• Mon, Nov 25 - 5:08 pm ET

Silly Feminists Don’t Realize That Women Need A Husband!

Everyone’s favorite purveyor of womanly advice, Suzanne Venker, is at it again! We’ve all heard her thoughts on same-sex marriage, and the “war on men,” and now she’s on a mission to set us man-hating, independence spouting, hairy, old-maid feminists straight when it comes to marriage. Silly feminists, don’t you know that you need a husband? Yes, even you, lesbians. Especially you.

In her latest thought-provoking (or at least it provokes something) piece for Faux Fox News, Venker made the totally-unique-and-not-regurgitated point that women who think they don’t need to depend on a man are WRONG. According to Venker:

“Over the past several decades, America has witnessed a profound change in the way women view men and marriage. It began with the baby boomer adage “never depend on a man.”

This message resulted in a generation of women who turned their attention away from the home and onto the workforce. They did what their mothers told them to do: they became financially independent so they’d never have to rely on a husband.”

Ohh! So that’s why you never see married women anymore. Oh wait.

Then she charmed us with this gem:

“Fortunately, most women come to the realization that they do, in fact, need a man—at least if they want a family.”

Ah. So I guess all those gays and lesbians with husbands/wives and kids are just fooling themselves. Not to mention single moms, widows and widowers, etc. Venker then sites a small part of a much broader PEW study, which says:

“Dads are much more likely than moms to say they want to work full time. And when it comes to what they value most in a job, working fathers place more importance on having a high-paying job, while working mothers are more concerned with having a flexible schedule.”

Yes, the PEW study does say this. But what Venker doesn’t mention is that in the very next paragraph of that same study it says:

“However, mothers’ attitudes toward work have changed considerably in recent years. Among mothers with children under age 18, the share saying they would prefer to work full time has increased from 20% in 2007 to 32% in 2012.”

But who cares about facts when you have cognitive dissonance to placate, amirite? Another aspect that Venker either doesn’t realize (or purposely forgets) is that many women end up working part-time not because they want to, but because they have to. Whether it’s due to societal pressure, a traditional upbringing, separation or something else, men often take less of a role in maintaining a home or caring for children. Even the aforementioned PEW study touched on the subject:

“Roughly 60% of two-parent households with children under age 18 have two working parents. In those households, on average, fathers spend more time than mothers in paid work, while mothers spend more time on childcare and household chores. “

Saying that women prefer part time work is disingenuous. Instead of working the double shift of a full day at work and then a full shift at home, many women are forced to opt out of full time work, or even the workforce altogether if childcare costs are too high. This isn’t choice.

According to Venker, women simply cannot work full time and be good mothers and wives:

“So why not let husbands bring home the bulk of the bacon so women can have the balanced lives they seek? There’s no way to be a wife, a mother and a full-time employee and still create balance. But you can have balance by depending on a husband who works full-time and year-round.

I know what you’re going to say. Where are these husbands on whom women can depend? And you’re right: there are fewer men these days who seem eager to be primary breadwinners.

But ask yourself why, and I bet you know the answer.”

GAG. The emphasis was mine, but you get the point. Don’t get me wrong. I think people should do what works for them. I’m married myself, and my husband and I lean on each other all the time, in much the same way that Venker describes. The difference is, that support was not the end goal of getting married. I didn’t simply choose the most financially stable guy I met so I could have a nice house and lots of babies (as Venker seems to think all women should and do want). No. My husband and I built a home and family that works for us. As equal partners.

 

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  • elle

    Sigh. I really don’t understand woman who aren’t thrilled by the feminist movement. Every woman has more options including the option to stay home. Or work. Whatever your heart desires Suzanne. But just remember if it were 50 or 60 years ago you would have very few places in which to write your nonsense you know being a woman who should stay at home and all. As for me I’ll happily keep working while my husband happily stays at home with our son and even does household chores cuz I bring home a lot more bacon. I also still live a pretty balanced life but maybe that’s cuz my husband actually helps around the house. And I won’t even touch the nonsense about needing a man to have a kid because well it just is not true.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      My ex and I had a similar situation. He stayed home with my oldest while I went to school and worked, and it worked great for us. I think people should do what works best for them, and judgey people like Suzanne be damned.

    • Chuck

      How can you have a kid without a man? Are women producing sperm? I get your message, but statement always has me puzzled when women and men use it.

