I don’t swing that way.

    • NotHarryCaray

      Just thought you might appreciate fine art. I’ll put it away now.

    • rompy Room Raff

      *broads

    • HumanCommodity3

      How did that happen?

  • Jessica

    #8 I was constantly hot all through my pregnancy. Thankfully my daughter was born in March. My husband slept in hoodies & multiple comforters because of my open window. It seriously couldn’t get cool enough for me to sleep.

  • nicole

    My daughter was born in February and my son at the very end if December. So i was pretty massively pregnant for both thanksgiving and christmas two different holiday seasons. I agree with most of this list. However when i hit month 9, I couldnt really eat that much at once or else i felt awful because my stomach was so smushed. So the christmas i was pregnant with my son was not very pleasant. We went to a fancy buffet at a nearby resort restaurant for christmas dinner that year so i wouldnt have to cook. It was full of deliciousness that i just couldnt fit into my stomach. Total waste of lovely buffet. My husband and daughter sure enjoyed it though.

  • Nikki

    I’m not pregnant, but I love the snarky tone of this article. Also, my nonpregnant brain got distracted and started making comments on some of the GIFs. Here they are for your reading pleasure:
    1. GIF #5: Pregnant or not, every girl everywhere needs to have Channing Tatum (or her personal hot-celeb equivalent thereof) tell her “You look beautiful today” every day. It’s a huge confidence boost.
    2. GIF #7: Although I have no desire to either have kids (at least not in the next 5 years) or join the Hunger Games bandwagon (just no-I feel it’s a ripoff of two Stephen King books he wrote under his old pseudonym Richard Bachman), I can’t help but think that a pregnant Katniss would be one of the most badass things ever and have the most badass kids ever.
    3. GIF #9: MINIONS!!!! I love minions, and shopping, and how excited the minions are about shopping. I want to go shopping with the minions!

  • Pingback: Twenty-six Weeks | It's Getting Ridiculous

  • Pingback: Vaginal Knitting Is A Hot New Trend All Of Us Vagina Owners Can Do