Blogger Masks Archaic, Sexist Views About Raising Children By Putting SAHM’s On A Pedestal

5757760150_908cac03fb__1381590178_142.196.156.251This week, blogger Matt Walsh wrote a post called, “You’re A Stay at Home Mom? What Do You Do All Day?” In it, he adamantly defends his wife’s choice to be a stay at home mom. I love it when people recognize how hard it is to raise children and acknowledge that it is a job. But Walsh takes his defense of motherhood way off the deep end.

Of course not all women can be at home full time. It’s one thing to acknowledge that; it’s quite another to paint it as the ideal. To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn’t ideal, and it isn’t neutral. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period.

Period. Did you hear that, ladies? Staying at home to raise your children is better for humanity. Period.

His rant was inspired by a chance meeting with a woman in a coffee shop who implied that his wife’s life was a giant vacation because she stayed home to raise her kids instead of going back to work:

      “So is your wife staying at home permanently?”

“Permanently? Well, for the foreseeable future she will be raising the kids full time, yes.”

“Yeah, mine is 14 now. But I’ve had a career the whole time as well. I can’t imagine being a stay at home mom. I would get so antsy. [Giggles] What does she DO all day?”

“Oh, just absolutely everything. What do you do all day?”

“…Me? Ha! I WORK!”

Implying that a woman who stays home with the kids doesn’t “work” is really stupid. While I appreciate where he’s coming from, Walsh just meets stupid with stupid – swinging the pendulum in the opposite direction for his response-rant:

Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.

Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, “hey, it’s just the sun.”

I realize you’re trying to come off as some super-supportive mom-lover, but this is over-the-top.

“Society would JUST fall apart at the seams” if women failed at what you deem to be tasks that mothers are supposed to perform? Tell that to all the single fathers out there molding totally functional family units. Tell that to households that need two incomes to make ends meet. Tell that to all the mothers out there who successfully figure out how to work and have a family. Tell that to gay couples who manage to maintain a household without the “mom” you seem to think is so necessary. Dads are just as important as moms when it comes to running a household and raising children. Society will not “fall apart at the seams” if there is no stay at home mom present in the household.

That’s JUST ridiculous.

(photo: Flickr/ Ethan)

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  • Magrat

    “Of course not all women can be at home full time. It’s one thing to acknowledge that; it’s quite another to paint it as the ideal. To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn’t ideal, and it isn’t neutral [should this say "natural"? Either way it's creepy]. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period.”

    While I was reading this, I was switching “mother” for “father” in my head. Somehow I think Mr. Blogger’s response to that would be something along the lines of, “Haha, but I have a Job.”

    Also, I know quite a few people who have had trouble cutting the apron strings, as it were. Maybe it can be good for kids to spend a little less time with their moms occasionally.

    • VLDBurnett

      “While I was reading this, I was switching “mother” for “father” in my head. Somehow I think Mr. Blogger’s response to that would be something along the lines of, “Haha, but I have a Job.” ”

      This is my problem with the article and a lot of hyperbolic writing about stay-at-home motherhood. I have no problem with people thinking that it’s better off that a child spend the majority of their early years with a parent as the primary caregiver (as long as they realize that this doesn’t always work for every family), but these arguments never consider the possibility of a father as the primary caregiver and that would probably be seen as far less than ideal, which makes the argument gender essentialism at its finest. For all the praise he heaped on his wife, would he even consider staying home with the children if she wanted to go back to work, or would he decide “daycare isn’t so bad, actually,”?

    • Annona

      If the article WAS written from the perspective of a working mother, heaping praise on her stay at home father husband, would anyone even care? I don’t think the author is making a sweeping generalization about gender roles so much as he is talking about his own home and his own wife. He can’t write from the perspective of a stay at home father because he is not one. His wife is a stay at home mother. Someone insulted her in his mind in a way that made him feel like he needed to respond with passion. If he was speaking in the same glowing tones about his superwoman wife who works and takes care of the kids, nobody would care either.

    • whiteroses

      That’s a bit of a stretch. To be honest- a lot of people think that way about SAHMs. I should know, I am one. And ranting on the Internet about how your wife is the sun is hardly likely to change that.

      It is a sweeping generalization when you argue that women SHOULD stay at home because it’s better for humanity. I can’t see how my son- or humanity- would be worse off if his father was a SAHD.

    • VLDBurnett

      Thank you.

    • VLDBurnett

      He said that mothers staying at home with their children should be the ideal, which is a generalization that is heavily gendered. I don’t think anyone has a problem with the idea that he’s praising his wife, it’s the idea that ALL women should do this that he crosses a line. “The more time a MOTHER can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period.” (Emphasis mine).

      If the article was written from the perspective of a working mother praising her stay-at-home husband, I imagine the general response would be that he’s a saint and she’s awful for leaving her children to go to work.

    • ted3553

      I also took offense to the sweeping statement that obviously it’s better for the kids to have a stay at home mom. I’m confident that it’s better for my son to be in a dayhome because I have no friends that have children his age and work full time so I can’t expose him to mommy and me type classes with other kids. Don’t tell me it’s obviously better for him to hang out with only his mom and dad and significantly older teenaged step sisters all day

    • Edify

      Kids totally should spend as much time with Dad (or the other parent since the world is not black and white) where possible. My husband stayed home with my daughter for almost 2 years and her confident, courageous and fearless approach to life is all him.

    • Ally

      I think he wrote this JUST for the bj

  • DatNanny

    I don’t really see what’s wrong with him being passionate about his opinion. It’s his. Something I don’t get about the internet is how we’re basically not allowed to have an opinion, because having one viewpoint automatically = shaming all other viewpoints. He doesn’t sound particularly judgey to me, and I think he’s only talking about moms since that’s their situation, and that’s the topic that came up when some stranger decided to be snarky and dismissive about it in a coffee shop. Sometimes it bugs me that we can’t write about our personal experiences and views on personal blogs as it pertains to us without including a laundry list of different kinds of families that might do things differently or have a different situation. It’s good to acknowledge different families, BUT I don’t think it should be necessary every time when speaking of your own family and experience.

    I don’t disagree with his opinion, either. The ideal for a child is having a parent at home; and at the least if you throw in breastfeeding, it’s more practical for that parent to be the mother. Children tend to do better with a stay at home parent. But the benefits of a parent at home don’t trump the benefits of financial stability, which means two incomes in most families these days. He acknowledges that his ideal situation is not an option for everyone.

