• Thu, Sep 19 - 11:00 am ET

Anonymous Mom: My Cousin With Quadruplets Is Hogging All The Free Family Child Care

Four Noras on the SofaAnonymous Mom is a weekly column of motherhood confessions, indiscretions, and parental shortcomings selected by Mommyish editors. Under this unanimous byline, readers can share their own stories, secrets, and moments of weakness with complete anonymity.

I am a working mom with three children ranging in age from six to one. I work because I do like my job, but I also have to work. I am married and my husband does help a lot with our children but it still seems daunting at times. I know we had them and it is our responsibility to love and care for them. I absolutely love my children and enjoy lots of things about them but let’s face it, it is harder to have more than one child. Period. I am tired of hearing we have it easy because we only had one child at a time.

A few years ago, my cousin had fertility problems and ended up having quadruplets. Everyone rushed to help. But the help has continued and every time we ask for a night out, we are told no one can because they are helping with the quads. They have had constant help from lots of family members for years now. I understand they needed it when the quads were preemie babies (my first was a preemie too), but the kids are almost three years old now and my cousin has never watched them by herself for a day!

They have constant free babysitting and help with meals, clothes, diapers, etc. People still come to their house every day and weekend to help babysit and cook. People watch their kids while they go on vacation by themselves or grocery shop. She gets to go have her hair done at a salon. Mine is dyed from a box at home. I get to race home from work every day and cook for five, clean it up, and plan another meal for the next day. Every family event is centered around my cousin’s needs and who can help them with their four kids. I want to scream out loud, “I have three kids and haven’t had a date night in years. No one helps me! No one watches my kids while I go to the store by myself! No one takes my kids and let’s me and my husband take a vacation by ourselves!”

Recently I asked my cousin how potty training was going. I was answered with, “you try potty training four by yourself!”

I did snap back, “my daycare person did just that when my son was two. In fact, she did it while watching four 2-year-olds and other kids on top of it.” They act like everything is so hard for them when I don’t see how it could be with all the help they get.

I understand parents of multiples do have stresses and concerns that I don’t. However, I wish my extended family could see that we could use some help too. And just because we had three slightly spread out, that doesn’t make parenting any less stressful. I want to tell my cousin, “you try chasing three kids around a store while buying food and keeping a budget. We pay for our daycare and it is not cheap!”

Parenting any child or children is not easy. It is the most difficult thing I have ever done or will do. Sometimes I think having three or four at once would be easier. At least you would have all the rough years over in one shot.

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(photo: erikrasmussen)

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  • drinkpepsi

    Wow. Just wow. Talk about entitled.

    This woman has quadruplets under the age of three. Do you have any idea just how busy that is and how stressful that poor woman must be, even with some family help?

    I bet she doesn’t get many people offering to stay the night and help out when each of the four kids wakes up with a bad dream, or because they need a diaper change, etc.

    If you need a babysitter for a night out – pay for one.

    Wow.

    • Elizabeth

      Do you think her cousin should also start paying for her babysitters?

    • EmmaFromÉire

      Only good mommies who had all of their children at once get free childcare. Those selfish working mommies can fuck right off. Had your kids one at a time? No childcare for you!

    • Andrea

      You know, no offense, but fuck this shit. Just fuck it.

      Yeah, it’s true: no one OWES anon help. But just because she didn’t have her kids all at the same time does not mean she needs it any less or is ANY less deserving of it.

      Having four kids PERIOD is a lot of hard fucking work.

    • Melissa

      Agreed. Having any number of kids is hard work! Just as no one OWES anon help, no one OWES cousin help either. Yet she continues to get it, and anon doesn’t. Cousin is the entitled one, thinking that by popping 4 kids out at once, she should get all the free childcare.

    • whiteroses

      It could be that people volunteer to help, and she takes it. And it could be that the help is offered by others instead of demanded by the cousin. We don’t know.

    • drinkpepsi

      Well said!

    • drinkpepsi

      Except the author has three. And one would assume her oldest (at 6) is in school full-time. Possibly the middle child as well.

      Sorry. You just can’t compare having three kids spaced out to having four babies or toddlers.

      (Both are busy…but the mom of quads DOES have it harder).

    • Andrea

      Yeah I put up with that multiple sanctimommy bullshit for years (close relative had twins). It’s bullshit. I have kept them for days at a time and it is exhausting, but no more exhausting than my own two children were when they were little.

      They act like they won the mommy competition because they had more than one at a time.

    • drinkpepsi

      Ahh…suddenly all your bitter posts make sense.

    • Andrea

      Yeah you being a dick all day makes all the sense too.

  • Emmali Lucia

    Honestly I’d privately bring it up to all your family members (But one at a time) that you are struggling and you’d really enjoy it if someone could watch the kids while you and your husband reconnected over a nice date night.

    I mean, do all your family members watch the quads at the same time? I’m willing to bet at least one of them is free and you can work it out so you don’t feel so jealous and your resentment over the whole childcare situation.

    • Bethany Ramos

      Agreed:

      1. It should be addressed just to see if other family members are willing.

      2. My in-laws sometimes seem reluctant to babysit because they’re pretty reserved, so we just pay a sitter (which I know everyone can’t afford, but it’s so worth it for at least a few date nights). This is kind of petty, but I want them to feel a little “jealous”, like we aren’t trying to pump free childcare out of them. Then they usually get more excited to watch the grand-kids as quality time vs. “babysitting.” Either way, we get a date night, and it makes me less frustrated to depend on family 100%.

    • Tinyfaeri

      This. Some people, either intentionally or unintentionally, project an image that they don’t really need help. Sitting down with her family and telling them some of what she’s going through may help them realize that she needs help, too.

    • whiteroses

      I agree with this- but I still say that resenting her cousin because her cousin gets help doesn’t make a heck of a lot of sense.

      I get the sense that there’s more going on here than the author’s willing to tell.

    • Tinyfaeri

      How people feel doesn’t always make sense. I think it’s kind of natural to see someone getting more help from shared family and feel a little put out, however unreasonable or irrational that may be.

    • whiteroses

      Sure. But we don’t know if she’s actually told her family members any of this. If she hasn’t, she really can’t complain.

    • Carrie-Nell

      in her post she did say that when she has asked her family members for help and every time she does she is told “No, they are too busy helping with the quads” I think that is part of why she is is so resentful towards her cousin

    • LET

      Eh, I dunno. Logically, you have a point, but I know it’s hard not to compare family treatment between oneself and another female in the family of a similar age. I know my sister was slightly jealous when I first had my son, because of all of the help I got (his father bailed & I was laid off while pregnant, so my family graciously stepped in to help), while I sometimes get jealous of the attention my sister receives because she did things the “right” way & it seems like my parents are always gushing over her family. I think it’s natural to compare, even if it isn’t logical.
      That said, I do agree that the author should speak up. It’s very likely that her family just thinks she has it all together & doesn’t offer help because of that. If she speaks up & the family doesn’t really jump to help, I would probably talk to the cousin to possibly arrange group get togethers that would allow them to trade off helping/receiving support. If that didn’t work, I’d lower my expectations of family & try to set up a babysitting swap or somehting.

    • whiteroses

      Oh, I agree that a person’s emotions don’t have to make sense as a rule. My husband watches my nieces a LOT, despite the fact that my SIL is a SAHM, because (and I quote) “she’s a squeaky wheel.”

    • Melissa

      My guess is that it’s not that all of the family are occupied with the quads at the same time, but that each family member (who likely has other responsibilities of their own, be it a job, their own family, etc.) has allotted a certain amount of “babysitting time” that gets used up by the quads, and there is none leftover for this anonymous mom. Everyone only has a finite amount of time to go around.

      That doesn’t mean there isn’t more to the story. This mom’s 3 kids could be complete hellraisers and nobody wants to watch them.

  • T

    I am a single mom of 4, I work full time, no help from baby daddy (havent even heard from him in a year) and no help from my very large family. They are always WAY too busy, helping my sisters, who have husbands, with their one or 2 kids. The excuse being “Their kids are younger than yous, they need it more”….mine are 9,7,5,3….Trust me, I get it. And it sucks.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      hero of the day here

    • T

      LOL I put myself through school full time, worked part time after my ex left (2 yrs ago, and worked part time)
      Nothing to do with being a hero LOL…kids have this annoying habit of needing shelter and food…HAHA!
      And as far as this girl goes, no matter your situation, EVERY mom needs a break sometime. I took my first vacation in 10 years, this year. I had to pay a sitter a $1000 so I could go…because not one person in my HUGE fam would help.

    • Koa_Beck

      T! Would you please email me your story? Assuming you have time to write….. koa@mommyish.com

    • T

      Emailed ya!

    • Koa_Beck

      Didn’t get anything!

      Try koa.beck@alloydigital.com!

    • disqus_YI9N0ss4FL

      KK! just resent it :)

    • gothicgaelicgirl

      Koa_Beck- Can I ask how you go about writing a piece? I have something I’d like to share for input but I don’t know if it’s good enough…Studied Journalism for four years but I ended up working in a shop…knocked the confidence a bit…

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      You rock for real

    • LK

      I don’t understand why your family doesn’t help you, T. Have they said WHY they’re willing to help other family members but not you? It just doesn’t make any sense. I couldn’t imagine being in that situation, my heart goes out to you.

    • disqus_YI9N0ss4FL

      Its T, LOL just made my account, gotta figure out how to change my name. My fam is extremely religious. i am not. According to them, my hardships in life are my fault, as they are god’s punishments for my sins (im divorced and I dont go to church) so yeah…I don’t deserve the help until i cleanse my soul and all that

    • whiteroses

      I’m not sure I’d WANT their help…

    • LK

      Oh for crying out loud!! I’m sorry, that’s AWFUL. Screw ‘em.

    • disqus_YI9N0ss4FL

      Its ok! I dont really resent them anymore, just kinda feel bad for them, they are missing out on a lot with their 4 beautiful nieces and nephews. And at this point, I have it down to a science. LOL

    • Blooming_Babies

      Love the positive outlook, hate Christians who seem to have missed the whole message.

    • Talia Gamble

      If I were you, i’d throw up pentagrams and goat horns in my house whenever they visited just to really irk them. ;P

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Oh lord Loooool.

    • Koa_Beck

      Legit question: do you wear a cape throughout your day?

    • Evelyn

      As I said in my comment to the anonymous poster, it sounds like your family think you are a competent mother and don’t trust the parenting skills of your sisters so much. It is terribly hard luck when the help you lack from your family would make a huge difference to you, but it does mean you must be doing a good job raising your kids. Well done.

    • Kat

      Exactly. I know it doesn’t help much, but obviously your family finds you to be more qualified for the job!

    • Daniela

      How do you afford daycare? Seriously…

  • Angela

    It sounds like you’re really under a lot of pressure which is totally understandable. You need a break, but it looks like that not going to be coming from your family. They have a right to decide who to help and when and it sounds like they’ve chosen to focus their efforts on your cousin. To be fair I think you’re being a bit harsh on her. Parenting 4 two year olds at once sounds to me like the stuff insanity is made of, and it’s nothing like being a daycare provider where you get to hand them off at the end of the day. I also would imagine that since your relatives have been caring for them since birth that they’ve really bonded with them so I can totally understand their wanting to remain so involved. Yeah I’m sure you wish they had that type of relationship with your kids too, but on the other hand your kids don’t need it as much because they’re spaced further apart and you’re better able to meet all their needs at once.

    So I’d suggest just letting the family thing go and looking elsewhere for support. If you can’t afford to hire sitters perhaps you know some moms you could arrange swaps with. Or if you don’t maybe you could join a local moms club or perhaps you and your husband can arrange your schedules so that you can get a little “you” time.

    • Angela

      Also, I don’t live near enough any family to really rely on them for babysitting so I get how stressful that is. But the truth is that nobody except your husband owes it to you to pitch in and the sooner you get past that the easier it will be to find a solution.

    • whiteroses

      Exactly. My parents help us out a lot, mostly because my husband isn’t home very much. But they do it because THEY want to, not because I feel like they owe it to me and I’ve guilted them into it.

  • whiteroses

    I get that you’re stressed out- but it’s entirely possible that she may have some things going on that you know nothing about. Parents of multiples have something like triple the divorce rate. And having four babies at once isn’t easy.

    Unless you live with your cousin, her husband, and her kids, you have absolutely no idea what’s going on in her life. I have one son. And I get a lot of help with him from family and friends for a lot of different reasons. No one has ever begrudged me that. I have a hard time imagining the sort of relationships I’d have with the people that did. If you want “me” time (and there’s no shame in that, we all need it) then hiring a babysitter might be the way to go. Guilting your family members into helping you isn’t going to produce the results you want.

