• Sat, Oct 12 - 2:30 pm ET

Survey ‘Proves’ A Third Of Women Think The Way They Were Proposed To Sucked

shutterstock_135032324__1381594346_142.196.156.251A new survey of 2,000 British women shows that about one-third of them were unhappy with the way their partners proposed. The survey was conducted by a jewelry store and also “proved” that a quarter of them wanted to upgrade their rings (how convenient) – but let’s not let that stop us from discussing proposals and how important they may or may not be.

A recent study of married couples found that a third were secretly disappointed by the way their partner proposed.

When asked why the milestone moment wasn’t quite the fairy-tale scenario they had imaginedthe majority said they were disappointed with the location where their partner went down on one knee.

 

More than a third of Brits said the ideal setting would have been a sentimental place.Twenty-six per sent said they would have liked more romance, while a clued-up quarter said they would have liked it to have been more of a surprise. Meanwhile, 17 per cent said they would have liked the moment to have been more personal – proving their partner knows them well.

I want to be the person that is above-it-all and says things like the only thing that matters is love! The way a person proposes does not matter at all! But I really don’t feel that way. I think if you are going to pop a question that asks your partner to make a public declaration that they want to spend the rest of their life with you – there should be some thought put into how that question will be asked.

I’ve been with the father of my children for going on eight years now. We still aren’t married. At this point, we are both just assuming that it will get done someday – we’re just not really sure when.

He did ask me once. We were both working at a very busy bar in Brooklyn at the time. I was the only bartender during a Friday night happy hour, serving roughly 200 people by myself. This was something I did every Friday – so I should have been used to it – but there was always a time in the night when I was so incredibly busy and overwhelmed I just wanted to crawl into the basement and hide.

On this particular Friday he picked that exact moment – when I was sweating and swearing and about to cry – to pop the question:

Will you marry me?

Shut up and move. You’re blocking the beer taps.

Seriously. I want to get married.

I can’t believe you just asked me to marry you in this shit hole. You can’t ask me like this. And move – you’re blocking the beer taps.

So, yeah. I guess I’m one of the third that cares. When we finally get married – whether it’s me who asks or him – we’re going to have to do better than that.

(photo: bestv/ Shutterstock)

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  • NicknamesAreDull

    I loved the way I was “proposed” to.

    He had come home on leave and we were at my favorite Mexican restaurant. He asked if I wanted to get married and I said yes. After lunch, we went to a jewelry store and i bought him a watch, and picked out my ring. It was perfect because we both really hate making scenes and we aren’t romantic. It might not have been viral video worthy, but I wouldn’t change a thing.

    • Cee

      Oh girl, I am with you on making scenes.

      I don’t like any of that shit. I had always warned my girlfriend that if she did any of that, it would give me a panic attack and I would run away in the middle of it.

      I did not want to be proposed to in front of an audience, be it strangers or family.

      I am glad she listened.

  • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    I feel like all these stupid proposal videos have set the bar annoyingly high. I’m glad we got engaged years before that was the expectation, not the exception. It was nice the way he did it and all, very sweet. But there was no flash mob singing me some long song I would have to pretend to be amazed by (seriously, I can’t make it through those videos all the way). And for that I am grateful.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      You are so right – the proposals are getting totally over the top. I would never want a damn flash mob! I would just like to not be surrounded by drunks that I’m serving, pissed off, and frazzled.

  • Mel

    I was never expecting the fairy tale proposal, so I wasn’t really disappointed. He had actually put a lot of effort into it all. We took a weekend trip and saw a kings of leon concert. He asked me the candle lit bathroom if our beautiful hotel room….too bad he was sp nervous that he had gotten pretty drunk :) i would’ve been happy with every way he could’ve proposed because it was about the person who asked me, not about how he did it.

  • phoenix81

    My husband proposed on the front steps of our new house. It was so sweet, I wouldn’t change a thing.

  • Muggle

    My fiance proposed in my parents’ living room. It was just us, my family, and his friend. I would have run away if he tried to propose in public with a flash mob or stopped a huge event just to do it. I wouldn’t change a thing.

    The WIC (thank you, Offbeat Bride, for that term) has brainwashed almost everyone into believing that proposals should be an overblown, public affair and that weddings should be the same.

    • Cee

      lol I just said I would have ran away on a public proposal too. Yay shy-ish people.

      What is WIC?

    • Muggle

      Wedding Industrial Complex.

  • Cee

    Another person is going out of their way, putting themselves on the line and on top of it all buying a pretty expensive piece of jewelry they hope our princess-like desires accepts. I was more grateful that I wasn’t the one to do it and appreciated the thought that WAS put into it.

    I think I have already talked about it. I was proposed in Philly while visiting my gf’s family. She took me for a weekend in the city, picked out this beautiful hotel, covered it in white and purple (my fave color) petals and candles, proposed and took me to a nice dinner the next day. It was perfect. After all the tears and celebration sex, I walked around the room and saw all the thought and work she put into everything. I just found all the tiny details put into it so sweet.

    I am much to shy for a whole performance. I’m too shy that I can’t even watch videos of OTHER people’s engagement performances so I had no idea what to expect and would not want something like that. I just..appreciated what DID happen.