    • Annona

      I agree with you. I think, in his anger at Coffee Shop Girl (who sounds like an annoying twat) he might have given in to a little bit of hyperbole. But he sounds like a guy who loves his wife and appreciates everything she does in the home, which is refreshing when so many of the husbands of SAHM’s I know fall squarely into the “What DO you do all day?” camp. He’s not saying working mothers are evil. He’s just talking about his personal feelings about his wife and his family. Maybe with rose colored glasses, but it seems like from a place of love not a place of judging others. I too get annoyed at the fact that we seem to live in a world where you have to disclaimer everything: This is my subjective personal experience, I’m not judging or shaming I’m just giving my opinion, everyone else’s lifestyle is valid too! That might be needed if he were teaching classes or going on a speaking tour or writing a how to parenting book. But it seems to be a pretty personal blog, which is mostly opinion anyway last I checked. I do lots of bitching and hyperbole on my own blog, too, because it’s MINE. My opinionated forum, not a textbook. If someone disagrees with me, they are free to go read something else instead.

    • Jessica Powell

      completely agree – he met someone who was disparaging towards his wife’s choice to stay at home. So he wrote a blog post praising HER and what she does for THEIR lifestyle. He probably did go OTT with claiming that the entire world would fall apart if people didn’t stay at home with the kids, but I bet his wife did have a moment of feeling happy that he thinks her role at home is so important. I do get a bit sick of all this finger pointing from either side of the SAHM encampment. I’ve done both WOHM & SAHM. Personally I enjoy and feel happier being a SAHM. I personally don’t care about anyone elses choice, provided they have all options available to them ;)

    • Joy_F

      The coffee shop girl sounds made up to me.

    • Maria Guido

      I think if a mother said this about her own role – all hell would break loose. The Internet is way more forgiving when dads are sanctimonious for some reason.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. If the mother waxed lyrical about how fabulous and amazing she is we’d all wonder how she fits her head through the door. Having a knob and bollocks doesn’t excuse you from parental sanctimony!

    • Annona

      But it’s different…saying that kind of stuff about yourself is egotistic. Someone who loves you waxing poetic about you like that, even if he’s exaggerating/being passionate because he’s annoyed, is a much different thing. Especially if he did it in a blog post very soon after he felt like some rando in a coffee shop insulted his spouse or thought badly about her.

    • Andrea

      First of all, I really don’t think he was sanctimonious. Second of all, he wasn’t praising HIMSELF, he was praising HIS WIFE and the role she plays in their family.

    • Tinyfaeri

      When you go down the “The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity.” road, that is indeed the path to sanctimony.

      Ditto “She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.”

      And that’s just what was quoted above – I read his article, there were a lot more examples including a jab about people who work outside the home getting breaks, or having time for coffee, which is something SAHMs just never get.

    • Pappy

      SAHMs definitely don’t get breaks when they have husbands/family/friends who won’t give them a break because “taking care of the baby is your job!” and “nobody can ever do as good a job as you!” or some such nonsense.
      I would wager that a well-fed, well-rested, energetic me could very well be a better caregiver for a child (at least temporarily) than a tired, hungry, worn-out mom. Or an abusive drunk like my mom. The caregivers at my out-of-school care often did a better job taking care of me than she did!
      This is why I hate BS like this idiot’s. PLENTY of people can do a better job than the child’s bio mom! That’s the entire point of the child welfare system and adoption!

    • whiteroses

      Exactly this. I also dislike these sorts of things for a lot of reasons. Not the least of which is that it completely discounts the role of a fully functioning father or father figure in children’s lives. Dads- or male role models- are extremely important. The way he’s writing it, she does everything and he twiddles his thumbs.

    • Joy_F

      No! He hangs out in coffee shops and flirts with cute girls on their coffee breaks while his wife does all the work. That’s what he said. Wow she picked a winner….

    • whiteroses

      Everyone is allowed to have their own opinions. But when you put them on the Internet, then you are opening yourself up to have people respond to your opinion with their own.

    • Pappy

      Seriously, how many times do we have to explain this to people? Freedom of speech does not mean freedom from criticism or disagreement. Don’t say it if you’re not willing to defend it, or at very least tolerate people disagreeing with it!

  • EmmaFromÉire

    Honestly it kind of of sounds like that woman has absolutely no life outside of her children.

    • sarahbregel

      comments like this are completely proving his point that we undervalue the exact people that do the most for their kids and put in the hard time. instead of praising hardworking moms for their efforts we say things like wow, sounds like she should get a life! i can guarantee you she has one.

    • Tinyfaeri

      I read more pity than judgement into Emma’s comment, but I guess it depends on how you look at it.

    • Blueathena623

      We are getting the father’s perspective on what his wife does. We have no idea what she does on her free time or what she thinks.

  • meteor_echo

    I think we’re dealing with the rare and elusive sanctidaddy here. someone needs to make a GIF for that particular kind of creature.

  • simpleton

    though I appreciate the sentiment, I’m not sure this guy should be getting so many brownie points (I have seen this praised on several people’s facebooks already today). As a husband and father, he SHOULD be supportive of his wife’s decision. He SHOULD defend his wife to people who demean her and her choices. Seriously. And yeah, he is also just a bit sactidaddy.

    • whiteroses

      Yes. This. People are so shocked that he’s so supportive of his wife- which is kind of funny to me. If two parents make the choice for one of them to stay at home, the other needs to support that.

  • Doc

    I read this. My favorite part was his rant about how expendable ALL workers are at their jobs. Call me crazy, but I just don’t think most doctors could be replaced with a snap of the fingers. Also, I’m pretty sure the patients who depend on them don’t find them so expendable or just a number, as this blogger wrote.

    • Boots

      Even medics are replaceable, as I found out after contracting meningitis. I used to think I had to work crazy hours because the clinic, patients, etc needed me. Turns out I was very, very replaceable once my brain got sick. Had to learn that the hard way though…

  • Diana

    I think he’s a dick. But I do think that its also dickish to idolise the working man/woman as many Americans do. Work is work, most people have to do it to survive. Some enjoy it, some don’t Theres nothing holy or inherently moral in being a full time mom but equally there’s nothing rightious in an ‘honest’ days work. In my opinion the Protestant work ethic is just as much of a myth as the idolisation of motherhood, and just as much of an oppressive tool of the establishment.