    • Amy Hauck Nelson

      I think you are both a little right here. I come from a situation where I have a huge family, but we are the babysitters, along with both sets of grandparents. It really is a situation of the squeaky wheel gets the grease, regardless of how many kids you have, and that can be hard for parents who really need a break and can’t afford a babysitter (or find a trustworthy one). For her to start begging everyone always to help isn’t good, but if she doesn’t they all assume she’s got this and don’t offer. That sucks, and it isn’t really something you can relate to if you’ve always had help from your family.

      I disagree that there needs to be more to this story. It is likley just as she tells – I’ve seen it loads of times. She asks for someone to babysit, and they tell her they’re already babysitting the quads, or have used up all their free time on the quads. That is a situation that is naturally going to bring hard feelings, and I think it’s a real shame that none of their family seems to recognize that.

    • KatDuck

      I’m seeing a squeeky wheel thing myself, though that could be my lens. I tend towards independence and not making a fuss and had more than a few times when I was living on rice and beans and nearly blew a gasket when I found out my parents dumped more money into my brother’s account because he “was struggling.” Yeah, he was. Struggling to eat out three times a day, to pay for his FREE housing, and not wreck another car so you’d give him a new one. Le sigh. But he’s a squeaky wheel and my parents love to play the rescuers. I finally accepted that and told myself I could either squeak or eat beans but the consequences of either choice were on me. I chose beans, btw.

  • Mary

    I think you should have more of a problem with your family members that don’t babysit for you than your cousin. It must have been really hard in the beginning for her and maybe she’s afraid to let all that help go, maybe she thinks she can’t do it on her own.

    My sister got a lot more help with her kids than I ever did and I was bitter about it for a while, then I let all that bitterness go. I have to be responsible for me and my family. If my mother or MIL doesn’t want to help out, so be it.

    Find yourself a babysitter. Our friends watch our kids from time to time for free if we are stuck in a bind and vice versa.

  • 4under4mom

    I don’t understand the comments that are positive towards the quads women. Yes she has four babies but they are her responsibility. Neither of these women should be dependant on family for free childcare or even daytime help. They are YOUR kids figure it out. I had triplets and a two year old. I didn’t have help every day, maybe once a week. Yes we all need alone time but the women with quads need to learn how to parent by herself if she has really never been alone with her kids. Especially if they are three.

    • drinkpepsi

      First of all, it’s not like this woman had quadruplets on purpose. She was having fertility problems and was likely hoping for one, maybe two, babies. But she wound up pregnant with four and yes, she would certainly need help with four babies.

      I doubt she has someone there for more than a few hours at a time. There aren’t many people who would give up an entire day on an ongoing basis.

      Even if we assume that she has help for 8 hours per day (and that’s being generous) she is still alone with the kids for 16 hours per day, seven days per week. That is a heck of a lot of time with four kids under three.

      The only thing this woman deserves is our sympathy and respect.
      And maybe the author ought to bring over a homemade meal for her cousin once in a while.

    • Elizabeth

      You can’t be serious?

    • 4under4mom

      I can’t be serious about what?

    • Andrea

      She’s not replying to you hon, it’s ok

    • 4under4mom

      I just hope my original comment isn’t the one they are going all sactimommy on. Not my intent!

    • TngldBlue

      Oh no, it’s not you.

    • Andrea

      The quads are three years old by now. Not babies anymore. Yeah it’s hard, so is having 3 children even if they are not the same age.

      Not saying the cousin doesn’t deserve the help, but author certainly does as well. No one is OWED anything, but it doesn’t mean they couldn’t use it just as much as the next person.

    • drinkpepsi

      We also don’t know which relatives we’re talking about. Maybe the people helping the quad’s mom are closer in relation to her, than to the author.

      I would certainly assist my sister or daughter or daughter-in-law more than I would a niece or a cousin.

    • whiteroses

      If her doctor didn’t tell her that the chance of more than one baby was highly likely with fertility treatments, then he needs to be sued for malpractice. And if she went into this with the idea that she’d ONLY have a single birth or twins, then she wasn’t paying attention.

    • SarahJesness

      And with all the media attention that big multiple-births were getting a while back, you’d think it’d be common knowledge now.

    • Melissa

      I think women who go through fertility treatments are well aware of the fact that they may have multiple, and there’s no way to know for sure that she didn’t implant 4 separate embryos, hoping just 1 would take and ending up with all 4. I realize that embryos often split, so quads are possible even with 1 or 2 embryos, but you need look no further than octomom or Kate Gosselin to know that some women are hellbent on having as many babies at once as possible. We don’t know the story here.

      And given that she went through fertility and was aware of the consequences, there should have been some advanced planning about how to handle it, and that plan shouldn’t have assumed constant free help from family and friends. Every parent needs to take responsibility for their own kids. That’s just what you do.

      As others have said, there are plenty of people with 4 kids. Each age presents a different challenge. Just because these 4 kids all happen to be the same age doesn’t make her life more difficult than others, especially now that they are past the dependent infant stage.

    • drinkpepsi

      Some women implant more embryos because they can’t afford to go through the procedure multiple times. If they only implant one or two embryos, they may not get any babies. They would have to undergo the expensive procedure again.

      That author sounds like a spoiled teenage brat.

      If I was in her shoes, I would just feel badly that I wasn’t able to help out my cousin because of my own situation. And I would bring her some homemade dishes from time to time in lieu of free babysitting.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Hey! Sancticommenter!

    • TngldBlue

      My new favorite word.

    • drinkpepsi

      Yes. I’m quite the sanctimommy for saying that I would want to cook some homemade meals for my cousin with quads.

    • whiteroses

      Which is great. But the same way that the author’s family members don’t owe her help, the author doesn’t owe her cousin anything.

      You can’t have it both ways.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      I don’t believe you. At all. If you came over to someone’s house with a meal, it would only be as a way for you to weasel your way into that person’s house so you could relentlessly YAMMER at him/her for HOURS with your self-satisfied DRIVEL. I would drink the Kool-Aid before I accepted a meal (or anything) from you.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      http://image.blingee.com/images18/content/output/000/000/000/76e/748759301_1590745.gif

      I will be posting this all over now thanks to @disqus_2gu5NE3U3i:disqus

    • whiteroses

      She doesn’t owe her cousin free childcare, meals, or anything else, really. She has her own family to focus on, and from the sounds of it, she barely has time to do that.

    • drinkpepsi

      She had time to write an article. I bet the mom of quads can’t do that.

    • Andrea

      I bet she could considering she has all that help and has never gone 24 hrs with keeping 4 3 year olds by herself.

    • whiteroses

      Which was her choice. On both sides. It was her cousin’s choice to go through fertility treatments. It was the author’s choice to have four kids.

      You can’t expect other people to either a) take responsibility for your choices or b) take up the slack for your choices ALL the time. If you’re an adult, you should be able to watch all your children on your own. If you can’t do that, then you need to hire a babysitter for a while and progress from there.

    • Psych Student

      Additionally, it was the cousin’s choice to keep all four children.

    • TngldBlue

      She’s got time for vacations, date nights, and salon appointments-why wouldn’t she?

    • drinkpepsi

      We don’t know if it’s been one vacation the whole time, or several. Or whether it was a weekend getaway or some two-week vacation.

    • Cee

      Its still one more vacation than the cousin..

    • meteor_echo

      Dude, she has her hair dyed in a salon. If you don’t want to have roots that are the length of the Ouroboros, you have to dye them monthly. And she has date nights, too. DATE NIGHTS.

    • Dr. Apothecary

      Implanting more than 1 or 2 embryos is risky, and carrying 4 kids to term is very risky. In fact, the risks to your kids’ health when you carry even twins is higher than with a singleton. Once you get above twins, the risks to your future children go exponentially higher. If nothing else, carrying more than one kid increases your chances of pre-term birth, which increases the risk of infection, disorders of prematurity, and death. Incidentally, in vitro actually also increases the risk of future health problems to offspring (a lot of which we’re just now learning).

      I feel bad for women with fertility problems. But having litters is not the answer, as although it sucks that you have to spend a lot on a procedure that might not work, the alternate answer is not to spend a lot more than you were planning to raise multiples, which we are not mentally nor physically equipped to do properly.

    • drinkpepsi

      We also don’t know how many embryos were implanted. Maybe she only implanted one or two, but they split.

    • Psych Student

      Still could have opted for reduction.

    • Gangle

      I get the expense of IVF. I live it. The point of IVF is to produce one healthy baby, not as many as possible with the fewest amount of treatments. The more babies in the womb, the more risk to everyone. Of course, embryos split, or both embryos take if you choose to implant two.. you can’t control everything. But if you plant more than one you prepare for the possibility of more than one. I would never implant more than one for that reason, and my RE would never allow more than two at a time.

    • JLH1986

      And the mom with 3 kids doesn’t deserve sympathy and respect? And if cousin was having fertility problems I assume there is a dad there somewhere. So based on your scenario she maybe has the kids for 2-3 hours alone before pops comes home and can wrangle two of them. I’m sorry I don’t care how harried a woman is, if after three years a person cannot care for ALL of their children for 24 hours without help, can’t go to the grocery store without help, that tells me a lot about the parent. Just because someone has more kids, or multiples of the same age doesn’t mean they should get a free pass at parenting. The point of the authors article was she needs help and her family is so focused on one family that she doesn’t get any. She shouldn’t be baking anything for her cousin, she should be finding some time with her husband to enjoy each others company. The cousin is grown, she can fend for herself. If a family of 19 kids can manage then so can the cousin.

    • drinkpepsi

      You are assuming that there actually IS a relative helping out 8 hours each day (highly unlikely).

      Also, the dad likely works…and likely needs a good night’s rest in order to work.

      We also know nothing about the people offering to babysit. Maybe they are more closely related to the quad’s mom than to the author and that is the reason they feel more obliged to help her out instead.

    • TngldBlue

      This cracked me up. Anon mom works so doesn’t she need a good nights rest in order to work? Oh wait, I forgot, when a mom works it’s a break, when a dad works it’s work deserving of many hours of rest afterward.

    • meteor_echo

      Yup, sexism galore.

    • drinkpepsi

      Pretty much. It also depends on the kind of work each person does. A woman who works in an office and spends half the time gossiping with co-workers doesn’t require as much sleep as her surgeon husband. Or do you disagree?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      WHAT IS THE WIFE IS A SURGEON AND THE HUSBAND HAS AN OFFICE JOB WHERE ALL HE DOES IS GOSSIP?

    • drinkpepsi

      Then I would say that the surgeon wife needs more sleep than the office husband.

      If I was going into surgery, I would want to know that my surgeon was well rested.

      I don’t really care if the teller at my bank had a full eight hours of sleep.

    • Véronique Houde

      haha unless she deposits your 2000$ into a mystery account. I used to be a bank teller! I’ve seen it happen!!! And then try and find the bank account where it’s been deposited into… :S

    • whiteroses

      So… much… misogyny. My God.

    • CMJ

      Yes….because all womenz do all day is gossip.

      Ugh. I’m sorry. But fuck you.

    • EX

      Holy hell. Seriously? I thought you were just fanning the flames of the mommy wars but… but… I can’t even formulate a response to this total none sense. Do you live in some sort of time warp?

    • TngldBlue

      Aaaaand all your comments are now crystal clear. I’m surprised you think a shameless office mom masquerading as hard working human being deserves any sleep whatsoever.

    • CMJ

      I admit I went back and read some of her old comments. The sanctimommy is strong with this one.

    • TngldBlue

      You weren’t kidding…and boy does she dislike Eckler.

    • drinkpepsi

      What’s there to like?

    • KarenMS

      Omfg I’m switching to coke

    • drinkpepsi

      Kudos to you! That was funny and clever.

    • KarenMS

      It wasn’t the best joke but it was more clever than any of the asinine things you’ve said on this thread. Especially this tidbit.

    • lizellen

      OMG, you just don’t quit. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. And by “gift” I mean a giant steaming pile of verbal feces.
      The whole internet is trying to tell you something with the thumbs down: get. a. clue. .

    • StephC12

      Screw off.

    • Dr. Apothecary

      Oh. My. God. Poor little daddy needs to rest to do his job, but mommy is having a spa day at her job, I guess.

      My job is harder than my husband’s. He admits it, too. If he doesn’t get much sleep, he can usually slack off during the day. Me, not so much.

