10 Reasons Not To Take Your Kids Out Trick Or Treating On Halloween

halloween1As my lovely boss Koa Beck said yesterday, I’m a “Halloween Mom” – which sort of conjures up images of me being some weirdo with a Halloween themed pumpkin sweater and candy corn earrings, and even though I do love Halloween I wouldn’t go that far. I love my kids dressing up, I love Halloween decorations, I love seeing little kids come to my front door with their costumes. But even with my adoration of all things Halloween, I can think of quite a few reasons not to go out Trick Or Treating.

It’s Either Going To Rain Or Be Really Cold 

If you wanna get really scared on Halloween, try dealing with telling a small kid they have to wear a coat over their costume because it’s cold out.

There Is Booze. At Home. 

Total props to those awesome parents who make the neighborhood rounds pulling a little red wagon with a cooler full of beer, but it’s sort of difficult to do that with a bottle of wine or a cocktail.

You Can Make A Fancy Spooky Dinner 


Yes, candy is awesome but if you stay home you can construct a giant head. OUT OF MEAT PRODUCTS.

If No One Is Home Your Pumpkins May Get Smashed 

Or your house TP’d.

 The Evening May End In Tears 

As some of you pointed out, your younger kids get really freaked out by Halloween decorations and you hate dealing with them being all terrified and sad.

You Have To Get Up Early And Work The Next Day 

For those of you keeping track, Halloween falls on a Thursday this year, which means I have work early in the morning and my kids have school. Boooooo.

You Can Buy Your Own Damn Candy 

Why resort to begging your kid for a bag of fun size M&Ms when you are a grownass human with your own damn money and you can easily go tho the drugstore and buy allllllll the candy?

You Would Rather Stay Home And Scare Trick Or Treaters  

You may wanna be that person hiding in a pile of leaves in your yard, waiting to jump out at a Trick Or Treater.

 You Are Super Annoyed With The Types Of Halloween Costumes For Sale 

But you aren’t crafty enough to DIY one for your kid.

 You Can Think Of Other (Adult) Things You Would Rather Be Doing 

(Image:  holbox/shutterstock)

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  • Annona

    NO, Eve, dammit! Those are all valid points (especially the ones involving booze) but I WANT TRICK OR TREATERS this year! Every Halloween, me and my husband end up eating our weight in candy because everyone takes their kids to the mall or church or some bullshit, instead of trick or treating the right way. This year, we live in the burbs, the yard is decorated, and I want to sit in my lawn chair and pass out candy to adorable children in costume. If Americans don’t go trick or treating, then the terrorists win!

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Holy shit! Come to my house. We get over 400 trick-or-treaters every year. I’m not exaggerating; we keep track and compare with neighbors afterwards because we just can’t believe it. Apparently, people just drop their rabid, candy- lusting vanfuls of children off in our neighborhood and come back a few hours later to pick them up. It’s serious chaos. And, I don’t want to sound like a stingy bitch, but that shit’s expensive!

    • SarahJesness

      I know some neighborhoods that non-residents like to go to for trick-or-treating. Rich neighborhoods are popular because more candy. This one neighborhood next to my parent’s place? The people there go all out on Halloween, decorating their homes and many setting up mini haunted houses. A ton of people, kids and adults, go there because it’s so cool.

    • Annona

      My mom used to drop us off in the rich people neighborhood. We’d walk up and down the street and meet her in the cul-de-sac. Man, those people gave out FULL SIZED candy bars. Those were the days.

    • http://ginalouise.tumblr.com/ GinaLou

      Oh, the infamous FULL SIZE candy bar house! A whole neighborhood full of those houses? Wonderment! The average regular neighborhood had one of those houses, if you were lucky. And you prayed they weren’t so swamped before you got there that they had *gasp* run out. hahahaha, being a kid was awesome. :D

  • keelhaulrose

    Thermos full of spiked Apple cider. Nice and warm, and totally portable.
    We make a crock pot full of the stuff, and if parents come down our way (we are out of the way and usually only get tweens out by themselves) we give out solo cups full of the stuff.
    And we’re not the only people in our neighborhood who hand out adult beverages. I love our neighborhood, btw.

