• Thu, Nov 21 - 4:00 pm ET

10 Hilarious Detention Slips You’d Have A Hard Time Signing With A Straight Face

When I was in the 5th grade, my teacher told me that I couldn’t play baseball because it was a “boy sport.” I screamed, “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!” and promptly marched off the field and all the way home.

When I got home to my mother, I nervously relayed my story of recess inequality. She said, “That’s bullshit,” and let me watch Days of our Lives with her.

Of course I hope neither of my children are ever suspended – but if they are, I hope they disobey with the flair that these kids did.

 

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The kid appreciates this exquisite wood. You can hardly get mad at that.

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Technically, he is right.

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It’s a classic joke, really. Who can resist a good “that’s what she said” moment?

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Sorry, I love a kid with a healthy sense of self. I once showed my 2 year old a picture of himself and asked, “Do you know who this is?” to which he replied, “Ironman.”

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Okay, this one scares me a little.

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You are not magical like me, stupid teacher. Nor do you have my superior magical blood. Be gone, commoner.

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I have to admit I like this kid’s revolutionary spirit.

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This little girl is my soul mate. I used to sneak-read books in class all the time. You are in trouble FOR READING A BOOK!

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Please see to it that you teach your son to blindly follow authority – even when wrong.  Um, no. Sorry teacher dude.

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I don’t know if I could be mad at this – everyone loves pictures of cats. Billions of Internet users can’t be wrong.

Share This Post:
  • Alexandra

    I just LOL’d SO HARD I want these to never end!!!!! :)

  • LiteBrite

    The next time one of my coworkers tries to interrupt me while I”m eating my sandwich during lunch at my desk, I’m going to throw it at them and yell “YOLO.”

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      I totally want to do that in life, too.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Part of me hears Joey from Friends in my head and is just appalled that you would abuse an innocent sandwich in such a cavalier manner.

    • LiteBrite

      Well, I had leftover pizza today for lunch. Can I throw pizza?

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Ugh, I tried to answer with the perfect GIF of him screaming about not sharing (in this case throwing) food, and I just can’t make it work. The shame.

    • Guest
    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Exactly! You are awesome!

      Now pretend he’s saying “throw” and it’s perfect for this situation.

    • Guest

      haha, and apparently I’m having trouble posting replies. See my reply…um…up there.

    • Guest

      I had a heck of a time getting it to post, myself. And in a perfect
      world, I would have found the gif where he protects his sandwich (and
      not Ross) from getting “shot” when Phoebe’s cop boyfriend’s car
      backfires.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Holy crap, I forgot about that. That would have been perfect too. So many Joey and food moments!

  • Lee

    The one about not challenging the teacher even when wrong makes me feel a little stabby.

    • brebay

      Had a teacher send me to the office for that in middle school, when I corrected her that M.A.S.H. was about Korea, not Vietnam.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    Oh man….these are almost making me miss high school, just for the ridiculous crap my fellow students would try to get away with and how hilariously teachers would respond sometimes.

  • elle

    Am I the only one whose high school didn’t do detention? But I could never sign these slips with a straight face I would be cracking up…..except the Jesus one which I’m kind of terrified of.

    • Momma425

      What did they do when people got into trouble?
      I got detention one time- a kid in my class asked to borrow a rubber band from my braces, and then promptly shot it across the class and hit the teacher in the butt. Nobody from my corner would tell her who did it, so all six of us got detention. Haha

    • elle

      Send them to another classroom for the rest of the period to sit in the back or the principals office if things escalated then in school suspension or regular suspension.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      We never had detention that I know of. I think it was a system of warnings/stuff taken away (like cell phones or inappropriate clothes) until you got suspended.

    • blh

      We had saturday school, which was pure hell.

  • Annona

    I once got “blocking another student’s way in a sexually harassing manner” for sticking my feet out into the walkway between desks and making a “baaaa” sound at my friend Goat. (His real name was Billy. We always “baa-ed” at him. It was stupid, but he thought it was funny. For some reason, our math teacher took livestock sounds as sexual. I always wondered about that guy.)

