• Thu, Dec 5 - 2:35 pm ET

Normal Adult Men Don’t Date Teenage Girls

150952754I have a nine-year-old. She is a beautiful girl. I’m pretty sure she will be a beautiful teenager, aesthetically and otherwise. I was a beautiful girl, tall for my age, long limbs and long hair, and I attracted the attention of older men from the time I was 10. Much older men. And it made me uncomfortable, and it made me scared. And I grew into a teenager, and I still received attention from older men, the catcalls, the gross suggestions hollered from passing cars when I rode my bike down the street, the hey baby’s and the worse, and sometime around age 16 my parents divorced and sent me into a hormonal flurry of angst and insecurity and anger and sadness.

The older guys were nice.

And I was scared and sad and insecure and I reeked of it. I smelled like Love’s Baby Soft and the occasional sneaked clove cigarette and stolen sips of lukewarm champale chugged behind the bleachers after class. I just wanted people to be nice to me, men to be nice to me, and when you are pretty and angry and lost you date older guys because they have cars and money and your dad moved out and your mom is busy crying so you go with them.

At least I did.

And my mom did her best, but when you have this Tasmanian Devil of a daughter who screams fuck you and pierces her nose and sneaks out of her room and you are just trying to work to put mashed potatoes on the table (because potatoes are cheap–they are still cheap) there isn’t a lot you can do. And you work long hours and cry a lot and your daughter has a bedroom with a window and a balcony and she is a quiet ghost who waits on the corner for a car to pick her up. By some older dude with a full wallet that can buy drugs and booze and cheap jewelry that turns her neck green but at least it is someone.

And the boys her age are loud and boring and don’t even know how to talk to a girl, can’t even read her signals which are shrieking tell me I matter tell me I’m smart tell me I’m pretty. And I was so smart. Leaving high school to move away from home and attend college where my older boyfriend followed right behind me and made very sure I was never more than two steps away and nothing my mother did could ever stop that.

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  • DuchessofDownton

    Eve Vawter, Please do not listen to the bile spewed by Man of Sin. He/She/It is also on the Paul Walker thread championing the late Mr. Walker’s decision to have taken up with a 16 year old girl when he was 33. Man of Sin sanctions this kind of behavior no matter how inappropriate, vile, and disgusting. Man of Sin also personally attacks and derides ANYONE who disagrees with his/her/its theories on inappropriate intimate relationships with very older men and much younger girls.

    • Man_Of_Sin

      Uh, the young woman is from Hawaii where the age of consent is 16. lol What “personal attacks”?

    • DuchessofDownton

      Uh, the young woman was residing in the State of California where the age of consent is 18.

    • Man_Of_Sin

      No, now she is. She use to babysit his daughter who recently moved from Hawaii to California.

  • Ricardo Aguilera

    There’s a very big flaw in this article.

    Regardless of how politically incorrect this might sound I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable or creepy that men would find 16 year old girls attractive. A girl at 16 doesn’t look different at 18 or even 20…hell even college age girls don’t really appear much different then your senior year high school girls and many women in their mid 20s could still pass as high school girls. While I don’t think men in their 20s should be dating 16 year old girls I also have to take into account that if the law stipulates 16 is the age of consent then who am I to judge.

    • VisualInsanity

      “Mid-to-late adolescents usually have physical characteristics near (or in some cases, identical) to that of full-grown adults; psychiatrist and sexologist Fred Berlin states that most men can find persons in this age group sexually attractive, but that “of course, that doesn’t mean they’re going to act on it. Some men who become involved with teenagers may not have a particular disorder. Opportunity and other factors may have contributed to their behaving in the way they do”.”

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia#Characteristics

  • Clifford Fenoketer

    You poor, hypocritical, bigoted, bitter old hags. Just reading the author’s article and the comments, I notice one thing that’s nearly always the case with this subject—the detractors are almost entirely older women, most of them divorced single moms—interestingly.