    • Sundaydrive00

      I want to live in your neighborhood.

    • JLH1986

      All my parents friends had a cooler of beer and when that friend arrived with a kid in two my mom gave them a beer, my dad was the one carting us around so he got the beer on the walk. lol I remember I said “Daddy its too cold for beer!” and his response was “baby, it’s NEVER too cold for beer” ha ha. As an adult I am all “yeppers”

    • LiteBrite

      We always trick-or-treat in my sister’s neighborhood with her kids, and the adults walk around with wagons full of six-packs.

      My ‘burb does Trick-or-Treating the Sunday afternoon before Halloween. LAME.

  • Alicia Kiner

    I love how you threw Dean WInchester into the mix. I personally cannot wait to live in a neighborhood where trick or treating happens. We have lived in either apartment complexes where no one came to the door, or in a place where no one realizes we live (which Halloween is the one of the few times this is bad). My husband wants to decorate the yard and scare the bejeezus out of little ones, only to make it up to them with treats. I want to be the one handing out adult type treats to the grown ups, and hot chocolate or something to the little ones. I don’t understand why all the Halloween costumes are SOOO thin. Why don’t these costume designers consider how much of the country is actually usually cold for trick or treating and make SOME costumes that are WARM?!? And I think that’s one of the reasons the trick or treat at the mall has become so popular. It isn’t cold!

  • Rose

    No one on my street hands out candy. Something about a few years back, there were a bunch of fights (people not from the neighborhood) and lots of homeless people ringing doorbells and even taking kids’ candy. D=
    We’re going to the area outdoor mall. They’re having a halloween to-do and some stores hand out candy. It’s an opportunity to take some pics of my kid being cute in his costume, and we’re home before it gets dark. He’s 2, so he doesn’t “get” the whole trick-or-treat deal.

  • http://whereintheworld-stephanie.blogspot.com/ Stephanie Diamond

    I don’t know, I think some of these are a little weak. We convinced our kid to go with a costume that includes a long-sleeve shirt and tights, so warmth won’t be a big deal. We’re going to three or four friends’ houses, the last of which we’ll stay at for a grown-up drink or two. And we’re starting early so we’ll all be home and in bed by 8:00. It’s our daughter’s first Halloween in the U.S. so we have to do some of the usual stuff. But she’s only three so it doesn’t need to be over-the-top.

    • http://whereintheworld-stephanie.blogspot.com/ Stephanie Diamond

      But I do love Dean Winchester. Nice touch.

  • AugustW

    I am ridiculously thrilled that I don’t work or have school on Fridays! My daughter is just about 3 and this is her first “real” Halloween, so we’re going to have a blast. She’s dressed as Max from Where the Wild Things Are, and I made it out of super warm material. She’ll have long underwear on underneath, and some gloves obviously, but I don’t think she’ll need a coat unless it’s snowing.

  • Paul White

    I’ve lived in our house for 5 years now and never seen a trick or treater :(

  • Reagan Murphy

    I vote # 2!!! Well, actually, I can use my red solo cup……Happy Halloween!

  • limbomonkey

    Are you allergic to fun or something? Sure, you could just buy a bag of candy, but at least with trick or treating, you get a little exercise doing it. And it’s not about begging for candy. It’s about showing off your costume to your neighbors and seeing their decorations. For older kids, you can also use it as a way to teach philanthropy by having them collect for UNICEF or even collect canned goods for your local food bank (bring a wagon).

    So what that Halloween is on a school night? Most neighborhoods don’t trick or treat until 10 pm anyway. Just do it a little earlier in the evening. And if you’re so worried about it being on a work night, maybe getting drunk with a meat face isn’t a good idea either.

  • GraceyMGreen

    This is absolute shit! I am 19 and a mom of my gorgeous baby boy Taylor. When I was young, my mom took my out to Halloween every year, and it doesn’t have to be a late night! Where I live, kids start trick or treating at 6pm or earlier! If your child gets scared just comfort them and tell them it’s not real! Who wants their kid to be banned from trick or treating and have them come home from school, crying when they hear about what a great time the other kids had!?
    Your poor, deprived children!

  • lilwolf

    Oh dean orgy it is