• Mon, Nov 18 - 12:00 pm ET

The 9 Types Of Special Snowflake Children Who Aren’t Special At All

200264191-001Most of us just have average kids. They get decent grades, they are somewhat attractive, they have good days and days where we consider leaving them on the side of the road. On occasion they act in exceptional ways, and they surprise us by how insightful, caring, or funny small humans can be. I’m cool with that, you’re probably cool with that, but do you know who isn’t cool with that? Any parent that you dare suggest that their kid is “average” to. And most of us don’t, because as soon as one of the special snowflakes’ moms goes on their diatribe about how special their little spawn actually is, our eyes sort of glaze over and we start calculating the price of buy-one-get-one-free butter on sale this week, and whether or not you can actually freeze butter or if it gets weird. These special snowflake children are nowhere near as annoying as their parents are. What are the most common types of special snowflake kids? Why, I’m so glad you asked.

The Early Achiever
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This baby does everything first. Rolls over first, holds its head up first, crawls first, says its first words first. It doesn’t matter if you just wanted to casually mention how your baby has started eating solids, this mom will tell you her kid has been doing it for months.

The Exceptionally Beautiful Child 

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This baby probably just looks like a baby to you and me, but according to their parent this baby is the most beautiful baby of all time, and casting agents are always stopping this parent to exclaim “Your child should really model.” Keep in mind, these are probably those same “agents” who have a kiosk in the mall and who will charge parents a few hundred bucks so their kids can attend “modeling school” but this parents takes all this talk of how gorgeous their kid is seriously. They will enter every “beautiful baby” Internet contest and demand you vote for their dumb looking kid on your Facebook page.

 The Painfully Shy Child 

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Yes, there are kids who are actually painfully shy. Greeting adults or interacting with other kids is difficult for them. These are not those children. These are the children of parents who refuse to acknowledge the fact their kid is actually rude and just doesn’t feel like displaying decent manners. This kid is totally “shy” in the sense they are a sneaky little monster who will get your kid into all sorts of trouble. The parents use the “painfully shy” label in order to excuse everything from not saying hello to why their kid opened three two-liter bottles of soda in your garage after they had shaken them up. They did it because they are PAINFULLY SHY.

The Baby Einstein 

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Everything this kid does is brilliant to their parents, and they are pretty positive they are “exceptional” or “gifted” because they are amazing at playing with the Bubble Guppies app on the iPad. They will get all excited when you are with their older baby and say things like OK spell cat and when their kid says something instead like Car you are expected to be amazed. The parents who give birth to these special snowflakes are the same sorts of parents who schedule a meeting with the principal if their kid gets an ‘B+” on a science quiz in middle school.

 Mama Or Dada’s Lil’ Athlete 

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This kid has been taught from a very early age that they will be reliving their parent’s college football career or tennis career or track records. Their parents casually drop into every conversation how “excited” their six-month-old gets when the game is on and show you many a photograph of them wearing a matching jersey with other family members. They also may be trying to start a pee-wee team for three-year-olds.

The Little Gentleman

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Or princess. This kid doesn’t do anything except be a normal kid, except their dumb parent usually totally overdresses them for any playdate and has taught them how to say “Thank you.” When their kid does say “Thank you” their parent will exclaim they are such a little gentleman, in case you forget to mention how incredible it is that their five-year-old in a two hundred dollar sweater said thank you. 

 The Free Spirit

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This kid is totally destructive and usually throws toys, food, and small household pets. But it’s OK, it’s not that they are lacking discipline, they are just a free spirit.

The Allergic To Everything Kid 

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I’m not talking about kids who have a doctor diagnosed allergy to things like certain foods or bee stings and all that. I’m talking about the kids who have parents who give a long list of everything single thing their child cannot come in contact with, including the color yellow. Because their kid is allergic to yellow. Allergies are a real and serious issue, parents who decide to MĂźnchosen their kids are a different issue.

 Daddy’s Girl Or Mommy’s Boy 

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Most kids go through a phase where they seem to have a preference to one parent over the other. This doesn’t mean your kid is special, it just means that the parent they are liking more at any given moment is usually the one who said yes when the other parent said no.

