• Tue, Sep 10 2013

Adoptive Parents Who ‘Truly Hate’ Their Adopted Kids Are Swapping Them On Facebook

I need some more fucks. Does anyone have any fucks I can borrow?

I have seen this floating around the news lately and I knew if I even attempted to cover this story I would need to go see my doctor for some blood pressure medication as soon as possible because it would make me so rage furious I would almost pass out.

Parents who are adopting children and then deciding they no longer want these children are “re-homing” them by connecting with other adoptive families on Facebook and via internet groups. From Time.com:

When a disabled Chinese girl was adopted by an American couple, she thought she had gotten lucky. But then that couple “re-homed” Nora Gately to a new family, who made their 17 adopted children clean the bathroom with toothbrushes and dig their own graves in the backyard.

Gately, now 26,  was adopted from a Chinese orphanage just before her 13th birthday. But after a few years, her adoptive father took her on a road trip which ended in a “re-homing,” this time with a family in Tennessee.  Gately, who has polio, says her new mother often took away her leg brace as punishment for small infractions.

 

If this doesn’t infuriate you enough, the article goes on to state that:

In one November 2012 post, a Nebraska woman advertised an 11-year old boy she had adopted from Guatemala: “I am totally ashamed to say it but we do truly hate this boy!”

 

Yahoo has removed this group since Reuters and NBC news launched the investigation. Americans have adopted nearly a quarter of a million children from overseas since the 1990′s. I believe that in the majority of these cases, parents who adopt are willing to do anything to insure that their kids have a wonderful home life and do everything biological parents do, raise their kids in loving, happy healthy environments. These investigations are so infuriating because I know there are so many amazing adoptive parents out there. But in some cases, when the kid has undisclosed medical or psychological problems, or when the adoptive parents are just horrific monsters, things can take a terrible turn and everything you could ever imagine in your worst nightmares happens. From NBC:

“She said, ‘You can run away for all I care and I’ll let the coyotes out there eat you,’ ” recalled Nora. “’Nobody knows you were here anyway.’”

Sometimes, claimed Nora, Debra would punish the children by forcing them to dig their own “graves,” leaving holes “everywhere” in the backyard. Sometimes she made Nora supervise the other children as they dug, and at least once Nora was made to do it herself.

“She said, ‘Get out and go dig your own grave,” said Nora. “Nobody will find you.”

“So I dug. And she watched. And watched, and watched.”

According to Nora, the hole took three hours to dig and was big enough to fit her body.

The Schmitz house was in the country, far from prying eyes. When state officials came to visit, she alleges, they didn’t necessarily see all the kids, because Debra made it difficult.

Away from scrutiny, says Nora, Debra would drink and surf the internet, looking for more children. She had an alarm on the gate and cameras around the house to monitor both the kids and any unexpected visitors.

It’s all amazingly horrific, but I urge you to read The Child Exchange published by Reuters, which delves into other cases and goes more in depth about the Yahoo groups people were using to swap kids, in non-legalized adoptions, in some cases with nothing more than a few emails exchanged and a phone call. If you want to totally ruin your entire day, which I have, read this section about how a “pedophile takes home a fun boy.”

I can’t even begin to understand this. I can’t even begin to understand how people even re-home pets this way, much less humans. It’s so heartbreaking. And it makes me furious for all the people I know who would love to adopt a baby or a child from another country, but can’t afford to do so.

(Image: Ermolaev Alexander /shutterstock)

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  • 88Mwife

    I just read this whole series on Reuters and I am at work bawling. I cannot believe that there are people out there who would do something like this. I’m also not sure why these people aren’t in jail. Its disgusting and heartbreaking and cruel and I just can’t take it.
    That link will make you cry. And then start looking for your pitchfork.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      It’s insane. I am still so dumbfounded by it. It really makes you despise the human race

    • 88Mwife

      I still can’t get over this quote: “that the Internet is a reflection of society, and people are using it for all kinds of communications and to tackle all sorts of problems, including very complicated issues such as this one.” That is from a Facebook spokeswoman in response to the Reuter’s team alerting them to the presence of these types of pages on Facebook.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      It’s so disgusting, it makes me crazy for real.

    • Rachel Sea

      Sometimes Facebook is kind of evil.

    • Mystik Spiral

      I’m at work too. I knew I shouldn’t have even read THIS article, no way in hell I’m going to click on that report right now. This is sickeningly, maddeningly, shamefully awful. I don’t even have the vocabulary to explain how awful these “people” are.

  • Tea

    I… I just…
    I think my heart just broke.

