• Wed, Sep 11 2013

Mom Doles Out Some Slut-Shamey Punishment For Young Daughter She Says Was ‘Twerking’

Mom Punishes Daughter For Twerking At School DanceThe next time someone accuses poor innocent ME of “killing America” I’m going to point them in the direction of this amazingly horrible young child who twerked at her school dance! The horrors! Frances Hena heard from one of her friends that her 11-year-old daughter was twerking at a school dance in Bakersfield, California and she sure showed her daughter some parental guidance by having her stand outside on a busy street corner for two hours holding a sign that reads:

I WAS DISRESPECTING MY PARENTS BY TWERKING AT MY SCHOOL DANCE.

In shorts.

Because ‘Mericuh.

Let’s fast forward to four years and let’s say it’s time for the young Miss Hena to go to Mommy if she has questions about sex. Or preventing pregnancy. Or drugs. Or just about any other topic that is sensitive for teens to discuss with parents. I wonder if slut-shaming this child by making her stand outside, where I’m sure she was subjected to all sorts of fantastic street harassment, paved the way for a healthy mommy/daughter relationship?

I am guessing ummmm…no.

I think this is just a case of Mommy Frances wanting some publicity for herself. From ABC News:

“That’s ridiculous to even think that’s okay at a school dance,” Hena told ABCNews.com. “When she’s 18, she can do whatever she wants. As of right now, that’s not something she’s going to be doing.”

Hena found out about her daughter’s twerking through a friend. She said the school’s inaction and her daughter’s reaction fail to acknowledge the seriousness of the matter.

“I haven’t heard anything from the school still, and it’s just ridiculous to think that’s okay at a school dance,” she said. “I’m also not sure my daughter realizes how seriously I take this.”

Hena said she hopes the embarrassing punishment she imposed on her daughter will also be a deterrent to any would-be teen twerkers.

“It’s not something kids should be doing,” Hena said.

I’m gonna guess that maybe the school had no idea that this child was “twerking.” They probably thought she was just “dancing.”

I think better ideas for signs would have been:

“Cultural Appropriation Is So Not Awesome!”

Or

“My Mom Making Me Stand On A Street Corner Holding A Sign Is Going To Ruin Our Relationship!”

Or how about just cut to the chase and put mom out there holding a sign that reads:

“Please Give Me My Own Reality Show So I Don’t Resort To Slut Shaming My Young Child? ”

(Image: tumblr)

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  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    Seriously? When I was in elementary school, I distinctly remember copying all the Fly Girls dances with my (mostly non-white) friends, and we’d do that move where you’d kind of grind down low and then have one hand behind you while you pump your crotch in the air….i’m sure there’s a name for it but no way i’m googling that. Anyway, my point is that we weren’t doing it to be sexy for the boys – they could care less about our totally awesome moves – we were doing it for each other, trying to show off our dancing skills and mostly we were doing it to have fun because dancing is fun.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      This whole twerking thing (and not the cultural appropriation aspects) is like some weird Footloose nonsense.

    • Amanda Rene Slinger

      Omg took the words right outta my head, first thing that came to my mind to was “didn’t that crazy mom beast ever see Footloose?!”

    • Natalie

      Comparing the dancing in footloose to twerking is the funniest thing I have read all day.

    • Amanda Rene Slinger

      Lol comparing the dancing is indeed, pretty damn funny. I was thinking more about the “this is the worst generation ever!” Indignation that comes about whenever the new “scandalous” teen form of expression hits. Yeah it’s tasteless, most teenager fads are, this too will pass and in 10 years or so there will be some really embarrassing video evidence and another moral uproar over something else.

  • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

    Although I too would be pretty pissed to find out my daughter was twerking at the school dance, I’d chalk it up to being no more than her thinking it was just the next dance craze (remember when they thought rock and rolling was all about sex and it was banned back in da days?)

    I probably would’ve made her a mug of hot chocolate and sat her down to explain what twerking looks like, asked her if she knew about that, what she thought about that, and if that was the message she wanted to send out. It’s very possible it was nothing more than innocent dancing and it doesn’t merit anything more than a little honest chat.

    Kinda like when I did the lambada at my 5th grade dance with a friend and our teachers were mortified. Thankfully nothing happened and I only realized how awkward that must’ve looked like a few years later.

    Poor kid… looks like the road to adulthood shall be interesting.

