• Fri, Oct 18 - 11:30 am ET

Lady Blogger Tells Us How To Raise Kids Using Hilariously Awesome Sexist Stereotypes

Fotor010187571 I love my job because people often send me funny or infuriating or just downright bizarre things and then I get to write about them for you. This one comes courtesy of my lovely co-worker Jenni Maier over at our fabulous sister site Crushable who sent me it and said something like “Would you like some sexist crazy?” so of course, I happily clicked on the link. I’m not going to get into all of the religious things on this list, because people can have their faith and their beliefs and I’m all about that. I think it’s icky to slag on someone’s religion unless they are using it as an excuse to beat up the gay people or something, but I will slag on the rest of it, oh yes I will, because it’s totally weird and super sexist and unintentionally hilarious, and I know this is all sort of low hanging fruit but won’t you join me?

I love lists about how to raise kids correctly, because I think we could all use a lesson in How Not To Raise An Asshole, but when they get all weird and gender-y I find them sort of bizarre. I appreciate what the author of the lists, Lisa, is doing, or attempting to do, but it’s all just so sexist and old-fashioned.

From the blog Club31Women.com, I present to you 24 Ways to Prepare Your Young Man to Become a Gentleman and its counter-list , 24 Ways to Prepare Your Young Girl to Become a Lovely Woman, but not in their entirety, just the good stuff.

From The List For Girls: Live Purely  

From The List For Boys: Control Your Temper 

From The List For Girls: Study Many Different Things 

Decide you’re going to be a life-long student. Learn about gardening, ancient history, bread-baking, new languages, natural medicine, geography, or anything else that fascinates you.

Bread baking! Gardening!

From the List For Boys: Be Bold 

From The List For Girls: Dress With Modesty 

 From The List For Boys: Look Sharp

 From The List For Girls: Prepare Delicious Foods 

From The List For Boys: Be Known As A Hard Worker 

From The List For Girls: Watch What You Say 

From The List For Boys: Look After The Ladies 

From The List For Girls: Speak Sweetly

From The List For The Boys: Don’t Hang Out With The Ungodly

(Image: Everett Collection/shutterstock)

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  • Muggle

    Some of these are okay, like “study lots of things” and “keep your temper in check”. But “don’t hang out with the ungodly”? Um… that’s exactly what Jesus did.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      I’m not exactly anti religion, but it give me an evil little sense of glee when people who are supposedly “devout” claim they can’t learn about other religions or have anyone in their lives who doesn’t believe the same as they do because they might be tempted. Have a little self restraint people! Lol

    • Tea

      That one always baffles the hell out of me, I wanted to be a priest for a while (Long story) but kept company with and aided pretty much anybody.

    • Evelyn

      All the best and most approachable vicars I know also associate with everyone and without judgment. I am an ungodly heathen and I have quite a few ordained friends who respect me and I respect in return.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      But why is “study lots of things” only for girls and “keep your temper in check” only for boys. I am a woman and I have a HUGE temper. Ha!

    • Emmali Lucia

      Because they no that no woman can or even should keep her temper in check.

    • Evelyn

      I assume boys don’t seem to need to do any of that girly learning stuff, maybe because they were made for rugged outdoorsy pursuits. You can lose your temper as long as you speak sweetly while you do it (which I would find a little unnerving).

  • CMJ

    phew, I better get on this!

  • Tinyfaeri

    So… question… what if you are the ungodly, and you happen to have a son? I’m, er, asking for a friend.

    • Evelyn

      Dear me, ungodly people like us probably lack the wholesome morals to raise a proper gentleman. Yes, I have been told in all seriousness that because I was raised by atheists I must therefore have no sense of morals and be unable to tell right from wrong (but the people who said that know it’s not my fault, so I shouldn’t take that personally).

    • Gina

      Someone once said the same thing to me. “If you don’t believe in god, you can’t have morals.”
      Honestly, to not murder someone, to not cheat on your partner or make someone else cheat on their partner, to not steal… That’s basic human decency and has nothing to do with whether I believe in god or not.

