The Sexiest Man Alive – According To Mommyish

We’re scratching our heads along with the rest of the Internet over People Magazine’s choice of the Sexiest Man Alive, 2013. Adam Levine? Really?  We’re experts at Mommyish. of course we are, because most of us have had kids, and in order to have the kids (well, sometimes) you need to have the sex (sometimes.) Since we’re obviously smarter than People, we though we’d compile a list of the sexiest men of the year – according to – well, us.

Idris Elba

AFI FEST 2013 Presented By Audi Premiere Of The Weinstein Company's "Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom" - Arrivals

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Um, hello? Hello? On what planet is Adam Levine sexier than this slice of amazingness?

George Clooney

The Facts of Life

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Hello Clooney-circa-Facts-of-Life. It’s like he’s looking into our souls, screaming, “I will date models way younger than me ’til the end of time and you’ll still find me irresistable.”

Peter Dinklage

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We can’t be the only ones who find Peter swoony.

Any Man Who Brings Us Food

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Kraft

Who knows if the Kraft Zesty Italian guy can really cook? Who cares. There is an added bonus with this one in that he pissed off One Million Moms.

Thor, When Holding A Baby

Chris Hemsworth, Elsa Pataky and Daughter India Rose Sighting In Madrid - July 02, 2012

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Chris Hemsworth is hot – but only when he’s holding a baby, says Eve Vawter. You take away the baby and he is just another lunkhead in a tight T-shirt.

Common

Elam

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We love bearded, Western-y Common.

Anson Mount , aka The Main Guy In Hell On Wheels 

Cullen

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We’ve never even seen this show but who cares?

The Polar Opposite Of This Guy

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The Gevalia Caffe guy haunts Maria Guido‘s dreams. Something about his hair and beige lipstick. So, the polar opposite of this guy.

Anthony Bourdain

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He drinks. He swears. He smokes. And he has the best job in the universe. Dreamy. Plus, he may possibly make us food, so bonus.

Sterling Archer 

This was also Eve’s choice, and if we are at the point where even a cartoon is sexier than Adam Levine, what does that tell you? IT TELLS YOU THAT THIS IS HOW YOU GET ANTS.

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    • Annona

      Mmmm…Anthony Bourdain. Actually, all these guys are way sexier than Adam Levine. The guy selling papers on the corner is sexier than Adam Levine. Can I get a vote in for Patrick Stewart? Well, and Johnny Depp, but that’s a given.

      • Sara610

        Oh, Patrick Stewart……YES. So sexy.

    • CMJ

      I second your Idris Alba and add an Aaron Tveit in…cause, you know…showtune singing men just get me…..
      http://25.media.tumblr.com/59d33dad893d2fe195153dd7955c97fb/tumblr_mt4v5a0IKH1rhhvxmo1_500.gif

    • cesp

      Yup, Peter Dinklage was by far the sexiest guy on Nip Tuck.

      • FaintlyXMacabre

        Peter Dinklage is dreamy fo da rizz.

      • zeisel

        I haven’t seen Nip Tuck, but I’ll make a safe assumption and agree with you.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      Oh Idris how I love you so. But I have to admit that I wouldn’t kick Adam’s skinny butt out of bed, although he probably would make us listen to Maroon 5 while we had sex.

      • Kay_Sue

        And he’d probably sing along, and I (for one) probably still wouldn’t care…

      • Ptownsteveschick

        Oh yeah he totally is going to sing a long.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Common on Sesame Street is hawt…

    • NicknamesAreDull

      My husband hasn’t been allowed to grow facial hair in so long, it kinda weirds me out to see men with facial hair. *sigh*

      • Alanna Jorgensen

        I feel your pain! My guy hasn’t been allowed his goatee that I loved so much. It makes me want to write a grumpy email to his boss.

      • NicknamesAreDull

        He has to be clean shaven, because a gas mask can’t form a seal with facial hair, and regulations.

    • I’d hit them all, not with car
      • G.E. Phillips

        Robert Downy, Jr. How could I forget????

      • Sara610

        Oh good Lord, yes.

      • Simone

        thank you …..

    • Ana

      I vote for Tom Hardy. And yes, Adam Levine is the worst. I liked the one quote I read somewhere that he looks like a walking can of Axe body spray.