    Also, a lot of these guys seem to think that there was a magic golden age when all mothers , not just the ones who could afford to, stayed home and looked after their kids. When was this? Not since the industrial revolution I think.

    (Having said this I do feel I was very lucky as a child to have both parents working from home so I did have them both in my life full time and I think it is a wonderful way to grow up if it can be done.)

    • Andrea

      Before then, women worked too. They worked the farms.

    • Blueathena623

      Not just that. Depending on when and where you are talking about, women helped run businesses, inherited businesses, or had their very own businesses. And, uh, that’s not even including prostitution.

    • whiteroses

      Yes. Historically, women were limited in the sort of professions they could perform, but that didn’t stop a lot of them from working anyway. In the 18th century(colonial US, precisely) women were silversmiths, blacksmiths, printers, shoemakers, brickmakers…. you name it, they did it, except for holding elected office (and Abigail Adams came pretty close).

      This mythology of SAHMs being the ultimate symbol of womanhood really started in the Victorian era, and even then, women still worked.

  • Alicia Kiner

    Devil’s advocate here… he’s not completely wrong. Of course opinions rarely are 100% wrong, but I read the article you linked before I read your article so I could go in without yours in my head ;). He was annoyed when these other women just assumed that his wife did nothing all day and defended her. Kudos to him. And society would fall apart at the seams if mothers were less involved with their kids. However, the same can be said of fathers. Parental guidance and love is necessary for healthy child development, whether that comes from the mother or the father. I am at stay at home, my children are at school all day, and I’ve heard on several occasions “what do you do all day?” My answer was the same as his. Everything. I clean, I cook, I do laundry, I run errands. I fix things. I’m everyone’s everything, so I do what needs to be done. My thoughts when I read his blog… Wow, this man notices how much his wife does and appreciates her. That’s spectacular. Why act like he did something wrong? He’s not saying all women should be barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen and making him a damn sandwich. He’s just saying those particular women should show his wife some respect.

    • Pappy

      Guidance and love is necessary for healthy child development. Not necessarily parental. I, and too many of my friends, got almost nothing in the way of healthy parental love and guidance and we still developed OK. We got healthy love and guidance from friends, family and hired caregivers. My babysitters and my grandparents have far more to do with my functional adult self than either of my parents. It’s like saying “all children need a mother and father!” It sounds nice to some people but it’s simply not true.

    • Alicia Kiner

      That’s a very good point. I certainly had a lot of good influences that weren’t my parents. Maybe it’s wishful thinking to say what I did.

  • CW

    I do think it would be better for society if having a stay-at-home parent (could be either mom OR dad) was the norm the way it used to be. I think it is really unfortunate that the cost of basics today is so high that most families are forced to have both parents employed full-time and outsource the raising of their young kids to some nanny or daycare center. I used to work as a nanny, and while I liked my charges, I didn’t love them the way I love my own kids. A good nanny might be better than a lousy parent, but the best nanny comes nowhere close to a good parent.

  • sarahbregel

    i actually loved his piece. as a stay at home mom, i’ve gotten the “what do you do all day?” and “that must be nice” from the time my daughter was 2 months old. i was nursing non-stop and hadn’t slept since her birth. sure, bonding with your new child is “nice” i suppose, but what the blogger is responding to is people that treat being a stay at home parent like it’s a vacation, which it definitely is not. he’s not saying mothers that work are terrible, he actually specifically says he’s only referring to the people who hold these negative opinions of stay at home moms and how he feels it’s something that we should give more respect to. and he couldn’t be more right.

  • Xilily

    I do all the things she does WITHOUT a husband AND a full time job as a teacher where I deal with other people’s wonderful little human beings all day. Where’s my shout out? Can somebody get on that? Simply because I need to feed my kid and pay my rent does not mean I am unable to do all of those amaaaazing things his wife does. It might look a little differently, but the love care and work that goes into it is all the same. Believe that.

    • Edify

      Xilily and all the parents just like you, you are amazing. And I’m being sincere.

    • rccola

      Yeah!!!! I work in a day care and totally single parented my daughter for 5 five years (until i finally met someone awesome!) I hated moms who came in joking that they were “playing single parent” while hubby was away…seriously? I know exactly how it feels to be with other kids all day and then come home to one with no relief from a partner. YOU my friend, need a shout out!!

    • ks175406

      Shout out to you! I am in the same position. I am also a teacher who practically parents 30 little darlings all day long and then I come home cook, clean, play with the kiddo, clean more, kiddo bath time, kiddo bedtime, THEN planning the next day for my OTHER 30 children. Up at 5am the next day to do it again. All on my own. No other adults. Society would fall apart without women. Period.

  • PennyCentury

    As a mom who has to work, I hate this man with the heat of a thousand suns. I know a million men like him; they’re usually the ones who make a big deal about “babysitting” on occasion because child care is his wife’s “job”.

  • Merideth Wilson

    Amen. I had shared this on facebook, but with my opposing viewpoint prefacing the blog post. I have stayed at home, and I have worked (and am currently working) during my tenure as Mommy. Guess was “fun” and “nice” to stay at home. No alarm clock, no other people being in charge of my day, just me and my daughter deciding what we would do and when we would do it. Was every second blissful perfection? No, of course not. This is life we are talking about! But it was nice, and it was fun.

    By the way, I do see value in what SAHP’s do, but I also see value in what the general work force does. Unfortunately, Matt is unable to look at both sides of a coin and speak about them without prejudice.

    • Blueathena623

      To be fair, people also have jobs that are fun and nice. I loved my job. I had down time. I had fun times. Now I stay home, and I have fun and its nice. I have downtime. I have fun times.

    • Merideth Wilson

      I never said that jobs can’t be nice or fun, but he did imply that SAH-Motherhood shouldn’t be referred to as such. In fact, he was highly offended at the idea that his wife might be having a nice time at home with the children.

    • xstratusx

      He’s probably jealous that he’s not SAHD but had to write this glowing piece to stay in his wife’s good graces.

