• Sat, Sep 28 - 10:00 am ET

Martha Stewart Creates Billion Dollar Empire, Has No Idea How To Replace An iPad

shutterstock_140198374__1380374044_142.196.156.251I just realized why I’m not a ridiculously wealthy DIY goddess. Well, besides the fact that I can’t sew, bake, collage, or make pillows – I have too much common sense. Martha Stewart dropped her iPad this week, causing the corners to shatter. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out what to do next.

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Am I the only one that finds this funny? I want to make a call to Apple to inquire about when they will be dispatching someone to fix my cracked iPhone screen, just to see how the customer service agent reacts. Her followers were very kind to her. Most of them just wished her luck still having Apple Care on the product (fingers crossed!) because I’m sure it would be a devastating financial blow for her to have to purchase a new one.

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I imagine Martha lounging in the most beautiful robe you’ve ever seen, eating homemade French macaroons for breakfast and listening for the sounds of a helicopter overhead, repelling Apple agents into her breakfast nook to swiftly remove the compromised iPad.

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Perhaps Martha has been a multimillionaire mogul for so long that she forgot how things work in the real world – namely, that giant corporations don’t drop everything to respond to your every whim? Well, with almost three million Twitter followers – I’m pretty sure Martha new what she was doing here. I don’t buy the doe eyed, how does one fix this? act one bit.

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At this point I imagine her holding the most gloriously catered seance ever, so Steve Jobs could pay a visit from the afterlife and properly consult her as to how to solve this seemingly unsolvable problem. Seriously Martha, if you can’t figure this out – I’m sure you have and assistant or something to help you out, don’t you?

(photo: s_bukley/ Shutterstock)

You can reach this post's author, Maria Guido, on twitter.
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  • NicknamesAreDull

    #multimillionaireprobs

  • Rachel

    ‘Steve Jobs gave it to me!’
    If my eyes rolled any harder, they would fly out of my head.

    • Kheldarson

      Sounds to me like an old woman whose friend gave her something that she’s never had problems with before. Maybe we cut her some slack for not thinking that calling Apple would be a good idea?

  • Blueathena623

    I will say this for Martha — my sister has met her a few times (she works at The Container Store in manhattan, which is apparently celeb central, believe it or not) and she says she has always been polite and didn’t expect special service. So maybe she is just flummoxed by technology?

    • disqus_WjKIYzni5a

      She said on the today show that it was just sarcasm.

  • Blah

    Martha Stewart is in her seventies. If my mom broke her Kindle, I’m sure she wouldn’t know what to do either. There are many companies that will go to your home in order to fix your computer, it’s not too far fetched to think that an iPad is something they might come to repair also.
    As for Apple being upset with her comments, that is totally unfair. She didn’t say anything disparaging about the company. She was talking about her personal experience and voicing an idea she had. If an “average joe” said the same thing, Apple would not give a rat’s ass about it. Let Martha live her life.

    • Kelby Johnson

      My mom calls me whenever anything breaks…lol I always tell her that she needs to call Apple or take her phone to the AT&T store but she always calls me first. Apparently I can magically fix electronics over the phone from 3 hours away.

    • Chrissy

      My entire family does the same thing. My automatic response? “Have you tried turning it off and back on again?” Nine times out of ten, that’s enough to fix it for them.

  • Music Mamma

    This is priceless. Love the name drop!

    • Miss Isis

      Too funny, love the name drop too! Quick to the Apple signal Steve Jobs must have installed as well – your caped apple crusaders will be there shortly!

  • 88Mwife

    It is a pet peeve of mine, but her lack of capitalization is making me twitch. Why is it so hard to capitalize the word after a period?! That said, she reminds me of my grandma when she couldn’t figure out how to put music on her Kindle. She ended up returning it and buying a Nook, because ‘I can talk to an actual person when I need help.’ So adorable!

  • Momma425

    I highly doubt that she is THIS clueless about technology. All she would have to do, instead of posting 9823750912783 twitter tweets about her broken ipad is go to google instead and tyle “how to get ipad fixed” into the search bar. It’s not that complicated- my grandmother in her 80′s knows how to google the answer to something she doesn’t know. She might not MEAN to, but she comes across as a rich b*tch who knows nothing of real problems.

  • Rachel Sea

    I think she’s being tongue in cheeky.