The holiday season is upon us, and with it comes the necessity to buy gifts for certain people that make our lives a living hell. Some of you have a great relationship with your mother-in-law, so please don’t be offended by this list – just realize how lucky you are. I have no relationship with mine either way – so I’m impartial. I do have some friends who endure some unbelievable crap all year long. This list is for people like them – who have to take the constant berating of their mother-in-laws with a smile.

1. Waxing Kit

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Do you find yourself reaching for those stray hairs that grow out of her neck and wondering how she manages to miss them, day in and day out? This will save you from driving yourself crazy and remind her she’s not perfect either – the next time she tells you your eyebrows are too bushy.

2. This Book

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The Lost Art Of Listening. Enough said.

3. Spanx

Spanx are in. And only the two of you need to know that you’re getting her back for the queen size panty hose she bought you for Christmas last year.

4. Anti-Wrinkle Cream

This could be fancy and smell really good and be perceived by onlookers as a nice gift, right? Ha.

5. This Book

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Sometimes our adult children.. * do not finish college. * marry the “wrong” person. * can’t keep a good job. * abuse drugs or alcohol. * are gay. * are single parents. * are divorced. * make religious choices we don’t understand. * can’t raise their own children, leaving us to pick up the slack. * live at home. Where Does That Leave Us?

What the hell? If she gets comfort from this book she won’t even get the joke so you will be safe.

6. A Gym Membership

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I’m not an advocate of body shaming, but sometimes you have to fight fire with fire. It goes both ways, lady.

7. Wine of the Month Club

My friend’s mother in law always makes a point of complaining that my friend and her husband “always have wine with dinner” and “is that necessary?” Then she secretly raids their liquor cabinet when they go to sleep. What is up with that? This is a subtle hint to let her know you’re on to her.

Bonus Gift Suggestion: Her Son Back

You’ll never be good enough for her and he fails to see how annoying she is? Give him back. She’s obviously a better wife to him than you are right? Ha. Just kidding. You’ll just have to fantasize about this one.