      • Rachelxoxo

        Yes yes yes!!! I’ve always thought that my man kinda looks like Tom Hardy (esp as Bane in batman) which is why I love him so much lol Tom Hardy should def be on the list!

      • Ashley Feit

        Yes!! Have you seen “This Means War”? It’s a total guilty pleasure movie, but Chris Pine and Tom Hardy make a tasty man sandwich . . . that sounds wrong.

        I regret nothing!!

      • Ana

        Yes, that movie is terrible, but their handsome faces make it worth watching. If you haven’t seen Lawless you must. Tom has a sexy southern accent.

    • Tinyfaeri

      I agree with your list, and I’d add Tristan MacManus from Dancing with the Stars – if the Irish accent and the fact that he’s rather attractive aren’t enough, he seems like such a sweet guy.

      • brebay

        If we’re going DWTS, I have to go with Val. Or at least Val and Tristan…

    • AmazingE

      I love you guys, but how did Norman Reedus holding a baby not make this list? Way hotter than Thor holding a baby, if you ask me.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        Never knew his name – and yes, you are correct. Super hot.

    • http://carrie-murphy.com/ Carrie Murphy

      Anson Mount aka Cullen Bohannan can seriously get it. I’d go in the back of a wagon with him anytime.

    • Sara610

      Louis CK. Oh my God, what is it about him (other than the fact that he’s funny as all hell) that’s SO SEXY?!

      Or am I the only one who thinks that? Maybe I’m the only one……

      • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

        Ummmm nope. We need to add him!

      • Ptownsteveschick

        Nope, totally me too. I can’t get over it.

      • Julia Sonenshein

        I’m with you on this!

    • cesp

      Oh, and all the guys on Walking Dead.

      • chickadee

        Glenn. Always Glenn.

    • G.E. Phillips

      Idris Elba is unbelievably sexy. I’m also a fan of the very obvious Ryan Gosling and Chris Evans. But–and I get that this is a bit weird—my big celebrity crush is Bobby Moynihan from SNL. So snuggly.

      • Ptownsteveschick

        I have a weirdly lustful crush on Louis C.K. so I understand.

      • G.E. Phillips

        Funny=HOT

    • Karin

      Jeremy Renner…have they not seen “The Avengers” or “The Bourne Legacy”???

    • Mikster

      Joe Manganiella. Nuff said.

    • Alicia Kiner

      I have to add Matt Boomer. The man is gorgeous.

    • Rachelxoxo

      I think Adam Levine is so UN-sexy because he’s not genuine. He’s covered in tattoos and wears bad boy type clothes, but then sings corporate bs songs about fairytales and standing in the rain??? What makes men sexy is not so much about their looks (although they definitely help) but it’s their confidence, power, and self assured personality. Am I right?

      • Shelly Lloyd

        I want to up vote this a million times.

    • brebay

      No Don Draper?

    • Stef
      • keelhaulrose

        I was scrolling down to see if someone pointed him out. How is there a sexy list without him on it?

    • keelhaulrose

      Tom Mison. There is nothing wrong with that man.

      • Simone

        OMG where did you find THAT? That man should LIVE in my bedroom….

      • keelhaulrose

        Sleepy Hallow on Fox. 1700s chivalry wrapped up with a sexy British accent.

        I’m not lying. There’s NOTHING wrong with that man.

      • Kay_Sue

        And that accent…yes, when men like this exist, Adam Levine should never be close to the Sexiest Man Alive.

      • Shelly Lloyd

        Am I the only one who wants Crane to ditch his wife and hook up with Abbie?

      • keelhaulrose

        Guilty, though the ship name leans towards ‘Crabbie’, so we have to work on that.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        Wow.

    • chickadee

      Did we not see “Wolverine” this summer, people? Hugh Jackman is always and always.

      • Shelly Lloyd

        AMEN! I do not even like comic book/super hero movies, but I have watch all the X-men movies because he is so drool worthy.

    • Simone

      Dinklage!!!!

      • Simone

        Or is anyone else up for a bit of Rufus Sewell?

    • Julia Sonenshein

      Idris Elba can get it any day any way.

    • Alanna Jorgensen

      Give me Loki over Thor any day. New Thor movie spoiler alert: the sexiest part of that movie was Loki reading nonchalantly in his cell while there was a battle raging just outside.

