White Whiners are not born, they are bred. The process of becoming aÂ White Whiner begins very young, while the child is still in diapers, in fact.Â At this impressionable age, children are taught the value of brand-nameÂ diapers, organic baby food, and a thousand other little luxuries that willÂ almost always fall short in one way or another. Although the child will notÂ understand the concept of âvalueâ or âpremiumâ as she takes a wet dumpÂ into a biodegradable $11 diaper, perhaps she will pick up on the subtle lookÂ of smug satisfaction on her parentsâ faces when they pull out a fresh diaperÂ and make a point of showing it around to the other parents before strappingÂ it on. The kind of look that says, âIf only you loved your child as much as I doÂ mine, maybe then youâd be willing to spend the money on the best diapers.â
As weâve learned through a century or two of developmental psychologyÂ study, a child learns to mimic his or her parent. White Whiner parents whoÂ bitch about the quality of the day care center or the sweetness of the appleÂ juice served at preschool are doing their part to ensure that their child willÂ grow up to feel the same way. It also ensures that those same proud parentsâthe ones who insisted on the best in everything for their kidsâwill soon beÂ the victims of their own creation. Like Dr. Frankenstein or the Grizzly Man,Â the little White Whiner they loved and trained will soon turn on them. TheÂ child has been taught to expect the best in everything, but rarely do his or herÂ parents realize that this desire includes the best in parental figures as well. As itÂ was impossible for any organic diaper company to live up to the expectationsÂ of the parent, so will it be impossible for the parent to live up to their WhiteÂ Whinerâs expectation of them.
Because of these parents, the world will always be well stocked with WhiteÂ Whiners. For someday, many years from now, that child will make a child ofÂ Â his or her own, buy that child the best in everything, teach that child to expectÂ perfection, and, hallelujah, the cycle will begin again!
Excerpted from White Whine: A Study of First-World Problems Copyright Â© 2013 by Streeter Seidell and published by F+W Media, Inc. Used by permission of the publisher. All rights reserved.
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