Anonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this anonymous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.
Here on Mommyish and everywhere else on the web, we often hear about cases of women who have their rights to an abortion taken away from them. For whatever reason a woman might choose to put an end to the life of her unborn fetus, I firmly believe that it’s no one’s business what her choice may be. Only the person involved knows whether or not this choice is right for them. I also believe that having an abortion should be an exception, and that the consequences of having the child should outweigh the consequences of having an abortion.
Yet, never did I imagine that the day would come where I would have to fight my boyfriend and his family for the right to keep my unborn child.
I am already a mother. I am in my thirties. I have a good paying job, a loving boyfriend, and a very decent life. My boyfriend and I have always talked about having more than one child, although if we could have chosen, it wouldn’t have happened so soon…
A few days before my daughter’s first birthday however, after racking my brain trying to figure out why I was feeling so nauseated and tired, I began to suspect that I was pregnant again. Since we live in a small condo and his parents were staying with us, I asked my boyfriend to come into the bathroom with me, closed the door, and shared my fears with him. “I don’t care if you are or not, but one thing for sure is that we’re not keeping it” is the only thing that came out of his mouth that night.
I could not help but stare back at him half incredulously and half calmly, knowing that this was nor the time or the place to have this conversation. I told him that the next morning, I would do a test, and then we could talk about it.
Our fears became reality when the little blue line turned into a cross sign. Back into the bathroom we went, and my boyfriend repeated the same thing. I felt crushed – both because I wasn’t ready to have a second child right at that moment, but also because I hated feeling like we were on opposite ends of what will never be a fair debate. Yet, for me, it has been clear for years. Abortion just can’t be an option for me unless my child has a genetic disorder that would cause him or her pain and suffering.
When my boyfriend and I started talking about pregnancy and children about 2 years ago, I had already made my position clear. I explained to him that, considering my professional status, my relationship status, the country we live in, and our financial situation, I just couldn’t live with myself if I were to have an abortion. At the time, he didn’t quite understand my position, but he respected it. It just encouraged him to use better contraception!!