  • Zoe Lansing

    Although I get why this guy may have been offended by the comments about his wife being a SAHM and think it’s great he wanted to defend her and other SAHMs,he could have done so without devaluing the contributions others make to society.Was it really necessary to call everybody who’s not a SAHM “expendable”?Most SAHMs do important things everyday but so do most working parents,SAHDs,and childfree people.And comparing mothers to war heroes? I dare him to make that comparison in front of my aunt,a mother who outlived her child because he was an actual war hero who literally sacrificed his life for others.

    • AE Vorro

      “Most SAHMs do important things everyday but so do most working parents, SAHDs, and childfree people.”

      Yes, exactly!!!!!!!!! Well said.

      And, yes. Throwing the term war hero around so arbitrarily is just poor form on so many levels. Giving SAHM’s the credit they deserve (and sometimes do not receive) is one thing. Intentionally putting your body in harm’s way is entirely another. I don’t think he meant it as an entirely serious comparison, but it’s just inappropriate and does not support his argument at all. (His terrible writing was the most alarming thing about the whole article, but that’s my personal bias at work there.)

    • Irene Hanssen

      Many don’t deserve it though. I Have known many who were lazy and would be fired if employed elsewhere.

    • AE Vorro

      I have no doubt! Lazy people make there ways into all populations.

  • Megatron

    The thing that got to me when reading his original post is the way it captures how incredibly hard it is to talk to other mothers/parents without stepping into the Mommy Wars minefield. I had my first child a few months ago and have felt paralyzed at the few neighborhood mommy “meet ups” I’ve gone to because there seems to be no neutral way to ask people if they plan to go back to work or stay at home full time. I get tired of trading notes on our special snowflakes and talking about work is often the best way to start getting to know someone… But I fear they’ll get offended by the whole idea. The first exchange the blogger described in his post (not the one you quoted) sounded like an innocent query to me. His highly indignant response is why I’m terrified to try to get to know other new parents.

    And I agree with other commenters: the whole post REEKS of gender exceptionalism. In my experience, putting motherhood on too high a pedestal is too often an excuse to shirk household duties…

    • xstratusx

      “putting motherhood on too high a pedestal is too often an excuse to shirk household duties…” – Good point.

  • M00

    The thing I find most amusing about SAHM’s (and their husbands, so it seems) is the way they rant on about how their JOB involves laundry, cooking, cleaning up after the children etc etc ALL DAY LONG and they don’t get paid to do these things…!!! Gee how blissfull it must be to have ALL DAY to do housework, hang out with the kids etc. Working mums have all the same responsibility at home and 8 hours less a day to do it in. (Either that or there is some magical cleaning fairy no one has told me about..) Either way, spare a thought for those who work eight hours then have to come home and in their time away from ‘work’ have to cram what SAHM’s do as a ‘job’ in eight hours into the 3 hours between dinner and bedtime! Hey and guess what, we don’t get payed to do bathtime either!
    Seriously, get off your high horses. Working mums and Dad’s have to deal with the same amount of everything-to-do-with-home-stuff as SAHM’s.
    Oh and quit going on about how ‘hard’ it is. Us mums ALL know it’s a piece of proverbial after 2.5 years old. Not go back to watching Dr Phil before you require a gin and a lie down.

    • Melissa T

      That is supposing that SAHM’s do nothing else but housework. Or do you expect that the daycare worker or nanny you have caring for your child(ren) all day does nothing? The needs of children don’t get put on hold while you’re away from them, they still need to get fed, they are making messes *somewhere* that need to be cleaned up, they are being taught *something*, etc. And those things take time and energy. It definitely does not mean you have “all day long” to do the laundry, because you are busy doing other things as well.

    • M00

      My husband and I do split shifts so we do not have a Nanny or daycare. So there you go. Either my husband or myself is at home with my son at all times. One week I will work 2 in the afternoon until 10pm, the next is 6am to 2pm or night shift etc. You are right, indeed they do not get put on hold, and unlike you, I do not make the assumption that working mothers ‘put their childrens needs on hold’ while they are at work. It also means I know exactly what SAHM’s do all day because I get the best of both worlds. I agree that untill the age of 2, it’s hard work to be a SAHM, I was at home until my son was 1 ten I returned to full time work and from that point on have worked and parented succesfully with no need for daycare/nanny. All you SAHM’s who think you have it tough, try working 8 hours then coming home and taking your kids to playdates, cooking with them, doing homework/housework etc, or doing all that stuff with your kids then going to work until 10pm. Or, in a SAHM’s words, 2 full time jobs. Busy doing other things? Yep, I hear you, like for example, paid employment?

    • Marie

      Um, I disagree with you there. I’m not doubting the difficulty of being a working parent but don’t discount the work that goes into staying home with the kids.

      Sure, SAHPs may have 8 extra hours than a working parent to get everything done, according to your perspective. But for those 8 hours, the house isn’t vacant with a SAHP. It’s constant work all day long keeping up with the activities of the kids. Being the parent of two small children, I can tell you it’s no cake walk. All the messes the child of a working parent is made in the day care where other people are cleaning it all up… While all the messes of the child of a SAHP are made in the house. Breakfast slingshotted across the kitchen, fingerpaints… Or not, smeared all over, toys everywhere picking them up over and over agian, the folded laundry suddenly UNfolded in a heap on the floor, freshly vacuumed floor five minutes later is covered in cereal crumbs and dog hair (and you don’t even have a dog!), lunch finds it’s way into the small crevices of a toy (HOW?), the dishes are piled up from breakfast lunch and snack time in the sink so you load the dishwasher with the 1 year old screaming at your ankles and the 4 year old asking for ANOTHER peanut butter sandwich again and again and again, your one year old vomits on you for the third time (you didn’t get to change after the second time and now your saying fuck it what’s the use), it’s past time for a nap and the little one is screaming her head off for EVERY LITTLE THING and still won’t nap and it’s time to make dinner so do it while she screams at record levels you must…

      Don’t discredit staying home and the work and stress that it entails. It CAN be fun, but it isn’t always a cake walk.