  • Kheldarson

    My husband proposed on the morning of our dating anniversary. We were cuddling in bed and he said all the nicest things and then pulled out the ring :) I loved it.

  • Andrea

    It is an important thing. I don’t care what anyone says, you WILL remember it.

    However, I thought we already convinced you to go ahead and marry that man! DO IT!!

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      Hahaha!

  • Hibbie

    This reminds me of the Friends episode where Phoebe repeatedly nixes proposal styles right before Mike is about to ask.

  • keelhaulrose

    I didn’t have an official proposal. We were lying in bed about five months after we started dating, talking about the future, and he started a response with, “When we get married…”. I asked, “So, it’s a when now?” and he sort of raised an eyebrow and said, “I guess it doesn’t have to be when just yet” and I realized I kind of liked the idea of when. The next time we went to the nearest city to the comedy club we stopped by a jewelry store and he had me pick out a ring. I found one in my birthstone that fit perfectly (I took it as an omen) and put it on after he paid for it.
    I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

  • Tea

    Mine actually went pretty well (we weren’t sure who would propose) Until family got involved.

    He did it in front of a crowd at a renaissance fair and I was nervous as fuck, but then giddy. Then my aunt happened to call, and I told her because I was walking on sunshine

    Aunt: Oh. Don’t tell your mother.

    Then I did a stupid thing and called my mother, and she broke down sobbing, and not happy sobbing. So, yeah, I got guilted out of enjoying that day by way of family being dicks.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      Oh no! That sucks. Damn family!

    • Tea

      Yeah, it was the “Oh crap this is serious.” Moment for a lot of people.

    • Tinyfaeri

      :( I’m sorry, that’s terrible.
      I’m retroactively very happy for you! You can’t see or hear me, but I’m totally saying “Aw, that’s so sweet! Huzzah!” with a sappy look on my face right now. I love the RenFest, and you just can’t beat geek love.

  • Blueathena623

    Ok, I’m one of the ladies who didn’t like the proposal. The location was great, it wasn’t a surprise, I picked out the ring, but the delivery was awful. We sat down on a bench, he opened the box, and said “hey, so bling bling baby.” Which would be awful for anyone, but it was so out of character for him. So after we got home I made him kneel and say something more romantic. Although, to be truthful, I don’t remember the romantic thing he said, just the hideous bling bling baby.

    • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

      Oh my god! Bling bling baby??? Noooooo!

    • Blueathena623

      Exactly. I get that he was nervous, but I couldn’t say yes to that.

  • DatNanny

    I’m so shy. I don’t even like opening gifts in front of anyone. I’ve told Boyfriend that he’s not allowed to propose in public. I would be sobbing. Those over-the-top public proposals are my worst nightmare.

    I’m almost more worried about the ring. I have an awesome dream ring picked out – handcrafted, with a unique band and a white sapphire rather than a diamond. The one time I tried to show him, I got, ‘No, I get to pick the ring!’ Um, what? I’m wearing it the rest of my life. Honestly don’t even know how to broach this one again. Apparently choosing it is important to him – I really don’t get it. It’s MY ring. He’ll pick his own wedding band.

    • Alicia

      Don’t broach it again. Focussing on what the ring looks like isn’t important, it really is supposed to be about the person you’re marrying, not the ring on your finger. My husband picked out mine and while it isn’t what I would have gravitated towards, I love it and I love that he picked it out himself and put some thought into It.

      You can’t want engagement for the right reasons if the ring is one of your biggest concerns

    • DatNanny

      Wow… that’s incredibly presumptuous.

      I care about my ring, because I’m going to wear it every day for the rest of my life. I want a ring that supports a local artisan and has an ethical stone. I know my guy, and he’ll buy a ring from a big chain store the day he proposes.

      He wants the big engagement and wedding. He knows I’d rather go to the courthouse tomorrow and worry about rings later; I want a marriage. But I do want a ring to wear eventually, and I’d much rather we went over the ring itself together. I’d rather he proposed without a ring.

      He’s allowed to have choosing my ring be important to him, but I’m not allowed to have it be important to me? The ring isn’t the engagement, it isn’t the marriage. It’s an object I’m going to wear. I want it to be something I like.

      I’m just absolutely astonished you would make such a sweeping judgement about me, knowing nothing of who I am or my relationship. And do you believe it’s my biggest concern about marriage? We’re discussing proposals here, and I simply stated I’m more worried about the ring than the way he proposes.

      Does your husband make all your choices for you, and do you always convince yourself you love those choices, or was this a selective thing because you just cared about getting a ring on your finger? Do you always shut up and not share concerns with your husband once you know his feelings because that’s way things are done in your relationship? I prefer communicating my feelings, even when they differ from my partner’s.

    • lol

      So you know that he is going to do something that you don’t want and can’t talk to him about it.

      I see a great future to this relationship.

