• Thu, Sep 26 - 10:00 am ET

Letters From Douchebag Dudebros™ – I’m Sorry You Hate How Much I Hate Misogynistic T-Shirts

cuntsYesterday I received a lovely letter from a reader and I thought I would share it with you guys, because I know you enjoy this type of thing. This E-mail was in response to an article I wrote entitled The Top 10 T-Shirts For The Misogynistic Douchebag Dudebro In Your Life, and in this article I made this suggestion in closing:

I’m sure there are plenty of douchebag dudebros who purchase and happily wear shirts like this. You have my full permission to throat punch any of them if you see them wearing one.

 

The reader’s Email is in bold, and my reply follows:

so let me get this straight, you think the best approach to dealing with men who supposedly embody everything that’s wrong with my gender [by wearing 'offensive' t shirts] is to throat punch them? Ignorance should be dealt with through violence and not discourse?

Dear Reader Dude:

Thank you for reading. When I write something like “punch them in the throat” I am writing it in a humourous way, as a coping mechanism for the uncomfortable feeling I get knowing that there are plenty of men in the world who find T-shirts like this funny.

Screen Shot 2013-09-26 at 5.38.09 AM

I don’t technically think anyone should “throat punch” anyone, and I suppose we could argue all day over how writers should write what they mean and mean what they write. I probably should have originally written :

I’m sure there are plenty of douchebag dudebros who purchase and happily wear shirts like this. You have my full permission to cross the street and move as far away from them as possible, protect your drink from them if you are in a place that serves beverages, or if you are feeling very brave, engage with them in discourse about why you feel wearing T-shirts like these are disrespectful towards women. I would caution against doing so, because I believe any man who wears a shirt like this and finds this sort of thing “funny” is not capable of having a discussion about why wearing T-shirts emblazoned with misogynistic , rape-celebrating, women-hating messages is problematic.

Screen Shot 2013-09-26 at 5.52.18 AM

You’re going to topple the patriarchy by adopting one of the worst traits of men the world over, the readiness to use brutality to get your way? How fucking enlightened. People like you have no right to use the word ‘progressive’ in describing themselves.

I’m not going to “topple the patriarchy” by voicing my displeasure over these types of T-shirts. Writing about things like this, and rape, and violence against women usually only gets me comments from people who agree with me, or Emails like the one you sent me from other dudes. I never called myself “progressive.”

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And by the way, sweetie. If one of you howling cunts ever tried to throat punch me i would leave them in a pool of their own blood. Good luck with your war of grievance, you fucking hole.

Hey, thank you and thanks for reading! I’m sorry if I offended your douchebag dudebro™ sensibilities by saying that men who wear shirts like these are assholes and should be punched in the throat, but I’m not the only person who feels this way. I find it pretty funny that you would take time out of your day to Email an angry screed against a mom bitching about woman-hatey T-shirts on a website for parents, instead of like, I don’t know, reading a book or hanging out with your mates, but I guess everyone needs a hobby. No one is really going to throat punch you dude, chillax, have a beer, and rest easy in the knowledge that no matter how loud I howl, shit like this will still get made and dudes like you will still rant if a woman ever suggests you may wanna choose a different T-shirt. The only good part is, when a guy like you wears a shirt like this, it tells the rest of the world you are not someone we want to associate with.

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(Images: T-shirt Hell,  IgorGolovniov/shutterstock)

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  • Andrea

    The 1st paragraph in the letter gave me pause. I found myself thinking, wow, maybe he’s right, we shouldn’t endorse violence when dealing with wrongs.

    But then I kept reading and he came out as the douchebag he really is. Fuck you Douchebro. I would never throat punch you, but I do hope some dude bigger than you kicks your ass if you wear rapey t-shirts and leaves YOU laying in a pool of your own blood and piss. Asshole.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I know! I was like “wow, this dude sounds all reasonable” and then it just went wayyyyyy south

    • AmazingE

      Yeah that escalated quickly, huh?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Yeah we were like having this nice convo and all the sudden he got all handsy and next thing you know I am dead in a ditch

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      I knew I remembered that article and it was so 72 days ago! I think this guy has been trying to craft that brilliant missive for 71 days. It takes dudebros a while to formulate their thoughts, you know…..seeing as they’re not used to having them.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Yeah…I was like, oh ok, he’s maybe sort of a hippie lefty type, it’s obvious Eve was using hyperbole but I can see his point…oh wait, he just said ‘sweetie’, ‘howling cunts’ and threatened violence…I can no longer see his point due to my wearing my rage-goggles.