    • M00

      As above, we work split shifts so there is no Nanny or daycare to clean up after our kids! I know exactly what is involved with being a SAHP as we are that as well as full time workers in our house. One parent is at home while the other is at work and because we are a husband/wife team we still mainly do our gender suited roles – ie I do laundry etc before or after work and he takes care of lawns etc before/after work. SAHM’s seem to think working mums don’ t know about breakfast flyin accross the room, etc? Do you think us working mums live on a different planet where someone enters our home from the moment our children are out of bed to the moment they are put down for the night?
      As far as discrediting the stress being SAHP involves, once again as above I either go to work from 6am to 2pm then come home and do ‘SAHM stuff’ or work from 2pm to 10pm and do SAHM stuff before work or I work night shift so I know exactly what goes on with my kids at all/any time of the day.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Seriously. My husband and I both work full time from home with a toddler. We do laundry either when she’s napping or with her shut in the room with us. I cook with her in her high chair or gated into the living room, ditto doing the dishes. We divide up meals and snacks on breaks from work. We try to juggle her around our meeting schedules or when we have to be on the phone. It’s certainly stressful sometimes, but it’s stuff we have to do just like anyone else regardless of whether they have kids. I wouldn’t think it’s any more fun to do laundry after a 12 hour shift as a nurse at a hospital than it is to do it on your lunch break while a toddler’s trying to eat dryer lint. Same with cooking dinner, weeding, mowing the lawn, or trying to catch up on Revenge.

    • guest

      Okay, you win the Awesome award and you clearly have the hardest life. Is that what you want to hear?

    • rccola

      I work in a day care and i LOVE cleaning up after other peoples children and then coming home to clean up after my children and dogs….SO FUN!!! *extreme sarcasm*

    • Amanda

      well.. you did choose the job.. certainly you knew what it entailed

    • CW

      Oh, please. 98% of employed moms I know outsource the housework to a cleaning service. That’s your “magical cleaning fairy”…

    • slocean

      the magical cleaning fairy doesn’t come to my house….just because I’m a working gal doesn’t mean i can afford to pawn off my cleaning on someone else.

    • DollySosa

      98%. Wow that’s a lot. Must be nice. Maybe having that cleaning service allows them to spend time with their families and friends during their off-work hours.

      I would love to have a cleaning service if we could afford it. (Maybe I should wear my daughter’s fairy wings when I scrub toilets.) Whereas I can name 6 SAHMs moms I know who have a cleaning service and a least one kid in school. Apparently you and I run in different circles. .

    • Amanda

      I agree with most of what you say here and in the comments below. I work 3rd shift. My sister and I share a house. She stays home while I work. She doesn’t have to do anything but be there because he’s asleep when I leave. I work anywhere from 12-8AM. When I get home he’s just getting up. I run the house hold. I do all the cleaning and cooking. My son doesn’t have a father so he’s ALWAYS with me. He’ll turn 3 in January. I pretty much do have all day to get house work done in between what ever else is going on. Most of the time I do it first so I have the rest of the day to do whatever. It takes me about 2 hrs to do everything. That’s with stopping to humor the kid. It would be SO much easier if I wasn’t sleep deprived feeling like a zombie. If it takes you all day and you don’t have time for anything but cleaning and housework, well, something is wrong there. Before my son I had a normal 7-4 job. And it was much harder work, mentally and physically. Being a mom isn’t hard work for me. Granted I only have 1 and he’s not yet 3. The only thing that makes it remotely hard is having a job on top of it.

    • Joy_F

      Well – I have a magic cleaning fairy. She does a really good job. I pay her $50 to clean once a week. I looked at as saving my sanity and helping the economy by hiring someone. I make up for it by not having the money for other stuff. But oh well. It gets done.

  • Marie

    I tend to think that his blog post was grossly misunderstood by people hypersensitive and defensive about being working moms. Good gosh the things I’ve read in response to his post just TOTALLY seem to miss the point.

    What I took from it is that ALL moms are important… Extend that to say ALL parents are important, if we are to include other family types such as single parents and gay couples. Parents aren’t replaceable as an employee is. You can’t fill the hole they leave behind when they’re gone or if they aren’t around. As humans who have deep meaning to other humans we parents have a great impact on our children. In his family experience specifically, they feel that so strongly, that his wife stays home with their kids and he’s defending her place in life as mom, staying at home. That her staying home IS important, it IS impactful, it IS filled with purpose, it IS work, it IS self sacrificing, it IS difficult, it IS meaningful. We SAhMs are DOING a lot, everyday. For people to be so condescending to stay at home moms is very discouraging, it’s nice to hear someone out there acknowledging our efforts to be there for our kids in a way that means a lot to us stay at home moms.

    • Evenaar

      I understand that it must be awful to work really hard and constantly meet people who belittle what you do. But I disagree with what you said in the 4th sentence: “All moms are important” is not the same as “All parents are important,” and I don’t think you should extend that in your mind just because the blogger was being emotional. I think that since many people make exactly that generalisation (mum over dad regarding childcare) it’s actually a symptom of a greater problem (the responsibility is hers by default). And I think it’s great that people call that out. I also think that it’s wrong to respond to the problem of people underestimating stay at home PARENTS, by claiming that they are in fact BETTER than working parents, because that just leads to the same problem but inverted (which also exists as you probably know).

    • DollySosa

      Skillful writers can identify and praise the unique merits of one group without placing them as superior to other groups.

  • Emily Anderson

    My mom is nuts. Had she been a stay at home mom, and had I spent more time with her, I would be worse off for it, and I know this. There is no one answer here. No right or wrong. If he’s that bog on the idea of someone staying home to raise children, why doesn’t HE do it????

    • Rachel

      You raise a good point…my own mother was a SAHM, and she was abusive as hell. She gave me tons of mental health problems…and the fact that she was always in or near the kitchen did no favors for my recovery from anorexia in high school.

    • Diana

      I know I sound like a nazi when I say this. But after working in social care and the mental health field I really don’t think people with serious mental illness should be allowed to have kids.

    • Pappy

      You’re not totally wrong there, Diana. As the child of a person with a severe, lifelong, untreated mental illness I can say with confidence that it would have been better for both of us if I had never been born.

    • Zoe Lansing

      I feel ya,Emily! My biological mother isn’t nuts per se but she is a horrible,selfish human being lacking any maternal instincts whatsoever.We definitely could have been fine financially without her income but I’m extraordinarily grateful she always worked anyway and left us in the care of a wonderful nanny who actually loved us.I shudder to think what would would have happened if she had been a SAHM.

