15 ‘Presents’ I’d Rather Have Than A Push Present

diamond ring“Push presents,” one of many irksome words from the list of ever increasing mommy vocabulary, are a load of malarkey. Furthermore malarkey-tastic is the notion that a diamond encrusted fill in the blank is your “earned” carrot/present for reproducing. Some ladies may be pleased as pie to have a wad of sapphires following the birth of the child. But if we’re talking “presents” — and not just what is straight expected — I’d rather have a mess of this:

1. A partner who helps

2. Homemade meals that I did not make

Pasta Primavera

(photo:  jamiemorgancda)

3. A parent who helps

4. Cozy cashmere à la Kate Middleton

cats in sweaters

(photo:  Rakka)

5. A sibling who helps

6. A sleep doula

sleep doula

(photo:  Ann Douglas)

7. A mother-in-law/father-in-law who helps

8. A friendly maid to keep the house looking decent

maids

(photo:  Prometheus2011)

9. A sister-in-law/brother-in-law who helps

10. Some fabulous and helpful lactation coaching

breastfeeding statue

(photo:  Ø1Ø8photography)

11. A cousin who helps

12. A laundress who specializes in ironing

laundress

(photo:  Polly Cotton)

13. A neighbor who helps

14. A dishwasher that never, ever, ever, EVER breaks down

dishwasher

(photo:  Joanna Bourne)

15. A friend who helps

(photo: ShiggyWiggyWoo)

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    • Alicia Kiner

      I love all the “a … who helps” cause when it comes down to it, all we want is someone who helps. If you come to visit, please don’t make more work for us, because quite frankly, now is not the time. And who the hell came up with “push present?” I’d like to slap them. First of all, it’s like someone is saying we deserve a treat for performing well. Are we dogs?? Secondly, do these treats only go to women who don’t need C-sections? The whole idea is, as you put it… MALARKEY.

    • njmom

      Isn’t your push present your baby?

      But I do like these suggestions as opposed to “a new coach bag” or “diamond earrings” hehe

    • njmom

      also what are the rules if you have a c-section? Can you still get one since you technically did not push that baby out? (and obviously this is a joke since any type of pregnancy you have is difficult before someone takes offense to this!)

      • Sundaydrive00

        The cut her open present just doesn’t have the same ring to it…

      • melissa

        Gash gift? Cut carats? Incision incentive?

    • G.E. Phillips

      Huh. I didn’t ask for, but got, a diamond-ish necklace….and very little of any of the above. I was such a noob. Next time, I’ll be asking, and I know what I’ll be asking for!

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      I don’t know if c-sections qualify for push presents, but let’s assume they do for a minute.

      The only things I want for my upcoming c-section will be a maid, a nanny to help care for my 2 year old after I’ve been up all night breastfeeding a newborn every hour, and a LOT of percocet.

      • holla

        Don’t worry…you’ll be so dam dazed from the all-nighters the @year old shenanigans will be a fuzzy memory by the time your newborn is 6 months old (speaking from experience here…..) Quite honestly, it was almost like being drunk: I think my 2 year old got away with more crap than ever cuz I really couldn’t bring myself to care about the destruction being brought down upon the house.

      • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

        I’m sure it will get much worse after the baby gets here, but right now I’m already watching my house fall into shambles around me. I’m just at that point in pregnancy (15 weeks) where I haven’t yet shaken off all of the first trimester symptoms and I haven’t come into that burst of energy you get during your second trimester.

    • Annie

      I’m all about push presents being a small, unspoken nicety, like thank you cards. Why? The same reason you get someone a get well present.

      Expecting one is douchey. Asking for one is douchey. Expecting and asking for a diamond ring or a Volkswagen is super douchey.

      But I’m big on getting people gifts on dubious occasions; it’s my belief that mothers deserve a birthday present as well on the child’s birthday (who did all the work?), and tried to get my friend’s kidney stone bronzed for him (the medical establishment put the kibosh on that).

      Have an especially challenging bowel movement?

      http://www.buttermaidbakery.com/images/products/gift-box-balloons-you-did-it.jpg

      • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

        Totally agree with your statement about mothers getting presents on the child’s birthday, too. We don’t necessarily follow this tradition for the child’s entire life, but the first birthday party is definitely more for the mom than the baby! We dress is all up like it’s for the baby, and we get the baby toys and new shoes and stuff, but (especially during my son’s party) people were coming to me through the whole party and saying, “Happy Labor Day, Mom!”

      • Annie

        Haha, aww, that’s awesome.

    • Coby

      My husband got me a really pretty necklace that had the infinity symbol as the pendant. I wasn’t expecting it by any means, and I know he got that for me because we had heard a lot of chatter about it – he simply thought he was required! If/When Baby Dos comes around, there better be a lot of ” [...] who helps” because I gotta tell you – I just want to lay in bed with Dos as much as possible instead of chasing after a naked toddler. But a girl can dream, right?

    • Chelsea

      My husband and I agreed long before I got pregnant that my “push present” would be some sessions with a personal trainer. (For the record, this isn’t him insisting I get back in shape ASAP – I’ve worked out with trainers before and LOVE IT but it’s not really in our day-to-day budget, and the sessions would come with the promise that I get the time to actually attend them). Now that I’m pregnant, we laugh about the reactions we’d get if, instead of diamonds, he makes a big, public show out of giving me a gift certificate to the gym.

    • Rachel Sea

      If I were in charge of the world, every new mom would have the option of having a free helper for the first six weeks who could be a combination nurse, maid, and cook.

    • http://youpushipresent.com/ Allen Scott

      Love the unique ideas, much like these. If done, it should always be about a spontaneous gesture, not the money. The help ideas are great, and would go well with a small keepsake that can be shared with the kids when they get older.

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