      I feel sorry for your kids. Especially if you have girls. You live in a very sheltered world and are purposely limiting your world view. I’d feel sorry for you, too, if you weren’t so sanctimonious.

    • drinkpepsi

      Fine. If your husband has the easier job, then he should be the one getting up with the baby or toddler. Although most babies and toddlers prefer mom in the middle of the night (and I wonder about the ones who don’t).

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      I’ve found that which parent or caregiver the child wants depends on the exact nature of the need for comfort. I want Mum when I’m sick, I want Dad when I’m depressed or scared, and he gives the best head scritches.

    • whiteroses

      Yep. My husband is who my son wants when it comes to things he can’t fix or do. I am the go-to parent when he’s sick or he wants to be read to.

    • whiteroses

      Perhaps the ones who are raised by single parent fathers or the ones who have gay dads prefer their fathers. Or, you know, the kids who are closer to their dads.

    • blh

      WTF do you mean you wonder about the ones that don’t?? There are many kids that like their dad just as much, thanks. And when they do strongly prefer mom over dad it’s probably bc the mom takes care of them more.

    • Blueathena623

      Dude, why are you pretending that selective reduction doesn’t exist?

    • drinkpepsi

      I know it exists. And for some people, they view it as an abortion. (Not saying I do…just saying some people feel very strongly about it).

    • Blueathena623

      And I respect that some people would not want to do it, but I don’t get why you keep saying that the woman had no choice to have quads. Yes, yes she did. Its not like a stork just randomly dropped off 4 babies.

    • drinkpepsi

      Maybe she implanted four embryos hoping that one or two would “take.” Maybe she didn’t have the money to go through the procedure again if none of them took, so she implanted four instead of one or two.

      Maybe for her it isn’t a choice. People who feel strongly about abortion are not going to even consider selective reduction as an option.

    • Blueathena623

      Yes, it is a choice. Just because you are morally opposed to something doesn’t mean there isn’t a choice, you just choose to go with your morals.
      I’m not knocking her for implanting 4 embryos, but its dumb to argue that the woman with 3 kids had a choice but the woman with quads didn’t. And unless she went to some third world fertility clinic, I’m sure her doctor spent a good deal of time discussing selective reduction with her. She was informed. She chose to have 4 kids. Stop acting like they just implanted some embryos, didn’t check anything, and then when she gave birth it was like opening the door to a clown car as everyone said “oh my gosh, they just keep coming!”

    • drinkpepsi

      What I said was that she likely didn’t implant four embryos hoping that all four would take.

      She likely went with four embryos though because the treatments are expensive and she wanted to ensure she would get one or two kids (I don’t know many women who hope for quads).

      You can disagree with her logic or thought process, but that is likely the reasoning for her choices.

      Also, she may have honestly felt that she was prepared to handle four babies. Then the babies arrive and reality sets in, especially if one or more of the babies has colic or other medical issues (which is likely).

    • Blueathena623

      You are purposefully missing the point. I’m not arguing about how many embryos she implanted or her reasons behind it. I’m not arguing about whether or not she deserves help. I’m stating that your position that she didn’t have a choice is incorrect. She did. She could have reduced to 3 or 2. But she chose not to. So your argument that the OP chose 3 kids but the cousin had no choice is invalid.

    • Véronique Houde

      DId you know that in Quebec where I’m from, it’s now illegal for doctors to implant so many eggs in one cycle, in order to reduce the chances of multiple pregnancies? Despite the costs associated with fertility treatments (that are very partially covered by the government), they’ve decided that it’s not wise to have so many multiple pregnancies.

    • Gangle

      Yes. The whole point of fertility treatment is not to produce multiple births. It is to produce one healthy baby. IVF isn’t about a two-for-one deal.

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      Actually, having a couple friends going through IVF, the first two treatments are covered by medicare in Quebec. Afterwards, there are programs they can sign up to, but I think 4 or 5 are the max. Afterwards, you have to go private.

    • drinkpepsi

      Chances are the author is in the U.S. and therefore the cousin is too. Doubtful that IVF would be covered (or if it was, there would
      still be a huge deductible).

    • Amy Hauck Nelson

      Most people who feel very strongly about abortion would also feel very strongly about IVF. After all, a lot of embryos are destroyed or donated. My very devout SIL refused IVF for just that reason. Either you value all the babies, or you are okay with some embryo loss. I don’t see how it could be both.

    • Gangle

      You have a choice to implant more than one embryo at a time.

    • SarahJesness

      Yep. Even if you don’t expect them all to take, you still need to accept that it’s a possibility. ESPECIALLY if you’re below a certain age, when the embryos are more likely to go through. (implanting larger amounts of embryos seems to be more commonly done in older women, when the embryos are less likely to take)

    • Gangle

      My RE will not transfer more than 1 embryo at a time in women under 35 for at least the first three attempts (at which point planting more than one at a time is discussed) , and never ever more than two at a time for anyone. For health reasons.

    • SarahJesness

      Oy, remember that Octomom thing from a few years ago? I think her doctor got into big trouble because he wasn’t supposed to implant so many embryos into her. (I think two of the embryos split, but she wasn’t supposed to get that many anyways)

    • Gangle

      TBH I feel that Octomums doctor has a lot to answer for. She obviously is a woman who is struggling psychologically, and I genuinely feel sorry for her because she always seems so screwy and lost. Her RE should have noticed and taken action. At the very least, should not have allowed all those embryos to be transferred. It put her life in danger, the fetus’s lives in danger and created a situation that this woman clearly struggles to cope with.

    • SarahJesness

      I’m pretty sure she was unemployed, on public assistance, and needed the constant help of her parents to watch her 6 kids, at the time of the IVF. She wouldn’t have been able to adopt under those conditions, yet she was able to spend large amounts of money (which I think she got from a disability payment or a worker’s comp or something) to get a bunch of embryos from an IVF treatment. She managed to get by a little with donations and interview money and such, but things kind of went downhill from there, I think.

      And doing a bit of Googling right now… It seems she was on tape saying she regrets having the kids. Oy. She clearly has issues, she didn’t seem capable of supporting her kids before the octuplets, and maybe she shouldn’t have been allowed to get any IVF to begin with.

      Question: Are there any laws regarding IVF ethics? Like, are people under certain circumstances not allowed to get it by law?

    • Gangle

      I am not entirely sure. I am in Australia, and I don’t believe there are any laws that state who and who is not allowed to pursue IVF treatment. The laws more seem to state what can and can’t be done with ova, sperm and embryos. eg, in Australia it is illegal to sell or buy ova, sperm or embryos (or any human tissue for that matter).

    • SarahJesness

      I think the Octomom doctor got in trouble for implanting more embryos than he should have, but I don’t know if it was with the law or with an ethics committee.

  • Pamhill

    I can sympathize with this poster. I have two children and relied heavily upon my mother to watch my children for free in order to subsidize the cost of child care. My mother passed away unexpectedly. My daycare bill went from 100.00 a week to over 250.00 a week! I was a single mom and no child support. Lesson learned: when planning a family of your own, don’t bank on family to always be accessible for childcare. Budget accordingly as if family may not be there one day. You just never know!

    People who have free round the clock child care should not take it for granted!

    • Kate

      I have a coworker who said she couldn’t afford kids if she had to pay for daycare, so her mom is just going to watch all her kids. At the time, she only had 1, but she plans on having “at least 3-4″. She had better hope that her mom is willing and able to help out.
      A friend of mine is currently in this dilemma – her mom is her [almost] free daycare, but her mom is going to have heart surgery soon, and they are totally in a lurch as to who will help out with the kids. And their kids’ lives are just getting super busy with Girl Scouts, soccer practice, etc.
      It’s great to be able to use family for child care, but like with anything kid-related, a back-up plan is key.

    • whiteroses

      Yes. So very much this.

    • SarahJesness

      Your coworker sounds crazy and a little selfish. I felt REALLY guilty asking my mom to take in a cat I got emotionally attached to. I REALLY wouldn’t expect her to take care of kids unless she offered.

  • Elizabeth

    I can relate to the author’s feelings. My parents help out with my niece a LOT because my brother is divorced and is a single dad. Meanwhile, I’m a (married) working mom with 2 kids under 2. I’d kill for a hand. Certainly nobody OWES me help with my kids, I’m just saying it’s tough sometimes to watch my parents bend over backwards helping out my brother while I’m drowning over here.

    • nikki753

      Can you, your brother, and your parents all get together to talk about how to combine some things? Maybe your parents can watch all of the kids for a little while while you do one big grocery trip for them, your brother, and you. He obviously needs help, you obviously need help, and there’s only so much of your parents to go around. If you all live relatively close, I think that by pooling effort and work, you could all benefit. Maybe Sundays you watch all of the kids and he preps meals for the week. It can get better! :)

  • Kate

    Yeah, I also don’t get why some commenters are knocking the author in favor of the quads mom. The quads are almost 3 and the author’s cousin has never had to look after all of them by herself. I get that quads are an insane amount of work, but on the other hand, they’re all at the same stage at the same time. I would imagine that having 3 kids ages 1-6 would be trickier, since not everyone can be entertained with the same toys/tv shows/etc., and the older ones might not want to play with the younger ones, different nap schedule, and so on.
    I totally agree with the “you chose to have these kids, you shouldn’t expect anyone else to take care of them” sentiment. At the end of the day, the author chose to have 3 kids, and her cousin chose to have 4 (I’m assuming she had an option of the number of fertilized embryos to carry to term). But I don’t think the author is saying she “expects” help. I think she’s just frustrated, and probably a little jealous. Why does her family feel like SHE can handle her kids by herself, but they don’t feel like her cousin can handle her kids by herself? There’s a very stark contrast in the amount of help being offered, and I don’t think there’s THAT stark a contrast in difficulty when caring for 4 3-year olds versus caring for 3 1-6 year olds. (this coming from a woman who has 3 cats, so I could be completely wrong here).

    • Elizabeth

      I agree. The author is not saying she wants ALL the available childcare, or even half. Just SOMETHING. It seems wildly imbalanced.

    • That_Darn_Kat

      ^This! This is what I was going to say, essentially. I don’t think she feels entitled to some time, but the cousin has had 3 years to get into a routine and yet still has someone with her every single day? That seems a bit much, to me. Yes, 4 kids the same age is probably really tough, but having any number of kids, with very few breaks, is tough, too.

    • AP

      I wonder if the cousin has health issues she’s keeping quiet. That’d be the only rational reason I can think of.

      That said, give the quads 2 years, and the 7 kids will make a nice group babysitting. 7 is a good group size for simple sport games, or dividing into two parallel activities.

    • drinkpepsi

      The quads would have been born premature (likely by quite a bit) and would require ongoing medical appointments and procedures.

      Can you imagine taking four babies or toddlers to the doctor’s office all by yourself for an hour or two at a time?

      The author should just be grateful that she didn’t have to pay huge sums of money for expensive fertility treatments and that she was able to have her kids one at a time.

      As babies, my kids would wake up every hour or two. If I had four babies doing that, I would literally never get a minute of sleep. I would only be able to grab some sleep if/when a kind relative came by to help out. Even at 2 or 3, my kids woke up regularly
      during the night.

      This author has no idea.

    • disqus_YI9N0ss4FL

      She isn’t saying she wants all the help, just the occasional break. there’s no crime in that.

    • drinkpepsi

      Again – who is she asking?

      If I was helping my sister with her quads and some niece or cousin called me to babysit her kids, I would wonder why she was bothering me?

      Most people are going to help out the people who are closest to them – or the people they like better.

      Perhaps the author is a real piece of work (sounds like it) and no one wants to be around her or her kids.

    • whiteroses

      You’d wonder why your cousin was bothering you, and yet you’re telling the author to make hers some meals?

    • Blooming_Babies

      She’s sharing a frustration, anonymously, in a forum where we ask mothers to do so. You on the other hand sound like a “real piece of work.”

    • Mary O’Connell Arthur

      Agreed.

    • Perils

      It sounds like a close extended family, or maybe a lot of “onlys”. My cousin and I are both only children, and we will totally be like Aunts to each others kids.

    • 3under3andaphd

      I take my three, ages 6 months, 23 months, and 37 months to doctors appointments by myself all the time, in fact the only time I can schedule appointments for them or myself due to my schedule is the two days I am home with them. I guess the difference is that’s how I’ve always done it–the younger two went to all my OB appointments for the oldest. It’s not as terrible as one would think if the children are used to it and the mom is prepared (READ: snacks, little activities, etc). That being said, I also get plenty of help in other areas (especially in child care and dinner prep while I am in class or the library pursuing my doctoral degree.) It would be frustrating to go from having help for three years to then all of a sudden getting no time to oneself.

