10 Awesome Ways To Reuse A Penis Cake Pan

Everyone has a penis cake pan laying around the house, no? Well, I managed to make it to 40 without ever purchasing one, but no judgment.

Penis cakes are hilarious aren’t they? No, not really – but for some reason a lot of brides-to-be are forced to consume one. And then have a stripper dangle his package in her face. Ahh, traditions. Go ‘Mericuh.

Anyway, back to your used penis pan. Times are tough. We can’t just all be buying things and then willy-nilly tossing them in the garbage. Ever heard of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch? It’s terrifying. There are so many ways to repurpose a penis cake pan because so many things in this world are phallic! Yay, patriarchy!

1. The “Old MacDonald Had A Farm Shaped Like A Penis” Cake


(Pinterest/ Gina Fenton/penispans.com)

Old MacDonald had a farm. And his pasture was shaped like an exquisite set of balls.

2. The “This Lighthouse Is Actually Shaped Like A Penis” Cake



Virginia Woolf is rolling over in her grave.

3. The “A Palm Tree Swaying In The Breeze Totally Looks Like A Penis” Cake


(Pinterest/ penispans.com)

Pro tip: If you’re going to try to mask the penis cake, maybe try not to frost it in such a way that it has a discernible shaft and head.

4. The “I Never Realized How Much An Alligator Head Looks Like A Penis” Cake


(Pinterest/ penispans.com)

Did you?

5. The “Well, This Is A Pretty Obvious Choice” Cake



Even I could have thought of this one.

6. The “Yay, Our Government Is Semi-Functional Again!” Cake


(Pinterest/ Aubrey Beth)

Okay, this isn’t made from a penis pan. But with all the dicks that made this fiasco possible it should be.

7. The “The Bride Has Broken Fingers And Frostbite” Cake


(Pinterest/ Michelle Sabo)

Okay, so this is technically still a penis – but is it? It’s Mr. Freeze’s penis, so it may be suitable for a Halloween party. Or any occasion where you would like to make your guests cry.

8. The “Holy Crap, Someone Stole Penis Cake Pan Mold And Made Dora The Explorer Out Of It” Cake



Come on vamonos, everybody let’s go… NOOOOOO.

9. The “I Can’t Believe You Brought A Penis Cake To Bible Study” Cake



Passive-aggressive defiant Catholics… this one’s for you.

10. The “Someone’s Gonna Give Grandma A Heart Attack” Cake


(Pinterest/ Teresa Shippey)

If all else fails, repurpose it for your baby shower, because – that’s appropriate.

10 Vagina Cakes For Baby Showers That Are Disturbing And Awesome

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You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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  • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter
    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      you are the queen of the gifs.

  • NicknamesAreDull

    I have one from when I was Matron of Honor in my best friend’s wedding. I stored it in a box that was in our garage and forgot about it until we had to move. One day, when my daughter was about 4, I was cleaning out the boxes and sorting things into sell, donate, keep or trash piles. My daughter saw the cake pan and asked if that could be her birthday cake. We were going to be moving on her birthday, and I felt awful about it. So, I made her the cake and did my best to disguise it as a wizard. We didn’t take pictures of it, so I’m hoping she always sees it as her wizard cake and not a penis dressed up as a wizard cake.

    • Marianna

      You are made of awesome!

  • Lilly

    There is a woman who did a blog about this (I think most of these pictures are from it).
    Can’t confirm since the website is oddly blocked at work ;)


    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      Thanks! I’ll link to it. To bad you’re blocked cuz it’s pretty awesome.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    The only time I’ve ever seen a penis cake was at a friend’s birthday party….she was with a dude at the time, so I guess her friends thought it would be hilarious. Not that long after that birthday party, she came out, left the dude and starting up with the ladies. Ha.

    I do not at all understand the whole bachelorette party “dicks everywhere!” thing. I really don’t get it. But I guess I didn’t see getting married as the end of my single life or my sex life or any part of my life in general. So I dunno.

    The alligator one is pretty well disguised actually!

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      I should clarify that I didn’t see getting married as the end of my single life because I hadn’t been single for years before that.

    • Simone

      Dicks everywhere!!!!!

      quiet little lol. What a phrase to read early in the morning. And there was much rejoicing.

    • DatNanny

      I didn’t think the penis thing was because of the *end* of your single life; I’ve always thought it was a tongue-in-cheek ‘OMG! You’re getting married to a thing with a penis and you’re going to let that penis touch you, you scandalous lady you! Obviously up until now you haven’t SEEN a penis because we are delicate virginal flowers! Let’s cover the party with penises because it is so funny you will have to have sex with a penis!’ I might be wrong, I thought that was the joke about the penises.

      But I’ve also never understood the bachelor/bachelorette party as a ‘last hurrah’ where you say goodbye to being single… as far as movies portray, up to and including your last time having sex with other people before marriage? Seriously, wtf is that? There shouldn’t be anything happening at your party that wouldn’t happen in your marriage, anyone getting married presumably shouldn’t have been single for a good while and shouldn’t be cheating on their partner.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Right? Either your fiancé is fine with you getting a lap dance or they’re not, and whether or not it’s your bachelor/bachelorette party shouldn’t matter.

    • Guy

      I think the point is pretty much the same as getting a stripper and going clubbing. You’re stuck with one penis for the rest of your life, so lets surround ourselves with them them and celebrate all of the penises of the past and all of the could have been penises of the future.

      DatNanny might be on to something, but Im going with the above as I’m assuming that the modern peen oriented bachelorette party didn’t exist until the sexual revolution. I could be wrong though.

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  • C.J.

    Some vandle went and trimmed one of the very large bushes in to a penis at the river front park in the city closest to us this week. Penis cake would have been a better option.

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  • Yoan Marine

    Nice job ! I hope one day you will try with a different mold.

  • John Dugan

    Reuse and recycle – that’s the way! I know this seems off-topic, but it’s as good a time as any to bring up the fact that too many men don’t take appropriate care of the health of their equipment (and sometimes the women that love them need to make a gentle suggestion). One thing they can do: regularly use a top drawer penis health cream (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil). The best cream will include a range of vitamins (including vitamin A, which blessedly has anti-bacterial properties that help fight that unwanted penis odor that too many men have), as well as acetyl L-carnitine, which has been shown to help restore sensitivity lost due to peripheral nerve damage from
    over-aggressive sex (solo or partner-based).

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  • Brandy McNamee

    “Yay, Our Government Is Semi-Functional Again!”

    If you’re deaf, dumb, blind and willfully ignorant, then sure! Believe this!

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