    The ridiculous, cliched arguments against younger women dating older guys only contradict other ridiculous, cliched arguments on the subject. Here’s just the examples I’ve taken from this article and the comments:

    1) “A 17-year-old girl is not going to have the mental maturity of a 30-year-old guy.”

    Never mind the folly of arbitrarily using age as the number one indicator of maturity, this contradicts the other claim I’ve seen you all make out of the other side of your mouths just as often that goes something like “Any man in his 30s or 40s that would date a girl half his age is immature and intimidated by a ‘real woman’ his own age.”

    Assuming both of your claims are true, then what’s your problem? If a 35 year-old guy supposedly has the maturity level equal to girls aged 17-19, wouldn’t it make sense for him to date younger women? But instead he’s a ‘dysfunctional, cradle-robbing, pedophile’ according to you? And that brings me to example number 2.

    2) This should have been number 1 because it’s the most common and most nonsensical claim. The argument can never be rational. If you want to debate against age differences in dating, fine. But it always begins with terms like ‘cradle-robber ‘creepy,’ and ‘pedophile.’ Get yourselves a dictionary. A pedophile, by its very definition is someone that is sexually attracted to partners who have not reached puberty.

    Even a 13 or 14 year old is not a child, yet I’ve been called a ‘pedophile’ for taking a 19-year-old to the movies. Of course, it was by the mother of the girl’s friend who saw us at the movies that night, a big, fat bitter divorced woman my age (see what I mean?).

    Of course it’s extremely intellectually dishonest to level a charge like that. But this really is a lot less of an intellectual debate than butthurt, bitter older women lashing out against men that happen to not be interested in them. It’s a Femi-Nazi male shaming tactic that says “The real reason a man my age is dating a woman much younger, childless and more attractive than me is because he’s a child molester, not because I’m a big fat bitter old bitch.” That dynamic is related to the next ridiculous argument:

    3) “Only a loser of a guy would prey on girls in their teens and early 20s. The only reason guys in their 30s and 40s date younger women is because they can’t get a ‘real woman’ their own age.”

    This has to be the most pathetic and laughable claims in the whole debate. Oh, you really hurt my feelings with that one. Did you ever call me out and put me in my place! Yeah, I lay in bed and shed so many tears every night, just wishing I could land a big fat divorced woman my age with three or four kids by some other guy. To know I’ll never get to admire those wrinkles and crow’s feet and stretch marks and c-section scars is more than I can bear sometimes.

    Oh well, I guess I might as well accept the fact that I’m a loser and that I’m going to be stuck dating hard-bodied gorgeous women half my age.

  • Clifford Fenoketer

    Let me sum up this article: Normal men don’t date teenage girls. The only reason a man would date women younger and hotter than me HAS to be due to something dysfunctional on his part—not because I’m a fat old bitter cunt with three or four trophies from my baby daddies.

  • VisualInsanity

    What an unscientific article.

    “Mid-to-late adolescents usually have physical characteristics near (or in some cases, identical) to that of full-grown adults; psychiatrist and sexologist Fred Berlin states that most men can find persons in this age group sexually attractive, but that “of course, that doesn’t mean they’re going to act on it. Some men who become involved with teenagers may not have a particular disorder. Opportunity and other factors may have contributed to their behaving in the way they do”.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ephebophilia#Characteristics

    Also insulting considering that the girls are grieving for him.

  • Sigmund

    16 year olds are at peak fertility. That’s going to make super attractive to everyone, regardless of the ages and genders of the involved parties.

  • Kolibri

    One of my on-line acquaintances recently told me about his on-line sexting relationship with a teenager, and his long-term plans for her move in with him. She is 17 now. He is man with two young kids, and is high all day and all night. He is forty-something. I thought he was a pretty cool guy, who was damaged like most of us, and who was a little fucked up, like most of us, having suffered some serious incomprehensible loss. It seems like he’s found someone he connects with on all kinds of levels. A 17 year old. To each their own, I guess.