  • Alicia Kiner

    I didn’t actually get a proposal. My husband and I have been together for 12 years now. We had both of our kids before we were married and 7 years ago, my now mother in law asked why weren’t married yet. I let him answer. I figured, his mother, he could deal with it. He shrugged and explained that weddings cost money that we’d rather spend on our kids. She said, okay, what if we pay for it. Two weeks later, we were married. We did a Justice of the Peace thing, but I’m a firm believer in it’s not so much a where or how, it’s a who. And I also know that while I could survive and even thrive without my husband, I couldn’t be this happy without him. We didn’t have a wedding, I didn’t get a rom-com proposal, but you know what… I have a successful, happy marriage. That’s what’s important.

  • Sam Inoue

    Mine purposed over the phone, we weren’t even living in the same country at the time and I was complaining about school, so he said well we could get married. I thought he was joking, but then we got to talking about and it made sense somehow (in retrospect it was a little crazy!)

  • Chrissy

    I”m terminally single, but I’m a stereotype and have thought about the perfect proposal, etc. While I REALLY like attention and would be fine with some big, flash mob proposal, I’ve always pictured it as a smaller thing. I’d just hope it would be somewhere or at least said in a way that doesn’t seem generic (i.e. I’ll be really disappointed if a proposal includes “make me the happiest man alive” as anything other than a joke because I’m a weirdo and have several reason why I don’t like that). As for the ring… I literally don’t care about that at all.

  • Ligeia

    I proposed to my husband (in an extremely unromantic way, as befits our relationship) and we were married a couple of months later. I respect that a lot of women still want to be the recipient of the proposal, but I think if the “when and where” really matters to you, you can do some proposing too ;)

    • Ligeia

      Just for the record, I’m posting here after reading the article about the guy writing about his SAHM wife, which inevitably promotes discussion on gender roles. I guess I’m just curious why, with all the other aspects of women wanting equality, the onus of the heterosexual marriage proposal is still on the man?

    • Ashley

      I think it’s one of those things that a lot of people may have imagined one way (proposing or being proposed to) for a long time, and it doesn’t particularly harm anyone (though I do understand the objections people have to the idea of one person making such a huge decision regarding the relationship’s timeline–ideally its been talked about beforehand), so people don’t force themselves to feel differently than they were raised. My fiance and I talked about it many times, and it was important to him to get to surprise me with a proposal, and I was excited to receive one, so we agreed that’s how it would happen. Because I felt weird about being the only one with a visual marker of our commitment, and because I thought it would be sweet and fun, I also surprised him by proposing back a few weeks later.

    • Tinyfaeri

      I proposed to my hubby walking down the street after the one and only time we ever went to a nightclub. I know it’s important to some people to be proposed to, I just never had the patience for waiting or dropping hints.

  • LiteBrite

    Did anyone else know their SO was going to propose ahead of time, as in days in ahead of time? Or is it just me? I could just tell, it was something by the tone of his voice or the way he was speaking, and in the week before I would just be going about my day, la la la, and suddenly think “Holy crap. He’s going to propose to me!”

    At any rate, we went on this dinner cruise around Lake Michigan called the Edelweiss. (It’s a large pontoon boat, you get a nice dinner, and they take you around the city.) After dinner, he took me outside on the back deck, gave a nice little speech, then pulled out a ring from his suit coat. It was all pretty romantic. Then again, he’s a romantic SOB despite his sometimes jackassery.

    • CrazyFor Kate

      My friend’s fiancee told him exactly how her proposal would happen, complete with date, country it took place in (they were diplo-brats who divided their time between countries), exact ring, what the setting would be, and what he would say. I guess it worked for them, but I dunno, it would kind of take the romance out of it for me.

    • Kheldarson

      I knew. Months ahead of time actually. We were in a long distance relationship and were looking online for rings together. I just didn’t know the exact when, but figured it would be the next time I’d see, which was on our dating anniversary.

    • Jallun-Keatres

      I was pretty sure and the further it went on (he did it on Christmas by having me open 10 small, inexpensive, punny presents; a “ring” being the last) the more I knew. The big tippers were him saying “You’re gonna LOVE [your Christmas present]!” and the fact he pulled out his cell phone and started filming. I was still surprised as he said he wasn’t going to propose until he got a place but we had agreed on getting married at least 3 months ahead. I still cried. :P

  • tSubh Dearg

    I quite liked my proposal. We were at a friend’s wedding and late in the evening we were discussing wedding traditions from our 2 faiths (he’s Wiccan, I’m Christian) and how they could be combined and he suddenly asked me to marry him. I floated on air for the rest of the evening and when we woke up the next morning asked him was he serious? He said he was. It was just a wonderful moment.

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  • Reinholdt

    I’ll fess up: I was disappointed with the way my husband proposed. We’d been together about 4 years and he’d never shown a romantic bone in his body prior to then, so honestly, why I was disappointed is beyond me. I’d even, in the months leading up to the proposal, guessed exactly how he’d do it. He had to do it on a boiling hot, humid day…outdoors. Somewhere that wasn’t *really* romantic. It came off very flippant and careless, though he’d apparently been thinking about it for months. But unlike the author, I hid the disappointment, accepted it and life moved on. The flash mob stuff is ridiculous — but a nice weekend away together was what I wanted, and what he knew I wanted (we have the means, as well). We’re married now, and that’s what matters.