      • keelhaulrose

        That part was awesome, and swoon-worthy.

    • pixie

      I’ve always had a thing for Johnny Depp. Like young, slightly creepy, Edward Scissorhands/Sleepy Hallow Johnny Depp. And Viggo Mortensen à la Aragorn.
      But mmm Thor and men who bring food and Peter Dinklage in his adorableness.

      • zeisel

        Yes, someone mentioned Viggo Mortensen- I’ve always had a thing for him and think he’s a great actor. I just watched a 90′s movie he was in on NF with Diane Lane- A Walk on the Moon. I almost lost it- I’ve never thought he could get any sexier and then- BOOOOOOOOOM.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      Your list needs to be a bit more rugged: http://dorkshelf.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/seanbean1.jpg

      Also what about Mike Rowe? He is fairly near the top of my top 10 sexiest men ever.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      My daughter would like to submit her short list of sexiest men:
      David Tennant, Benedict Cumberbatch and Alan Jackson.

      • chickadee

        Except for that last name, your daughter sounds like my daughter. Except add almost everyone else on this list…. I think BC looks like an alien, myself. But David Tennant is my boyfriend.

      • LiteBrite

        I was with some friends one night, and I accidentally called the second one Benderdick. So that’s how he’s known to us now.

        He’s still hot though.

    • Kay_Sue

      He may be playing a dwarf currently, but don’t let that fool you.

      I submit, ladies, for your viewing pleasure…Richard Armitage. Should definitely have been a contender!!!

      http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0035514/

      • LiteBrite

        True dat!

      • Alanna Jorgensen

        Oh my, yes! He makes dwarves sexy! I never even thought that was possible.

    • Katia

      Pharrell is absolutely my #1 sma this year! I fell hard!
      Also just noticed that Chris Martin is really sexy and cute, both looks and mannerisms.

    • Ddaisy

      Ian Somerhalder or Jesse Williams. I have a weakness for icy-blue eyes!

    • NYBondLady

      Ditto on Anthony Bourdain.
      Can’t get past the Family Guy segment that makes fun of Adam Levine’s high voice.

    • meteor_echo

      Jeremy Wade, the guy from River Monsters. He’s badass and pretty damn hot, too.

    • alice

      i feel like i’m doing something illegal by liking him so much, but: alex pettyfer

      http://lovebookreviews.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/alex-pettyfer-girlfriend.jpg

    • LadyClodia

      While I agree that most of these guys are super sexy, my top picks are not here, but have been mentioned in the comments: Tom Hiddleston and RDJ!

      I just got a weird suspicion that my husband might be trying to become the Gevalia guy…it’s “have a cup of Johan(n)” which is his name, and he was amused about that. Plus he’s been growing his hair out, but it’s a few shades darker so light brown and no nude lipstick yet. Obviously my husband is sexy, though.

    • LiteBrite

      So many men. Not enough space to list them.

    • Tea

      I am so glad I’m not the only person to think Peter Dinklage is gorgeous. I let that one slip after a few ciders and I’m still getting teased.

      Also, Benedict Cumberbatch, as long as he’s talking an in a coat, or else he just looks like a ferret/Chris Berry.

      Granted, I think Christopher Lee (Yes 90-something year old sexy grandpa dracula) is hot. I’m not a good judge of most things sexy.

    • Renee J

      Mmm, Peter Dinklage.

    • Ashley Feit

      This list is PERFECT, reminding me how hot Idris Elba and Peter Dinklage are! And that panty dropping pic of Chris Hemsworth just made me spontaneously ovulate. Oh and Sterling Archer!! Eve and I can share him. Sploosh.

    • Kasey

      Charlie Hunnam and Timothy Olyphant….The reasons I watch Sons of Anarchy and Justified with my boyfriend.

    • zeisel

      I agree with these lists- completely! BUT you should have added 5 more: Viggo Mortensen… okay, I’m just going to stop right there, because I will keep adding another 5 after that.. the list could simply go on. I hope my husband never knows my disqus ID

    • Drea

      Can we add Jeffrey Dean Morgan? Pretty please? I would also say Gordon Ramsay, but he would fall under “Men who cook for us”

    • HS

      You hush your mouth about Thor!! He is NOT a lunkhead, baby or no!