10 Things I Miss About Being Pregnant

pregnant-640x878I’m with Bethany – I’m really happy to have my pregnancies behind me. I never intend to reproduce again. My last pregnancy felt like it was never going to end – and I was thrilled to get that baby out and into the world. But now that I’m not hugely uncomfortable or petrified of childbirth, I’m remembering some of the reasons pregnancy is awesome.

1. You have glorious locks.

My hair didn’t shed at all when I was pregnant; it was full, shiny and glorious and I didn’t have to hear my husband’s incessant complaining about my hair in the shower drain. He’s one of those passive-aggressive types that takes the clump and sticks it on the shower wall to illustrate my misdeed. That’s happening again.

2. No one cares if you forget things or are generally stupid.

Everyone knows the baby inside of you is eating your brain. People don’t expect much. It’s not like you’re doing it on purpose, after all. It’s just incredibly hard to focus at times – and you always have the perfect excuse. Oh my god, if only I weren’t creating a whole human I could probably accomplish this task…

3. No one minds when you burst into tears. In fact, they expect it.

Everything made me cry when I was pregnant. But no one cares. Everyone acts like it’s the most normal thing in the world that you’re bursting into tears because the person in front of you got the last lemon poppy donut.

4. Your huge belly makes your butt look smaller.

 

Apart from my giant, protruding belly, I always felt more well-proportioned during my pregnancies. Go figure.

5. You have glamour-length nails.

I have the nail beds of a 9-year-old. This is a quality that is more pronounced because I am never able to grow my nails. I don’t bite them or anything, they’re just not that strong and I’m clumsy. Pregnancy hormones make your nails long and strong. It’s pretty impressive.

6. The general public smiles at you.

We all know the world isn’t a nice place – well, Brooklyn isn’t, anyway. There are people who passed me in the street for seven years that never returned a smile until I was pregnant. It’s like they’re not really smiling at you – they’re smiling at your womb.

7. People find your bitchiness ‘cute.’

Aww, she’s pregnant! Isn’t it cute what a raging bitch she is! I bet that little girl in your belly is going to be a little firecracker! You can be a bitch. No, I’m not kidding – you can be a bitch and people won’t hold it against you.

8. Everyone is always feeding you.

Everyone always wants you to eat and is shoving food in your face. It’s awesome.

9. The world finally understands the importance of naps.

She’s not lazy – she’s pregnant! No one gives a shit if you nap all day. Unless you have a toddler. He cares.

10. Everyone is always offering you a seat.

Here! Sit down!

I really miss the seats.

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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    • Cee

      2 and 7 annoy me. I guess Im heartless because I wouldn’t excuse “mommy brain.”
      Also, it doesn’t make your butt smaller, its perkier. NOT that Ive looked!

      • chickadee

        And 3, mostly because they reinforce stereotypes that can be used against women in general, and particularly pregnant women in the workplace.

    • Emil

      I’m pretty sure nobody found my bitchiness cute. I remember one particular meeting where I realized that if I didn’t find a way to censure myself I would not have a job to return to. I do miss how nice everyone was though, and the thick hair.

    • Amanda Lee

      No, being a bitchy pregnant lady is not cute… Just because you’re pregnant, don’t think I won’t tell you to stfu if you’re being mean. And I will hold it against you. Being pregnant doesn’t give you an excuse not to act like a decent human being.

      • Cee

        Thank you! I felt kinda like I was being a heartless robot for shutting a pregnant lady down for being a total bitch with me once because “oops, mommy brain allows me to yell and curse at you and its okay!” And women sometimes wonder why people are not kind to pregnant women women anymore. Its because of the belief you can be a jerk or blame carelessness on pregnancy. Nope, sorry. I have lived with a lot of women who have been pregnant multiple times and never witnessed this.

        I mean, I will be kind to you, lift things, reach for things, let you sit down and all that, but I won’t excuse stupid behavior because you didn’t have the third chocolate bar today or because lady baby hormones.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        No! Yelling and cursing isn’t being “bitchy” it’t being abusive!!

      • Lauren

        I know that some women are really sensitive to their own hormones so it’s understandable that pregnancy might send them into a crazy PMS type of rage over silly things like chocolate, however I don’t doubt that some people just use the pregnancy excuse to act like an entitled brat.

      • Jallun-Keatres

        YES! I hate when people think they can act like a jerk because they [had no coffee/are pregnant/etc]. I understand being in pain makes one crabby though but really. Filters. Use them.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        You’re right. Bad example. I was a 7-month pregnant bartender so I think people just felt sorry for me.

      • Amanda Lee

        Oh wow. I couldn’t imagine bartending and being pregnant.