      Also, is he suggesting engaging in discourse is actually an effective thing to do with a dude that wears one of these shirts? Um. I’m pretty sure the only thing we CAN do about these shirts is mock them and avoid anyone who wears one.

    • Muggle

      It’s not your rage-goggles. He really doesn’t have a point.

    • Pappy

      I want to thank him. All I want to do now is run around screaming “howling cunts!” at everything I see. I want to put it on t-shirts. I want to start a band, or bribe an existing band to change their name.
      HOWLING CUNTS LIVE IN CONCERT!!
      The discovery of this phrase has made my week!
      Aw, now I have the sadz because my cunt won’t howl. Is it broken? :’-(

    • Pappy

      Aw darn, someone else suggested it as a band name already. And the t-shirts. :-(
      Hey Frances Lock, I’ll fight you for it! Simultaneous throat punches and whoever’s left standing will be the new leader of the Howling Cunts. CUNT RUMBLE!

    • Rachel

      I got the impression that he started off trying to pretend that he wasn’t just another douchebro who got mad at the article because he wears that kind of t-shirt. Then, the piety got too hard for him.
      He really didn’t even come off as reasonable in the first two paragraphs, in my opinion–just one of those high-handed, sanctimonious assholes who pretends to miss a point so that they can act as though they have some moral highground. Then, he just went full-out douchebro in a pro-rape t-shirt.

  • Angela

    So let me get this straight. Ignorance should be met with discourse instead of violence but then he ends by threatening to leave women in pools of their own blood. What really dumfounds me though is that he actually expects you to feel remorse about “toppling the patriarchy.” Uh, that’s kind of the POINT, moron!

    • JLH1986

      I got $10 that says he learned “toppling the patriarchy” from his hippie sister.

  • CMJ

    Thanks for mansplaining that to us, bro!

    • AugustW

      I’m always fascinated when these guys use words like cunts, and holes, to supposedly make us feel “less than”. Seriously, have they ever thought about what cunts are capable of? Those things are tough.

    • JLH1986

      Ha ha My husband tells me all the time he doesn’t understand why the phrase “takes balls” is relevant since one swift kick to those puppies will drop a man. Whereas a woman can push a human being out of her vagina and in most cases is up walking (at the hospital/mid-wife’s request) shortly thereafter.

  • CMJ

    He should have just sent you this -

  • libraryofbird

    Fuck it I would throat punch him. Between the training I revived (USMC thankyouverymuch) and the mean ass right hook passed down from my granddad I would be just fine. Maybe not *just* for the shirt but call me a screaming cunt and you are asking for it.

  • alice

    SOOO SOOO FUNNY.

    This happens all the time on the interwebz though. Not just from Dudebros. Some people LOOOOVE to ignore obvious rhetorical devices (i.e. your ironic suggestion to throat punch people) in favor of arguing against the literal description.

    “Oh REAL NICE. You really think that he should DIE IN A GREASE FIRE? That’s real nice. Let me write a 500 word essay on how that makes you a bad person now.”

    Dudebro: You knew what Eve meant. You knew she wasn’t actually advocating violence. So why don’t you go bang your head against the wall or something? Maybe schedule that vasectomy? Or take a debate class?

    /howlingcunt

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I am gonna make us all Howling Cunt t shirts

    • staferny

      I’ve been looking for an excuse to blow the dust off my silk screener.

    • AugustW

      To be honest, I’d love another shirt I can get yelled at about in public. I have a shirt that says “Keep Calm and Fuck Cancer” and I love wearing it to Jo-Anns or Hobby Lobby. :D

    • Andrea

      First in line to get one!!!