  • AP

    My husband once got detention for hissing like an alligator.

    I once got a parent-teacher conference called because I described mold as “slimy” during a science unit, and my teacher said that it was a “toilet word unacceptable for the classroom.”

  • CrazyFor Kate

    The first one’s a Hunger Games reference…so I’m afraid he’s not the furniture enthusiast you’d think. As a teacher, this list cracks me up. I wish my students were this creative.

    • brebay

      Okay, it makes a bit more sense now.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      Oh. Boo. I like my version better!

    • Athena A

      Haha yea I caught that too, so much funnier when you get the reference.

  • Momma425

    “Accept my teachings without defiance.”
    Not gonna lie, that letter would be referred to the principal, and that teacher would be having a conference with ME, my child, and the principal that would end with her not going to detention, that teacher apologizing to me for wasting my time, and to my child.

    Also, I’m throwing a sandwich at dinner tonight. YOLO!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Or you could try reasoning with the teacher a little bit first.

    • moonie27

      No, the principal should know about that. It’s unacceptable to think it’s okay to teach children something that is bluntly wrong – and if a student contradicts you multiple times, maybe 30 secs on Google wouldn’t be a terrible thing.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I agree a principal should know, if the teacher refuses to change the detention. But this commenter is acting like the teacher doesn’t even deserve a phone call first. How do you know the teacher wouldn’t be like, “I didn’t think of it that way; you’re right” and change their mind. I actually have a couple of times.

      This culture we have of EVERY single mistake a teacher makes, going straight to the boss instead of them first, is very rude. Give them a chance. Ask a question. Make a phone call. A CHANCE is treating them like a human being. Reporting them to the boss ends up in their file. If an employee in a store is rude to me, I will call them out on it to their face. Then, if they continue to be rude, I would speak to the manager. I don’t jump straight to reporting them.

    • moonie27

      It’s a little different, when an employee is rude and a teacher telling your kid it’s more important that he obey than be correct in the subject matter. There are some things you shouldn’t take to the principal but this isn’t one of them. I might talk to the teacher first but the principal would hear about it either way.

      (And there are some things a customer service person could say that would warrant directly escalating to the manager.)

      I don’t expect perfection from teachers; I do expect them to not actively discourage independent thinking in their students.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Again. Most teachers aren’t stupid, nor are they purposefully mean.They DO however make mistakes. Mistakes they are often willing to recant. AND a student old enough to be learning this subject material is also old enough to contradict the teacher in a respectful way that is not in front of the entire class. Then, the teacher is free to bring it back up and say, “Hey guys, I looked into it, and I was wrong.” I have actually done that in my class. You know why? Because I’m human. Yes, I think that letter the teacher sent home is stupid. BUT if you’ll relook at it, you can see where the student’s handling of the situation caused a near revolt, which can be a dicey subject for a teacher. If you let them disrespect you openly, they do not listen for the remainder of the year. And word gets around and your class the next year knows before they even get in your room that you are not worth listening to. I don’t know that the teacher is trying to discourage active thinking so much as complete and utter disrespect and chaos. I just do not understand this climate of “I’m going to go straight over you to your boss before I even give you a chance.” What if the letter is just poorly worded?

      Plus, I have given a lot of detentions; I’ve never typed a personal letter and sent it home. They usually are on forms. I’m suspicious this one is even real.

    • moonie27

      There’s a difference between “hey, your student needs to talk to me more respectfully in class” which I would’ve been cool with and “your kid needs to never contradict me, even when I’m wrong,” which is what this teacher is saying. I doubt it was bad wording, and even if it was, it’s not an acceptable mistake. (And honestly, it sounds like the teacher just told the kid they were wrong over and over again when the kid knew they were right. I have been in that situation as a kid and it sucks and it’s a terrible way for the teacher to teach.)