      Meanwhile,my stepmother always worked (she’s a pediatrician) and was an outstanding,involved mother to my 3 stepbrothers,despite being a single mom for part of their childhoods.She later essentially became my sister’s and my “real” mother,as well.She juggled 5 kids,some of whom — cough,cough,me,cough,cough–were more challenging than average to raise and a demanding career.She and my aunt,who stayed home with my cousins until the youngest was in high school,are equally amazing mothers.

      Basically what I’m trying to say is that some mothers inherently suck and staying home would just make their suckiness hurt their kids even more.Some mothers are inherently awesome and this awesomeness is not dependent on whether or not they are a SAHM.

  • h

    I always appreciate when people acknowledge that articles such as this might exclude many non-traditional family units (gay couples, single parents, step families, even mother/father pairs in which the mom makes more money than the dad, or where both have to keep working).

    However… what about the dad in families that do happen to fit the traditional model? Is he not important? My dad worked and my mom stayed at home until I was about 10, at which point she went back to work mostly out of personal choice (she wAnted to have a career but also wanted to be home with my brother and me during our younger years, and my dad made enough money to support the household, so that’s how they did it).. but while I spent more time with my mom day in and day out (until I started school), my dad was, and still is, a huge part of my life.

    Just seems like dads only get recognized as important if the situation is non-traditional (single dad, two dads, mom makes more money than dad). Any parental figure in a child’s life is important… male or female, solo or partnered, biological or adopted or step, and yes, working or staying home.

  • R Zhao

    That’s a lot of pressure to put on one person, “To be everything to everyone.”

    When I was young, my mom was single. She worked second shift and I had an AMAZING nanny that took care of me in the evenings. My grandparents also helped on the weekends. I think I’m a more balanced person and perhaps more open minded because of it. Each caretaker taught me different things. I feel like this guy’s blog post feeds into the whole “anti-it takes a village” attitude that seems to be going on. I feel like no parents should be their childen’s everything. It’s not good for the parent or the child.

    • Pappy

      All of the hells yes! Thank you for saying this.

    • DollySosa

      I think you’re on to something. I have friends and family members who sound like that – e.g, they don’t want to send 4 year olds to preschool two afternoons a week, because they, the moms, will miss the children too much. They’re devastated at the thought of their children’s birthdays when they won’t be so little and won’t need mom as much. Some of them plan to homeschool so that they can “keep them home with me.” And so on.

      A close relationship can be a wonderful thing and moms should have a unique role, but they can both benefit from interactions with others.

    • whiteroses

      I have no desire to “keep my son home with me”. I’m his mother, not his everything. I don’t want to be the only person he ever wants. He has grandparents and a father and a godmother who would take a bullet for him. And while I will admit to crying a little the day he walked- the whole point of parenthood is raising a functional, fully grown adult. You can’t do that if you always keep your kids with you.
      When you become a parent, it’s not about what you want and what you need- at least it’s not primarily about that. Would I love to make it so my son would never get hurt, physically or otherwise? Sure I would. I can’t think of a parent that doesn’t. But it’s not good for him to keep him cloistered like an 11th century nun. He deserves to have friends and a full life. I owe it to him to facilitate that as much as I can.

    • Joy_F

      Yes! A thousand times yes!

  • LilStinker

    The guy valorizes SAHMing way too much, and craps on working moms, but I think he has some pretty valuable insights about work in general, that apply not just to moms, and not just to parents, but to all working adults. Why DOES society idolize jobs so much? Most working people work primarily to support themselves financially (usually struggling to make ends meet), and most jobs are either menial or corporate jobs whose main point is to make some rich person richer. In my experience, office work involves a TON of downtime and plenty of chances to go to the coffee shop whenever the hell you want. Leaving aside the question of whether SAHMs have it easier/harder or are more/less valuable to the world at large than working moms, there is this idea that anyone who works in any professional capacity has their nose to the grindstone for the entire 70 hours a week they spend at the office, immersed in intellectually compelling complexities. That they are too busy and important to take an hour for lunch. That the career trajectory of a Sheryl Sandberg or a Marissa Mayer is something that can apply to every office worker, and every moment that employees spend in their office is spent contributing something meaningful to society. Throughout my working life I hoped that work would someday be like that, and it never was.

    I quit my job to be a SAHM for the following reasons: 1) It didn’t pay enough money to be worth doing, considering the cost of childcare and the hugely long commute. 2) It involved a TON of downtime, just as Matt Walsh describes in his post, and I found it thoroughly depressing to imagine sitting there surfing the Internet, waiting for more work to come in, while my kid was a long ride away. It was depressing enough to do that with no kid. Maybe if I had one of these magical unicorn jobs that people say they have, that are sooo deeply fulfilling and intellectually gratifying and socially important, it would be a different story, but I had my kid after 15 years of trying and failing to find a work situation like that.

    I love being with my son, much more than being at my former job, but I can’t say it’s at all like being on vacation. If I were on vacation, I would lie on a beach reading books for hours at a time, and then take as much time as I wanted to wash and dry my hair after getting home from the beach. I would watch TV shows that I wanted to watch, go to R-rated movies, and see plays and concerts that started at 8 p.m. I would go out to bars and come home whenever I wanted. I would cook elaborate gourmet meals and have leisurely dinners at restaurants. I would wander city streets browsing in clothing boutiques and visiting art museums. I would sit in a coffee place and read the entire newspaper. I don’t do ANY of that stuff while taking care of my kid.

    I would venture to say that staying home with a kid and working in an office are more similar than different. Both involve some busyness and some downtime. Both involve doing stuff for someone else rather than yourself. The question of which one is more worthwhile is mainly just toxic.

    • Diana

      It seems that a lot of blogs/media are asking ” What’s good for society? ” Or ( more often) “I think this is what’s good for society.” Instead of doing what you did and asking ourselves ” What’s best for me and my family?”

      You know what I think is best for society? That people are happy, that they are content, that they feel a sense of purpose or control over their lives, that their individuality is respected and they aren’t prevented from making their own choices. Be it at home, work or anywhere else.

      The End.

