advice for new parentsMaria Guido may prefer to get her parenting advice from parents, but the childless vs. parents debate aside, there are a number of other people you generally don’t want parenting advice from. Some of them have kids, had kids, will have kids, and will never have kids. But they are united, not in their lifestyles, but in their tendencies to give completely unsolicited advice.

1. The lady in front of you at the grocery store

trader joes line

You’re in line trying to get both a week’s worth of groceries and your toddler through checkout when your little one starts to have a meltdown. Before you can even produce your iPhone/toy/snack from your purse, the lady in front of you asks if you’ve tried something super obvious like SOOTHING. WHY NO, THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.

(photo: Pye42)

2. The man sitting next to you on the airplane

mother and kids on plane

Your kid is throwing a fit and you know that you’re in the wrong. If all the passengers had their way, you would all be evacuated mid-flight. But to add insult to injury, the passenger beside you is now giving you parenting pointers. Unless they’re a wizard who can start producing balloon animals from their sleeve, they’re not exactly helping.

(photo: Lars Plougmann)

3. Some random ass online commenter 

slutshaming

Thoughtful and complex.

4. The family member who has hung out with your kid for exactly 20 minutes over the course of 10 years

They see your kid for approximately one dinner every year. Yet when the kid acts up or gets tired, he or she is the first to dole out suggestions. Just no.

5. The parent of the kid down the street who is a fucking terror

Despite that his or her own kids are rabid animals who will be donning Douchebag Douchebro t-shirts any moment, he or she is all chatty with you at the mailbox about what she/he’s noticed in your kids. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I think my phone is ringing.

6. The parent who thinks that their way works for all children

To this set, children are essentially all the same, with the same needs, same dysfunctions, and same anxieties. This is the SAME person who will advocate whatever parenting tactic to high heaven simply because it worked for their little Quinoa.

7. Sanctimommies 

From car seats to sancti-tweeting. Save yourself.

8. Yahoo! Answers people

Entertainment, yes. Parenting advice, no.

9. Your in-laws

This is a minefield.

10. The childless, privileged hungover teenager buying Plan B at the pharmacy 

Rollin’ her eyes at you in line because your munchkin is making a scene. Don’t. Need.

(photo: taylorillustration)