      • Emil

        pregnant waitresses and bartenders always get higher tips from me

    • Mel

      Meh, being pregnant sucked ass….not literally, though. My giant belly couldn’t hide my gigantic ass…

    • TwentiSomething Mom

      I had the so called “pregnancy glow”, my hair and nails were strong, by butt perky and my boobs nice and full. And no, not everyone gives you seats. I experienced this working till my 9th month and having to take the subway everyday.

      • Andrea

        Do u know where I didn’t get a seat? In CHURCH during an Easter service. I quit going there for ever.

    • phoenix81

      I loved my hair, skin and nails while pregnant. I also loved how nice strangers were, giving up seats, holding doors etc. Though I didn’t appreciate them touching my belly. THAT’S when the bitchiness came out.

    • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

      1. My hair is naturally thick. It got unmanageably thick and washing it became a massive chore. Now that it’s fallen out quite a bit I only have sort of thick hair. Life is good!
      2. I’m forgetful, so it was nice to have it not be so socially unacceptable for awhile.
      3. I only burst into tears a couple times. I should have milked that harder.
      4. I loved my butt and it totally flatted out during pregnancy. I spent too much time worrying about whether I’d get it back (I did :D)
      5. I started getting regular manicures and pedicures to cultivate my gorgeous nails.
      6. I didn’t like the attention from strangers.
      7. Luckily I didn’t develop a bad attitude. If anything, I got emotional and weepy.
      8. Yes, it was nice to be encouraged to eat, though I never needed such encouragement.
      9. The joy of napping is one reason I won’t have another baby. I won’t be able to nap the second time around. Pampering yourself during pregnancy is a first-time-only thing.
      10. Ah, the seats… with my stroller things are different. Sometimes people really want to help or give me a good spot on the bus, or actively block me.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        My hair is totally falling out to the point where it’s actually starting to worry me. I miss my thick hair. Does all that hair that didn’t fall out just fall out at the same time? Because that is the only thing that would explain the horror show I’m experiencing.

      • NicknamesAreDull

        Have you tried taking biotin? I take some for my hair/skin/nails, and it’s made everything grow faster/healthier.

      • Me Oh My Oh

        Mine came out by the handfuls after pregnancy. Doc said it was normal and it was about a year before it stopped. I have reeeeeaaaaallly thick hair to start with so nobody really noticed but me…and the shower drain.

      • pineapplegrasss

        Yes it all falls out afterwards anyways…

    • Bethany Ramos

      Excellent post, Maria! #1 describes me and my husband perfectly. And I had awesome hair when I was pregnant!

    • ChillMama

      Weirdly, I was so emotionally level and happy when I was pregnant, even though I didn’t have an easy pregnancy. I was just so zen.
      Oh, but that big belly balancing your body thing? Totally true for me. Everyone always said I was “all belly.” Then, the belly disappeared and I was like “where the hell did all this other weight come from?”

    • jmuns79

      The cat filing its claws gif made me lol. So thanks for that.

      • pineapplegrasss

        Omg that cat cracked me up too! I had to stop and look at him for a minute. Best part of the article:)

    • Kristen

      I miss one thing. If I was in bed, and I forgot something– a glass of water or lotion or whatever— I could ask my husband to get it for me because I was big and had finally gotten comfortable in bed. I miss him getting stuff for me.

      • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

        This. How did I forget this.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      My nails have gone to crap… they’re all ridgey and stuff… and my thick coarse hair still sheds like normal. What is this glamorous hair and nails you speak of??

      Also at work whenever people walk by it’s like my giant belly is an invitation for small talk. As an introvert, I hate it lol

      • Emil

        I’m a chatty extrovert and even I got sick of the pregnancy small talk. I wish I could have worn a shirt that said: due jan 19th, girl, feeling fine

      • Edify

        Yes! By the time I was being taken in to deliver my last baby, when people would ask what I was having I replied with a baby or it could be puppies.

      • Harriet Meadow

        My husband was shocked by the conversations that would arise around my pregnant belly in the midst of strangers. One time we were in line in Target and a woman started talking about how nice my ankles looked considering how far along I was (which was very flattering), but it started a whole conversation between me, that woman, another woman in the line, and the cashier. About ankles. My husband was like “That’s insane.”

      • EX

        ^ This. I especially get tired of everyone leading the chit chat with “how are you feeling?” I don’t know why that annoys me so much but I feel like it’s a pointless question. No one wants to hear the honest answer. I always say some version of “fine.” But I don’t have an illness. I’m pregnant. Just once it would be nice if someone could lead with the usual “how are you?” Or “what’s new?”

      • Jallun-Keatres

        omg. “how are you feeling” is the worst. I always answer those kids of things literally so it’s like “do you wanna hear about my aching feet, hips, legs, or abdomen today?” Now I just answer with a big sigh and that’s good enough :P

    • EX

      I can’t get behind all of these but I was totally thinking #4 today. I think as a curvy woman having the big pregnant belly does make me look better proportioned.