  • Marge

    “The social position of women is for the most part such an unworthy one because in so many respects it is determined not as it should be by the particular characteristics of the individual woman, but by the general picture one has of woman’s natural tasks and needs. A man’s activity in life is governed by his individual capacities and inclinations, whereas a woman’s is supposed to be determined solely by the mere fact that she is a woman. She is supposed to be a slave to what is generic, to womanhood in general. As long as men continue to debate whether a woman is suited to this or that profession “according to her natural disposition,” the so-called woman’s question cannot advance beyond its most elementary stage. What a woman, within her natural limitations, wants to become had better be left to the woman HERSELF to decide.”

    Rudlf Steiner 1894

    • hatch

      The fact that this is still the case 100 years later is depressing.

  • Toaster

    Let’s all just agree that staying at home and working parents have different challenges and they’re both difficult in different ways. There. Mommy Wars over.

    • whiteroses

      ^ 6 zillion likes for you!

    • xstratusx

      Too bad douchey bloggers such as Matt Walsh can’t understand this.

  • Happier Gilmore

    I have the utmost respect for stay at home moms. My mother was one, and I think it was a great benefit to me and my siblings. With that being said, this dude is off the rails and a complete douche. I saw this the other day and just about went blind with rage.

  • rccola

    You know what stinks? having to get up at 530 everyday even if i haven’t slept because my baby decided it was better to party in his crib…having to squeeze hours worth of chores or making dinner in a half hour because my older daughter goes to soccer three days a week…having to choose between keeping my sick baby home or showing up to work…never having a weekend where i can just relax because i’m cleaning up all the shit that piled up from monday thru friday…it ALL stinks. it stinks because i have to work. I loved being home on mat leave. I was not as stressed. I took my time with everything. I got shit done. I was there for my older daughter and my baby. I know its a lot of work being home but seriously, its a lot harder dragging two kids and yourself out the door at 7 am and then dealing with household hoopla and mayhem at 6 when you finally get home. I was a much happier person in every way. So stay at home moms who think they should get a medal….go scratch please. its just as hard to be a working mom.

    • Diаnа Мullеr

      Exactly! I’d love to know where all these happy, dancing out the door every morning, totally fulfilled working moms are. Work sucks, Its true! Thats why its called work! The media seems to want us to think these people really exist. I have yet to meet one.

    • Tinyfaeri

      What, you aren’t getting those luxurious coffee breaks working folk all supposedly get?

    • rccola

      I’m lucky if I even get a break to eat, let alone go to the gym or get a giant coffee with espresso in it!

    • whiteroses

      The thing is– whether you’re fulfilled or not can be both personal and circumstantial, imho.

    • whiteroses

      I don’t think that it’s harder to be a working mom. At all. I think it’s just as hard to be a working mom as it is to be a SAHM, depending on the circumstances. I mean, yeah, a SAHM gets to wear yoga pants 24/7 if she chooses to, but at the same time (at least for me, I can’t speak for all SAHMs) having only one income to depend on can be nerve wracking sometimes. We’re not all swimming in piles of cash, unfortunately, you know? If my husband didn’t work nearly 18 hours a day and send the money overseas to us, we’d be destitute. I live in fear of him being hurt on the job or being fired.

      In my case- I currently live with family while my husband and I are working through immigration. I wouldn’t say that my circumstances are easy, mostly because I want a job and simply can’t find one that would make daycare worth it. I love staying at home with my son, and it makes my life easier in a lot of ways, but I definitely crave that adult interaction that you get in the working world. The other day I hugged a friend of mine and realized that I was actually trying to burp her.

  • MommyK

    I read Matt Walsh’s blog post earlier this week, and as a mom who works full-time outside of the home, but would still go to the ends of the earth for my kid, I was pretty offended. It left me feeling crumby about myself for the rest of the day. And of course, it was getting posted and liked on FB by all these religious SAHMs on my newsfeed.

    If all moms stayed at home, the world would be missing out on some amazing teachers, physicians, health care workers, lawyers, business owners, and any other profession you can think of!

  • Jayamama

    Yeah, this is blown up a bit. I’m a SAHM to a toddler and due with #2 next month, but even I think that he’s put the job on a bit of a pedestal. Yes, a mom’s job is important, and yes, staying at home all day is definitely work. Even though I plan on homeschooling when the time comes, I’m not going to ever say that what I do all day is more important than my husband working 12-hour shifts in the desert sun so we can afford to eat that week. It’s a partnership, and both partners are important. Heck, the single moms who do both jobs are heroes in my book.

  • C.J.

    While I think it is great that this dad is supportive of his wife I think his approach is a bit condescending. I have been a working and a stay at home mom. My children’s souls and humanity weren’t any different whether I was working or not. There are pro’s and con’s to both choices. When my kids were little being home was easier as far as I had more time to get things done. It was also harder because you sometimes feel like there is no life outside baby stuff. Now that my kids are both school age being a stay at home mom can be incredibly boring but it is also easier to get homework done and get them where they need to go. Either way my kids were never lacking for anything. They were happy well adjusted children regardless of whether or not I was working. All moms/dads/guardians/caregivers are important regardless of their employment status. Ideally all children would live in a loving home, that’s what’s good for their souls.

  • HS

    When I saw the title of this blog over the weekend I actually thought we was a SAHD. It didn’t take long to realize he was touting his SAHW. I wanted to agree with him, that SAHMs work hard during the day too but I completely lost it when he told the woman it must be nice for her to be able to take a coffee break and had the audacity to tell her that his wife never gets a break…says the man who’s chattin it up with a lady at the coffee shop. Where are you the rest of the time man? Why doesn’t your wife get a break? Maybe you need to step up and take over some of those “womanly roles” so your wife can go out and have a quiet cup of coffee. Hmmm…

    I will never be able to side with SAHMs though. Y’all do have an easy life, a fortunate life, to be able to stay home. I work outside the home 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. But I still manage a hot dinner everyday, and squeeze in a day’s worth of lost time in just a few hours before bedtime. Not to mention maintaining a reasonably clean home and all other tasks adults are responsible for. My son and I have an amazing bond and an amazing life despite the circumstances. But I still have to deal with those SAHMs on FB who complain about a boatload of laundry that’s going to take them allll Monday (gosh!) to go through while trying to find time to make it to their 9AM Spin class at the gym. Yes, such a hard, exhausting life you must lead.