(Images: getty images)

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  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    I’m so thrilled my kid is average. It seems like the least stressful thing really.

    • Kelly

      Yes! There isn’t one thing my kids are the best at and I’m so grateful for it.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Replying to myself because I do want to admit that my wife and I totally go all batshit about our kid when she’s not around and no one else is listening (i.e. “ok but she really is the prettiest kid ever, right?” “I can’t believe how smart she is. We’re the best parents ever, obviously”). It’s tongue-in-cheek but I do think it helps us curb any of that shit when we’re around other people. It’s one of the (many) things I think must be hard about being a solo parent – not having anyone to gush with.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      OH exactly! I think every parent does that in the privacy of their homes, which is awesome and normal and we love our kids, of course they are the best, it’s the parents who do it in public with people they aren’t partnered or related to that freak me out

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      I hope every parent does that at least sometimes!
      But yes, I’m with you. It’s the public gushing – especially around other parents – that’s irritating.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      Oh yeah, we totally do this. “Oh aren’t you so glad she will eat all kinds of food! Yay for not raising a picky eater! She is just too smart, she remembers what our house looks like! I love how her eyes have two different colors in them! Most awesome child ever!”

    • FaintlyXMacabre

      how can your child be the prettiest when mine is? Also, self-congratulatory back-patting circle jerks with spouse FTW. I think I like you!

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      Every night my husband and I brag with total abandon to each other about the pure awesomeness that is our baby. If anyone heard us, they’d think we were assholes.

  • Alexandra

    Funny thing, as a kid I was allergic to orange fruits and vegetables…

    • ted3553

      Ha. I was allergic to fish and porridge until I was about 13 as well.

    • Alexandra

      Yeah I had a few allergies. They went away when I was about 4 or 5, and now I have different ones that only developed when I was ~18.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      People always look at me funny when I tell them that yes, you CAN develop allergies. I developed lactose intolerance in my teens that put a sad, sad end to my love affair with cheese.

    • Alexandra

      Lactose intolerance isn’t an allergy though! It’s a lack of lactase enzyme that causes an inability to properly digest dairy products! But yes. You aren’t born with allergies, you develop them!

  • Elizabeth Mangum

    Do I count as a crazy aunt?
    BTW, Land ‘o Lakes says you can freeze butter up to four months!
    http://www.landolakes.com/TestKitchen/TipsandTechniques/FAQ#Butter

  • cesp

    It’s like how most people will rate themselves as a seven or eight on a “1-10 attractiveness scale”. Seriously, a majority of people can’t be above average. That’s just not how math works. Admit that your more likely a solid 5 at best and move on with your life.

    • Megan Zander

      Nominating this for weekly round up of best comment.

    • JLH1986

      For what it’s worth, I second this.

    • LiteBrite

      Can I at least give myself a 5 1/2? :)

    • G.E. Phillips

      OMG, me too. When I was younger I was like an 8 and now I’m like a 4, so when asked, I go with the average of the two, lol.

    • meteor_echo

      I honestly think that this scale is the dumbest thing ever. People (especially men) who measure other people’s attractiveness by this scale aren’t even a zero, they just fall off any charts entirely.

  • pixie

    I may have been up and running at 9 months, but if you compared when I started to talk to some “early achievers”, I’d look slow in comparison. I didn’t talk until I was nearly two. It wasn’t because I was developmentally delayed, I just didn’t feel the need to talk. I understood everything, but kept quiet. Until I went for my first plane ride, which then I guess I decided was worth talking about. Yay for being average!

  • kay

    One of the moms at my moms groups legit said her baby was “smarter than other babies”. Because it wouldn’t take a pacifier. It was “too smart” for those. All the babies who take pacifiers do it because they’re too dumb to know they aren’t mommy’s nipple. SHE WAS SERIOUS. Wtf.

    • afinecupoftea

      Oh, good Lord.

  • Megan Zander

    Love this, but, Eve, where are we on the whole “can you freeze butter” thing?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      It has been confirmed that yes, we can freeze butter for up to 4 months according to Elizabeth below!

    • guest

      I’ve frozen butter for probably longer than that with no problem. It really keeps well.

