g4i5g8qsohjzkigb1xdcWho doesn’t like a sandwich? Sandwiches are delicious. I regularly paid an obscene amount of money at the Brooklyn Flea for what was basically a grilled ham and cheese. Sandwiches make people happy. Stephanie Smith‘s blog, 300 Sandwiches, probably would have made me happy. Unfortunately I can read – so it just pisses me off.

What is with people always needing to ruin sandwiches for feminists? Some knuckle-dragging Neanderthals occasionally make the thought of a sandwich annoying with their whole, “Go make me a sandwich” bit. Maybe you’ve heard it? It’s like the go-to insult for men who don’t know how to handle strong women, Yeah, Yeah – Shut up and make me a sandwich. So clever. Ms. Smith has joined the Neanderthals in attempting to ruin sandwiches for all self-respecting women of the world. Why can’t her blog just be about delicious sandwiches, instead of started on the premise that making her boyfriend 300 sandwiches would magically “earn” her an engagement ring?

Sandwiches meant more to him than nice gifts, regular sex or any other incentive I could use to get him closer to putting a ring on it. I’m not sure how 300 became the magic number. Perhaps because it would take me about a year to make that many sandwiches, if I produced one Monday through Friday. That seemed like a long enough time in the future to seem far way. It also seemed like a lofty enough goal,  out of easy reach,  to set without complete confidence that I would accomplish it.

I hate the phrase “getting him closer to putting a ring on it.” I hate thinking of a proposal as a “goal.” I hate that she uses two spaces after every comma that she types. I love sandwiches, just not enough to ignore the gimmick that got her site all this attention.

I realized what it would take to get him to commit after the first time I made him a turkey on whole wheat bread,  with mustard,  lettuce and swiss cheese.

“Honey,  this is the best sandwich ever!” he exclaimed in between bites so rapid in succession,  the sandwich was gone in minutes. And then,  he dropped a bomb me: “You’re, like, 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring.”

I’m trying to imagine what would go through my head if a boyfriend said that to me. Probably something like, Give me that delicious sandwich back, you moron. I know, I know – I should just realize this is a gimmick, appreciate the recipes and keep it moving. I just hate the idea that an engagement is something that men avoid at all costs and women have to work to “achieve.”

(photo: Twitter)