We’re scratching our heads along with the rest of the Internet over People Magazine’s choice of the Sexiest Man Alive, 2013. Adam Levine? Really? Â We’re experts at Mommyish. of course we are, because most of us have had kids, and in order to have the kids (well, sometimes) you need to have the sex (sometimes.) Since we’re obviously smarter than People, we though we’d compile a list of the sexiest men of the year – according to – well, us.
Um, hello? Hello? On what planet is Adam Levine sexier than this slice of amazingness?
Hello Clooney-circa-Facts-of-Life. It’s like he’s looking into our souls, screaming, “I will date models way younger than me ’til the end of time and you’ll still find me irresistable.”
We can’t be the only ones who find Peter swoony.
Any Man Who Brings Us Food
Who knows if the Kraft Zesty Italian guy can really cook? Who cares. There is an added bonus with this one in that he pissed offÂ One Million Moms.
Thor, When Holding A Baby
Chris Hemsworth is hot – but only when he’s holding a baby, says Eve Vawter. You take away the baby and he is just another lunkhead in a tight T-shirt.
We love bearded, Western-y Common.
Anson MountÂ , akaÂ The Main Guy In Hell On WheelsÂ
We’ve never even seen this show but who cares?
The Polar Opposite Of This Guy
The Gevalia Caffe guy haunts Maria Guido‘s dreams. Something about his hair and beige lipstick. So, the polar opposite of this guy.
He drinks. He swears. He smokes. And he has the best job in the universe. Dreamy. Plus, he may possibly make us food, so bonus.
This was also Eve’s choice, and if we are at the point where even a cartoon is sexier than Adam Levine, what does that tell you? IT TELLS YOU THAT THIS IS HOW YOU GET ANTS.