  • brebay

    I’m just waiting for one of these kids to put “peed on the potty at 13 months” on a resume…you know it’s coming…

  • keelhaulrose

    I met a “little gentleman” once. The mom actually said “isn’t he so polite?” I admit, in one of my not-best moments my reply was “I didn’t know teaching them manners was something special now.” I didn’t know that glare was polite, either.
    Seriously, part of being a parent is teaching your kids to be a functioning member of society, part of which is being polite.

    • Roberta

      Seriously. At work we put a major emphasis on manners, because it is just polite and with luck you can get them in the habit for life. But some of the parents just won’t teach there kids to say “please” or “thank you”. A few of the ones that do act as if they taught their children how to bow and invite a duchess to a waltz.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Looooooooooool.

    • AP

      When I supervised a kids’ program, so few kids had mastered base manners (ex: asking permission to see if something unusual was allowed, cleaning up after themselves, saying “Please” and “Thank You,”) that I usually showered any kid who did with exceptional praise and thanked them profusely for being so polite and helpful, and made sure to tell their parents how polite and helpful their kids were. The parents usually had no idea how rare manners were.

    • Sara610

      Well, that’s the problem, isn’t it? The kids who behave like spoiled, ill-mannered brats are excused because “kids will be kids!” and their parents think that’s just how kids are.

      Meanwhile, the kids whose parents teach them manners (because you know, that’s what you’re supposed to do) don’t make a big deal out of it because they think that’s how everyone behaves, and because the teacher/parent/whomever is usually busy dealing with the Special Snowflakes, the good behavior gets lost in the shuffle.

    • FaintlyXMacabre

      OK, so once I was at a playground and I did meet a little tiny gentleman, and I even congratulated the dad on how robotically well mannered the young man was. He looked me in the eye and was like, “That’s because my wife respects and abides by her ordained biblical role in the home. She doesn’t yield to sin.” Big glass o’nope.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter
    • FaintlyXMacabre

      sploosh, Eve. Your’e my spirit animal.

    • Amanda Rene Slinger

      I sploosh and second this!

    • Ashley Feit

      Total Sploosh . . . oh, I can’t wait until Archer returns.

      DANGER ZONE!!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I am so excited!

    • Ashley Feit

      I have watched the Danger Zone promo so many times and haven’t gotten sick of it, yet. . . I also hope there is more Kazak next season.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I must know who the baby daddy is

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      Dude.

    • C.J.

      My favourite are the little “gentlemen” and “princesses” that always remember their manners when talking to adults (and of coarse their parents point it out), then act like shits to the other kids. That’s nice your little precious has good manners but can you please tell them to stop hitting my child over the head with that toy and maybe let them know that toy motorized cars are really not meant to be used to run the neighbourhood children down in, thank you. True story, only I didn’t say please and thank you. I’d rather have a kid that forgets their manners once in a while than one that terrorizes other children.

  • I’m usually right

    The more I learn about having kids, the more I hypothesize that parenting would be a breeze if you never had to deal with other parents.

  • Robyn Hoover Mejia

    My kid is the free spirit however we don’t call him that. All the parents at the Montessori school where I work say I don’t need to tell him no as he grabs animals with two hands and shakes them or wants the sharp knives. Ummm yes I do because I don’t want a psycho kid on my hands.

  • Kelly

    My oldest walked at 9 months and I thought it was AMAZING and a sign of
    big things to come but now she’s in high school and all the other kids
    her age are just as good at walking as she is.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      LOL!

    • Jallun-Keatres

      That totally reminds me of my sister and my cousin. He’s 3 weeks younger and there’s a home movie of him running around at 6 or 7 months while my sister is having tummy time nearby working on holding her head up (she has Down’s, so she was slower at doing stuff). Guess what, they’re both 26 and both walk fine! lol

    • AugustW

      I was an awesomely tall 5th grader…too bad I stopped growing then. Now I’m a short 29 year old. Damnit.

    • Shea

      Ha, me too! At 5’2″, I was one of the tallest kids in sixth grade. Annnnd…that was as tall as I ever got.

    • LadyBelle

      Same here. I was the tallest kid in elementary. Now at 34, my 5’1″ stature just isn’t as intimidating.

