diamond ring“Push presents,” one of many irksome words from the list of ever increasing mommy vocabulary, are a load of malarkey. Furthermore malarkey-tastic is the notion that a diamond encrusted fill in the blank is your “earned” carrot/present for reproducing. Some ladies may be pleased as pie to have a wad of sapphires following the birth of the child. But if we’re talking “presents” — and not just what is straight expected — I’d rather have a mess of this:

1. A partner who helps

2. Homemade meals that I did not make

Pasta Primavera

(photo:  jamiemorgancda)

3. A parent who helps

4. Cozy cashmere à la Kate Middleton

cats in sweaters

(photo:  Rakka)

5. A sibling who helps

6. A sleep doula

sleep doula

(photo:  Ann Douglas)

7. A mother-in-law/father-in-law who helps

8. A friendly maid to keep the house looking decent

maids

(photo:  Prometheus2011)

9. A sister-in-law/brother-in-law who helps

10. Some fabulous and helpful lactation coaching

breastfeeding statue

(photo:  Ø1Ø8photography)

11. A cousin who helps

12. A laundress who specializes in ironing

laundress

(photo:  Polly Cotton)

13. A neighbor who helps

14. A dishwasher that never, ever, ever, EVER breaks down

dishwasher

(photo:  Joanna Bourne)

15. A friend who helps

(photo: ShiggyWiggyWoo)