    • Gangle

      I have paid through the nose for fertility treatments, all of which have failed. I have never once felt the urge to tell someone who needed a break or assistance with their kids to just shut their whining and be grateful. Quads mum deserves help (although lets be real here – if you are going to implant more than one embryo at a time without expecting the possible outcome of multiple births, then either you willfully ignored the risks or your fertility specialist did not educate you). So do working mums. This isn’t a pissing contest over who has the hardest time (although you seem to think it is). It is about two mothers who both legitimately deserve some assistance some of the time.

    • NYJoInPA

      ^ If I could hug this post, I totally would ^

    • Talia Gamble

      **APPLAUSE**!!!

    • NYJoInPA

      Or perhaps you have no idea. I had premature twins and it was rough so I cant even imagine having quads but at some point, we gotta pull up our big girl panties and parent. Yes, quad cousin needs help but everyday? That is just passing the buck and work off to someone else.

    • whiteroses

      This. At some point, the mom of quads will be left alone with her kids. When that day comes, she’ll be up the creek without a paddle, because she’s so used to having other people step in and help.
      I’m sorry, but if you’re a SAHM and you are relying on someone to come watch your kids every single day? Someone you haven’t paid to do the job? Yeah, something’s not right there.

    • SarahJesness

      Personally I’m surprised she still gets constant offers to babysit. Usually people get tired at around the toddler stages and stop offering help.

    • jessica

      Yes.

  • TngldBlue

    I guess I’m in the minority because I totally feel you, I get why you are seething. I think you should pull a family member or two aside and talk with them about it. Sometimes we hold this anger or resentment in only to realize if we had just spoke up the situation would’ve been rectified long ago (or we would at least feel better for making our feelings known). I’d bet they don’t think you need help, they know no different if you’ve never told them otherwise That being said, I’m not sure I’d expect my family to jump to help me and I’d prepare for that. You can’t control what others do, you can only control how you deal with it. So say your piece and if it does nothing, let it go and start working on ways you can get some of the things you want without their assistance. At the end of the day, they really aren’t doing your cousin any favors because at some point she is going to have to deal with these kids on her own and she will be lost.

    • drinkpepsi

      The author says she works. So, presumably, she is really only around her children in the evenings and on weekends.

      Her family probably figures she doesn’t need much help with the kids because she already has a break from her kids 8 hours each day/40 hours each week.

      Plus, it would be taking away from the time she is supposed to be with her kids.

      Sounds like the mom of quads does not work, so she is presumably with her kids 24/7.

      Honestly, this author sounds so damn entitled and selfish, I have a hard time believing it isn’t Rebecca Eckler penning the piece and pretending to be a mom of three instead of a mom of two.

    • whiteroses

      Yeah, work isn’t a break. It’s actually helping provide for her family. An 8 hour workday isn’t sipping maitais on a beach somewhere while someone rubs your feet.

    • drinkpepsi

      Sorry. Every mother I know who works admits that it’s easier than being home with the kids (assuming the kids are young).

    • whiteroses

      Saying “working moms have it easier” is exactly the kind of crap that creates divisions amongst mothers. They don’t have it easier than SAHMs, necessarily. I have it easier than one of my SAHM friends who has a child with cerebral palsy. Another friend of mine who has a 15 year old daughter has it easier than I do and freely admits that.

      I have a friend who defuses bombs for a living. She will tell you that her two year old is a lot easier to deal with.

    • drinkpepsi

      1. The mom with a 15 year old is a housewife. Her kid is at school all day and doesn’t exactly require lots of care when she’s at home. So she is not exactly what we would call a SAHM.

      2. Your friend who defuses bombs for a living likely thrives under pressure. But I bet if that friend stayed home with a demanding toddler (or quads) she would be begging to go back to work after a few days.

    • whiteroses

      1) Not quite. I never said the 15 year old was her only child. She also has an autistic five year old. She still thinks she has it easier than I do.

      2) My friend who defuses bombs got the job a year ago. She has a two year old and three year old twins. So yes, I would say she thrives under pressure, but I wouldn’t say that her job is easy, relaxing, or that she found being a mom more difficult- since if she screws up at her job, people could die. With her kids, the worst that can happen is a public tantrum.

    • drinkpepsi

      1. Well you conveniently left out the part about a 5 year old who suffers from autism. I would never say that mom has it easy.

      2. Defusing bombs is obviously a stressful job. But it is a different kind of stress than being with four (or three) little kids. I have seen successful people who pull in 6 figures and have lots of employees under them, but they fall apart if left with their own children for a few hours. Totally different kind of pressure.

    • whiteroses

      I didn’t conveniently leave anything out. You assumed that my friend only had one child, the same way you’re assuming that the author is an entitled bitch and the mom of quads is sainted.

      Work is not a break. Never has been, never will be. If it is, you’re doing it wrong.

    • drinkpepsi

      You said that your friend is a SAHM to a fifteen year old daughter and had it easy. You didn’t mention any other children (let alone a young autistic one!) so obviously people will assume that your friend only has the one kid.

      You do grasp that my interpretation was perfectly reasonable given your post, don’t you?

      The tone of the author’s article also leads one to believe that she is a spoiled, entitled brat. I never said the quad mom is a saint. But yes, I definitely get a bad vibe about the author from her own writing and whining.

    • whiteroses

      I do grasp it. I was making a point about assumptions. You know, kind of how you’re assuming that the author’s cousin NEEDS all that help all the time.

    • drinkpepsi

      Maybe the cousin doesn’t need so much help.

      Maybe the relatives are happy to help out because they like babies. Maybe they have grown more attached to these babies
      in particular.

      Maybe quad’s mom isn’t a pain in the ass like the author seems to be…

    • Gangle

      Maybe you aren’t the insufferable, sanctimonious asshat YOU seem to be. I really really hope you aren’t.

    • Mary O’Connell Arthur

      Good One.

    • Mary O’Connell Arthur

      Someone getting annoyed and defensive?

    • whiteroses

      Probably. But then, I tend to get kind of defensive when people insult a profession for which I worked my entire life. I tend to get annoyed when someone who has clearly never worked a day in her life thinks that she knows the motivation of working moms (when she doesn’t). My question is- why aren’t YOU annoyed and defensive? Whether you agree with me or not, the judginess and misogyny should be enough to give you pause.

    • Mary O’Connell Arthur

      Why am I not annoyed and defensive? People have opinions. Yes, sometimes they are just plain clueless and speak without considering WHAT they are saying, or how they may be insulting another person. I have been a working mother, so I kind of DO have a clue as to what that entails. I am not brilliant, so I did not go for all the home-schooling that many mothers are doing.. I appreciate a good teacher. The lady that wrote the article is a bit put out that everyone rushes to the aid of a cousin with quad babies, seemingly unwilling to help her. She got an oppurtunity to vent. Then the rest of us can enjoy the comments that followed. If someone were to start pushing my buttons during these exchanges I would just disengage. You know the saying; “It is better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open your mouth and leave no doubt”? There are times when nothing can be gained by continuing a conversation with someone who just plain refuses to consider others’ views or ideas.

    • whiteroses

      Which is precisely why I stopped talking to her :) Wasn’t doing me any good.

    • Mary O’Connell Arthur

      Good for you. There are times when further conversation just would not be productive.

    • drinkpepsi

      How did you reach the conclusion that I have never worked a day in my entire life?

      Wrong again, whiteroses.

      I worked for years before we had kids. We saved our money, spent wisely and purchased a modest home. Everything was done so that the kids came first. Material goods were way down on the list.

      A woman works what – 30 or 40 years during her lifetime?
      And you’re telling me that it’s completely impossible to consider taking five or so years away from work in order to be a present mother during your child’s formative years?

    • whiteroses

      Wow. Out of all that, you choose to focus on the fact that I’m wrong about you working or not?

      The point (not that it will make a difference to you, since talking to you is like shouting at a wall) is that some women don’t have a choice. Maybe they don’t have a partner to help support them. Maybe one income isn’t enough to support however many people are in their family (which is way more common than people like you like to admit). My mother, for example, chose to work because she had no way of knowing if my dad would get his head blown off by an IED, and even if my dad died in theatre, she would still have a child to support. She was committed to making sure that if something ever happened to my dad (which it didn’t, thank God), she and I wouldn’t be homeless.

      Some women actually like their jobs, are good at them, and choose to keep working so that they can provide their kids with the finer things in life instead of just the basic necessities. And some women feel that staying home with their children, while important, would negate the years and years that they spent qualifying for their degree, getting certified, and getting established in their field.

      Either way, the reasons a woman works are none of your or my business, and that doesn’t make them less present or involved in their children’s lives. Just like your average SAHM, they’re committed to giving the best for their children, and that looks different for every family. It must really irritate to know that there are plenty of working moms out there who will go to sleep tonight not only blissfully unaware of your opinions, but not caring in the slightest. What they will care about is that they spent the day taking care of their families. And just for the record- it’s more important to a child that they are loved and cared about. If a kid doesn’t know the difference, they won’t care.

      I am not investing any more time in this conversation. An Internet fight is a lot like mud wrestling- you can “win”, but you’re still covered in mud. So, you know, enjoy your “win”. You’re a super special snowflake. Have fun with it. Though- what have your kids been doing while you’ve been glued to the Internet arguing a fight nobody really cares about?

    • Talia Gamble

      Umm, okay. So a woman who has a career that she enjoys or NEEDS to work because they need both incomes is somehow a shitty mom because she isn’t staying home with her child the first five years? I call bullshit. Listen, you and your husband’s circumstances may be those that allow you to stay home with your children and that’s wonderful, but, that doesn’t mean everyone else has been as lucky. Also, when exactly DO you spend time with your husband and how is your marriage? Seeing as how you seem to think the sun shines out of a chid’s butt and they should be the ONLY important thing in a mom’s life. This sanctimonious crap your throwing at those of us who chose a different path is unacceptable.

      Either we choose to work because we want to, and this is true in my case, i’d go bananas being home 24/7 with my child especially now that he’s almost 9 and goes to school all day. He gets home maybe an hour before I do. I’m pregnant with my daughter right now and I will go back to work when she is six weeks old. I still have a life outside of my child and my marriage comes first. Or, there are those who CAN’T stay home with their children because they can’t afford to, that doesn’t always means they made bad choices, only that they have harder circumstances than you, and let me tell you, work is not a “break” from your children. A date night with your husband, a weekend away, a day getting your hair and nails done by yourself, or even a freakin trip ALONE to the grocery store (or BATHROOM for that matter.) is a break. If YOU’RE happy devoting your entire life 24/7 to your special little snowflakes, so be it, but you have no right to pop in on this thread and insult, shame, and otherwise annoy the crap out of those of us who make a different choice.

    • justaname

      If it’s a totally different kind of pressure, then it seems the two aren’t easily comparable. In which case, we can’t really say that one is easier or harder than the other – they are different, and different people will find one or the other more tolerable/enjoyable/possible.

    • Gangle

      Oh, so you know all about the pressures of diffusing bombs? Where did you do your training? How long did you work diffusing bombs before you became a SAHM? You seem to know all about it, so I would love to know more.

    • Melissa

      Really? Working is easier? You are treading ground that you seem to know nothing about. It might be the case that being at work is more relaxing than being with the kids all day (I have admitted this myself). But then there’s the simple fact that if you are working 40 hours a week, you have 40 less hours than a SAHM to do everything else – grocery shopping, making dinner, cleaning the house, laundry, etc – in addition to spending time with your children. Much easier to do a load of laundry when you’re at home all day than it is when you’re at the office all day. And really, once you factor in commute time, getting ready for work, etc – you’re really talking about 50 – 60 hours away from home. I’m not trying to say SAHMs have it easier (they don’t) but working moms often do a lot of what SAHMs do in addition to holding down a career. Plus they carry around the guilt that they should be staying home with their kids.

    • Mary O’Connell Arthur

      lol…

    • EX

      There’s a huge difference between acknowledging that staying home with your kids is hard (and at times maybe harder than your job) and calling it a break.

    • EX

      Like, I think cycling is easier than running or swimming, but I wouldn’t call that leg of a triathlon a break.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I work and I work from home and I have 4 kids. and I have no help and no family close by. SO? all moms have it sucky a lot of the time.