    • meteor_echo

      Adoptions and sperm banks are, for one, a good way to have a kid without having to be attached at hip to some dude(bro).

    • Chuck

      Where did the sperm come from and how were those adoptive kids created? Those dudes(bros) are still needed, maybe not attached to your hip, but needed. So, again how are men not needed?

      If the augment was about raising kids I would agree for either gender.

    • meteor_echo

      Yeah, the dudebros are (yet) required for procreation as of now, but it doesn’t mean that someone should be required to place one in their life to have a kid.
      Oh and, bad news for you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaguya_%28mouse%29
      Quite soon, some women might not even require the minimal male input anymore to get pregnant, which sounds pretty damn good to me. Science is working on that.

    • Chuck

      Actually, that’s good news for men as well…won’t lose the kids to mom, because she a woman. No child support because the man has the child and use the money wisely.

    • meteor_echo

      Poor kids, though. Been raised by a dudebro, 0/10 would not recomment.
      Also, you forget something. In order to create an embryo from two sperm cells, one would still need an empty (without a genome) ovum. Might be quite some time before science perfects THAT.

    • Chuck

      I’m not the one claiming that humans are (A) sexual. Until scientist come forward with your claim…men and women are required to create life. Again….after the induction of the sperm cell…agreed, no man is required.

      Being raised by a crack addictive mom 0/100 would not recommend. In your man bashing, you failed to realize there are bad dads and MOMS.

    • meteor_echo

      One can argue that we need to slow down with the “creating life” thing, billions of existing people and whatnot. Then again, thank fuck I’m not creating any.
      Hon, that wasn’t even “man bashing”. Both of my parents and one grandparent (female) were abusive. Tell me about bad moms, will you?

    • Chuck

      I don’t know you were riding the crap out of dudebro! Maybe if you said dudebro and dudettechic…,but you only reference men.

    • Rachel Sea

      Way to be intentionally obtuse. Needing sperm is not the same thing as needing a man in your life.

    • Chuck

      I said that…go back and read. The person making that statement was being obtuse.

    • KarenMS

      You’re being disingenuous, right? I can’t imagine actually being puzzled…

    • Chuck

      Yes, I’m puzzled when people are serious in that statement…again, I’m not talking the man being there during pregnancy, birth, first day at school, etc. if science is making artificial sperm good on them, but until…a man some where is supplying sperm. Case point!

  • momjones

    I started teaching when I was 22, married at 25, worked up to the time all 3 of my children were born, went back to work after each, retired after 38 years. I want to slap the shit out of this woman. It’s because of the women in my generation that this idiot even has a job to spout such crap (God, I had to follow a Fox News link). CMJ – find me a rage gif!

  • Cee

    *GASP* But in writing this isn’t she declaring a “war on men”?! I mean, why are women allowed to have a balance while men work full time, year round and are the ones asked to bring home the bulk of the bacon?
    Make up your mind, Suzanne!

  • Kay_Sue

    Someone’s head is stuck in the 1950s.

    • brebay

      It’s stuck somewhere…

    • meteor_echo

      Her butt and head are stuck in the 50s, but unfortunately her arms are stuck in our time, which is why she can afford the privilege of posting stuff on the internets. She’s like the most patriarchal, old-fashioned Ouroboros ever.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      DING DING DING DING DING!!!!

  • kugie

    “I know what you’re going to say. Where are these husbands on whom women can depend? And you’re right: there are fewer men these days who seem eager to be primary breadwinners. But ask yourself why, and I bet you know the answer.”

    Is it that there are more men who respect women and their right to choose whatever they want to do with their life, which is often having a career, and they no longer subscribe to the archaic idea that man must be breadwinner? Or that it’s really hard out there for *anyone* to get a job that pays well enough to support two people, let alone a family, so they’d rather both partners work? Oh, OK.

  • Sara610

    Uuuuuuhhhh……yeah. About that.

    I’m happily married, to an awesome, hard-working, wonderful man who’s a great husband and father AND a good provider. I’m also financially independent and have a career I love and have worked very hard for.

    I think I’m actually happier in my marriage BECAUSE I’m not dependent on my husband. I’m with him, raising a family and building a life together, because I want to be. No other reason–not because he’s my meal ticket, not because I can’t survive without him, but because I love him.