    We have several strikes against us for being able to adopt. I’m legally blind, we’re gay, I had a breakdown in college and a few nights in inpatient, and we don’t make much.

    We’ve given up, we’re planning our future around the idea that it won’t be an option.

    Why do these people get to have kids…

    My tea needs rum now…

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      why do people get to have kids when truly amazing people like YOU don’t. It’s infuriating beyond belief

    • Cee

      Yea, my coffee needed alcohol.

      Its fucked up the hoops you have to jump to adopt here. Even when you prove you are a fit parent, it is always some little shit from your past that haunts you. Oh, legally blind? Never mind all the parents out there who are legally blind and have raised wonderful parents, we just can’t let you, who really wants a child have one!

      Yet these assholes are passing children around like a toy! Ugh! We should all meet at a bar and drink angrily!

    • Tea

      You know what’s really crappy? Most agencies say I can’t adopt a visually impaired child because I’m visually impaired.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      That is fucking foul

    • http://www.sarahcooksthebooks.com/ Sarah

      I haven’t/am not trying to adopt kids, but I know that I’d be hassled by agencies because I’m a Type 1 diabetic. I went to a conference recently, and another T1D told us the story of how they weren’t allowed to adopt because of that.

    • Andy

      Years ago before we had kids, DH and I were going over options and adoption came up-both of us like the idea of adoption if we weren’t able to have bio kids (a possibility, given his Type 1 diabetes), until we found out we’d likely be denied because of this. Thankfully we’ve had no problems with me getting pregnant, but it still blows my mind that we’d likely be turned down and monsters like the ones profiled in this story can adopt willy-nilly.

    • Cee

      What…the…fuck?! I’m just going to laugh maniacally now to keep from crying and having a ragestroke!
      How do these people continue to do this? How is this woman in the story not in prison?! These technicalities keep letting her get away with things, you have one “technicality” and you can’t have a child?! Is this real life?!

    • Rachel Sea

      There’s this checklist of what a family is supposed to look like to be allowed to adopt, and you can have so few strikes against that list. Non-Christian? Strike. Non-theistic? Double strike. Non-hetero? Strike. Not wealthy? Strike. Fewer bedrooms than 1 per child plus 1? Strike. Single? Strike. Both parents work? Strike. One parent unable to work? Strike. Parent has physical disability? Strike. Parent has neurological disability or mental illness? All the strikes.

      I barely know anyone who grew up in in a family that looked like families are supposed to, and the ones who did are nothing like that now.

      And there are still orphanages – sorry, “children’s homes” – all over, and not enough foster homes, and then there’s this? How?

      I understand, because I am no stranger to prejudice, but I don’t UNDERSTAND, I just can’t. If I had $60,000, and were content to be a liar I could go pick up a child almost instantly, but because I’m not rich, and I have integrity, I can’t have kids, but serial abusers can.

      I don’t like the world very much right now.

    • Tea

      I wish this wasn’t so accurate…

    • CBillard

      I think that with shitty agencies and religious adoption agencies, that is completely the case. The agency we went through routinely places with homosexual and single parents. I was able to adopt even with anxiety that needs to be treated with medication and having been in therapy. And the fact that I don’t “do” religion didn’t matter to anyone involved except for the birthparents that reviewed my profile. The agency also didn’t care that we both planned to return to work. I guess I just don’t want those potential good parents to be turned away from adoption based on the agencies out there that just really suck ass.

    • Rachel Sea

      If you can only afford foster-adoption, rather than private infant adoption, you are subject to the whims of a caseworker who, as long as they don’t flat-out tell you that they are discriminating in violation of Constitutionally protected civil rights, can refuse you for the fantastically vague reason that they don’t feel that placement in your home would “be in the best interests of a child.”

    • TngldBlue

      That makes me so sad :( It’s criminal that there are people that would provide a good solid home to a child that cannot adopt while sociopaths are given kids like candy.

  • Rachel Sea

    And here I am thinking I’d not be approved to adopt because I’m in a same gender marriage, have incomplete home renovations, too many cats and dogs, and a wife with clinical depression.

    I’m just vibrating with hurt for those kids.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      This makes me so so sad rach

  • keelhaulrose

    Most adoptive parents are awesome people who really wanted children and are thrilled to have the opportunity to parent.
    The ones like this need to be dropped in a bottomless pit lined with broken glass. Children aren’t a rug you had second thoughts about. You can’t just hand them off to someone else.
    I hope there’s charges involved with this, double time of the child wound up with a sexual predator.

  • Cee

    So basically its legal human trafficking, really, right?

