Everyone has a penis cake pan laying around the house, no? Well, I managed to make it to 40 without ever purchasing one, but no judgment.
Penis cakes are hilarious aren’t they? No, not really – but for some reason a lot of brides-to-be are forced to consume one. And then have a stripper dangle his package in her face. Ahh, traditions. Go ‘Mericuh.
Anyway, back to your used penis pan. Times are tough. We can’t just all be buying things and then willy-nilly tossing them in the garbage. Ever heard of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch? It’s terrifying. There are so many ways to repurpose a penis cake pan because so many things in this world are phallic! Yay, patriarchy!
1. The “Old MacDonald Had A Farm Shaped Like A Penis” Cake
Old MacDonald had a farm. And his pasture was shaped like an exquisite set of balls.
2. The “This Lighthouse Is Actually Shaped Like A Penis” Cake
Virginia Woolf is rolling over in her grave.
3. The “A Palm Tree Swaying In The Breeze Totally Looks Like A Penis” Cake
Pro tip: If you’re going to try to mask the penis cake, maybe try not to frost it in such a way that it has a discernible shaft and head.
4. The “I Never Realized How Much An Alligator Head Looks Like A Penis” Cake
5. The “Well, This Is A Pretty Obvious Choice” Cake
Even I could have thought of this one.
6. The “Yay, Our Government Is Semi-Functional Again!” Cake
Okay, this isn’t made from a penis pan. But with all the dicks that made this fiasco possible it should be.
7. The “The Bride Has Broken Fingers And Frostbite” Cake
Okay, so this is technically still a penis – but is it? It’s Mr. Freeze’s penis, so it may be suitable for a Halloween party. Or any occasion where you would like to make your guests cry.
8. The “Holy Crap, Someone Stole Penis Cake Pan Mold And Made Dora The Explorer Out Of It” Cake
Come on vamonos, everybody let’s go… NOOOOOO.
9. The “I Can’t Believe You Brought A Penis Cake To Bible Study” Cake
Passive-aggressive defiant Catholics… this one’s for you.
10. The “Someone’s Gonna Give Grandma A Heart Attack” Cake
If all else fails, repurpose it for your baby shower, because – that’s appropriate.