    • drinkpepsi

      I am talking about moms with little kids (babies and toddlers).
      If your kids are in school (or most of them are in school) then it’s not really the same as being home with four 2 year olds, is it?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      It’s a whole different level of suck. Kids underfoot is hard, kids needing a mess of homework help and lunches packed who have conferences and activities is hard too

    • whiteroses

      And if you’re a teacher, then take what Eve just said and multiply it by about 50, then throw in a few parents who think you’re nothing more than a glorified free babysitter.

    • drinkpepsi

      My kid’s teacher has triplets. She said it’s much easier looking after the 25+ plus kids in her classroom than minding her own (they go to daycare).

      Kids will usually listen to a teacher much better than their mother. So it is less stressful for a teacher to be in charge of a classroom full of students, then at home with her own kids.

    • whiteroses

      Go into a teacher’s meeting and say that really, really loudly.

      No, seriously, go ahead! I’m sure they’ll appreciate your insight.

    • drinkpepsi

      Why? You don’t believe a teacher’s own perspective (who also happens to be a mother of triplets)? Why would she lie?

      I’ve actually heard a few different teachers and day-care workers say the same thing (easier to watch other people’s children than their own).

    • CMJ

      yeah, except teachers aren’t babysitters.

      And maybe for her, teaching isn’t that stressful…but – and this might be shocking to you – a lot of people have different opinions on things. The world is crazy that way.

    • whiteroses

      First, day-care workers aren’t teachers. Teachers have very different training and…

      You know what? Screw this. I have other things to do. You are either a troll, or extremely obtuse. It must be nice to live in a world where the only people who exist are those in your immediate circle (and of course, no one can EVER think differently than you and the people you know. Because it’s obvious that every teacher everywhere has the exact same experience, no matter where she or he teaches. That makes sense, because all children and all parents are exactly the same no matter where in the world they live).

    • drinkpepsi

      Well this one teaches JK/SK, so yes, it’s not that different
      from a babysitter.

    • whiteroses

      Good to know you feel that way about the people who are primarily responsible for your kid’s education.

      Does she know you think like this?

    • drinkpepsi

      They have playdough time, Lego time, and sing
      songs. It’s not exactly university.

    • whiteroses

      So you send your child there why? I mean, after all, you’re either a SAHM or married to one, right? So why wouldn’t you be able to do that yourself?

    • drinkpepsi

      Didn’t send the first one until grade one (when we legally had to send her). Sent the second part-time but not to JK, only SK. Mostly to have fun with the other kids and also to allow his younger sibling to actually nap (something that wouldn’t happen if he was at home).

      There are benefits to playing with playdough and building blocks and singing songs. But it is not that different from what a good babysitter would do or provide for a child.

      I wonder, if teachers are so highly thought of in the U.S., why do they make so little money?

    • whiteroses

      This is my last response, because if I keep having this conversation with you I’ll get a rage stroke.

      Perhaps, instead of wasting a teacher’s time, you should homeschool- since clearly, you are the font of all knowledge and teachers just babysit. And since all teachers are merely there as placeholders for the kid’s parents, why do they exist anyway?

      Most teachers in the US don’t make a lot of money because high taxes don’t make for a happy population. It also could be because they spend countless hours away from their classrooms, working for very little pay, for people who consider them nothing better than glorified babysitters. And its clear that you have no real concept of everything that goes into teaching since you assume that all they do is supervise while kids run wild. If we ignored people like you and paid teachers what they were actually worth, they’d pull millions.

      It’s funny that you didn’t answer either of my questions. 1) Are you a SAHM yourself?

      2) Does your child’s teacher know that you disdain her profession so much?

      And here’s another one. Why do you seem to firmly believe that everyone on earth feels and believes the same way you do?

    • drinkpepsi

      1. The answer should be obvious if you have read any of my posts.

      2. I actually have a great deal of respect for teachers. My mother was a teacher. I volunteer in the classroom all the time. But at the JK/SK level, it isn’t much different than babysitting.

      3. I never said that, nor do I believe it. Not everyone in the world is bright or rational.

    • whiteroses

      Since I’m concerned about that rage stroke (I’m watching my son ALONE today, all hail me) I’ll just let Roy from the It Crowd say it for me.

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TKYQ5ibxslI

    • Blueathena623

      Uh, why not just homeschool? If its no biggie and mothers naturally want to spend all the time they can with their kids, and its not hard to recreate what the glorified babysitters — I mean teachers — are doing, just home school.

    • whiteroses

      She considers herself “bright and rational”.

      No point trying to reason with her. She either believes that she is actually right (which is scary in and of itself) and she thinks that everyone is desperately waiting to hear The Word of Knowledge that naturally drops from her lips, or she’s the most epic troll Mommyish has ever seen.

      I’m not sure which is scarier.

    • kimberly

      *cackles insanely* oh I wish she would. >=) would be awesome.

    • CMJ

      I think you might actually be on crack.

      Please talk to more than 1 teacher.

    • noelle 02

      It is easier for this particular teacher. That does not make it easier for all teachers.

    • Justme

      Please imagine me saying this in my best teacher voice: Go fuck yourself.

    • noelle 02

      A mom saying her job is easier than taking care of her kids doesn’t mean that she gets a break while at work.

    • drinkpepsi

      You are contradicting yourself.

      If a working mom says it is easier to be at work than it is to be home with the kids, then yes, it is a break being at work (compared to being at home).

    • whiteroses

      And you’ve been contradicting yourself pretty much all day. But why split hairs?

      Your job is something that, let’s face it, you might not have to live with the rest of your life. But if you’re going to provide for those kids (and be a “real mother”) then someone has to work. And not every woman has a husband or partner who can work to rely on.

    • noelle 02

      Perhaps our ideas of breaks are different. For me, a break is being able to relax and do whatever I feel like. On Thursdays, I teach at a co-op where I have 8-12 students instead of my three at home. I have one of my kids in one of the three classes I teach. Therefore, the other two periods are a break, according to your definition. I beg to differ. I am extremely busy, teaching music and math to a multi-age group of kids. I leave co-op every week feeling very drained even though I love what I am doing and cheerfully choose to do this year after year. My teaching at co-op is not a break by my definition.

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      A “break” would imply getting nothing done. I assume that a paying job requires shit getting done to earn said moolah. So maybe it’s a little easier depending on the type of job she has, but work is NEVER a break. Unless you test video games or taste-test wine or pick up dead leaves from playgrounds. Maybe then.

    • Véronique Houde

      fuck maybe we should start a business and test customer service in hotels and restaurants, sis. Then we could have a break and get paid for it for realz!!

    • Talia Gamble

      And the Sanctimommy troll of the year award goes to…

    • Blueathena623

      And every mother I know who stays home says it is easier than being a working mom. So I guess my experiences cancel yours out.

    • Kat

      Not this mother. Being a SAHM with a baby and a preschooler was immeasurably easier and less stressful than my paid job. But even if it wasn’t, that doesn’t make work ‘a break’. A break involves any combination of: cocktails, reading a whole newspaper, cocktails, leisurely meals, watching sunsets, cocktails, going to a movie and cocktails.

    • whiteroses

      And don’t forget that somewhere in there, you get a full night’s worth of uninterrupted, restful sleep :)

    • Sarahstired

      You are unreal. This is not a contest! It is all hard. We all want a break sometimes. We all want to get our hair done or simply go to the grocery store by ourselves. Get over yourself.

    • Mary O’Connell Arthur

      Yes. I believe this is true. At work one has a moment to breathe without a little person needing something. I personally worked, not only for the obvious reasons, but so my children would have oppurtunities to be with other children in an envoirnment geared toward the entertainment and activities of them. Not ‘Home’ day care where some lady was more interested in cleaning her house or making lunch for her husband, but more a nursery-school situation.

    • Elizabeth

      LOL @ work being “a break”

    • TngldBlue

      Honestly I have a hard time believing you read this article at all with your comments. Working isn’t a break-it’s WORK. I’d have a lot more sympathy for quad mom if she wasn’t using her family so she could take vacations with her husband, have date nights, and get her hair done.

    • EX

      Ugh. For real? We’re going to do this SAHM vs WOHM thing? Both are hard in different ways and ALL moms (especially of young kids) could use a hand from family and a real break once in a while. Now STFU with this mommy wars BS.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      “Plus, it would be taking away from the time she is supposed to be with her kids.”

      OH BOY.

    • drinkpepsi

      Yes. Totally wrong to assume that a mother who works 40-60 hours a week away from her kids would maybe want to spend what little free time she does have with her own children.

    • StoppingBy

      Goodness. You must be AM’s quad-bearing cousin. Give it a rest.

    • drinkpepsi

      Nope. No quads or multiples here.

      But when I had my first one and my mother would show up to help out, I would always send her to my sister instead. She had two.

      Mathematically, it just made sense.

    • DMH

      Suuuuuure… Because no one with just one child ever needs a break.

    • Psych Student

      She should be taking her children grocery shopping or on a date night to ensure she’s spending time with them? It’s probably better for her to spend 2 hours of quality happy time with her children than 4 hours shopping and hating every minute of it because she hasn’t actually spend time alone with her sweetie in years.

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      There’s a difference saying “Plus, it would be taking away from the time she would rather spend with her kids” or “would like to spend with her kids”.

      Saying “supposed to be with her kids” is a bowl-full of All Bran. All it does is produce a windstorm of shit from your mouth and now it’s all over my screen and there isn’t enough Windex in this world to clean it up.

    • drinkpepsi

      Sorry. I’m not going to be PC about it.

      If you have young kids and are already away from them for most of their waking hours, then it is pretty shitty of you to also want regular time away from them on evenings or weekends.

    • CMJ
    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      FUCK FUCK CRYING FOREVER WHERE IS KOA WE NEED TO FRAME THIS

    • CMJ

      Can I be the official Mommyish Gif Finder?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      YOU NEED TO MAKE A SANCTIFOODY ONE NOW

    • CMJ

      I can’t make a gif, but I know someone who probably can….he’s probably busy.

      I have the perfect gif in mind, I just need to put words over it.

      All this talk about food has also made me extremely hungry.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      between the sanctimommies and the sanctifoodies, I am starving

    • Véronique Houde

      all i want is some KD now…

    • Koa_Beck

      I would be into this.

    • StephC12

      Bless you.

    • TngldBlue

      This just made my day.

    • G.S.

      Oh, yeah, we forgot about her 8 hour days and $40 dollar per hour job! Haha, how could we possibly forget, since every job EVER has those EXACT hours and wages! Oh-HOH, how foolish were we to somehow think that hours could possibly be LONGER or wages could only be $12 AN HOUR before taxes! Ah, ha, it is too funny! Oh, ho, it is to laugh!

    • drinkpepsi

      So why would any woman go to work for $12 an hour and put her kid in daycare? Why wouldn’t you just stay home, babysit an extra kid or two and actually be there to raise your own child?

      Doesn’t make any sense to pay for daycare if you make so little.

    • noelle 02

      Wow. Just wow. I am a SAHM and I am offended by the idea that a working mom doesn’t need a break because she gets one 40 hours a week. I have all day with my kids so I have time for them and for cooking and for chores. Working moms do not have it easier than SAHMs do.

    • drinkpepsi

      Well every single working mom I have talked to disagrees. And I’ve spoken with dozens. They all say that going to work was easier than being with the kids. For some of them, they didn’t even need the second paycheck. But they couldn’t wait to get out of the house and away from the kids.

    • noelle 02

      I know many working mothers who genuinely love their jobs and prefer working to being home with their children. However, that does not mean that these women do not need breaks sometimes. They work an 8 hour day and then come home to cram helping kids with homework, spending time with their children, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, and doing laundry before crashing. I would never say being a SAHM is easy, but I would also never say that working moms have it easy either. I would not trade jobs with them for all the money in the world. I am grateful every day for the opportunity I have been blessed with to be home with my children and educate them. I don’t appreciate being told that I don’t have a job because I stay home or that I am wasting my education, but that would be no worse than proclaiming that working mothers have it easier and never need a break because they get one while working a job!

    • Dr. Apothecary

      Dozens, huh? Really big sample size there. I have a job where if I screw up, someone could die. I have to deal with angry and upset people, sometimes all day long. If I don’t meet my goals, I may not continue to have my job.

      I’m pregnant, and I will be working after I have my kid, because I do actually like what I do. But I’ve done a decent amount of childcare, of both younger and older kids, and my job is not easier. Yes, it’s a different stress, and it can be nice to vary what stress you have (I do two different jobs, and it’s nice to break up the monotony). But both parenting and working are stressful.