  • historychick79

    My mom always claimed I started reading out articles from the newspaper when I was only 2; going through the general language/speaking/reading process with my now-3 yr old, I am rolling my eyes a bit at the idea. And I was always on a family pedestal for my academic smarts through college. Studying abroad at a top notch uni and dealing with the job market afterwards was a pretty long, rough reality check with realizing that while I’m pretty capable, I am by no means super-fabulous and exceptional. I pray every day that I can teach my kid that he is loved and should strive to learn and work to the best of his abilities, but he is probably not super special.

    • Rachel Sea

      I dunno, my sister and I were both reading at 2. My dad had me read to his friends from our giant leather-bound classics (well they were giant to me at the time) like it was a party trick. There’s a photo of someone helping me hold the Complete Works of Shakespeare while I read, and on the back of the photo it says I was 2 and a half. Of course a lot of it didn’t make sense to me because as a toddler I knew nothing about blood feuds or fratricide, but I could read all the words, and understand some of it.

      But like almost every kid, for everything we excelled at early, there was something else we sucked at for way longer than average.

  • Tea

    When I used to babysit and conducted pre-babysitting interviews (Usually for long term arrangements, and so I could weed out crazy,) “Free Spirit” and completely inconsistent allergies/bizarre food requirements were two of my big red flags.

    ” He’s allergic to nuts.”
    ” Okay, which ones, tree nuts? Legumes? How bad?” (So I know if I need to change clothes in case I handled peanut butter and go into super-allergy care mode)
    ” ALL OF THEM, and Coconuts! And wheat, corn, and soy. And milk.”

    One of them gave the “No nuts ever” speech, then specifically said their kid takes their cereal with vanilla almond milk. That job did not last long.

    Free spirited kids were usually a big fat nope. They were either A. Completely unfamiliar with authority, or B. Their parents were nuttier than an almond joy.

    • Tea

      I would also like to add that I understand allergies can be stupid, I’m allergic to sunlight and carmine, but don’t say “allergy” when you mean “dietary choice” or “limiting”.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      I haaaate when folks claim allergy when it’s not an allergy! I don’t have any allergies, but I know they are real and can be fucking deadly….to me, if you’re claiming allergy over something you just don’t like, you’re making the world a bit more dangerous for people who actually have allergies.

    • FaintlyXMacabre

      I met a “NO NUTS WHATSOEVER” child in my job at a daycare and her dad used to send her to us with snickers packed in her alternate lunch. Woo!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      amazing

    • MommyK

      Shaking my head…it’s people like that dad who make everyone doubt real allergies.

    • FaintlyXMacabre

      Eh. Allergies are super serious, so back when I was working there, even though it was statistically impossible for over half of the kids to have the allergies they claimed, I always took an “allergic until proven a big fat liar” approach. So if you were to say your kid was allergic, I would assume they were until such time that you packed them a snickers and then I would assume that you were an attention seeking douchecanoe with borderline Munchausen’s by proxy.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Clearly he was packing that snickers for you as a thank you for all your hard work. You should have protected her from it :)

    • Emil

      My mom was convinced I had a milk allergy that I just magically grew out of. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I realized this was in her head. Funny thing is that she was convinced that both of my children had milk allergies when they were babies too- they didn’t. Might not have known better when I was a kid but I know better now.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      To be fair to your mom, it is possible to have allergies you grow out of. A friend of mine has for years had a life-threatening allergy to nuts that she may have since outgrown (according to tests), but she isn’t taking chances; I went through a few years where any milk products made me super-sick, but I’m fine with them now. You can also develop allergies down the line when previously you were fine with them. Bodies are weird and gross. :/

  • Nancy

    I had someone once tell me that their daughter would ‘crawl back up insider her, if she could’. Her daughter was 8. Ewwwwwwww…..

  • ted3553

    I had a friend in high school who’s brother was “allergic” to all kinds of things including his own hair which is why he had acne????? Now that’s he’s 30, his acne has gone so scientists have obviously found a cure for being allergic to your own hair.

    • Roberta

      I think it (the cure) is called shampoo.