  • meteor_echo

    I wonder what she’d say about the ole childfree me – I have an equally childfree man-friend, and we’d rather jump off a bridge into a cactus patch than “have a family”. That said, I’m going to work until I die, because a) I like being independent, b) don’t want to work the said man-friend to death.
    So yeah, buzz off, Housefly Suzy. Us poor wimminz can decide for ourselves whether we need a husband or kids.

    • Mel

      Well said! For a woman, that is.

      Oops, I just threw up a little in my mouth.

      I’m with my fellow women-folk….not needing a man is not the same as emasculating a man, and if a man feels that way it’s his problem not ours. I love men, but I love knowing I’m fine without one and without children. This horrible writer needs to keep her dark ages stuff to herself.

    • meteor_echo

      Exactly. There’s being happy with someone you found and then there’s frantically looking for someone in an attempt to be happy.

    • Megan Zander

      I just want to take a moment to applaud the use of the word “manfriend”. I’ve never heard that before and I love it. Maybe I’m overtired, but I am laughing so loudly I’m afraid I’ll wake my husband and I am mentally jumping up and down at the prospect of working that word into a conversation.

    • meteor_echo

      http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsobilijDz1qii6tmo1_500.gif

      Well, he started calling me lady-friend, so I had to retaliate with something :D

  • Momma425

    I have found that having a husband has made my family complete.
    Basically, instead of having 1 child to raise while I work full time, I have two. My 4 year old, despite daycare costs, is less expensive.
    Yes, I agree, this is exactly what every woman needs. *rolls eyes*

  • Chuck

    This is why Chivarly needs to die…it’s not needed anymore!

    • rrlo

      This article is purposely provocative and blatantly states “There’s no way to be a wife, a mother and a full-time employee and still create balance.” All these ladies – with varying degrees of vehemence are arguing against that point.

      It is extremely condescending to hear that women (in general) cannot achieve balance without a man. Not only that, they cannot achieve balance even WITH a man if they have a baby.

      How far a leap do you think it is from “(All) Women want to stay home with babies” to “Women are better at staying home with babies” to “All Women are capable of doing well is stay home with babies”?

      And honestly, I don’t know what Chivalry you are referring to. Isn’t it like the code of medieval knights? If you are referring to opening doors and paying for meals, go right ahead kill that definition of Chivalry.

      But if you are referring to treating women with dignity, respect and equality – then I disagree.

  • Justme

    I don’t NEED my husband around, I WANT him around because he is my best-friend. Although I have never been in a same-sex relationship, judging from basic and universal human emotions – I would assume the same is true for lesbians in regards to their girlfriends or wives.

    My husband is not a tool or a prop or a wildly outdated stereotype of what a husband is which is propagated by terrible sitcoms. He is my equal in our relationship and in our family. The work I do around the house and the skills I bring to our home are just as important as his.

    The balance of our personalities and the division of labor in our home is not due to our genitals, but instead because of the nature of our relationship. One that has been forged from respect, trust, humor, hardship and joy – human emotions that can be found in any relationship.

    In short…please, Suzanne Venker – shut up. You’re ruining it for the rest of us.

  • http://anniedeezy.tumblr.com/ Annie
  • pixie

    I…just…no…ugh. My mom might have worked long hours and travelled a lot while I was growing up, but she’s a great mother to me and a great wife to my dad. Venker should be teleported back in time to when women had very little rights, say pre-suffrege, and see how much she enjoys being considered a non-person even though she’ll have a husband who works full time. Not being able to get her opinion, however much any rational person disagrees with it, heard because society says her opinion doesn’t matter because she’s a woman. She’s using decades of small successes towards equality to speak her views and doesn’t seem to realize the reason she’s allowed to voice her opinions on such a mass scale.

  • gothicgaelicgirl

    What utter b*****ks.
    So because I work full time and my partner doesn’t, he looks after the three kids, does that mean he’s dependant on me, financially?
    Does this mean I’m dependant on him emotionally?
    Everyone’s situation is different and I’d LOVE to see this woman come into our home and try this malarkey on us.
    I’m pretty sure my kids would glare her into submission with the all powerful stink eye!

  • MoD

    Clearly, the resolution is that men should be paid twice as much as women for the same work. Then all the women can get out of the workforce and return to the home!

    • MoD

      Downvoted? Sarcasm Fail.

  • NYBondLady

    Level-headed sage advice hijacked by many of the commenters here.
    You and your husband both work? Cool. Wife works more then husband? Cool too. Every family has their dynamic.
    But don’t go hating on men and glorifying single-motherhood because we all know that single moms don’t have it easy.
    The end goal of marriage is definitely not “financial stability,” but it’s sure as heck one of the fastest and easiest ways to get there.

