Your Toddler Can Join The CrossFit Cult For An Obscene Amount Of Money

toddler tumblingIt’s increasingly becoming part of the New Yorker experience (and probably elsewhere) to lose many a friend to the CrossFit Cult. First come the cancelled plans, then the near hourly Facebook updates along with maps that read “CrossFit!” and before you know it they’re on the Paleo diet. Well now, CrossFitters and the CrossFit curious can also enroll their toddlers in the lifestyle that is CrossFit. But it will cost you! reports that the Hunters Point gym CrossFit Gantry is offering classes to children as young as three years old starting this week. But lest you think this is just Gymboree with different toys, it’s reported that these kids will be participating in “a specially tailored version of the popular fitness program — which emphasizes strength, conditioning and a varied workout routine.” So not quite what the grownups are doing:

Unlike the adult version of the workouts, Gantry Kids won’t be expected to lift a kettlebell above their heads. The classes will teach them the traditional CrossFit movements, like squats and overhead presses, but without weights…The classes will incorporate colors, counting and add an element of imagination to movement.

Kids will practice their best bear crawl or crab walk, build castles out of fitness mats and move them together as a team, or do a squat while pretending to be an angry gorilla…

CrossFit Kids will also emphasize functionality in movement, teaching children exercises that apply to their everyday life, like how to lift a heavy backpack without injuring themselves.

But those are some expensive bear crawls, I tell you. A kids membership reportedly costs $140 for ONE class a week. You big spenders can get two classes a week (Thursdays and Saturdays ONLY) for $280 a month. That’s nearly the equivalent of two grownup Equinox monthly memberships. And at least here in NYC, there are occasionally supermodels in those.

(photo: peterHDK)

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  • Paul White

    I love the idea of general fitness, but high rep oly lifting makes me shudder.

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    Umm yea, I’m off to the YMCA while they still have a $0 joiner’s fee.

    • keelhaulrose

      Before our Y shut down it was $60 a month… for two adults and two kids. I miss that place.

    • Koa_Beck

      My Y is 40 bucks a month flat. It’s the best place ever.

    • Tea

      Super jealous, ours is 65$ for a single or 90$ for a couple.

  • TngldBlue

    OR you could just take them outside to play for free.

    • Koa_Beck


  • NicknamesAreDull

    Crossfit scares me because people regularly life things that weigh twice as much as I do, then slam them on the ground. My husband’s old command had them to some crossfit for PT, and he had nasty blisters on his hands.

  • kay

    so, when i’ve been sarcastically telling my baby i’m signing her up for baby crossfit i clearly should’ve been trademarking that shit. NO ONE STEAL MY IDEA PLZ. Going to go figure out how to modify burpees for someone who cannot walk yet.

  • Rachel Sea

    I want to be rich enough to do something that silly. That’s more than the average foster child is allocated to live.

  • Rachel

    The cost for once a week is around what my gym charges for a year. I’m trying to decide if I would have to be more terrible-with-money or more pretentious to pay that kind of $$$ for a fitness program for my kid. He’s a kid, he doesn’t need a personal trainer…he needs to sign up for a sport.

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