    • waffre

      Well, chronic acne (as opposed to the normal kind that appears during puberty) IS caused by a wonky immune response*, but it doesn’t usually just go away on its own, and it isn’t because of “being allergic to your own hair,” LOL! But if you do have a wonky immune response you’re more likely to have allergies/asthma. I don’t know if it’s possible to grow out of it though.
      *I can’t remember the medical term for it.

  • NicknamesAreDull

    My MIL thinks that all her grandchildren are special snowflakes. Every single one is wayy above average, and we’re all holding them back by not getting them tested/put in Mensa. It’s one of the many reasons I’m glad we live far away.

    • Lindsey

      I know the type. My neighbor was like that and then one day her husband said, no that kid is not exceptional, he’s a kid, and now it has become stuff of family legend.

    • NicknamesAreDull

      One time, my MIL came to visit us, and my daughter had discovered the door stops. She would hit it, it would make noise and she would laugh. My MIL called like, 6 people to explain the what just happened. She pegged her to be an engineer. All because my daughter laughed when she hit a door stop.

  • G.E. Phillips

    Years ago I taught gymnastics to a child who was an actual special snowflake: at 4, he was both intellectually and athletically superior to most of the 8 or 9 year olds that I taught. And I remember marveling to his mother about something amazing he had said or done one day after class, and she was basically like, “Look, I know he’s awesome, and you know he’s awesome, but SHUT UP about it in front of him, because I want him to believe that he’s just like everyone else. Otherwise, he’s going to become a big brat.”
    That’s some pretty amazing, above average parenting, right there.

    • AE Vorro

      Oh god, yes. This! What a remarkable attitude on that mom!

      My parents always treated my brother like the gifted, special little snowflake to whom the rules didn’t apply. Well, guess what… 41 years later and he can’t hold down a job because he still doesn’t think the rules apply to him. This attitude has resulted in him being driven out of every organization he’s joined, whether it was a paid job or a volunteer organization, usually because all his coworkers felt compelled to conspire against him until he left under duress. Every one, yo. Every. One.

      His mad skills (and he does have mad skills) don’t amount to much considering that he can’t work with people.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      Fair enough!

    • EmmaFromÉire

      Hold on,are you a gymnastics lover? HAVE I FOUND A MOMMYISH KINDRED SPIRIT??

    • G.E. Phillips

      Yes! I never competed, but I coached for 12 years. I just stopped a few months ago and I already miss it! You?

    • EmmaFromÉire

      I wanted to take classes so badly but my mother would never let me enrol, still makes me sad! I follow it though, absolutely obsessed, it’s my favourite sport :)

  • Skipper

    And don’t forget that the reason these kids are so special is because of their parents special brand of parenting:
    “My child started talking so early because we didn’t patronize him with baby talk”
    “My child is so polite because we took him out so much when he was young”
    “My child is a free spirit because we don’t place expectations on his age or gender.”

  • Ashley Feit

    I love my average kid!! She’s right “on track” with some things, “ahead” on some, “behind” on others. (Seriously, this kid only has 6 freaking teeth and she’s gonna be 2 in April). There’s also the parents who brag about how their kid is 3 months old and wearing 2T clothes or their 3 year old who can still fit into 6 months. . . it’s a weird thing to brag about (having a larger or smaller kid) . . . as if it was some sort of achievement. I love how my 19 month old fits 18-24 month clothes, because I don’t have to think about it. (i.e. I am a lazy mom).

    • Zoe Lansing

      Hmmm,I remember wearing 2T and 3T clothes when I was in kindergarten (I was both scrawny and young for my class) and being needlessly embarrassed about it.Little did I (or my parents) know that it was actually something to brag about! We’ll have to do some retroactive bragging now lol.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      yay! Retroactive bragging!

    • Ashley Feit

      I’ve had other parents ask me what size my child wears, which I think is a fair question if say, you have some great hand-me-downs or are wanting to make or get something for said child . . . but I’ve had people ask what size my girl wears and I’ll say, um 18 months, only to have the other mom say “Oh, my little peanut still wears 6 and 12 months” (Basically she asked my child’s size so she could let me know that her child is tiny and special . . . this same child is a painfully shy snowflake.)

    • Kelly

      As a small person, I’m sitting here wondering why the hell those people think being smaller than average is a good thing.

      It’s a pain in the ass. A daily pain in the ass.