    • rrlo

      I just read through the Pew research and 37% of women in the survey said that they want to work full time. And 50% of working fathers said that it is hard for them to balance work and life. How is then advice Suzanne’s advice to “rely on a man’s more linear career goals” because “man’s identity is linked to their paycheck” sage advice?

      Clearly, there are a LOT of women (37% is nothing to sneeze at) who want to work full time.
      And If 50% of working men feel that they can’t balance their life already – then, even from a man’s perspective, how is having more financial burden thrust upon them going to help with this situation?

      Suzanne V. ends with this nugget “there are fewer men these days who seem eager to be primary breadwinners. But ask yourself why, and I bet you know the answer.”

      Could it be that many men ALSO want more balance in their lives that include their children and less financial pressure? Or is it because us women are taking the plum jobs away from the men? I don’t know what conclusion we are supposed to draw…

      Basically, this article Suzanne Venker is full of old fashioned and mostly negative ideas about the women’s place in the world and she uses the Pew research article – to support her own flawed opinions. I could, honestly, write the polar opposite piece based on the same research.

  • Tea

    One of the best things my parents did (and it wasn’t much) was raise me to think that I shouldn’t go through life needing to count on someone else. I learned all of the basic skills on both sides of the gender fence, and right now, I just happen to be in a “wife” situation, with a freelance art/writing job (Gettin’ all published and stuff *smugsmugsmugdon’thatemeI’mjoking*) with a breadwinner partner. About six months ago, I was the cook, cleaner, pet snuggler, and breadwinner, while my partner was scrounging for a better job and digging himself out of depression. If we have kids, I’ll probably be the SAHD, but that’s the role I like, and I know enough in the world to pick myself up and keep going if something happened.

    I think you should be ready for anything, because you never know what life will throw at you. Partnerships dissolve, and as much as I wince to say it, accidents can happen, flexibility is the key to being able to keep going. I think work experience, the ability to change a tire, cook a meal, do laundry, do dishes, and all of the basic aspects of life should be learned and mastered by both genders, just in case you need to start using them all alone.

    • Blueathena623

      Yay for publishing! Is this recent or am I just absentminded?

    • Tea

      Recent!I’m just finishing up the editing process, and I have another book due out late next year.

  • Kelly

    If there’s no way to be a wife, mother, and full time employee then there’s no way to be a husband, father and full time employee. The end.

    Suck on that one misogynists.

  • G.E. Phillips

    “There’s no way to be a wife, a mother and a full-time employee and still create balance.”
    Exactly. This is why I’m not married. I had to make some cuts somewhere.

  • Steph S

    I chose not to give up my career when I had my daughter because it was such an integral part of WHO I was and I loved my job. My husband and both have very demanding careers (as well as a demanding toddler!). I have a lot of balance in my life. A good marriage. And my kid and I couldn’t have a better relationship. The only issue I have is lack of sleep, but who doesn’t? My husband and I were mutually attracted to each other because of our ambitions and I hope I am setting the example to my daughter that you deserve to live the life you want and not feel any pressure from gender roles or expectations. And side note — that includes if you feel happiest at home!

  • Skipper

    What is the purpose of her article? Is she imploring us women to quit working? Is she trying to get us to quit complaining? Admit that we are unhappy? Quit taking jobs from men? I just don’t get what the purpose of her generalizations is or what it has to do with my life other than now I can add one more person to my list of morons.

    ETA: she was already on this list as a contributer to Fox News, but now she has her own line.

  • SA

    GAG. Ooooh, silly me, I found a husband that works full-time, year-round and I still have to as well, I must have just married the WRONG husband. Silly women, it isn’t enough to have a man, you must find one that has a high-paying job and is a power-hungry workaholic that will INSIST that you stay home and keep his home and children. And if you are lucky enough, that man will leave your for his secretary as soon as the kids are out of the house and grown. Forget love, companionship, partnership – make sure you, too, can clean your kitchen every morning in pearls.

  • Michelle Pittman

    oh really…

  • Elisa

    People are so ignorant about feminists just like other ideologies there are different aspects, from liberal to radical feminists. Sure radical feminists hate men and believe in turning to lesbians (and they can do whatever they want) but feminists in general aren’t. Sexist and racist bigots always come up with ways to not treat the ‘non white males’ like humans

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