    • waffre

      I think they should have a picture of a Vagina Dentata on them. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina_dentata

    • Muggle

      I think it should be three vaginas/vulvas with dog teeth set against a full moon.

      Three Cunt Moon!

    • AugustW

      My cunt only howls a few days out of the month.

    • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

      When my cunt howls it sounds like a vuvuzela.

    • AugustW

      GOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL

    • ScottA

      As Archie Bunker would say; “Geez Edit, enuff a dat awreddy.”.

    • Rachel Sea

      Or jackets? I just have this vision of a bunch of us looking like the Pink Ladies from Grease.

    • Marianna

      Will you ship it internationally?

    • JLH1986

      I would pay for a Howling Cunt t-shirt…think Mommyish could market those and set up a site to purchase? Then Mommyish could use the money to buy Dudebros a clue.

  • chickadee

    Well, Eve, you know you’re doing something right when The Manly Mens take time away of their busy dudebro activities to ‘splain stuff to you.

    “See, if YOU use violence to object to our misogyny, you are no better than we are. And we’ll cut a bitch for getting mad. We’ll do it….”

  • CMJ

    I’m totally taking over but you know this is the topic that really gets me riled up. And now for my favorite Men’s Rights gif!!!

    http://i.imgur.com/6e3bmzT.gif

  • AmazingE

    I’m going to wear this t-shirt today now. http://6dollarshirts.com/t-shirts/My-Pen-Is-Huge-p-11142.html Because my pen is way bigger than that guy’s.

  • Rachel

    So, physical violence is ‘one of the worst traits of men the world over’, but he will gladly leave someone in a pool of their own blood?
    It’s like faux-piety and macho-doucheyness incarnated, got married, and had a baby. And then, that baby learned how to write emails.

    • TwentiSomething Mom

      HaHa!

    • AugustW

      I’m trying to picture how punching me would leave me in a pool of my own blood. Maybe he is just used to hitting hemophiliacs?

  • Michelle Pittman
    • Muggle

      You know, I bet he’s just like Joffrey in that he’s a whiny little bitch who would run to his mommy if someone pImp-slapped him.

      Oh, how I’d love to sic someone like Tyrion on that guy.

  • momma425

    Eve, you are NOT ALLOWED to encourage women to throat punch men. Violence is wrong for everyone, and threatening brutality is not a good way to get your way.
    BY THE WAY, I would like to threaten all you cunts and say that if you touch me, I will leave you in a pool of blood. How dare you hate on my rape shirt.
    *eye roll* I can’t believe someone really sent this. Freaking troll!

  • http://fairlyoddmedia.com/ Frances Locke

    First things first, “The Howling Cunts” is my new band name. Thanks DudeBro!

    Second, if some guy asked me if I was tight as a 5th grader (as the mother of a child around that age) I would literally punch them in the throat. Yes, literally. Physically. I would then raise my howling cunt call and run away like Batman.

    *NOTE* Oh, and if you think, DudeBro, that you would actually leave me in a pool of my own blood, I have 6 years of Krav Maga that says you won’t.

    • Katherine Handcock

      Oh, man, he’d better watch out. Krav Maga is seriously nasty. I’m a little afraid ;-)

  • Rachel Sea

    I hope his balls shrivel up and fall off from lack of use.

    • FormerlyKnownAsWendy

      Too busy scratching them for them not to be in use :)

  • http://twitter.com/mariaguido Maria Guido

    What a dipshit.

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  • Gangle

    He said howling cunts *giggle*

    • Pappy

      My rock band finally has a name. Thanks Douchbag Dudebro TM!

    • Gangle

      Aw Pappy, I hate to break it to you, but i think Frances below has already adopted the name… perhaps you can fight her for it?

    • Pappy

      I suggested the same thing. Throat punching contest!

  • Roberta

    I would swear these were written by three different dudebros. Now I am picturing a three-headed dudebro. *shudder*

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  • handsomerandyblackladbrad1953

    One question:Do “dudebros’ ” IQs exceed 50?Just asking,lads!!!!!

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  • handsomerandyblackladbrad1953

    EVE,THROAT-PUNCH THOSE DUMB-A**ES!!!!!FOR ME!!!!!!!

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