    • Zoe Lansing

      Agreed!I never outgrew my scrawniness and finding clothes,for instance, is a huge pain in the ass.So is being mistaken for my fiance’s daughter (yuck) even though he’s less than 10 years older than me.I’d LOVE to be average!

    • G.E. Phillips

      My son was always ahead in the teeth department and behind in the hair department. He was almost completely bald until he was 2. I used to joke that if he was 80 years older, he’d be the hottest catch in the old folks home.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      My sister didn’t have any hair until she was 2, whereas I had tons of it from the start. When she finally had enough to have bangs, I cut them off with pinking shears to see if they would cut zigzags on hair like they did on fabric. I was truly a delight. ;)

    • Alfreda

      Wow my neighbor always comments on how her 5 year old still wears size 2, but I never took it for bragging. She also told me how the nurse who did her home visit after birth shamed her and freaked her out because the child was under weight. How much of a pain it was to find the kid pants that are long enough but don’t fall down. I never took it as bragging. I comment on how my 5 year old is almost as tall as my 7 year old, and how she wears size 6 or 7 not size 5, generally because people keep buying her size 5 clothing for her birthday and she cries when it doesn’t fit. I hope she has never taken that for bragging. Sometimes people are just talking about their kids and not meaning to brag.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      On the pants front, my mom has told me that 2T runs skinnier than 24 months clothes, and pants with the elastics inside that you can tighten are great. I don’t wear skinny jeans myself, but I’ll buy them for my kid because they tend to fit her a bit better – might be a good option for your neighbour if she can find them where you are.

    • http://ichasekids.com/ Litterboxjen

      I liked that my kid was on the smaller side because it meant she got more use out of some of her clothes (especially the ones I liked). Embrace lazy motherhood!

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    I knew a kid growing up who taught himself to play the piano really well. My mom bought me a keyboard and from time to time wondered aloud to me why I couldn’t do that. Didn’t quite know how to tell her I was an average kid and to expect normal things.
    ***Expectations***
    ||
    ||
    ||
    ||
    /
    Reality

  • CW

    As parent to a child with multiple food intolerances (as in was off-the-charts small until they were removed followed by a dramatic “catch up” weight and height gain), that one was just a cheap shot. Food allergies and intolerances are very real. If you want to criticize parents for being “Food Nazis”, pick on the “every bite my child eats must be 100% organic, vegan, locally produced, blah, blah, blah” ones.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      allow me to show you what I wrote again:

      I’m not talking about kids who have a doctor diagnosed allergy to things like certain foods or bee stings and all that. I’m talking about the kids who have parents who give a long list of everything single thing their child cannot come in contact with, including the color yellow. Because their kid is allergic to yellow. Allergies are a real and serious issue, parents who decide to Münchosen their kids are a different issue.

      Because I think mayhaps you did not actually READ it

    • CW

      Some kids react badly to artificial dyes. So the “allergic to yellow” might be a shortcut way of referring to “reacts badly to food dye yellow # such-and-such”. Sometimes it’s easier to oversimplify the allergy/intolerance than to expect the other individual to remember the specific details of what is and what isn’t safe.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I didn’t mean it in the artificial dyes sense. I meant it in the parents who claim their kids are allergic to yellow, or seeing cartoons on TV, or coming in contact with water. But get on with your feigned moral outrage, it’s obvs working for you.

    • Kelly

      So your child has multiple food intolerances and you aren’t irritated by parents who claim their child has a serious peanut allergy and then sends them over to your house with a snickers bar as a snack?

      Really? Really? I find that hard to believe. People who lie about allergies and intolerances are dangerous to those of us who actually have them. They are the reason people roll their eyes and dismiss the danger when it comes to our issues.

  • Renee J

    My kids took a while to learn to walk, but that was because their brains were gigantic and they kept falling over. ;)

  • Zoe Lansing

    My neighbor claims that the reason her 3-year-old yet isn’t potty trained is because she’s more intelligent than other kids and she’s “too busy talking like a five-year-old to stop and go to the potty.”She apparently says this to everyone and anyone since she’s told me this at least 3 times and has also mentioned separately to both my fiance and the man who mows both our lawns even though none of asked why her daughter wasn’t trained ( quite honestly,I hadn’t even noticed that she wasn’t ). I get that kids are ready to potty train at different ages but I doubt intelligence has anything to with training late (or early,for that matter).The same woman likes to have her daughter play with our other neighbor’s 2-year-old and then point out how much more clearly her daughter speaks than the neighbor’s daughter. Um,I’m guessing the fact that your kid’s more than a year older has something to do with that.

