pineconeI’m really starting to hate pinecone crafts. Now that fall is almost over and winter is fast approaching, we are in the grips of a nationwide pinecone epidemic. Don’t believe me? Put a pinecone on it has replaced put a bird on it and they are everywhere. Look at any second grader with a jar of peanut butter, a bag of bird seed, and one of these tree…droppings.. and you will see what I mean. OK, confession, I actually have NO idea what a pinecone actually is. It’s like the cone from a pine tree. I am not sure what are good for other than making my yard look dirty. And crafts! Pinecone crafts! Lots and lots of pinecone crafts! Judging from all of these pinecone crafts I have found all over the Internetz. But it’s not just crafts, and we can’t blame only toddlers for this pineconeapocolypse.

Bird Feeders

(Image:Pinterest)

(Image:Pinterest)

This is a bird feeder? It has raisins on it. Nobody likes raisins, not even dumb birds. If you are this desperate to make  pinecone crafts you should at least add enough birdseed and raisins so no one can recognize it’s a stupid pinecone.

Pinecone Owl 

(Image: Pinterest)

(Image: Pinterest)

This is supposed to be an owl made out of a pinecone. I bet this bird doesn’t even like raisins.

Pinecone Turkeys 

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(Image: Pinterest)

For the love of everything holy, a pinecone is not a bird or a turkey or an owl. And I don’t care if this kid is thankful for his bike and his DS and food. Who does he think supplies him with all these things and the pinecone to make a stupid craft out of?

 I Don’t Even Know What These Are 

(Image: Pinterest)

(Image: Pinterest)

And even though I am a BIG fan of the goggly eyes, adding them to pinecones isn’t helping. These things look like they came out of a stop-motion Guillermo del Toro movie.

 This Pinecone Thing

(Image: Pinterest)

(Image: Pinterest)

I don’t know what this guy is either, but giving him a jaunty little acorn beret isn’t helping.

Pinecones In The Oven 

(Image: Pinterest)

(Image: Pinterest)

Nooo, no matter how long you bake these for they will never be delicious! I am just kidding, but people keep giving tutorials on how to put a mess of glitter on your pinecones and bake them in an oven and I have NO idea why because it doesn’t transform them into anything other an a pinecone with glitter on it. Hey, thanks for that! You taught us how to make pinecones even messier but putting glitter on them. Congratulations! You just made pinecones worse!

Pinecone Fairies 

(Image: Pinterest)

(Image: Pinterest)

This is a little bit too happily reminiscent of what my dog left in the yard after eating all the cat’s mushy food.

 Ummmm Another Pinecone Thing

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(Image: Pinterest)

I think I remember seeing these pinecone crafts in The Blair Witch Project.

Pinecone Tattoos 

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I wanna understand the reasoning behind this. Who says “More than anything, a pinecone symbolizes who I am as an individual so I’m going to go through a painful, lengthy process to have one permanently inked on my body.” WHO says this? WHO?

Pinecone Tiara 

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(Image: Pinterest)

I actually sort of want this one to wear to all of my holiday festivities, and I love the model’s expression. She is all “Fuck you, I have a crown on my head. Made of pinecones.” She is a million percent committed to this pinecone nonsense.

(Image: getty Images)