    • pixie

      Yeah, I shocked a lot of people, including the chaplain, at my Catholic high school when I outscored all the “devout” Catholic kids who went to church every Sunday in Religion class. Me, the little unbaptized, heathen atheist child (the high school had to let me in because up here in Canada-land the Catholic high schools are publicly funded and there was space). It wasn’t hard to memorize a list of 10 things when I already knew a bunch of them from being a decent human being and knowing the difference between right and wrong.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Were these the type of people who were downright awful to others at all times but hid behind their “Godly” facade?

      I am so disillusioned with organized religion it’s a bit ridiculous, not to hate on anyone, but the biggest assholes I’ve ever met were some of the strictest Christians I have ever met

  • A. Levy

    I’m glad that controlling temper isn’t on the list for ladies, because this load of BS makes me want to HULK SMASH!

    • Roberta

      Only SHE-HULK SMASH will now be acceptable, as it is more ladylike.

  • Annona

    I don’t see the problem with “Study many things”. Gasp! Gardening! Bread baking! I love reading about those things! What a terrible feminist I am!

    The rest of it is…blech.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      NOO, I LOVE THAT STUFF TOO, BUT IS IT JUST FOR THE WIMMINS?

    • LadyClodia

      John Lennon used to love to bake bread!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      A man, baking bread! As if!
      And all women can cook, of course!

      Ok, so my mom used to try to bake bread. It was so bad, Dad called them “footballs” and tossed them out in the woods for the wild animals. And no racoons/squirrels/deer ever touched them. In fact, Dad swears they all ran in terror.

    • Annona

      Nope. My husband bakes better bread than I do (I think he’s more patient with the rising/kneading stuff). Many of the gardening books I’ve read are by men, and I was one of three women (and 9 men) in my Master Gardening class last year. I was just pointing out that by saying “gardening” and “bread baking” she wasn’t necessarily implying that those things were just for women, maybe just randomly listing interests (possibly even her own). I think the message “study many things” is an important thing to say to girls, and the only thing on the list that didn’t make me sort of cringe. I took it as “be a brain, not just a body.”

    • Tsitika

      What puzzled me about that one was that under the boys’ list, she also has “Be a lifelong student”. But in that list, she doesn’t mention what they should study, she just says, read lots of books. It’s just a weird thing to differentiate. Everyone should be a lifelong student in whatever they like, bam, problem solved.

      The lists didn’t really bother me but I didn’t think there was much point to separate ones by gender.

    • Annona

      Not sure what the point was in segregating them either. I didn’t click through to read the whole list, because honestly I didn’t care that much and I figured it would be fairly eye roll-worthy. But if it was just a general list for all children instead of “boys” and “girls” I guess it really wouldn’t be…most of it would be common sense/decency.

    • Annona

      I stand corrected Eve. She probably did in fact mean that those are on the short list of acceptable interests for those with lady-parts. I had a knee-jerk reaction based on my multiple disturbing conversations with teen and young adult females wherein they explain to me that they can’t be a feminist because they enjoy x traditionally feminine activity, which I feel is being perpetuated by the internet and which makes me sad. But the blog in question also makes me sad now.

    • Annona

      Aaaaand…I had to actually go read the blog. And the entire thing mostly made me want to claw my soul out. OF COURSE shit is segregated by gender and boys get to look sharp while girls must be modest! It’s some kind of weird Quiverful “I used to have a masters degree and work with children in third world countries but now I love the lawrd and submit to my husband” kool-aid.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Isn’t it amazing?

    • Annona

      I just….want to give that woman a pair of leather pants and a Xanax…

      She actually qualifies teaching your son to be a gentleman as “not in a sissy way.” Can’t even.

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    Study many things, hold your temper, dress sharp… I can get behind these things. I think everyone should at times be watching what they say, and also being bold is important at various times throughout life, so I don’t understand the gender divisions there.
    Speaking sweetly is nicer than vocal fry, but life sometimes calls for swearing, damn it. The modest dressing and living purely was expected, of course. Though how unfair that looking sharp is not for ladies, apparently? I love to look sharp. And do the boys get to live “unpurely?”
    See, so much focus on disallowing menfolk into the cave of wonders, but don’t the girls get to care about where that penis has been? I find the double standard so illogical.