  • whiteroses

    I love my kid, and I think he’s amazing. But I have to wonder one thing: why is being average something we want to avoid? The world is made up of average people, and they do just fine. If as many kids were as exceptional as their parents claim, we’d all be rocket scientists. Your kids’ accomplishments- or lack thereof- don’t reflect on you any more than your accomplishments-or lack thereof- reflect on your parents. My kid doesn’t get a prize for having basic manners. Nor will he be allowed to run roughshod over anyone because he’s a “free spirit”.

    If your kid is genuinely exceptional people will notice without you telling them. It’s a case of “methinks she doth protest too much”. And don’t wish allergies or painful shyness on your kid. Speaking as someone who had both- it was absolute hell.

    • Sara610

      Some of the most dysfunctional, messed up adults I know were “exceptional” as kids. They were so “exceptional” that they never developed a work ethic (often give up as soon as something is difficult for them), or social skills, etc.

      Most of the really successful people I know were in fact pretty average. They may have been in the gifted program at school and things like that, but very few of them were bona fide geniuses–they learned to work hard, play well with others, overcome challenges, etc. Those are essential skills in developing into a functional adult who can do things like hold down a job, maintain relationships, etc.

    • Simone

      Yep. I was told I was gifted and exceptional and could be anything I wanted to be. Only no-one ever thought to teach me how to be anything at all. I would rather have been taught how life works and how to stay in school and wear matching socks and have a job than be told for years how incredibly intelligent I was, and then spend years as a pointless waste of time because no-one ever thought to teach me the basics of how to be a person.

    • Sara610

      Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. It sounds like life has been tough for you. :( I hope things ended up working out okay…..

  • C.J.

    I say the same thing to parents who think their kids are better than everyone else that I do to parents who worry their kids aren’t doing things quick enough. Kids develop at their own pace. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. No one is good at everything. It all evens out eventually.

  • Sara610

    Reading some of the stories in these comments is making me twitchy.

  • Jallun-Keatres

    I hate it when I see… like… 2 year olds in MENSA and crap like that. Because of my sister, I learned that there is SOOOO much more to a person’s worth than IQ, grades, or any number on a paper.

  • Larkin

    LMAO. A relative called me recently, insisting that the fact that her three-week-old baby had wobbled from his side to his stomach meant that he was “amazing” and “probably going to be a great leader.” My husband and I had a good laugh about that one.

  • http://www.ambiencechaser.com/ Elizabeth Licata

    I was a snowflake. My mother used to insist I spoke full, coherent sentences at 10 months. At some point my husband expressed doubt, and months later my mother emerged triumphantly from the storage locker with a video cassette. “LOOK!” she said. “Liz was talking at 10 months, and I have a video of it!”
    So she puts it on, and in the video I am toddling around the house in a snowsuit in May and making random baby noises. At one point I stop, point at my mom and make some random baby noises at her, then continue what I was doing.
    “SEE!” my mom shouted. “She just talked! That was a sentence!”
    There were no words at all. Just random baby noises. My husband was laughing so hard he was in tears. To this day my mother insists that random baby noises count as talking because I was clearly trying to say something, so the fact that no actual words came out is irrelevant.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      This is adorable

    • Roberta

      I can see inebriated people using that on cops. “I was speaking! You just couldn’t understand me! My MOM can understand me!”

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      Oh, that’s precious.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      My mom and mother-in-law do that! The weird bragging about how awesome I was (or my wife was) when I was a baby. “oh you NEVER did that” “you slept like an angel from day 1″ “oh [granddaughter] took her first steps? That’s nice. [my wife] took her first steps at 8 months though, so I guess she’s just a little late, that’s ok though” “all my kids were potty trained by 18 months” “you never threw tantrums in public” and so on.

