Cheatsgiving: How To Order A Thanksgiving Turkey If You Just Don’t Feel Like Cooking One

thumbnailThere are many reasons you may want to skip preparing a gigantic over eight pound bird in your oven this Thanksgiving. Maybe you are sick of always slaving over a hot stove only to end up with a bird that is dry no matter how much butter you shove in its carcass. Maybe you are hosting your first Thanksgiving and you don’t feel like your Mother-In-Law giving you the side-eye in case your turkey doesn’t come out perfectly. Or maybe last year you tackled preparing the bird yourself and you may or may not have served your toddler meat that was slightly on the pink side.

Cooking a huge bird is a daunting task. I do it every year but that is because I am old and I have been doing this awhile and usually at some point I call my mother crying and beg her to tell me if I am doing it okay. But for those of you who don’t even want to go to there this holiday season, there are many places you can just pay to prepare this turkey for you so that you can devote your energy to more important tasks, like baking pies and getting shit faced.

These places will all make a turkey for you, and they range in price from not-so-bad to I said turkey, and for this price it better be made of diamonds.

Your Local Grocery Deli Counter 

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I’m using Kroger as my example, because that is just my local store. I’m not talking Whole Foods here, we’ll get to the next, but just your average grocery store that doesn’t carry things like lemon grass and ostrich meat. You can get a turkey from your local grocery for under 50 bucks, and it will usually come with a few basic side items, like gravy, stuffing and mashed potatoes. An express turkey dinner (wow that sounds depressing, they should just go ahead and call it the Single Father Special) costs $44.99 and gives you a 10-13 pound turkey, a few sides, and a package of King’s Hawaiian rolls.

 Whole Foods 

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An organic whole turkey weighing between 10 – 12 pounds will run you $79.99. It also comes with a disposable roasting pan for reheating! (Oh la la )

Sam’s Club 

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Sam’s Club, it’s not just for car tires or buying paper towels in bulk, you can also buy a pre-cooked turkey from them. An eight-10 pound bird will cost you $64.98.

Boston Market

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Boston Market has a whole roasted turkey for $46.99. It doesn’t say how large the bird is, so I assume the standard eight to ten pounds.

Omaha Steaks  

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Omaha Steaks will sell you a fully cooked bird that just needs reheating for $59.99.

Honey Baked Ham 

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They don’t sell full turkeys, but they do sell a three pound turkey breast for about 30 dollars.

 Dean And Deluca 

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You can order a fully cooked turkey from Dean and Deluca that you simply need to reheat. I’m sure it’s a fabulous tasting bird, and at $325 for 16 pounds it better be.

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    • Brittany Anne

      My family has been buying Greenberg smoked turkeys for years now. They’re reasonably priced and oh. so. delicious.

    • emilyg25

      I’m super psyched about Thanksgiving this year. My husband and I are going to his parents’ and the four of us are just going to sit around drinking beer before eating a dinner ordered from Wegmans (all hail Wegmans!).

      • LadyClodia

        Wegmans is awesome! We don’t have any where I live now, but I used to shop there all of the time. They have so many awesome things, and the prepared food is always great.

    • LadyClodia

      I think my brother is going to attempt to deep fry the turkey this year, so that should be interesting. I’ve never attempted to cook a whole turkey and probably never will. My husband doesn’t really like most Thanksgiving foods, so I don’t generally put much effort into it. I also have a very small kitchen, so right now I don’t really have room to prepare a lot. I’ll make a few side dishes and dessert and then we go to my mother or brother’s house to eat.

    • DatNanny

      As the only vegetarian in a family of carnivores, this is useful. I’m sure I’ll host Thanksgiving at some point, and I wouldn’t know the first thing about roasting a turkey (and I’m not sure I could without being ill). This is a good option, since I’m not sure my family would go for my preferred ‘sides-only’ Thanksgiving.

    • Himani

      I wonder if my family is full of weirdos. Me, my DH, my sister, her DH and my brother all hate turkey! It’s so inferior to chicken; which is why we’re having some delicious roasted chicken this Thanksgiving.