5 Miley Cyrus Halloween Costumes We Hopefully Won’t Be Seeing On Tweens

Now that Halloween is upon us, it’s officially that time of year when costumes for girls, specifically tweens, are straight up frightening. All of a sudden words like “naughty” and “sassy” will sexualize everything from bananas to Alice in Wonderland and you’ll cry into your iPhone Googling alternatives for your 12-year-old. But given that a certain portion of parents — and the whole of the Internet — had a big old scandalized meltdown following 20-year-old Miley Cyrus‘s VMA performance this year, I imagine we’ll be seeing a wealth of costumes inspired by her vigorous performance. But dear god, please not on children.

Please oh please let advertisers and costume companies stay away from this one. It’s as if I can somehow, somewhere sense the packaging of a thousand teddy onesies with Miley’s face on them, specifically for girls aged nine to 11. Please no.

While I deemed certain aspects of Miley’s performance problematic (and just plain bad), her sexuality was definitively not one of them. Disney was a loooong time ago, gang, and it’s emphatically not her responsibility to reflect whatever moral sexual compass you want to instill in your kids. Nevertheless, it’s like some parents just see this on loop:

But despite that Miley is grownup who can wear whatever the hell she wants, I don’t believe in the sexualization of children and marketing this Miley VMAs costume business to kids crosses into different territory entirely. So let’s keep an eye out for the following in kids’ sizes.

1. VMAs Inspired “Teddy”

This one apparently “runs small” so I’m already afraid.

2. Miley Inspired Zipper Leotard With Foam Finger 

The woman modeling this appears to be over 18. Check.

3. Simple Miley T-Shirt

This is in a juniors size! You’ve been warned.

4. Miley & Robin Thick “Twerk It” Costume

Everyone looks like an adult here. So whatever.

5. DIY Miley

Your kids aside, this is amazing.

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    • scooby23

      EWWWW EWWW EWWW *sprays sanitizing spray all over computer*

    • LiteBrite

      Confession time: I was planing on going on Miley Cyrus and my husband as Robin Thicke for our annual Halloween party, so this gives me some ideas. Of course, I can’t pull off the costume Miley actually wore (I mean, I’m 44 with cellulite, so let’s get real here), but I could wear the T-shirt and maybe some light-colored derby shorts, right?

      But as a friend of mine rightfully said “It’s all about the props anyway.”

      • Emmali Lucia

        Dude, wear the teddy with some hardcore white built-in-spanx tights.

        You can rock it!

      • Koa_Beck

        Seconded. Just go ALL out

    • doxgukka

      can not… unsee…

      Though, I am more disturbed by the fact he had his foot on the toilet bowl without the lid OR the seat down…

      • Paul White

        *grabs bleach*
        *pours on eyes*

    • Evelyn

      I loved that tutorial. It was uncanny how much he looked like Miley Cyrus after he dressed himself in the home made costume.

      I am not a Miley Cyrus fan but I agree that she is an adult who can choose her own costumes. An adult dressing as her for Halloween sounds harmless fun but a child dressed like that would be dodgy, but then I also wouldn’t want my little girl to dress up in any of the scanty costumes of a few other famous singers who did not grow up in a Disney show so seem to shock us less. My choice and not her responsibility.

    • chickadee

      The lemons….!

      That guy was awesome. Very sixy.

    • Marcy_darcy_19

      Heyyyyy! That leotard on Ebay is mine :) Thanks for the recognition! I’ve sold about 200 of these things so far, and unfortunately I know that some of them have been purchased by tweens. I blame their parents though b/c kids shouldn’t have the ability to buy items on Ebay!

    • Robert Kearn

      here is the deal, the older you are the more you are against it, in America anyway. the younger you are the more you do not see anything wrong with it. eventually the old will perish and then the people who are young now, will except it as being no big deal at least most of them will. there is always the exceptions. do you really thing that if a 10 year old dresses like a pimp one day a year he will grow up to become a pimp? the fact that he had a good loving family who taught him right from wrong and who grew up in a good neighborhood have nothing to do with it? kids know way more than most adults think they know. trust me.

    • Robert Kearn

      here is the deal, the older you are the more you are against it, in America anyway. the younger you are the more you do not see anything wrong with it. eventually the old will perish and then the people who are young now, will except it as being no big deal at least most of them will. there is always the exceptions. do you really thing that if a 10 year old dresses like a pimp one day a year he will grow up to become a pimp? the fact that he had a good loving family who taught him right from wrong and who grew up in a good neighborhood have nothing to do with it? kids know way more than most adults think they know. trust me.