    I used my break yesterday to read this story and it made me so angry. When I wanted to have children and looked at the adoption process, it made me so angry to see the little shit adoption agencies wouldn’t let you adopt. Everything about your past, the classes you have to take, the medical evaluation…oh you take pills for anxiety? No child for you! I understood why people resorted to international adoptions. Yet, international adoptions come with many asterisks in the sense that they don’t often say or know if there is something wrong with the child. They take advantage of a parent who has been struggling with having a child of their own. Also, parents think they are saving a child from a bad world, whilst forgetting that a child has lived a different life and will have a hard time adjusting. They think its going to be this perfect transition of happiness and gratefulness, but it is not. And the moment they experience SOME difficulty, they just toss them out. For fucksakes, this is a human! How can you do this?! How can you pawn somebody off like this? Why not seek help or find resources.
    It enraged me today to read the stories of all the parents that “had no other choice” but to resort to this. FUCK YOU! You had. You could have done your research about international adoptions and how children from other countries have difficulty adjusting, how they come from abused homes or have mental issues. You could have sought mental or physical or any help the child needed. If you wanted to get rid of the child, you could have gone through some legal process to ensure the child was safe. Fuck all those humans. I know many people that can’t adopt and these people are trafficking children and have no remorse. UGH, more alcohol on this coffee!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      what I really don’t get is how these people have MULTIPLE kids?! I am so glad you guys have all read/are reading this because this is something I NEED to talk about to process it. It’s just unbelievable to me. I couldn’t even do that to an animal much less a human, it sincerely floors me

    • Surly Canuck

      I noticed that too! So many of the stories involved large families. And that woman who is a “professional mom” with 10 kids. I hope she is never allowed to adopt another child. She gave her son away after a DAY of emails and photos. What the hell?

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I STILL do not get it, and some of these people are so poor, where are they getting the type of money one needs for an overseas adoption? Church groups?

    • Surly Canuck

      Possibly. Could be a kickstarter fundraiser as well. I can’t even imagine being someone who donated to one of these adoptions and then hearing that they “rehomed” a few months later. Geez that’s a lot guilt.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Remember the crowdsourcing for a child that Blair talked about a few months ago?

    • Cee

      Same here! I was talking about this to my girlfriend and we were
      recalling a time where we cried because we wanted to have children and
      were so afraid of adoption. We thought my anxiety, depression, my girlfriends medical issues, my 19 year old self’s reckless credit card use, basically anything a parent has done yet raised a child well, would bite us in the ass and stop us from adopting.
      I needed you guys to stay something cuz this is just sooo rage inducing. And, I mean, come on, lets be honest. They probably are back in business in some other subhuman forum elsewhere.

    • 88Mwife

      The worst was the family who flew ALL THE WAY FROM SCOTLAND to drop their 14 year old son off with someone they had never met in person. They had this poor boy for 11 years and decided they didn’t want him anymore. Is it a coincidence that after adopting him they had 3 biological kids? The dad saw this house was a wreck and that he felt ‘really torn’ about leaving him there but did it anyway. Everyone named in this article should have all remaining children in their care taken away. Its disgusting.

    • Cee

      No no, he was not “really torn.” If he was, he would not have left him there. How can a person in good conscience do this?

    • Surly Canuck

      Yeah, I’m confused. How is this any different from when people post children on craigslist? It just breaks my heart.

    • Rachel Sea

      The difference is money, education, and a degree of canniness absent from Craigslist listings. These people KNOW that they are doing something reprehensible, so they’re discreet about it.

    • Surly Canuck

      Too true. Especially those who got notaries and counsel involved. I guess I was wondering legally why the cops can arrest those who used Craiglist, but for the “re-homing” sites, they wring their hands powerless to do anything but return the child to it’s original adoptive family. I’m wondering if it is because they were “free to a good home” or if the small amount of paper work covered them. It seems like too small a difference. Hopefully that loophole can be closed sooner rather than later.

    • Emmali Lucia

      I won’t lie, there are some circumstances where I can see why some people would hand off their adopted child to someone who they knew or trusted would be better equipped to deal with them.

      It’s heartbreakingly awful but RAD is sometimes incurable, and children with RAD can and often do:
      Burn houses down
      Kill animals
      Murder other people (There’s a case very recently of a 15-year-old foster child who killed his 5-year-old foster brother)
      Kill themselves

      Honestly when people adopt internationally they have much less help than domestic. You can try to get help, but it’s not going to be free or cheap, and often there are very few options if you don’t live in a big city.

      But don’t think that this is me trying to say “Hey man, if you hate the child you adopted because you’re an immature little fuck, throw him out!”