      You are seriously deluded. Go get a job, one where you’re working the entire time you’re there, and tell me how much easier it is than watching your kid. I’m exhausted after I finish most days. People may like having a job instead of taking care of their children at home all day, but that does not mean their job is a f’ing break. My 45 minute lunch, two bathroom breaks, and driving 2 hours in the car in crazy traffic are not exactly restful, nor do I get a huge amount of adult interaction in them. I had a friend who did nothing but work and take care of her kid, never taking a break for herself. If we did something together, she brought along the 2 year old. Her mood is much better when she now foists the kid off on her husband and takes some time to be an adult every once in awhile.

      Find some friends who are medical doctors and mothers. Their work stress and sometimes hours are even worse than mine. Many times they do consider quitting but can’t because of student loans or because they wouldn’t be able to get back into their career once their kids are older. Just because your working friends have time to Facebook while at work doesn’t mean all working moms do.

    • drinkpepsi

      You cannot compare working in childcare to being a parent.

      It is so much easier and less stressful taking care of someone else’s kid than your own.

      Until you are a parent, you just don’t know.

    • Dr. Apothecary

      I never said that childcare was easier or harder than being a parent (although I’m not exactly taking the word of someone who thinks teachers are the same as daycare providers). I have to base my arguments on my experiences, and as of now, that limits me to have the stress of working while buying baby crap, buying life insurance, and finding daycare.

      I do see my friends raise their kids, and it’s incredibly difficult. Parenting is constant, and even when they’re asleep or you’re away, for a few years, you’re never really off. That doesn’t change whether you’re at home or working.

      However, until you’re a healthcare professional with a doctorate, a lawyer, a bomb defuser, etc., you can’t compare the stress of my job or every job women have to raising your kids or any kids.

    • Jezebeelzebub

      I wanted to let you know that your posts have totally ruined this article for me. Usually I enjoy reading the comments, but pretty much shat all over them didn’t you? You are AWESOME at being an asshole, and since you work so hard at it I thought the very least I could do was commend you on your commitment to assholery. So… good for you, you piss off total strangers and come across as extremely unpleasant. Mission accomplished, Asshole!

    • drinkpepsi

      Yes, dozens. I could have exaggerated, but I wanted to be honest and accurate. I have heard from dozens of working moms who say it is easier to go to work than stay at home with young kids.

      And yes, this includes a medical doctor (family physician). And three cops. And a heart surgeon. And a high-ranking politician.

      Keeping up with one kid may not be that difficult. But for anyone who has to juggle a newborn and a toddler – or four toddlers – it is incredibly stressful.

      I don’t believe any working mom who claims it is harder to be at work than at home with small kids (though I have yet to hear a single such proclamation in real life).

    • Oh please

      Honestly, the Willy Wonky theme song plays through my head when I read your posts. Either that or you were watching the career day episode of Barney and friends. All you need is to add a baker and candlestick maker to your list of “friends.” Please enjoy your worldly pure imagination.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      HAHA!

    • Gangle

      Pepsi must get her information about the workforce from an Australian TV show for small children called ‘The Workers’, the characters consist of a ukelele playing policeman, a fireman, a doctor, a builder and a ballerina. They sing songs about dreaming, build forts and play pretend a lot. They also go to sleep at 7.30pm (the same time as their viewers) so they have plenty of rest for the next day filled with make-believe.

    • drinkpepsi

      Just talked to a woman who does after-care at the school. She was in charge of ten kids (5 and 6 years of age). Ten. I asked her how she does it…she said it was easier than watching her own two.

      But I suppose you would call her a liar…

    • Véronique Houde

      OK I’ll say it! I find my job a hell of a lot harder than being at home. I work on a help line with troubled teenagers, dealing with anxiety attacks, suicide, incest and abuse, runaways, depression, severe mental health issues, concerns about pregnancy and abortion, and so on and so forth. For me, having a year and a half off because of a preventative mat leave and then a year with my baby has been a god send. Staying at home provides me with a calmness and happiness that I find refreshing after years of listening to intense calls all night long.

      I love my job. It gives a different meaning to my life than having a kid. But, if I had a choice, I would for sure prefer to stay at home with my child, and any others to come soon enough. It’s one kid. But I adore being with her. Maybe it’s not 4 kids, or even 2 (although I will get there). Maybe I haven’t experienced the tantrums and the sibling fighting yet. But having worked with youth my entire life, I know what it looks like, and I’m not afraid of it.

      I chose to continue working nights in order for my boyfriend and I to be home with my daughter. I don’t have anything against nannies and daycare, I just want to spend as much time with her as I can, because I love being with her. I sleep about 5 hours after each overnight shift, 3 of those while she’s still asleep or is napping. That for me is joy.

      But, that’s me. Working mom who respects working, and respects staying at home. Both scenarios have their advantages for the entire family.

    • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

      Thank you for what you do.

    • Jessie

      I am LMAO. You are an idiot.

    • Gangle

      Wow you really really went there, didn’t you? I don’t believe in the ‘stay at home mums are better – no wait, working mums are better’ argument. Doing whatever is best for your particular family is best, be it full time working mum or full time stay at home mum. If it works for your family, you are fantastic! But working mums do NOT have it easier. I do not have kids, but my sister does have two. She also works full time, running the two businesses her and her husband own. She works full time because those businesses need to be strong in order to provide for the family. But she also works because she loves her work and finds it extremely fulfilling. But you know all the cooking, cleaning, running kids around to school, activities, specialists etc, spending time with her kids and organising family activities that you seem to think she doesn’t do? Yeah, she does them. And she gets up at 4am every morning and often doesn’t get to bed until really late to do it. So yeah, I think she deserves a break sometimes. Our family rally around her to give her support just as much as we rally around my sister-in-law, who has four small children at home and who is a stay-at-home-mum, who also deserves a break sometimes. Everyone’s family situation is different, and has different advantages and disadvantages. It does not mean that one deserves or needs help less than the other.

    • Mary O’Connell Arthur

      Who is Rebecca Eckler?

    • StephC12

      You are very wise.

    • TngldBlue

      Why thank you!

  • http://wtfihaveakid.blogspot.ca/ jendra_berri

    I sympathize. I only have one child, and it will remain this way partly because I do not have familial support nearby (And finances, and hating pregnancy and various other reasons). My husband has some family in the city, but they have children of their own, which we actually provide help with from time to time.
    Having one family take up all the support would be frustrating. Maybe she does need it more, but that doesn’t mean you don’t need it at all.
    Looking after four at once, all going through the same stuff at the same time with no prior experience in that age group or hand-me-downs would be continually daunting, no question. But I think a date night a few times a month would not be asking too much of your family.
    Maybe if you asked well in advance, you’d have better results.

    • whiteroses

      I agree with this. If the author is just quietly seething without actually having said something to her family, then you can’t really blame them for not helping.

    • Aldonza

      Yeah, I feel like this doesn’t fully give us all the info we need to judge the situation. Has she asked the relatives for help, and explained how exhausted she is? How close are these relatives? Honestly, I’d be more willing to watch my brother’s kids instead of my cousin’s because I’m very close to my brother, and his kids are muuuuch better behaved. It’s also a lot easier when he calls me and says “Wifey and I want to have a date night next Thursday, would you be able to take the kids? If not, what about the Monday after that”. It’s a lot easier to work specifics into a schedule than general “please watch my kids”!

  • JL

    As a mom of multiples, I get that this author will never get what it is like. My children were preemies and still, at 2, my son still has some major health issues that require weekly therapy and lots of doctors visits, follow-up surgeries, not to mention, medical debt. We also now have a newborn. I get A TON of help from family, but I was the one helping everyone out before I had my kids. I have also learned to ask for it. I whip out my calendar and ask for help to cover the kids so I don’t have to rely heavily on my nanny (much cheaper than day care). Perhaps she needs to be the one to speak up. I found if I was specific about dates, times, and what I needed, people were more likely to help cover. A lot of times, I take one child with me, and let the other two have time with the aunt, friend, or grandparent.

    I will however tell you that having multiples is not easier and it is hell on your budget. Since they are my first, I cannot reuse anything from a previous sibling, and they are boy/girl twins, so little sharing. Multiples is not easier, it is just different.

    • drinkpepsi

      Don’t forget, the author doesn’t specify who these family members are offering the free childcare.

      Perhaps they are closer to the mom of quads than they are to the author.

      If you had the choice to help your sister, your daughter or daughter-in-law vs. your niece or cousin…who would you help?

      In sincerely doubt this author’s mother is choosing to help some distant cousin over her own daughter and grandchildren.

    • Elandri

      Everyone is different. You keep throwing around “Would you help your sister/brother or cousin first.” argument. While most probably would help a sibling first, not everyone. If my brother ever had kids, I doubt I would be there at all to help. In fact, as it is I haven’t spoken to him in a couple years. However, if my cousin had kids, I’d be all over there to help. He and I grew up more like brother and sister than my own brother.

    • drinkpepsi

      Fine. You’re going to help out whoever you feel closer to…whether it’s by blood or just bonding.

      The author doesn’t one stop to question whether everyone is helping out the other mom because she is just a nicer person. People like to help out nice people. People like to avoid not so nice/entitled people.

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      My cousin was the very first who babysat my newborn. Cousins are awesome. lol

  • Unpopular Opinion Time

    But if you took fertility drugs knowing that multiples were very possible, why have all the new realizations how hard it was going to be? I mean, it was a very likely chance you were going to have 4 children.

    • drinkpepsi

      And the author had three children, one at a time.

      If it was so hard after the first two kids, why did she go on to have baby #3?
      Especially if she saw that she wasn’t getting any help.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      …. Because you get a BONUS after having three. It’s amazing.

    • Cee

      Well you DO get the middle child then and that is pretty fun at times. I will always have to wonder what the middle child in my family would be like…Well I guess my sister would be weirder.

    • drinkpepsi

      And I bet the oldest child helps out with the youngest child.

      I doubt the quads are doing that…

    • Tinyfaeri

      Oh yeah. 6 is the new 12, so they’re totally ready to babysit a 3 year old and a 1 year old!

    • drinkpepsi

      Never said they could babysit. But at 6, they are able to help quite a bit. I’ve seen 6 year olds change diapers, give bottles, read books or play games with a younger child.

    • Jessie

      Gawd, you are a bore. Something tells me you are an entitled sanctimommy of multiples and you whine all the time about how hard you have it.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      do you get monies for being a dick on the internets where can I sign up?

    • drinkpepsi

      I do, actually.

    • NicknamesAreDull

      You must be rich, then.

    • Jessie

      Wow, somebody tell my 12 year old to quit body slamming my 6 year old, he supposed to help and make him meals and bathe him and shit.

      Oh, and where is my fucking BONUS for having three kids, I’m still waiting.

    • Unpopular Opinion Time

      I’ll never understand this need to have three children, one right after the other. I see women at the grocery store, 2 kids, looked tired and her kids are fighting, and they’re close in age and then she’s got a baby on her. Like. stop. If you’re unhappy.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      maybe she is tired because she was up all night getting high who are you to judge you don’t know

    • Unpopular Opinion Time

      LOL

      I will say that in my affluent area, there seems to be a competition of who can have the most children and with each new child, the moms pick up a new style of parenting. “Oh now I’m ONLY cloth diapering before or little Banjiah is ONLY gluten-free.”

    • Cee

      EVERYBODY: If you don’t have multiples AND are a stay at home mom STOP YOUR BITCHING RIGHT NOW! Drinkpepsi just does not give a shit about your circumstances, your choices and your “careers” lulz they’re really mom breaks. The only people who have it hard in life are stay at home mothers of multiples even if they have vacation, date nights and many perks from family members. YOU DONT DESERVE THE SAME IF YOU DONT HAVE MULTIPLES because its your dumb dumb fault that you had more kids.

      If you have time to be on the internet, you have time to be with your children. I’m sure the mother of multiples does not have this time…just for vacations and dates and hair appointments, but shes still suffering.

      Also if you work, pay for a babysitter with your TONS of disposable income!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      :( LOOOOOL

    • Rachel Sea

      No, quads are still very rare.

  • nikki753

    For the family’s sake, I think it’s time that they make a plan to start weaning the cousin off of the help. Maybe go ahead and keep helping her some through potty training but after that, it’s time for the family to back out. They don’t have time to take care of someone else’s quads. They have their own lives. If they want to watch the quads now and then or if they want to have time to watch AM’s kids and to get to know them, that should be their choice.