    • CrushLily

      I have oily hair normally and by the end of the second day without washing its quite disgusting. While pregnant, all the oil gets sucked out of it and its the only time I can go a whole three days without washing my hair and it still looks fine. I try not to think about what else the little parasite is sucking out of me…

    • Edify

      Oh my god I do not miss crying all the time. On bad days, all it took was a friend to look at me and I was in tears! I do miss the naps. Can’t seem to fit them in anymore.

    • Amber Starr

      I hate having people touch my belly. It’s not that I have some issue with human contact, it’s just that I used to be 450 pounds. I had gastric bypass about 5 years ago and lost 250 of those pounds. (I’m 6 feet tall, so being 200 pounds isn’t horrible for me) Losing all that weight has left me with a SHIT-TON of loose skin, especially around my stomach. Because of this, I am VERY self conscious of my stomach (and my upper arms, but that’s another story). When someone runs up and starts rubbing my tummy, I know that what they are feeling is a handful of elephant skin and leftover fat….NOT baby. So, yeah, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed when someone does it.

    • Amber Starr

      I hate having people touch my belly. It’s not that I have some issue with human contact, it’s just that I used to be 450 pounds. I had gastric bypass about 5 years ago and lost 250 of those pounds. (I’m 6 feet tall, so being 200 pounds isn’t horrible for me) Losing all that weight has left me with a SHIT-TON of loose skin, especially around my stomach. Because of this, I am VERY self conscious of my stomach (and my upper arms, but that’s another story). When someone runs up and starts rubbing my tummy, I know that what they are feeling is a handful of elephant skin and leftover fat….NOT baby. So, yeah, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed when someone does it.

      • Erin

        Dude, even without weight-related issues, I had a problem with people touching my belly. There were a couple times when people asked permission, which I politely declined. Then there was one coworker who did it constantly, as soon as she found out, and I never found a good way to ask her to stop.

      • staferny

        That’s one thing I am looking forward to when I get pregnant, because I can’t wait to slap my MILs hand away and tell her “No Touch!”.
        Why do people think they can grope you just because you’re growing a baby?

    • Amber Starr

      I hate having people touch my belly. It’s not that I have some issue with human contact, it’s just that I used to be 450 pounds. I had gastric bypass about 5 years ago and lost 250 of those pounds. (I’m 6 feet tall, so being 200 pounds isn’t horrible for me) Losing all that weight has left me with a SHIT-TON of loose skin, especially around my stomach. Because of this, I am VERY self conscious of my stomach (and my upper arms, but that’s another story). When someone runs up and starts rubbing my tummy, I know that what they are feeling is a handful of elephant skin and leftover fat….NOT baby. So, yeah, it makes me feel extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed when someone does it.

    • BBJim’s Mam

      HAHAHA! I burst in to tears the other day because I missed my mother in law who lives several states away. Like big hiccup sobs. My husband was so sweet about it he told me it wasn’t weird or anything.
      I also yell /less/ when I’m pregnant. Lucky me I get all the feel good hormones. :D
      (6mos. pregnant atm)

    • Megan Zander

      Ah, the seats. Those I miss! I also miss coworkers and friends touching my tummy. My go to response was to reach out and touch their tummy at the same time, then when they pulled away in shock I would say ” What? I thought this is what we were doing? ” in my most innocent voice. I guess that was my “bitchy” preggo self coming out. Most people took the hint and kept their hands to themselves after that.

    • CheekyOh

      Actually your belly does NOT make your butt look smaller. But forget it, your looks will never matter again anyway.

    • Gangle

      Um, no. I do not care how pregnant or hormonal you are, being a bitch is NEVER EVER EVER EVER cute. Stressed and emotional is understandable, and people will cut you some slack because everyone has bad days. But don’t ever think anyone found you adorable when you were a bitch just because you had a fetus in your uterus. They didn’t.

    • Kelby Johnson

      I loved being pregnant the second time. The first time, I gained way too much weight and I was just miserable. The 2nd time I only gained about 10 pounds and I was happy and I felt great (aside from the daily puking which I quickly grew used to…) and I embraced my big belly.

      The thing I really miss about being pregnant is feeling the baby move in there. I used to spend hours just watching my belly move back and forth from them moving.

    • Justme

      Pregnancy was awful for me. My husband wasn’t nearly as supportive as I had hoped (he was supportive of us having a baby, but not real interested in the getting there part), I was sick for five months (three of which were during volleyball season), I had manic depressive episodes combined with lots of anxiety and all the other regular pregnancy along with it.

      The only thing that brightened my pregnancy? The kicks. That little push from the inside that only I could feel. I miss the kicks.

      I mean, her long legs still kick me in the back when we sleep together….but it isn’t quite the same.