      Most of the time, I talk to someone before talking to their boss. I rarely escalate. But on this one, even if I did talk to the teacher first, I would talk to the principal. That is just unacceptable as a one-off and if it’s a pattern in the teaching, the only way the principal is going to know is if people consistently report.

    • Ennis Demeter

      It was from 1994, but you are correct in spirit.

    • rachelxoxoxo

      That letter is well known hoax.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      AH! Thank you! I suspected as much!

    • Ennis Demeter

      Me too! It’s too on the nose.

  • once upon a time

    The second last one made me sad, but it also reminded me of that Orson Scott Card novel, which made me even sadder :( What happened Orson Scott Card, who hurt you so bad?

    • Simone

      Orson! Ender’s Game… I hear they’ve made it into a movie which I will never ever see. Because there is no way it could be as good as the book.

    • simpleton

      It was actually really good, and that book is a classic in our house

    • ElleJai

      Just letting you all know that Orson Scott Card is a homophobic bigot. I loved his books until I found out that he was actively campaigning against homosexuality and now I can’t read anything of his ever again :(

      As for the movie, I won’t be watching because I don’t want to give him any more of my money.

  • brebay

    When my son was 2 & 1/2 he was at a daycare I later realized was run by a moron (girl toys on one side of the room, boy toys on the other, told my son his favorite color (yellow) was a girl color) Aaaaaanyway….I came to pick him up one day and she was all flustered. “He’s not listening at all and refusing to do what I ask him.” I look and he’s sitting there reading a book. “What did he do?” I asked . “They’re supposed to be sitting down watching a movie and he won’t stop reading books.” mmmmmkay. In the car he asked me if he was in trouble. “I don’t know, I guess you’re grounded until we pull into the driveway.” Kid bawled all the way home sobbing “I’m in trouble!”…he never did get my dry humor…

  • Allyson_et_al

    I once got detention for calling a teacher “ma’am”. My mom was southern and raised me to call adults “ma’am” and “sir”, but the teacher thought I was being sarcastic.

    • Courtney Lynn

      I’m southern, too. We would get in trouble sometimes for NOT saying it. Can’t win, huh?

  • kris

    One day my son told his best friend not to download the No app on his ipad because it said Hell No. One of his classmates ran to the teacher and told her he had said hell. He got sent home with a note about his inappropriate use of language. One, this annoyed me because he was trying to avoid his friend using an app that said hell, and the other, because we are a non-christian household, and hell is not a bad word in our house. As a response to the teachers note, which I was to sign, I put a note in about how in our house, hell was not a bad word, hell was a location in a set of stories of myths. She was very shocked by my answer and actually wrote back that I need to train my son how to behave in a predominately Christian society.

    • Lindsey Sweet

      Wow! That’s crazy! I would’ve been pretty upset about that!

  • S

    I once got detention because while playing during recess I came across a student sitting on the steps of one of the portables. I asked him why he was sitting there and he wouldn’t answer me. I tried again and the teacher came out, got mad at me for talking to the student who student who was in detention, then gave me detention. Apparently I should have known. I still think it was a bullshit reason to give me detention.

  • Teach`

    Let me preface this with, I am a teacher.

    1. I would have laughed. And applauded the Hunger Games reference.

    2. I would have given a detention for YOLO. I hate yolo and swag. I have docked marks for #yolo and #swag written on assignments. Mostly in jest

    3. I made a “that’s what she said” joke under my breath… in my grade 12 classroom

    4. I would have laughed

    5. Jesus one – nope, that would have been a detention – for hitting someone

    6. My students were talking about changing schools and one of them said that he was going to Hogwarts and then called me a muggle – to which I replied, you don’t know that I didn’t go to Hogwarts when I was your age, but you are too old now to go, so do your work. And then he replied, “(First Name), you’re a wizard” – because he knows that I hate when he uses my first name.

    7. I seriously would have had a hard time writing that out.

    8. Yes, my children read!!

    9. Kilometer teacher – STFU. Your job is not to make them conform, but to make them think, question and experience critical thought. You jackass!!!