    • Emmali Lucia

      The illogical double standard is also why you will read this like “According to (Insert very costly study here), women in the US have 4 lifetime hetereosexual partners and men have 7.”

      It’s always my favourite study because unless men are crossing the boarder for some delicious foreigner sex it’s statistcally impossible for women and men to have a different number. So women are not “living purely.” They’re just lying about it. Which is super great because dishonesty is the best policy in life.

    • Muggle

      Actually I think some dudes are banging other dudes and not admitting to it. That’s the only other explanation.

    • moonie27

      In their heads, the dudes are women.

    • Simone

      I’ve always thought that this discrepancy is fielded by a small number of very busy, very happy women.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Nope, even a small amount of women doing it with a large amount of men would even out the average. Like I said, unless that small amount of women are in foreign countries the amount of hetereosexual partners men and women actually have are equal

    • Evelyn

      Perhaps they only ask nice girls. Nobody asked me and I can’t be a nice girl as my figure would be higher (assuming they mean significant boyfriends because asking how many life partners you have had sounds weird if you are monogamous because some of them obviously didn’t last for life). The other explanation is that as there is not a significant enough difference in the number of women and the number of men out there, there must be some men keeping clone women or female robots as lovers.

    • KarenMS

      How is it impossible? Not being snarky, just slow at math. I’m thinking there could be a segment of women who only have 1 partner and the men are dating the other segment of women who have multiple partners lifetime, averaging out to 4 and 7? Or is that not how math works? Again, there is zero snark in this post.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Here’s an article that explains it much better than I can

      http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/mathematical-proof-that-media-sexist-bad-at-math/

  • Tea

    Most of these are good things to do! They’re just not gendered things. The only one I don’t buy, and didn’t even as a very devout and skittish teenager, was the “don’t hang out with the ungodly”, because Christians should totally just clump and shun the outsiders. That’s what Jesus did, right? …. Right?

    The rest, whatever floats your boat and so long as you don’t shame others. If you want to dress modestly or “Live purely” (Which I assume means abstain from sex, BPA plastic and flamin’ hot cheetos.) Then go for it, if those are your values and wishes. I have no issue at all with personal values and lifestyles as long as you don’t infringe on another.

    And snow white made me want bread, pumpkin spice bread is now happening. I blame you, Eve.

  • pixie

    I love how “prepare delicious foods” is in the list for girls. I can cook yummy stuff when I feel like it, but if my boyfriend is around I get him to cook for me. He makes way more delicious stuff than I do. So does my dad. So does Gordon Ramsey. Why are the majority of the best cooks I know/am aware of men if preparing delicious food is supposed to be a female thing??

    • Ptownsteveschick

      I always think that is weird too because there is the well known sexism in professional cooking. Kitchens are dominated by men and women often have a hard time being taken seriously, but it may have something to do with women being able to handle the pressure of a high intensity restaurant. I’ve always thought that was weird.

    • Simone

      Men are chefs, women cook. Women spend up to, like, three hours a day planning, shopping for, transporting, correctly storing, preparing, serving, and cleaning up after food-related items and events.

      However, when this is done with tremendous status, prestige, difficulty, intensity, and pompous ceremony, for the express purpose of making a profit and collaring arbitrary accolades like Stars or Michelin Hats, it is called being a CHEF and that is a field dominated by males.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      I really don’t know what your point is? I know the difference between a home cook and a chef. I was making a point about the double standard of sexism regarding women belonging in a kitchen, unless that kitchen is in a professional setting.
      And if you are implying that only men can hold the title of chef, then you can take your sanctimonious sexism and fuck right off. I’m not in the mood.

    • Professora

      I thnk her point was to emphasize the double standard – when women do the work, well we are just doing women’s work; when men do it, it’s something special (allegedly.). This would hardly be the first field where women are seen as dabblers or not serious, but a man doing it is somehow super awesome. It’d be interesting to know the history of how commercial restaurants and male chefs came to prominence, though, since my impression is that noble households still had female cooks; this disparity seems to be tied very much to commercial kitchens, not private ones.