      This is more like a “We need more mental health help opportunities for the youth of this country, especially the adopted or the ones in foster care”

    • Cee

      Totally agreed. There needs to be resources to help both the children with mental issues and the parents who adopt them. But, in some of the cases I have been reading about, it seems like they thought they though adopting them and having a nice house for them is the cure all, when it is not. The adoption agency should make them very aware of what they are going to have to deal with.
      But, if parents just cannot handle a child with mental issues, they should relinquish the child in a proper manner and to the proper people, not just giving them away to someone that said “I want!” on an online forum. I mean, you and I seem to have had more of an exchange on this site than some of the people in that forum.

      The stories here seem sooo…callous. Like, “get them away, get them away! I don’t care who you are, just take them!” They hardly even the people any questions or even know their last names! No matter how bad or violent the child can be, you at least want to know you are leaving them somewhere safe and doing it the right way.

      Lastly, when they are using international means in a country with very laxed adoption processing, they should ask themselves why is it so laxed. If they know so much about laxed procedures, I am sure they are aware that the children that they may be adopting may have mental issues, trauma or other things going on.

  • whiteroses

    The only people in this situation that I feel sorry for are the kids.

    “Rehoming’ is what you do to a dog or a cat, but most of us wouldn’t even treat our animals this way. These “people” (and I use that term extremely loosely) are a stain on all good adoptive parents who see absolutely no distinction between the children they adopted and the ones they gave birth to. And if you adopt and are surprised that you may have to deal with Reactive Attachment Disorder, PTSD or special needs (among others) then you should have done more research. And if you pass your SON (because that’s what that poor little boy was) to a sexual predator then you should never be permitted to raise or be around another child, ever. I wouldn’t do this to a stranger’s child, much less a child that called me Mommy.

    Once you take responsibility for a child, they are yours. You don’t get to pick and choose whether or not you provide them with basic necessities.

    Fuck. I… I can’t even. All of these morons need to be given high fives in the face with a chair. A chair covered in poison-tipped broken glass.

    • Emmali Lucia

      I know, what happens if their child gets in a bad car accident or some other accident and is either physically disabled or gets PTSD from it? Are they just going to ship off that child, too?

    • whiteroses

      Probably not- because biology, ya know? I mean, it’s THE MOST important thing!

      God, these people are reprehensible. It makes me wonder how they feel about spouses, since spouses aren’t biologically related either.

  • anonymous_for_this

    This is so awful. Just heartbreakingly awful. A friend of mine was adopted into a pedophile family. She ran away as a teenager, and eventually sued them…criminal charges couldn’t stick because they were unfortunately smart and worked in law enforcement so were able to cover their tracks, even though she was rendered completely infertile from it).
    I know (er…hope?) most adoptive parents are awesome, but god some people are just the worst.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      That is so so sad

  • Annona

    Welp. I thought I wouldn’t be breaking into that new six pack of pumpkin beer till the weekend, but this blows that all to shit. I cannot even wrap my mind all the way around this. And not to be all “this is why we can’t have nice things!” but THIS is why so many countries are limiting US adoptions now. Because all those kind loving people out there who would love to give a good home to a kid in need are overshadowed by dicks like this. All these “parents” need a dirt nap as far as I’m concerned.

    • Emmali Lucia

      I know, I was keeping my home-made Bloody Mary mix virginized until my mom came home, but now. She can go get some store-bought mix and possible a new bottle of vodka, if y’all need me, I’ll be in the bath-tub fantasizing about when I’m financially and emotionally secure enough to adopt a child of my own, and how maybe this will all blow over by then and I’ll be able to get a child because these monsters will some how have been shipped off to Mars or something.

  • Guest

    second time today i’ve needed to use this gif freaking a-hole people…

  • Guest

    freaking second time today i’ve needed to use this gif…we need a story about unicorns…and otters…now :-(

  • Guest

    second freaking time today i’ve needed to use this gif…i need a story about unicorns…or otters…now :-(

  • Angela

    Actually I think that this a bigger problem than we like to admit. Most of the cases that I’m aware of are related to Christian fundamentalism. It’s recently become a trend within certain sects to use adoption as a means to “save” the poor heathens. There are several agencies that have been started by fundamentalists who are known for inadequate screening and preparation of adoptive parents, and lack of follow-up with their placements. Their primary concern is with “saving” as many children as possible and some have even been known to snatch children from families under false pretenses (many were led to believe that their children would be in an educational exchange program rather than adopted).