      They think it comes across like they are praising us but really it’s about showing off how awesome they were as parents, and how much we are clearly failing. UGH. Also I’m pretty sure a lot of it is just plain bad memory….if you ask me now what month my kid rolled over at, I would have to look it up in her book…and she’s only 2, but my MIL swears that my wife was definitely doing such-and-such at some-unreasonably-young age, as if she can actually remember.

  • Scribble2012

    I thought the “painfully shy” thing was a cheap excuse too until my daughter was diagnosed with a speech delay. It’s much easier to tell people she’s shy than the truth as to why she won’t say “thank you” or answer your questions. Especially since when I did tell the truth at first people just said I was being over protective or making excuses for her or “she’s fine!” all of which made me feel like I was doing something wrong. People never outwardly question the shy excuse, so I’m sticking to it with all the well-meaning strangers who want to interrogate my kid in the checkout line (of course people who actually spend time with her know).

    Every time I hear “your child’s just rude” in pieces like this I take it pretty personally. You never know.

    • Scribble2012

      ETA: I know you acknowledged that some kids ARE painfully shy, but I’ve seen this a few times lately and felt like reacting anyway. I’m sure you did not intend any untoward offense.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Yeah I do not mean kids like YOUR kid

  • Justme

    My husband and I are both middle school teachers and coaches in a upper middle class area so we hear all about special snowflakes…and their special conditions. When I was pregnant, we promised each other to try our best to see our daughter for what she truly is…not what we expect or desire her to be. Whether it be a C team basketball player or a C student, we want to know her general limitations so that ĂŠpĂŠe can set our expectations for her accordingly.

    I think it can be really hard for some parents to take themselves out of the equation when dealing with the altitudes of their children. I was a sophomore on Varsity basketball/volleyball player and I graduated both high school and college with high honors. I’m not saying all this to brag, but instead to illustrate where we come from when viewing our daughter. Yes, I am a over-achieving, determined, assertive, goal setting woman…but guess what? My daughter might be the daisy picker out on the soccer field who struggles in math.

    And that is okay. She is her and I am me. Just because I gave birth to her does NOT mean we are the same person and I can force my own accomplishments upon her.

  • Momma425

    Oh, but none of ya’ll met MY child.
    She is a mommy’s girl, overachieving infant, who is reading Moby Dick and understands long devision before kindergarten. She should be a baby model, and also can throw overhand which leads me to believe she will be an Olympic athlete of some sort. She is a free spirited, artsy type, who can be painfully shy but is such a little princess at home (her sweater is orange scented cashmere…only the best for MY princess girl). She does have some allergies: she is allergic to gluten and chocolate and the word no, so please don’t use it around her because we wouldn’t want Princess Snowflake breaking out in hives.
    And I’m the best mom ever for raising her, as I am currently working on my second box of wine, and am digging in my cubbord for vicoden left over from the last time my husband threw out his back.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      You and I are basically the same person. #Expireddrugs4ever

  • Kelly

    I hate people who make up allergies. I seriously hate them. I have allergies. I know what it’s like to have a scary allergic reaction. I’m super careful if someone tells me they they or their child have an allergy.

    If I find out later that they made it up for shits and giggles? Get the fuck out and never come back. That shit makes me so angry. Like swelling up until you can’t breathe is fucking funny? I don’t understand what is wrong with the psychos who do that crazy shit.

  • PatrinaGrimaldi

    what do not 9 type of special snowflake children ?

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  • AugustW

    I know this article is kind of supposed to be sarcastic and all that, but it would be nice to see “The Delayed Child” on this list. My daughter is delayed, cognitively and with speech, and it would be nice to hear that she is a lot more like other kids than it feels like.
    All the tests and special therapies and special schools…it would be nice to feel like she was just a regular kid for a bit.

    I will say, I got quite a kick out of the fact that she tested above and beyond her age in physical abilities. The tester was surprised that she could do the entire balance beam, forward and backwards. The test is just to take 2 steps on it. lol.

  • Rosel

    You can definitely freeze butter.

  • Pickapie

    Never underestimate the Narcissistic Parent. Most of these parents seem like they’re living vicariously through their child. Wait until the child grows up and starts disagreeing with them, then their little “special snowflake” will all of the sudden be disowned by them.