Kids and sex.Â Two things we all have as parents and probably donât want in the same sentence. As parents, we have to navigate our adult life in the bedroom around our family life that takes up all the rest of the house, and when we least expect it, also the bedroom.Â Kids barge in; kids hear things they werenât meant to, and kids sure as heck ask questions.Â As parents whetherÂ poly or monogamous, all we can do is try to take it one day at a time while trying to keep an active sex life and a modicum of decency for our children.
For example, the other night we all sat down for dinner and discussed our days as we tend to do.Â My eldest piped up about being afraid of scary movies and turned to me and said ,
âDaddy must have showed you a scary movie, I heard you scream the other night,â
I turned six shades of crimson while Allan and I tried not to bust out laughing.Â What do you say to that? No honey, Daddy was just showing me a really good time?Â And what of the future, try to tone it down, get a hotel?Â As they get older, I can only imagine more questions and raised eyebrows.Â I recall when I was growing up we all wanted to imagine our parents only had sex as many times as their number of children.Â Of course we all know, or hope, we have more active sex lives than that.Â My kids are pretty little so as of yet there isnât much else to do or say, except maybe wish we had a bigger house and soundproof ceilings.
I think many of us grown-ups have shadowed and purposefully half forgotten memories of walking in on our parents once or twice in our youths.Â You try to wait until the kids sleeping, or sneak off for a quick quickie while a movie is on, but inevitably at some point someone is going to want you while youâre trying to get some. Parents turn to door locks, and sitters for the kids while they go off for the night searching for that elusive privacy.Â What makes it an even stranger question is what if the person youâre naked with isnât even the childâs mom or dad?Â At my house, we have not yet engaged in sex with anyone besides each other under our roof, but itâs bound to happen and raise some pretty big questions.
There are a number of poly people who would behave just as anyone else in a marriage, that sex is natural and adult and things get explained as they come up.Â Sex can be addressed as an intimate activity between adults and the partners involved need not be questioned if the kids werenât instilled with a âone and onlyâÂ idea in the first place.Â I am not quite sure Iâm in this camp yet, but I can see the draw.Â Just as we all can feel the pull to just normalize sex; people could also feel the pull to normalize relationships in general.Â If little Timmy runs into his mom fooling around on the couch with her buddy Scott, the adults quickly pull themselves together and heâs sat down for a âsex talkâ.Â Does he question the fact that it was Scott and not Daddy? Iâd like to think, that we could raise children that we could tell âthere are some things adults do together that are not for children, and youâll understand it when youâre olderâ and itâs not even about poly. Single parents must have lovers by at times, and I think as long as you arenât bringing home a string of men and women with constant run ins, the kids areÂ alright.