• Thu, Sep 12 - 6:07 pm ET

10 People You Never Want Parenting Advice From

advice for new parentsMaria Guido may prefer to get her parenting advice from parents, but the childless vs. parents debate aside, there are a number of other people you generally don’t want parenting advice from. Some of them have kids, had kids, will have kids, and will never have kids. But they are united, not in their lifestyles, but in their tendencies to give completely unsolicited advice.

1. The lady in front of you at the grocery store

trader joes line

You’re in line trying to get both a week’s worth of groceries and your toddler through checkout when your little one starts to have a meltdown. Before you can even produce your iPhone/toy/snack from your purse, the lady in front of you asks if you’ve tried something super obvious like SOOTHING. WHY NO, THAT NEVER OCCURRED TO ME.

(photo: Pye42)

2. The man sitting next to you on the airplane

mother and kids on plane

Your kid is throwing a fit and you know that you’re in the wrong. If all the passengers had their way, you would all be evacuated mid-flight. But to add insult to injury, the passenger beside you is now giving you parenting pointers. Unless they’re a wizard who can start producing balloon animals from their sleeve, they’re not exactly helping.

(photo: Lars Plougmann)

3. Some random ass online commenter 

slutshaming

Thoughtful and complex.

4. The family member who has hung out with your kid for exactly 20 minutes over the course of 10 years

They see your kid for approximately one dinner every year. Yet when the kid acts up or gets tired, he or she is the first to dole out suggestions. Just no.

5. The parent of the kid down the street who is a fucking terror

Despite that his or her own kids are rabid animals who will be donning Douchebag Douchebro t-shirts any moment, he or she is all chatty with you at the mailbox about what she/he’s noticed in your kids. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I think my phone is ringing.

6. The parent who thinks that their way works for all children

To this set, children are essentially all the same, with the same needs, same dysfunctions, and same anxieties. This is the SAME person who will advocate whatever parenting tactic to high heaven simply because it worked for their little Quinoa.

7. Sanctimommies 

From car seats to sancti-tweeting. Save yourself.

8. Yahoo! Answers people

Entertainment, yes. Parenting advice, no.

9. Your in-laws

This is a minefield.

10. The childless, privileged hungover teenager buying Plan B at the pharmacy 

Rollin’ her eyes at you in line because your munchkin is making a scene. Don’t. Need.

(photo: taylorillustration)

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  • Annie

    #10 was pretty harsh.

    • Andrea

      Yeah it was. But I get the sentiment behind it.

    • Paul White

      Yeah. What was that about being judgmental?

    • Emmali Lucia

      I agree. What if that teenager is getting it for someone who’s too young to get it themselves? What if that teenager is a freaking awesome babysitter? What if that teenager actually isn’t hung over but was instead up all night with her baby sibling (Or baby)? Hell, what if that teenager ISN’T a teenager, just a young looking adult?

    • Jenny B

      What if that teen was sexually assaulted only a few hours before? She’s not hung over but really hurt and upset and confused. I’ve been that teen. I don’t think I could even remember all the rude things I did trying to get in and out of the Rite Aid as fast as I could. A screaming child would not have helped calm my nerves. And what does being privileged mean here? That she looks rich? Or that she’s white? Or that she doesn’t have wild screaming children? She’s a teen/young adult who was’t directly giving advice, she doesn’t fit in this list.

    • Julie

      I agree. Plus, as much as it may grate on you when you’re stressed, eye rolling is not giving advice, so it doesn’t really belong here. Also, why does it matter what they’re buying? Specifying that they’re buying Plan B carries a whiff of slut-shaming itself.

    • Annie

      Right, right. And eye-rolling is an understandable sentiment. It’s embarrassing, but you can’t really be mad at people for not being totally accommodating at the tantrum-having child in your care.

