• Wed, Oct 9 - 11:30 am ET

New Study Finds Moms Are More Exhausted Than Dads No Matter What They Do

20d465e17b4e23fe73bc87b45ca8237cThis new study by the Pew Research Center is sort of hard to make all inclusive because it doesn’t mention same sex parents, so I am going to say this, the person who spends more time with the kids gets to be the MOST FOREVER EXHAUSTED IN ALL AREAS OF LIFE REGARDLESS OF SEX FOREVER AND EVER AMEN. Take that research study! So read the following  from the LA Times with that in mind:

Dads devote much more time to caring for children and keeping up the house than they used to, but they still lag far behind moms, who spend almost twice as many hours on those tasks weekly, Pew found. Fathers still spend more time working for pay, on average, than mothers do.

Pew also found that when dads pitch in at home, they don’t always do the same work that moms do. On average, moms spent much more time cooking and cleaning, while dads chipped in a few more hours doing household repairs and maintenance, such as mowing the lawn.

In addition, “dads spend almost the same amount of time as mom in terms of playing with kids, but they do less in other areas of child care,” said Wendy Wang, a research associate at the Pew Research Center.

Print this out, hang it on your ‘fridge, post it on your partner’s Facebook wall, email ‘em it, because what this means is someone in these houses better be getting some delicious takeaway and some damn foot rubbing tooooonight.

It’s great that more men are helping care for kids, but it sucks that women are still doing more. The article also states how more women, when they do have free time, use that wonderful free time to do even more chores so they can get ahead of the never-ending pile of stuff moms do. Instead of going to bed early or relaxing. Women are more exhausted at work, caring for the kids, or engaging in “leisure” activities, which for me always means folding laundry while watching DVR’d episodes of Scandal because I’m so damn tired by the time it comes on I can’t even stay awake to watch it.

The study also states that parents called 62% of childcare activities “very meaningful,” versus 36% for activities at work. This is probably because my own boss has never made me a strip club out of Legos. This is all great for me because I’m going to use this study as fuel for my favorite argument that I always have with my own spouse, which is the “Let’s Play The Who Is More Exhausted Game.” He works outside the house, so yeah, he has to look sexier than I do and deal with more people in person than I do, but that also means he gets to have lunch on occasion that doesn’t involve grabbing a handful of Goldfish crackers, a Diet Coke, and working while tossing that back. He also gets paid vacation time. And when he comes home he always has a nice cocktail waiting and does anyone do that for me? Nooooo. Yes, he is great at helping around the house and he is awesome with the kids but I still end up doing many things he doesn’t have to, mainly because he is not here. It’s not like he has a cat at the office who pukes on the carpet on occasion or a dishwasher to unload.

There is no solution for this, but maybe dads who read this will realize that moms do have it  rough and offer to help out more or suggest we all crawl into the bathtub with a nice glass of wine after a hard day of work. At least we can hope so.

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  • Rachel Sea

    I think the important thing to realize, for anyone who has a problem with the study, is that statistics don’t apply to individuals. Of course there are dads who do the majority of housework and daily childcare, but it should surprise no one that the bulk of second shift still falls on women.

  • ted3553

    It really shouldn’t be that surprising to people that generally, women are handling more around the home and children than men. My husband insists that he helps clean the house because he brings his dishes out of the basement and vacuums once a week. Ok-technically he’s right, he is helping, but his participation is about 5% of the weekly work. This is a topic of discussion often in my house.

  • EX

    I was going to post a well thought out comment but I’m too tired.

  • Lee

    Once I got to the part that your husband has a cocktail waiting for him when he gets home nothing else in this article mattered. How do I get a set up like that?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      The trick is to be REALLY CRANKY unless you are well lubricated

  • Emily Wight

    I was going to send this to my husband and be like “SEE?!” but I don’t do anything to help out around the house.

  • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

    We do our housework fairly equally….and it helps that I teach night classes two days a week and he HAS to do everything those nights. But I’ve noticed men (at least mine), just don’t SEE the mess as much. He has no problem doing the dishes, but he’s not going to notice they need to be done unless I mention/ask if he will. He also isn’t good about realizing, we have xyz tomorrow, if I don’t do this chore tonight, it won’t get done….However, if I point that out, he’ll happily do it. Not lazy, just doesn’t see it the same way, I guess.

    • MoD

      So, so true! Just tonight I came home to something of a disaster zone in the house. It was my husband’s day off so he was home with the baby all day. I told him as calmly and nicely as possible that on the days that I’m home all day I try to ensure the house is tidy and dinner is ready when he gets home from work. He just doesn’t see the mess. And it doesn’t bother him. I don’t think he really cares about the effort I put into keeping our home clean, because messy vs. clean is a non-factor in his life. Personally, messiness drives me nutty and I can’t relax in it.

  • Blueathena623

    How does my husband drive me batty? Let me count the ways.
    1. Using “we” but meaning “you” and then getting mad because I didn’t do it. For example, for the past week I’ve heard that “we” need to wash the dogs. Well, since I have washed the dogs every other time, “we” can handle it this time.
    2. Complete inability to multitask and needing help on very simple things. On the one hand, he is doing some chores, but on the other hand, why do I have to be interrupted to help change the sheets? We don’t run a hotel — its one bed. The time it takes to come and get me and walk back is the same time it would take to make the bed himself.
    3. Thinking naps last a billion hours and thinking I can get everything done. I get 1.5 hours max. I will do a few things, but damnit, I’m going to eat lunch and put in some time on my treadmill.
    4. Doing chores at stupid times. Don’t clean the countertops right before I cook dinner. Don’t sweep the floor right before the dogs come in to eat. Don’t keep tidying the toys before the kid has gone to bed.

  • MoD

    I was going to show this to my husband, but he’s making dinner. So I should probably wait until he’s done cooking.