    • Angela

      I agree with your approach, but I don’t think I’d be all that upset. Kids that age are dying to do things they perceive as being cool and grown up so to be honest I pretty much expect that kind of thing. And another thing I’d add to your awesome chat is that no matter how provocatively women choose to dance, dress, etc that her body is still her own and she is a person deserving of respect.

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      True. I’d be pissed in an eye-rolling-guess-its-time-to-talk-about-empowerment kinda way. I want her to know she’s the boss of her own body and that I love that she has fun letting loose while dancing. But I also want her to know why the dance, in this case twerking, is controversial and how some people see it and what the dance imitates – cause I’m sure I’m not the only one who saw the move and was curious as to how similar it was to some of my sexy-time moves (although I did try the dance move myself the other night and got nothing more than a resounding belly laugh from my husband… I guess I should maybe nix that from the kamasutra… lol!

      I think that respecting her enough to give her the 411 on what’s going on and how some people react to it will give her the space to decide if she wants to continue dancing that way. (Then again, I’m pretty open-minded because a really good friend of mine is a great hip hop dance teacher and we’re all crossing our fingers Z shows interest in dance, cause we’d both be psyched to have her enjoy that kind of activity and expression. :)

    • Surly Canuck

      Same here. I definitely would check in to make sure we were on the same page. I remember when I was about 10, Too close by Next came on the radio while I was in the car with my mom. I belted out the lyrics (or close approximation of what the lyrics were supposed to be). I remember my mom giving me side eye and asking what I thought “You’re making it hard for me” meant. I told her that she was making it hard for him to resist kissing her. Mom tried really, really hard not to laugh and I was so offended. “You see sex everywhere.” In hindsight, the lyrics go way further than being merely “suggestive”.

    • ElleJai

      I’m 26 and I still hadn’t connected that line!

      It is now forever ruined *sniff*

    • Surly Canuck

      I know! Luckily it’s only on the radio once every 5 years.

    • ElleJai

      It WAS on my ipod… It’s banned until I can forget this new information lol

    • CatherineElliott

      How about “Frankie goes to Hollywood” song “Relax”? Or Zepplins “The Lemon Song”? I am a child of the 80′s and in hindsight, it’s amazing how explicit the lyrics were back then. But we were pretty dumb back then, Most of the sexual innuendo went right over our heads. We didn’t realize that Freddie Mercury or the entire group The Village People were gay. We just knew we loved the music, and it was great to dance to.

    • Rachel Sea

      LOL I remember when people were freaking out that the lambada would, no shit, get you pregnant.

      And once upon a time pearl-clutchers, and hand-wringers said the same thing about the waltz.

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    OH ALSO my amazing grade 4 teacher, Mrs Roy who was the best teacher ever and changed my life, was really into dance, and so she’d get her class (a grade 4/5/6 split) to do ‘choreographed’ dances, which we’d then go around to the other classes and perform. For some reason we thought this was cool instead of completely mortifying. Probably because she was the best teacher ever.

    Anyway, the one I remember doing? A dance to Push It by Salt n Pepa. The dance itself wasn’t even remotely sexy, but looking back, I’m surprised no one cared (or if they cared, I was oblivious to it).

    • JLH1986

      I really think parents were less “knee jerk angry” when we were young (I would guess by the Salt n Pepa reference we are close enough in age. I think parents were more like “Can this kill the small human? No? We’re good.” Where many parents now are all “Speshul Sknowflake cannot see stupid dancing that looks like a seizure because its sexual!”

    • Peggy

      In going along with your idea that parents were less “knee jerk angry” when we were younger (and here I go sounding old…..), discipline was a personal matter between parent and child. Now, the parents can get attention for “creative discipline” (a term I use loosely for attention whoring parents). News articles, videos, facebook, twitter, reddit…..it’s almost like parents are trying to one-up each other. When I was younger, if I messed up, my parents, me, and possibly my siblings (because it was a small house) knew. Nobody told a virtual community of hundreds (thousands?) what they did, why they did it, etc.

    • JLH1986

      Never in a million years would my family have told anyone why I was in trouble and I would have been mortified had they done so. I think the creative discipline comes from parents who feel like they can’t discipline kids the way they were (which I think is good in some cases) so they try to find effective ways, but as soon as the media posted about the first sandwich board, parents started one upping each other.

    • Peggy

      “but as soon as the media posted about the first sandwich board, parents started one upping each other.”

      I agree 100 eleventy percent with this statement.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      1980 kid here.

      I know my parents were especially laid back because I was a second-marriage kid, a later-in-life kid….also my parents are totally not prudes so likely thought the whole thing was just really funny. Maybe the kids with more conservative parents just didn’t tell them?