    • Jenny B

      Right? And really considering the situation of buying emergency contraception, she might be a little stressed out herself… Just give the kid a break…

  • Sundaydrive00

    #3 I love how mommyish isn’t afraid to point out ridiculous commenters. I don’t see that on many other sites.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      Two of my parenting goals include never making it onto STFU Parents, or the shame section of Mommyish. I think I am safe for now anyway

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Me too! I was THRILLED when Eve posted a link I sent her and credited me the other day. But I never wanna be the one who gets ran off of here.

      @3fe4456e9b1b5e2c455fb00f5495917a:disqus – Remember that one lady who was too Above Everyone to ever waste her husband’s time to talk about mundane things like oil changes? I wonder what ever happened to her…..

    • Ptownsteveschick

      OH lord! She probably rode her towncar back to the estate and now she just has a person to read her mommy blogs instead of reading and commenting herself.

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Lol!!! Oh, you are sooo right, dahling! How could she possibly be worrying about such mundane details as trolling when there are People to do those things for her!

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Okay, I swear that I tagged you in my reply, but Disqus has went all wonky…..

    • Ptownsteveschick

      You did! Its ok, I forget which articles I comment on a lot and then when I see a reply I am like “A reply to a comment on that article? What did I say?” Short term memory loss caused by toddler hahaha. When I am not busy being Ptownsteve’s chick, I am Chelsey :)

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      I have that very same memory loss.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Hey! It’s not all bad, one of my comments was featured in a Mommyish article, they were talking about how I was the resident babysitter and I made a very decent point.

      EDIT: You were talking about the shame section…

      Can you tell I’ve been getting into the Nehalem Bay blackberry and peach wine? Tomorrow I will be that hungover Not-a-teenager in line at the pharmacy waiting for my Not-emergency-contraception. Lol

    • Ptownsteveschick

      But that isn’t the shame section! That’s the cool commenter section haha

    • Emmali Lucia

      Yeah, I mixed up “Make it on STFU” and “Make it into the shame section of Mommyish.”

      Because you can totally make it onto STFU Parents and get a Mom’s Gold Star or something.

    • Ptownsteveschick

      That is true, but I don’t think I am witty enough to make it on gold star, so it would probably be something obnoxious I posted that made it on there haha.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      Where can I find this Blackberry and peach wine???? That sounds amazing!
      That should be our next mommyish article, everyone recommending a great local wine or their favorite wine. Or hard liquor or beer.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Nehalem bay winery. It’s along the Oregon coast between Tillamook and Seaside. Or if you live nowhere near Oregon and that all sounded like gibberish you can find their website by looking them up.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I will have to look them up. Sadly not all wineries can ship out of state because of the various state laws. :( I have learned this the hard way.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Sad. D: We should create a shipping service JUST for alcoholic beverages.

      Their blackberry wine is made of 100% blackberries and their peach wine is actually a Riesling with peaches in it. It’s so good I’m patiently waiting for the Saturday farmers market to go get some more bottles. We went through two and a half in a werk, and I already promised to bring a bottle to the potluck I’m going to be a part of.

  • Angela

    I would also add “Anyone who hasn’t been asked to give advice” just for good measure.

  • Emil

    Love this! Especially #1. I recently had an older woman tell me I needed to quit my job so I could spend more time with my kids-even if it meant we had to live on the street. When I asked if she had kids she told me she had one son she hated who was “dead to her.” Maybe not the best one to be dispensing advice.

    • Paul White

      Reminds me of a former coworker, 4 times divorced, who tried to give me marriage advice…it’s like, you know, you obviously DON’T have it figured out, so don’t tell those of us making it work how to do it!

    • Amber

      LOL That sounds exactly like my mother. So quick to give extreme, unwanted parenting advice and then in the next breath tell you about how badly her selfish, bitch children turned out.

      You just have to laugh at them. They’re so pathetic.

    • Muggle

      I’ve already learned never to accept parenting advice from a parent who’s either constantly berating their kid, or constantly talking shit about them to others. Yes, their way works SO well…

      And I don’t even have kids!