    I feel like the cousin has a way of just assuming the gravy train is going to keep chugging along and now that the family is so deeply involved they don’t quite feel like they can say, “Well, I think you can deal with this now. I’m out!” It’s like breaking one very large bad habit. My guess is that she’s been the kind of girl that made things revolve around her long before the quads were in the picture. “Here, all of you people watch my kids while I spend a few hours in the salon before our vacation next week, during which, you’ll be watching my kids because you have nothing better to do, right? I really need the pampering. Managing other people while they take care of my kids is hard!”

    I don’t think that AM is hoping for much. Maybe just someone to say, “When was the last time you went on a date? I’ll watch your kids for a few hours Friday, okay?” I think the hardest thing for her is that it is so unbalanced and she feels like no one in the family gives half of a hoot about her.

    • whiteroses

      I think the problem with that is that the author might be expecting her family to volunteer. They may think she doesn’t need the help.

    • drinkpepsi

      If the quad mom is a SAHM, then they likely have just the one income.
      Which may mean they don’t have money for a babysitter (which is also part of the reason family members volunteer to help out).

      The author works. Her husband works. There should be money for a babysitter once or twice a month. The family members probably assume that she doesn’t need as much help with the kids (presumably, a nanny or daycare is also involved since her youngest is only one). And if she needs the occasional night out, they probably figure she can come up with the babysitting money.

    • Cee

      Because all working people are millionaires! Woooh. Let me jump on my heaping mountain of disposable income!

    • whiteroses

      Yeah, because they couldn’t POSSIBLY be saving up for something, like… I don’t know… a car, college educations….

    • Cee

      Silly! She’s using it for selfish reasons, you know to drink with her coworkers, buying herself sexy clothes for work. You know, like all the selfish working moms.

    • whiteroses

      How dare she!!!???

    • Cee

      That’s what working moms do. All they do is think about their “careers” and “goals” and just spend all day talking about fashion with their “coworkers, ” using their money on pedicures and manicures. Then they come home and don’t care for their child. I thought everyone knew!

    • EmmaFromÉire
    • whiteroses

      Yes, because two combined incomes are NEVER less than 6 figures, right?

    • StephC12

      FFS, stop assuming that this woman is a millionaire and can afford a babysitter on a whim for 3 children. It’s expensive and often hard. She is allowed to have her time off and no, work is not a vacation from kids.

    • pixie

      To me it sounds like the parents of the quads are pretty well off, especially if the cousin is a SAHM. Anon mom said she HAS to work, which may indicate that both her and her husband may not have very high paying jobs and it indicates further that Anon Mom’s family could not easily survive off of one income.

      I’m the only child of a two-income household. Did that make it easy for my parents to spoil me and give me everything I wanted? No. My parents had very little money when I was born and worked very hard to save up what they have now. My mom travels a lot for her work (up to 3-weeks at a time) a bank auditor and for a good chunk of my childhood my dad worked midnights. They did this so I could have a decent future and so they could retire comfortably. But my mom travelling and my dad working midnights was hard on them because they didn’t get to see me very much. My mom, however, would not have been able to afford to be a SAHM since she does make more than my father and we needed the two incomes. I was mostly watched by my grandmother because she lived near my dad’s work and while my dad worked midnights I went to a neighbour’s house after school until my dad woke up to go to work. My parents made sacrifices and cutbacks in order to pay for my childcare.
      It’s not fair to judge the amount of disposable income one family has over another based on number of children and number of incomes.

    • drinkpepsi

      Who says the quad mom is well off?

      Maybe she did the math on going back to work vs. paying daycare costs for FOUR babies and decided it wasn’t worth it.

      Or, maybe after trying so hard to conceive she decided she actually wants to, you know, be a mother to her children.

      That doesn’t mean she’s well off.

    • pixie

      So are you saying mothers who cannot afford to not work are lesser mother’s to their children, even though they feel they have an obligation to financially support their children in order to put food on their table, clothes on their backs, and roofs over their heads?
      I know your stance on the article, but from what I read, it seems like the quad mom can afford a few luxuries anon mom cannot, such as getting her hair done at a salon (even a less fancy salon is not cheap) or go on vacation (again, even a weekend getaway, you still have to pay for gas, hotel, food, etc).
      The way I look at it is, if one income can afford diapers, carseats, clothing, food, etc, even with help from family members, chances are they’re not doing too bad. I’m also going to assume they have two vehicles, one for the husband to commute to work and the other for the mom. Two vehicles on a single income is difficult without added expenses of children. Perhaps with all the help the quad mom is getting from family, she feels like she doesn’t need to work and she’s simply freeloading for as long as she can.

    • drinkpepsi

      You don’t know if the quad mom has two vehicles or not. Maybe the dad takes the bus to work.

      The author made it sound like relatives are helping to pay for diapers. I doubt someone who is well off would take that kind charity.

      Also, you have no idea how often the quad mom goes to the salon. It could be once every few months.

      The point is, the author has a pretty shitty attitude about life and is basically trying to throw herself a pity party.

      There are parents who have it way worse than the author. Single parents. Parents who have lost a child. Parents who have a seriously ill child. People who can’t have a baby though they really want one.

      Sorry that I don’t have much sympathy for the author.

      Something tells me that if the quad mom had lost one of her kids, the author would be complaining about all of the attention the woman was getting at the funeral.

    • Blueathena623

      Oh blah blah blah, please.
      I’m a SAHM, and we do ok money-wise (although I wish we were able to put more money into our retirement accounts) but if someone offered me free diapers, I’d take it. Heck, i have taken them.

      Also, going to the salon isn’t all about the money — I bet dollars to donuts she is not taking 4 kids with her.

    • EX

      Jesus you don’t know when to shut up. So now a woman has to be a SAHM if she “wants to, you know, be a mother to her children?” You really are a sanctimommy. Go back to Facebook and spew your none sense there for STFU Parents to mock.

    • whiteroses

      Just because a woman’s a SAHM doesn’t mean she’s actually a mother. I got more nurturing from my mom (who worked five times a week, because my dad was in the Army and God knows there’s no guarantees in that job) than a lot of my other friends who had SAHMs.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      Fuck off back to the stir, aint nobody got time for that sanctimommy shit here.

    • blh

      If you can pay for fertility treatment, then you have money.

    • Jessie

      If she can’t take care of her kids by herself, she’s not really being a mother to her children, now is she? She sounds like a spoiled brat, as do you.

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    Maybe talking to family members individually would help. Not in a way that would make you look jealous or angry, but express that you need help too and try to book a weekend away far in advance so they can’t blame your cousin for not being able to help.

  • pixie

    Maybe it’s how my parents raised me, but I’ve never really understood the concept of consistent free childcare from family members. I can understand if parents are going through some financial hardships but really need someone to look after their kids, but as an all the time thing it makes me wonder. If there’s an agreement of some sorts, then that’s fine, but parents shouldn’t expect free childcare from their families just because they’re family.
    I spent a lot of time at my grandmother’s growing up and my parents paid her the going rate of the day (whatever that was in the 1990s to early 2000s), and even with me as the only child in a dual-income household, it wasn’t easy for them. They felt as my parents, however, it was their responsibility to feed me and clothe me, so that’s why their paid my grandmother. I can understand why anon mom feels frustrated, though as people have mentioned, it doesn’t seem like the whole story has been told (has she expressed her feelings to family members, etc).

    • LET

      My personal experience is that my mom refused payment & would act hurt if I asked anyone else to babysit & I know a lot of other people say the same about their parents. I always tried not to abuse the privelege & was grateful.
      That said, this sounds a bit different. I do know a family like this & I think it’s ridiculous that the mom seems to not be able to ever handle her children alone & the family is always scrambling around to help her all the time, but it’s not really my business.

    • pixie

      Oh, if the family refuses payment, then that’s a good reason why you’d get free childcare. It’s a type of agreement you and your mother have come to. My grandmother was really the only family member who could look after me and she didn’t have very much money, so my parents insisted on paying her (grandfather died when I was two, other grandmother died before I was born, and other grandfather missing for thirty odd years then re-appeared senile when I was 11). Sure I had a couple aunts and uncles, but they either lived too far away or were just as busy as my parents.
      I guess this seeming expectation that the quad mother has of getting free childcare rubs me the wrong way when my dad’s brother got my very elderly grandmother to look after his young child (there’s a huge age gap between my cousin and I; he’s 5 and I’m nearly 23) for free AFTER she had given him a large sum of money from her savings. I know my grandmother didn’t mind, but she really didn’t have much money. We found this out after she passed away in January. She was nearly 88, by the way, and I’m impressed she did so well looking after such a young kid by herself. I was really close to my grandmother and feel that she was being taken advantage of, even if it was unintentional.

    • whiteroses

      I agree with you, pixie. My mom watches my son for free, because he’s “our baby”. If I offered to pay her, she’d fillet me. I told her the other day how much I appreciated her watching my son, and she said, “It takes a village.”

      I would never, ever, in a million years, ask my grandmother to watch my son on her own for a lot of reasons. One is that she’s 87 and can barely bend over, so asking her to watch a toddler? No. She’d do it in a heartbeat, but I would never ask. Not because she’s incapable or unwilling, but because she simply can’t do it. She feels guilty that she can’t because she watched my cousin’s oldest daughter a lot when cousin’s daughter was little.

      The age difference between my cousin’s daughter and my son is approximately 17 years. That’s a lot.

    • drinkpepsi

      So “it takes a village” to raise one child…but you don’t understand why a mom of quads might need more regular help??

    • whiteroses

      I didn’t say that. My mother did. And the difference is that I am eminently capable of taking care of my child by myself for weeks on end.

      I am also eminently capable of taking care of multiples for weeks on end, as I nannied for a set of twins and was with them for about 12 hours a day from the time they were born until they were three.

    • drinkpepsi

      Well your mom is a smart lady and I doubt she would begrudge the quad mom getting extra help from loving relatives.

    • whiteroses

      The thing is- this isn’t extra help. This is other people assisting this quad mom to the point that she’s never had to take care of her own children for a full day. Eventually, all that help is going to stop. And when it does, that quad mom is going to be supremely screwed.

      I’m surprised you actually complimented a woman who was a working mom the entire time I was growing up. Good for you!

    • Blueathena623

      I was JUST having this convo with my mom today. With my family, we didn’t grow up around extended family. When I consider how many kids I want to have and how to space them, potential help from family members is not something I consider. I mean, its great, but I don’t count on it. With my husbands family, where everyone knows their 5th cousin, major help from family is just assumed. Its just a given. I don’t know if that’s good, bad, or indifferent, but its how they think.

  • SDA

    Wow. Interesting comment thread today. If I were the author, I would probably feel slighted by the other family members too. Maybe if she could choose one family member to go to and ask specifically for help and explain a bit about her feelings she could have one person on call for her?

    I have seen it when parents start getting extra help or enter a stressful situation (both multiples and children born in close succession) start to expect help and to make it seem like they have to have it to survive. From thinking they can’t leave the house without another chaperone to assuming babysitting is entitled (I was even asked as FTM with a NEWBORN to babysit b/c it had just come to be expected that people should help out).

    The thing is, when you chose to have kids, you need to assume that you won’t be receiving help…figure it out for yourself and then consider yourself blessed if people are lining up around the block to help you. There are many things you can do via babysitting exchanges, mom’s day out, and simply saving your pennies for a sitter every so often.

    And I definitely don’t feel sorry for the mom of quads. You know the risks and you need to be willing to assume them.

    • Paul White

      But doesn’t your last point hold true for this person too?
      I can’t get behind the idea that you should expect them to take care of your kids.

    • drinkpepsi

      Great point! The author had three kids…knowingly. (A multiples mom may know the “risk” but often doesn’t assume the fertility treatments will
      result in more than two or three kids!).

      We don’t even know if the quad mom is asking for help.
      Maybe she isn’t.

      Maybe she’s just a nice person and the relatives are happy to offer their services. (The kind of nice person who would never write an article like this one…)

    • whiteroses

      As I’ve said before- if a woman undergoing fertility treatments doesn’t operate under the assumption that she’ll have multiples, then her doctor needs to be sued for malpractice.

      The point is that NO ONE, for any reason, should expect someone else to take care of their kids for free. If you get free childcare, then it is a blessing. If you, personally, don’t, then you need to make alternative arrangements. And if you’re getting so much help that you aren’t sure you can take care of your kids by yourself, then something’s very wrong.