    • Amanda

      Simple. The second it started being a well paying prestigious job outside the home, it became a job for men. If you’re looking for the history, I’d start with Careme.

      As for the person that was asking if women just couldn’t handle the pressure in high intensity restaurants, I assure you, we can. Some of us drop out because of the macho bullshit atmosphere, some of us drop out for the sexism, some of us drop out because we want to have work/life balance and that’s impossible in the kinds of kitchens you’re talking about, and some of us drop out because the better the reputation of the restaurant and chef you work under, the worse the pay gets. Some of us even drop out because it’s a young person’s game and if you’re still a line cook at 35, life gets hard. And some of us don’t drop out, but also don’t get the attention men get from the industry so we’re invisible.

    • Evelyn

      I don’t think Simone was disagreeing with you finding it sexist, merely pointing out that sexism holds back women even in the field of supposedly feminine cooking. The top end of cooking is male dominated, domestic cooking is looked down on and passed off as female by many people while at the higher end it earns respect and traditionally is considered man’s work. Definitely double standards and I believe the other poster was highlighting it rather than agreeing with it.

    • Simone

      Well, fuck you too.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      Like I said, not a good day so if I misread your intentions I apologize.

    • Evelyn

      Ah, but those are chefs, and that is a mans world. Cosy, sensible family meals are made by cooks, who are traditionally women. Skillful, artistic, fancy meals are made by chefs, who are traditionally men. Actually, in England a hundred or so years ago those master chefs might have been foreign as well to stop us getting confused by men in kitchens. Then we can use xenophobia to dismiss concerns over masculinity.

    • pixie

      I know, I know. My grandmother cooked all the meals when my dad was growing up, my boyfriends mom cooks their family meals, my mom cooks on weekends. I was pretty much kidding around lol. I also know I have a slightly unusual upbringing with my dad cooking most of my dinners for me when I was growing up (mom travelled for work and worked later into the evening than my dad). Not so unusual now, as a lot more men cook, but it still boggles the mind of my boyfriend’s grandmother who is very set in 1950s customs of the mom cooks all the meals and big happy family dinners every night.

  • Cee

    I …like the Lottie gif

  • Marie

    I don’t see the problem with any of these things.

    Did you really scoff at baking bread??? Really? Amidst the suggestions that were given which were all really good, you scoff at baking bread??? I don’t understand you. I do not. You have something against pumpkin loaf? Banana nut bread? That Italian bread with the sun dried tomatoes and Italian herbs? Croissant? Buttery flaky yummy croissants? Even a basic French loaf? What the fuck is wrong with baking bread?!? Get a hold of yourself!

    And gardening? I happen to love gardening and it’s not just for some ditzy idiot to bumble around and daintily dangle a watering can over flowers. It can require an, at least, decent education to know the ins and outs of real gardening. My grandmother wasn’t college educated but she knew the Latin names of a wide variety of plants, grew difficult to grow orchids, stunning roses, vegetables that were THE BEST, from seed, and all into her 80′s. She was one SMART woman.

    As for the ungodly people piece. I can understand it It’s not a call to not have tolerance for other religions but rather not to hang with people who are of bad influence and end up doing as they do. In other words don’t hang out with people who steal and begin doing as they do. Don’t hang out with people who do drugs and start doing as they do. Don’t hang out with people who bully others and begin doing as they do. Generally, just to say, associate with honorable people who do the right thing and don’t lower yourself to crime and dysfunctional lifestyles. You have to take the statement in context of how it is to be understood and in that context there isn’t anything wrong with it. Just think if a young person from the projects were smart enough to head that advice they might avoid becoming a gang member, just for example.

  • http://anniedeezy.tumblr.com/ Annie
  • CW

    I read both lists and I’d say that I would want both my daughters and my son to be ALL of the things on the lists. I was expecting something truly horrendous from the description, but they seemed pretty generic “how to be a good Christian and decent human being”.

  • CW

    I read both lists and I’d say that I would want both my daughters and my son to be ALL of the things on the lists. I was expecting something truly horrendous from the description, but they seemed pretty generic “how to be a good Christian and decent human being”.