      I like to think I’m fairly laid back, but I don’t know….is it because of the internet, people/parents are just facing more pressure to be ‘perfect’? or ‘interesting’? are people just more scared in general?

  • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

    *sigh* This woman is never gonna survive her daughter’s teen years. What’s gonna happen when she finds out her daughter was making out with some football jock under the bleachers? If she doesn’t realize now that it is her job to GUIDE her daughter through these awkward years and not shame her, she has no hope of ever being the one her daughter comes to when the real problems hit. Thus ensuring the rebellions will only get worse from here on out. Good job, Mom.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      GOOD JOB MOM means BAD JOB MOM

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Precisely.

      All of us wonderful parents here at Mommyish totes need to get together and write The Big Book of Parenting.

  • Sami O’Malley

    I’m gonna go ahead and guess that nothing good comes out of this…ever, on either side.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Yay good guess and I think you are correct

  • momjones

    One of my high school faculty duties was to chaperon dances. We had to stand close to the dance floor and monitor the dancing, and if a couple was “engaged” in what looked like a “simulated sex act” we were supposed to break it up. Before the dance, I would tell my students how much I hated that part of being at the dance. I asked them to imagine them watching their parents (or me, God forbid), doing the same thing on the dance floor. I so loved putting that graphic image in their heads.

    • JLH1986

      Ha ha I love that!

    • CMJ

      Ew, mom.

    • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

      Awesome ew-mom moment!

  • jenpen

    People really need to stop with this whole shamming your kids with sandwich boards business. Not only will this girl have to live with that embarrassment in her community, but on the internet as well. What she was doing was something that I’m sure all of us have done at some point…stupid fad…dumb dances…no harm no foul. What this mother did is more detrimental than any stupid dance. Having been a young teen girl once, I know that I would never ever be able to talk to my mother about anything remotely serious/personal again for the fear of public humiliation. It really is unfortunate that people choose this is the best way to get a point across.

  • Muggle

    What a self-centered bitch. “Disrespecting my parents by twerking”? Fucking really? How self-centered do you have to be to believe that anything that looks sexual is a personal attack on YOU? How self-centered do you have to be that anything your daughter does that you don’t like has to be “disrespecting” YOU personally?

    Stupid, narcissistic cunt. Is she trying to make sure her daughter is pregnant before she graduates high school, because this bullshit is how it starts.

    • CatherineElliott

      Well, society does judge the parents of a badly behaving kid. “OMG Where are those kids parents??” And really question their parental abilities “They must have idiots for parents to let them do that!” Even though kids can and will do all kinds of stuff behind their parents back that is potentially embarrassing. Even so, making this kids stand on a corner with a sign goes waaay over the line. This should have been just between the girl and her parents, not the rest of the world. I think a talking to and an explanation why an 11 year old shouldn’t dance like that would have been more than enough.

    • Muggle

      I know how judgemental society can be toward parents even over the most trivial things, but to me that just smacks of narcissism and sounds really self-centered. Once a kid is in school and out of the house, the parents really can’t be blamed for everything.

  • Tinyfaeri

    “Twerking” has been around since around the mid 90′s at least. WTF is the big deal about it now?

    And no, making your child wear a sandwich board with something embarassing on it (read: anything on a sandwich board for a teen) and walk down the street is not good parenting.

    • Rachel Sea

      I suspect it’s because now white kids are doing it. Not all of the anti-twerking stuff I read is racist, but a lot of it is.

    • Tinyfaeri

      Ah, yes. That’ll do it. sigh :(

    • Rachel Sea

      I imagine the other issue is that most people seem to have been introduced to it by Miley Cyrus, who is supposed to be a chaste and virtuous role model for 7 year olds forever. That she isn’t makes it a filthy whore dance that is only danced by filthy whores.

  • momma425

    1) Most of the school dances I attended throughout high school had chaperones. I find it hard to believe she was behaving SO badly and the school wouldn’t have known about it. How does the parent know that the source was correct? Maybe the child was just dancing…and the source misinterpreted. Or saw a different person twerking in the DARK and made a mistake?
    2) Was the mom standing there with her 11 year old for two hours? I feel like leaving a 11 year old on the street corner alone of hours on end is potentially dangerous. Especially if you are having her advertise that she is a twerker, and we all know what that looks like, especially to perverted and douche bag guys.
    3) I agree- I don’t think kids (or adults) should be twerking. It is inappropriate and looks freaking ugly and gross, BUT humiliating your small child is not what parents should be doing.