    • drinkpepsi

      Fine. Do we know for a fact that this quad mommy EXPECTS other people to take care of her kids for free?

      Maybe she doesn’t ask them to babysit. Maybe they just offer.
      Maybe she offers to pay them. Maybe they get offended at the notion.

    • whiteroses

      That’s a lot of “maybes”.

    • drinkpepsi

      You have one kid.

      This woman has four. Under the age of three.
      Are you really going to compare your situation to hers?

    • whiteroses

      Yes. Mainly because, like quad mom, I chose to have my kid. And I knew what I was getting into. If she didn’t, she really should have done her research.

    • drinkpepsi

      Funny. I don’t recall ever saying that quad mom would need help 24/7. Not once.

    • whiteroses

      Reread the comment. “And the fact that you’re ACTING like…”.
      Look, a person either takes care of their kids or they don’t. When you give birth or adopt or take in a child, you also take in the responsibility that you, yourself, and nobody else (except your partner) will ultimately answer for that child’s needs. That includes childcare. There’s a difference (and admittedly, it can be a pretty fine line) between asking for help and relying on other people. If Quad Mom paid these people to nanny her children, that would be one thing. But she doesn’t. And eventually, those people she relies on won’t be there to help. They’ll have their own kids to worry about (they might want to spend some time with them, as you have said in previous comments), or their own lives, or they’ll move away. I hope for those kid’s sakes that the quad’s mother has learned how to parent them by then. They’re the ones who’ll suffer if she doesn’t.

      My point- the one that I’ve been trying to make for God knows how long- is that if you are constantly relying on other people to watch your children, then you will eventually not know how to parent them. I could understand that she might need help when they were babies. They’re three. In theory, they can talk and tell their mother what they want and need. And at this point, she shouldn’t NEED anyone to help her parent her children. Occasional breaks, yes. But if she’s never watched her children for 24 hours on her own because of all the help she’s getting, something’s wrong.

      I am SO done having this conversation with you. We are clearly not going to agree, and I’m not going to invest any more time in this. Talking to someone who’s so obtuse she can’t entertain another school of thought is not how I want to spend my day. You go ahead, though, and believe that you are right and everyone else is wrong. Living with that sense of constant rightness must be ultimately satisfying, after all- though I can’t imagine how. I prefer to open my mind to other people’s ideas. I may not agree with them, but I like acknowledging that they exist. Frankly, I feel a bit stupid for having carried on the conversation this long.

      Best of luck to you.

    • BDHA

      Why are you so insistent on labeling the author as a “not nice” person?

      Also, while I’ve never been through fertility treatments, I’m scared to death that I’d manage to have quads with any extra help. If I had any treatments, I’d just be preparing to be that crazy woman on the news who just had seven kids.

    • drinkpepsi

      Because. If my child is sick with a cold I’m not going to write an article about it knowing my cousin’s kid has cancer.

      The author needs to grow up and stop turning this into a pissing contest.

    • BDHA

      I believe you’re turning it into a pissing contest while she’s simply venting her frustration anonymously. And comparing quads to cancer? Really? Dramatic much? And what if you had cancer but your cousin’s quads all had colds…does your argument still hold validity?

  • G.E. Phillips

    Yeah, I was going to comment on this one, but now it’s like

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      …. FACE!

  • http://itsmyworldcanthasnotyours.blogspot.com/ wmdkitty

    The entitlement displayed in this whinge is just staggering.

  • Momma425

    I get family help- but my family also works and helps with my cousin’s children too. I can completely understand where you are coming from with being frustrated that everyone steps up to help out one family member and not you.
    Is there a friend, or neighbor you can ask to watch the kids so you can go to the salon, or go on a date night every once in a while? I have a bunch of child-less friends who are more than happy to spend an afternoon/evening with my daughter for a few hours if it means I don’t whine to them all day about how stir-crazy I am going. I also have some mommy friends, and we trade off with the kids. If your kids have any friends in their class, make friends with their parents and see if you can’t make a similar arrangement every once in a while.
    As for your family- plan well in advance, that way they can’t use your cousin as an excuse.

  • Evelyn

    I have friends who, while not competing with quads for family help, do have similar frustrations. While it doesn’t help with your childcare in all the cases I know it isn’t so much about favoritism so much as the rest of the family looking down on the mother they help and thinking of her as a silly child while leaving the capable mother to it because they respect her as an adult. In one instance a single mother friend with 3 kids can’t get any babysitting, or any other kind of help, because the family are always running around after her sister with just one kid. Of course knowing that your family respect you as a mother doesn’t get you babysitting when it would really make a big difference to you, and for that I really do sympathize, but it does mean you and your husband must be doing a good job raising your kids, so well done. It’s still a frustrating situation for you though, I do understand that.

  • gummykandi

    Is drinkpepsi the quad’s mom in the story? ‘Cause damn…

    • drinkpepsi

      Nope. In fact, my situation was more like the author’s situation.
      Only, I handled it with much more class.

      My mom would show up prepared to help us out with our newborn,
      but I would tell her to drive to my sister’s instead because she had
      two kids and we only had the one (at the time).

      I didn’t stew at home resenting the hell out of my sister because she was getting more help. I realized that she was the one who needed it more than I did.

    • BDHA

      Well then, aren’t you just a fucking saint?

    • drinkpepsi

      Thank you. That’s the first nice thing you’ve said.
      Minus the f*#&ing part.

    • BDHA

      Actually, the only other comment I made earlier was asking why you were labeling the author as not nice. I don’t think that wasn’t a nice question. It was polite and legitimate. It appears that our definitions of the word nice are far from similar. Regrettably, I can’t return the quasi-compliment as none of your comments fit the bill. But it is nice to know that you consider sarcasm a nice response. You must love everyone who posts here.

    • Jessie

      I’m pretty sure that wasn’t a compliment, mmmmKay?

    • DMH

      ….seriously?

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      HAHAHAHA HOW DID I KNOW MY SISTER WOULD LOVE THIS IMAGE TOO! Definitely stealing.

    • Simone

      I’m staggered by how much you’ve invested in this thread, drinkpepsi. There’s a lot of pointless work here.

  • Kat

    Excuse me, but screw anyone who calls the author selfish! You didn’t read it then!

  • Wilskey

    Maybe it’s sort of a sideways compliment that they don’t think that you need help. Perhaps they feel like you give the impression that you have it all under control. I have a younger brother that I assumed was handed everything by our parents simply because they like him better. In one of those later in life heart-to-hearts with my mom she told me that she had helped him out where she had left me in the lurch because she had confidence in my ability to eventually make the right decision and come out on top, something she lacked with my brother. Sure, I was pissed for many many years about his “preferential” treatment, but mom was right in the end. It’s like most things. You do what you have to do and get over it. Or you don’t.

  • Simone

    “This cracked me up. Anon mom works so doesn’t she need a good nights
    rest in order to work? Oh wait, I forgot, when a mom works it’s a
    break, when a dad works it’s work deserving of many hours of rest
    afterward.” – TngldBlue

    The above is from TngldBlue, waaaaay down in the list. I’m putting it up again because it’s a really interesting point. And with all the crapola down the line such as the endless and rather strange comments from drinkpepsi, no-one will be bothered to read the intelligent stuff later on and I don’t want Tngld’s point to disappear. So I’m reposting it. Thanks.

  • Athena A

    Wow, some offensive comments here. Both working moms and SAH moms have it hard, unless you’ve walked a mile in someone else’s shoes you’ve no right to comment that they have it easier etc. Stop with all the sanctimommyness.

  • blh

    this woman needs to realize that her family is under no obligation to help her with childcare. It would b nice if they’d do so. but they don’t have to. But her cousin is dumb bc she CHOSE to have 4 babies. I don’t have much sympathy with her, even though I’m sure it’s awful, but she did it to herself. Did she think having quadruplets would be fun??

  • Talia Gamble

    **HUGS** Honey. Girl, I understand and I only have one who is almost nine and one on the way. Having kids is HARD whether you have one or five! You and your hubby might try calling in sick to work one day together while the kids are at daycare and getting the day to yourself that way. Otherwise, look for a sympathetic friend who might be willing to take the kiddos for a weekend while you guys get a break. Time away from the kids is necessary to your mental and marital health. My husband and I paid people when necessary to get it. (And that didn’t happen often because we too are on a very tight budget!)

  • AugustW

    I get frustrated sometimes when my mom isn’t available to watch my daughter because she is doing something for my brothers family. But honestly she isn’t obligated to help any of us.

  • Jessie

    Maybe if you went to your mother and explained to her how you feel, she’d help you out? I just wouldn’t engage with your cousin. She sounds like the mom who is thriving on the attention of having multiples. I’ve know a couple women like that, and they are quite entitled. I’ve also know mothers of multiples that are quite capable and don’t have a problem with taking care of their own children. It must be frustrating for you that you don’t get a break and that your family doesn’t seem to take an interest in your children. I’m sorry. And I’m sorry for any shitty comments from the peanut gallery. I don’t think you’re complaining about the lack of child care, I think you’re upset that your family doesn’t pay your children any attention, and that is truly a shame.

  • Susan

    How about PAYING for a babysitter? It is not reasonable to expect the world to step in and take care of YOUR kids that you CHOSE to have. Your cousin is lucky that people are so eager to help her. That doesn’t mean people suck if they don’t want to give up still more of their free time to also help you.

  • Shiela K. Patterson

    Taking care of one child is already not that easy, what’s more if you have quadruplets? It definitely is much harder. You would really need all the help you can get and you cannot just have a single nanny or babysitter looking after your kids. You’ve got to have more than one helping you out.

    AuPairInt.com

  • KatDuck

    I hear ya. It’s frustrating to be the one doing things right and see someone else get all the rewards. It goes against that inner 2-year-old who screams out against things that aren’t fair. And … it isn’t. Even though you’re not entitled to free babysitting … neither is your cousin. And she’s getting it in spades. And then there’s the guilt that comes from explaining that you’re not entitled to the help but, darn it all, you’d be ridiculously thankful if people gave you one-twentieth of the help that your cousin is getting. But then you sounds entitled. And you don’t want to be. But … why does SHE get all the cake? I hear ya.

    Though, personally, I have low sympathy for those who go in for fertility treatment and are surprised by multiples. It’s not an unexpected outcome.

  • Rachael

    I have the same situation…not with quads but with siblings whose kids get taken ALL the time by the grandparents but not my 2. I homeschool mine while my husband works full time and I am literally with them 24/7. I force myself to stay up super late at night just so I can have a couple quiet hours all to myself only to kick myself in the rear the next day because I am exhausted. I actually brought it up with my mom and dad though and was told exactly what many commenters have suggested…that they knew I was completely competent to handle my kids and that I was such a good mom they never thought to need to take them. They stated that they did not really think my siblings were handling parenthood well and that they were taking the kids for the kids’ sake….not to give the parents a break. LOL Still sucks though. I told my mom that soon she will need to take mine for their sakes because I am about to start pulling all my hair out and go insane! LOL

    • Rachael

      Oh!! and not to mention…these siblings of mine ask me a million times to watch their kids also….and I have only to turn around and ask them and always get a NO. Apparently because I am a stay at home mother and homeschooler….I must have ALLLL the time in the world to watch their kids when they have a day off and want adult time but whenever I want a sitter I always get the “uhhhh I have to work the next day” or “I have one day off this week and have other plans” (no doubt while my mom is busy taking their kids for that day!)

  • Marco

    I contacted Dr Ijebu regarding my ex girlfriend. who was no longer wanted to love me anymore, after begging and pleading with her I realized it was because of another boy, she really was leaving me. My co-worker went threw a similar situation and told me that Dr Ijebu had helped her. I cant thank her enough, I’m grateful to her for introducing Dr ijebu to me. After discussing the resolution with him, his spell has done more than what I expected. My ex girlfriend not only came back to me, but she had also totally left that boy for me and now were engaged, we are getting married soon, I don’t know what I would have done without Dr ijebu, I believed he is my guarding angel. DR IJEBU want to thank you & your gods for all that you’ve done for me all these years.I’m thankful for all the time & effort you & your gods have put into my PROBLEM. I am very happy for always been sincere and honest to me, His email is ancientijebudespelltemple@gmail.com………………..

  • Daniela

    i don’t know…I guess I am coming from the perspective that no one owes you anything. You had the kids that you did and it is your responsibility to care for them. It must be nice in your family that folks help out -but it is not like that everywhere. Having 4 at the same time is a challenge and people must feel like they need the help. Sorry…