  • Bianca

    If she wants to stay at home, that is totally fine, everyone can make whatever choice they damn well want to when parenting.
    But please, in years to come when she is sitting at home I don’t know, maybe ironing or something, while her perfectly capable teen is off at school all week, don’t tell me she is preventing society from falling apart at the seams.

  • May

    I read some of his other posts. He IS an asshole.

    • DollySosa

      I wonder if his new legion of mommies will notice or if they’re too busy lionizing him to notice.

  • Carinne

    Most of these comments are exactly WHY he wrote this article. Name one job on earth that has more impact than raising a human being, teaching them good moral values, preparing them for society and teaching them to love? What is the point of curing cancer or rocketing into space or creating magnificent artists pieces or winning the Noble Prize if humanity is destroyed? There is NO outside success that compensate for failure within the home. Nothing. Period. Its one thing to say “I want to work. I would rather put my kids in day care and see them less and work more.” If that’s the choice you’ve made – OWN IT. Stop saying that it doesn’t matter. How can a child spending the majority of their time developing their values and gaining guidance from someone other than the person who loves them most be BETTER? If life circumstances take you into the work force, then do all your can to compensate. But, I guarantee that the great majority of those who say they ‘have to work’, don’t really. Having to pay for that large mortgage, or private school, or soccer camp doesn’t count as ‘having to work’. Ask your 4 year old if they’d rather have a large bedroom or spend extra time with mommy? Saying “whether or not I’m home doesn’t matter’, is saying that the job of a SAHM doesn’t matter. Its said to take away guilt. Deep down you all know that it matters very much. But, its easier to put down motherhood and SAHM than to admit that you’ve chosen the wrong path. Don’t shoot ‘the messenger’.

  • Joel

    To me it’s good, better, best. Without question, the best scenario for children to be raised in is with two loving parents, preferably a man and a woman lawfully married and committed to each other. I’m the dad and I work to support my wife and my children. I’m motivated to do well at my job and make more money, but only because of the future and opportunities that it will provide for my family. Sure I like some aspects of my job and many of the people I work with. But in the end, if money wasn’t an issue, I’d rather be at home working beside my dear wife to help her raise our children to be the best they can be. Yes, working moms can be successful at child-rearing too. I don’t think Matt is saying they can’t. But in the end, a full-time loving, caring, stay-at-home mom will do more and provide more for her children than the same mother whose time is shared with a full-time career outside the home. There is truly no substitute for time, and working moms simply can’t give as much time. Not that the substitutes don’t work too, because they do. But in the end, the best scenario is a mom who can be at home with her children. My wife is a RN and will someday return to work. But she doesn’t feel devalued for a single solitary second, not even in the career sense, for choosing to stay at home with our three young children. It’s hard work and every day she gives her all. For me, it shouldn’t be about who is the most successful mom, but instead what is best for our children. And in the end, I think you’ll have a hard time convincing a lot of people that there is a better scenario than a mother who is there 100% of the time for her young children. I’m truly surprised at the backlash and criticism Matt has received. In the end, it’s definitely not the critic who counts, and you, unfortunately, are proving to be a harsh one.

  • xstratusx

    Everything this guy writes is douchey so I try to ignore people who post his opinion as The Bible. Re: this particular article, my dad raised us for several years while mom worked outside the home. He did an awesome job and none of us kids are bad off because of it. I agree with the poster who said Matt must have written this for the bj.

  • Five Drunk Rednecks

    When did being a mother become a job? Does a Dad have two jobs, then – his career and being a father?

  • Joy_F

    I’m skeptical the conversation even occurred. Women don’t squally walk up to random dudes in coffee shops and then make fun of their wives to their faces. Ask why the dude is in the coffee shop being lazy while his wife is at home with the kids, yes, but criticize his wife to him “laughing, ‘we have jobs.’” Seems unrealistic.

    What was he doing in the coffee shop while his wife was home with the kids all the time anyway? He’s just an uneducated blogger. It’s not like he has a real job. He could pick up some of the slack.

  • Theresa Edwards

    OMG Maria thank you. This stupid post has been making the rounds on facebook fuheva and every time I see it, I’m just like, but-but…he’s a huge doucher, guys. I highly recommend not looking through the rest of his blog unless you want to indulge in a little hatespiral. It sucks ass.

  • maggiemargot

    “Tell that to all the single fathers out there molding totally functional
    family units. Tell that to households that need two incomes to make ends
    meet. Tell that to all the mothers out there who successfully figure
    out how to work and have a family. Tell that to gay couples who manage
    to maintain a household without the “mom” you seem to think is so
    necessary. Dads are just as important as moms when it comes to running a
    household and raising children. Society will not “fall apart at the
    seams” if there is no stay at home mom present in the household.”

    I totally support the desire of women to have a life apart from being a mom. But what do you mean with “molding totally functional
    family units”. That’s fine. But did you ever worry about the needs of the kids themselves – beyond the surface look of the family unit being totally functional?! You talk about maintaining family units, maintaining households. Did you eve think of the kid’s soul and deep psychology? I often notice that in all of these discussions it never is about the kids and what they might feel and need and wish. Of course that should not push aside the desires of the adults completely…. But your reaction seems pretty superficial and is not dealing with the real issues that move moms to do that difficult step to leave their careers and financial safety often to pay heed to what they think the soul of their kid requires them to do.

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  • Rache

    Why don’t you guys ask Matt Walsh if he would be against the idea of dad’s staying home instead of mom’s? (Although it seems obvious that mothers do have a different bond and connection to her children that a father does not share, not to say the father doesn’t have his own very special bond with his child.) instead of assuming he would hate the idea of staying home with his kids. That way you can know what exactly you are hating about the blog. I personally do not what so ever feel his idea on it is “archaic” and not at all sexist. Thats almost comical to think the idea of a woman who decides to be a mother would dedicate her first 5 years of her life doing just that..mothering…would really be insulting or something instead. Ive done both. Ive worked 40 plus hours a single mom of a baby boy up until he was 4. I am now a stay at home mom of two. While it is much more personal stress that you can’t “leave at work” I do think it is the best thing for the kids. They get the personal TIME from their mother. Time is the most valuable gift you can give and to uplift and pedestal that choice of staying home (if you CAN) would be totally appropriate. I agree fully with Matt.