  • AnonyMouse

    # 8 is super easy to avoid. Just don’t go on Yahoo Answers and ask a question in any of the categories.

  • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

    I’m actually pretty hurt I didn’t make this list

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Oh, Eve. But your Bad Mom Advice (as well as your other PARENTING ANGLES) show that you are actually a Great Mom. You just make it colorful and tell the truth and say what everyone else is really thinking. Eve can be bad. Eve is a mom. But Eve is NOT a bad mom.

    • Psych Student

      Aditionally, you are giving advice when asked (or close enough since people can choose not to read if they don’t want to)!

  • Simone

    Yeah but, is that a gif featuring SWINTON and David Bowie? Doth my eyes deceive me?
    My life will be down the toilet unless someone is able to help me out with the origin of this short clip. If these two people were in a film together, I MUST KNOW.

  • Shelly Lloyd

    I think I might have did that, gave unintentional advice yesterday. I was taken out of my beloved bakery at work and thrown onto the cash registers. I HATE the registers, so I pass the time by chatting up my customers while I ring them out. Cause registers is SO DAMN BORING!
    One of them had her little 4 year old daughter and the girl looked like she was miserable. She did them little whimper and I said “Oh are you ok, sweetie?’ And them mom said she was suffering through a UT infection. I made a sympathetic response. And the mom continued that this was the second UT infection she has had in 6 months. And I suggested that if she starts getting them regularly to maybe talk to her doctor about possible sensitivity to citrus acids, and told her that when I was in my mid-twenties I started getting UTIs every month and the doctor could not figure out why I was getting them so often, so after almost a year of UTIs we started looking at my diet and it turned out that it was the citrus acids–things like oranges were causing the UTIs and once I took that out of my diet I stopped getting UTIs.
    I hope I did not come off as one of the people in this article.

    • jenpen

      I don’t think you sounded like the people mentioned in the article. That is actually really helpful advice, that I’m sure she appreciated.

    • Surly Canuck

      I wouldn’t consider this the same as what the article was talking about. Now if you had told her to teach her daughter to wipe properly so that she wouldn’t get UTIs (or any other generic/condescending advice) that would be different. I didn’t even know citrus would be a thing. Does that mean cranberry juice didn’t help you (since it’s also very acidic)?

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I can have some cranberry juice, but I do not like the taste of it so I do not drink it hardly ever.

    • Surly Canuck

      Cool! Thanks for answering my invasive question. Sorry for being nosey.

  • kay

    I’ve gotten unasked for advice once. But it was from a HOMELESS MAN. So I think I win.

  • JustMe

    Reminds me of something I saw on TV years ago. There was a little girl, maybe 9 who was trying to be famous for piloting an airplane across America. Poor thing was being pushed by idiot parents. Well, long story short, the precious girl crashed the plane and died. Mom was being interviewed and said she was still planning on writing a book on her style of parenting. Someone piped up and asked if wouldn’t people be more inclined to take parenting advice from someone whose kid is actually STILL ALIVE? If the story wasn’t so sad, that would have been funny.

  • Coco

    You forgot Snooki.

  • Sammi

    #10 kinda crossed the line… considering she’s buying Planned B, I would think she didn’t have the greatest day. People being easily agitated is not all about you, Mombie. Just like your kids being easily agitated isn’t about anyone else. I was with you completely until that. This one was also weirdly specific and really judgmental. Give the kid a break. Maybe when your own kid is that teen, you will learn to loosen up a bit… damn.

  • BillyJean

    Heh, with #10 I can’t help but sense some jealously. A young girl with a life of promise ahead of her who is upsetting you by preventing your mistakes, eh? No wonder she pisses you off so badly by her mere existence. Why else would you mention what she is buying or how she seems privileged? The rest were fine but that one just proves you might be a bit too sensitive or your kids are actually hell beasts XD

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