    10. Seriously, yes – the internet. I am the worst for getting distracted in the computer lab. I give them heck for doing inward gazing things – like facebook and twitter, but if they go out and find new things – then, it’s not time wasting. Like histagram

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Re #3 – there’s also that moment when someone makes a remark, and a “that’s what she said” needs to be said, but you can’t say it in front of your students…and then one of your students jumps in and says it instead. Thank you, student.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Or when one of them is being a jerk or asking something that you just answered and the other kids call them out for it. That’s my favorite thing ever. Where I know I need to say, “Hey, don’t yell at _____” but I have a hard time doing so because *I* wanted to yell at ____.

  • aliceblue

    That Jesus one gives a new meaning to “Bible thumper.” I was the reading kid. While I agree that a kid should not call a teacher a liar, when you are so wrong I can see why the kid was upset. I’m not sure if it is more embarrassing that the teacher made the mistake or that he was so willing to put his stupidity in writing.

  • Vicki

    Did anyone else notice the kilometre vs mile one was dated 1994? They saved that because it was worth saving! Hahaha.

  • http://ultimatemamacat.tumblr.com/ Hana Graham

    “disturbing other classmates with cat pictures during class”. That is the best…I can’t…I can’t even. I’ve lost my ability to even. I WOULD BE SUCH A PROUD MAMA.

  • Justme

    If one of my students correctly referenced Harry Potter or The Hunger Games in a quick-witted manner, I would give them chocolate and a high-five….not a detention.

  • My2bits

    I really want to believe the “accepting my teaching without resistance” one is fake.

  • Joy

    I once sent a kid to detention for making two wooden art mannequins hump each other and it was SO HARD to keep a straight face. Ditto the time I gave a kid detention after intercepting a note that said “Mrs. _____ (me) has a nice can.” Oh, middle school.

    • aliceblue

      Middle school? God (or the deity or non-deity of your choice) bless you. :) My mother taught for years from grade 3- jr. college. M.S. was her least favorit (she love H.S). and described M.S kids as “nothing but vocal cords and hormones.”

  • Kay_Sue

    YOLO is incorrect. You live every day. You only die once.

    Except in case of zombie apocalypse.

  • Nicole

    That first one is a reference to Effie Trinket in the Hunger Games… and I’ve been known to shout the same thing to students in my class….. :)

  • coco robbins

    My daughter got an office referral in 2nd grade for taking off her flip flop and slapping a boy in the face. Apparently he was bothering her. I couldn’t really be mad at her. I thought it was hilarious.

    • Courtney Lynn

      I laughed! The visual is fucking hilarious.

  • Stacey

    When I was in kindergarten, one day the principal was in our room helping to pass out snack. A bunch of us were asking for help with one thing or another and she told us, “Just a minute. I’ve only got two hands.” To which I replied a bit loudly, “You sound like my mom.” Fortunately Sister Bernita was amused.

  • moonie27

    One time I had a physics teacher who insisted that the weighted average of 10 and 12 was 3. It was the answer for a test question and when a full half of the class was up arguing with her at her desk, she said, and I quote, “You don’t understand. It’s physics, not math.”

    Then we finally talked her into going to see the calculus teacher and when she came back realizing that we had the correct answer and she was wrong, she defensively said it was a mistake anyone could have made.

    NO! ANYONE WITH A 5th GRADE UNDERSTANDING OF MATH COULD TELL YOU THAT WAS AN IMPOSSIBLE ANSWER.

  • Courtney Lynn

    I used to read books under my desk! And I got caught more than once. Never punished for it, though. In fact, one teacher laughed and said she used to do the same thing. She didn’t even ask me to put it up. Loved that lady!

    And is it just me, or are most of these not really detention-worthy? With the exception of the YOLO kid and Michael Scott, Jr. While they’re funny, you can’t deny they’re inappropriate. As far as Mr. Kilometer is concerned, geez, perhaps the kid would be better off saying to him, “Heil, Herr Teacher”? Damn.