    Couple this with the fact that most of these adoptive families believe that children need to their wills utterly broken and demand complete submission and it’s a recipe for disaster. In their minds cultural differences or psychological problems like RAD are signs of defiance and need to be stomped out via extreme punishments. This rarely works as intended and in some cases the children are literally disciplined to death (Hana Williams, Lydia Schatz, Sean Paddock). I’ve heard of several more cases where the kids are kicked out, run away, or passed around to various families in the congregation who are willing to take a crack at breaking a defiant child’s will.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      “How to raise up a child” monster bullshit.

    • Angela

      Yep. It’s actually called “How to train up a child” because the whole premise is that children should be trained like animals (though no reputable trainer would beat their animal into submission)

      Here’s some links on Evangelical adoption for any who want more info (and have a strong stomach)
      http://m.motherjones.com/politics/2013/04/christian-evangelical-adoption-liberia
      http://poundpuplegacy.org/node/20821

    • Paul White

      You know, I’m down with the idea that training a kid has a lot of similarities to training a dog or cat; after all we are mammals. Consistency, reasonable expectations, both positive reinforcement and punishment… But I don’t think those people know shit about behavior in animals either….

    • Simone

      I’m quite with you there, Paul, because for a year or two, the way dogs and young children respond best to behavioural modification is very similar. Both need consistency, clear boundaries, rewards and praise, and appropriate levels of affection. But yes, most people who hear this would be upset because they have both poorly managed children AND dogs.

    • Angela

      I get what you’re saying but for me the main difference is that I’m a lot more concerned with teaching my children empathy, problem solving, etc than I am exacting perfect obedience from them. Of course children need consistency and boundaries but I also listen to them, offer choices, encourage them to ask questions and let them come up with their own solutions. I don’t do that for my dog and according to to Michael Pearl, author of “To Train Up a Child” you shouldn’t do it for a child either. In his world if a child is not instantly obedient you should instantly deliver punishment and never listen to excuses or explanation. Children should never be given choices or permitted to question a parent’s judgement. That’s why I take exception to the idea of training children like animals.

    • Simone

      Oddly, I also teach my children empathy, problem solving, and offer choices and encourage critical thinking. I did try those things with the border collie too, but it was a bit of a failure, to be honest.

  • Sara610

    What I don’t understand is, how can this be legal? I’m adopted, and so is my older sister. When you adopt a child, that’s an irrevocable, legally binding relationship. There’s no difference between our legal relationship to our parents, and my little (non-adopted) sister’s relationship to them. Your adopted children ARE YOUR CHILDREN. You can’t just give them away on Craigslist or Facebook.
    This is completely horrifying, and these people should be made to live in the conditions they subjected their children to for the rest of their sorry lives.

    • Amber

      My MIL gave away her youngest son to me and my husband. I was stunned by how easy it was. We signed one piece of paper and we were his legal guardians. Sure, it was my husband’s brother but that has nothing to do with the paperwork. It would have held up even if he was a complete stranger.

    • footnotegirl

      Generally, they are this idiotic for a couple of reasons:
      1) they are so deeply, frantically desperate for a child, any child to adopt that they keep themselves willfully ignorant no matter what the media, adoption agencies, counsellors, and their own families tell them. No matter how much reality tries to break through their fog, they ignore warning signs and just keep pushing forward because they will finally have their baby and it will all be perfect just like they have always dreamed it would be.
      2) increasingly, they are hyper fundamentalist Christians who envision adoption as yet another way to do missionary work, and one where they don’t have to actually expose themselves to icky foreign countries. They fully believe that since they are doing the Lord’s work, the Lord will gift them with perfect wonderful children, and, failing that, everything can be fixed by the continued and violent use of tactics from “How to train up a child” (a book that has been found on the shelves of a number of parents who have killed their adopted children through routine, severe abuse).

  • TngldBlue

    I only made it to the example “solicitations” before I started to cry. How do these people sleep at night knowing they gave away a CHILD to people they know nothing about? When I think how scared and alone those kids must feel, it breaks my heart into a million pieces.

  • freedomluchador

    You need to hang THIS PARENTS!

  • Amber

    It’s awful but I’m not surprised. My biological parents wanted a child, conceived me on purpose, and then hated me my whole life. I think if they had known about this “option”, they probably would have rehomed me. I don’t know what kind of disorder makes someone like that but it makes sense that some of those monsters could adopt instead of giving birth.

    I don’t know the solution either. Forcing the child to stay with children who hate him or her isn’t a good option but letting them be “traded” to god knows who is terrifying as well. I kind of want to hunt down one of these groups and save one of these poor kids now.

    • Angela

      I’m so sorry for your experience. One solution I’d suggest is better preparation. Many parents adopt having fully researched the cultural and psychological challenges of foreign/older child adoption but unfortunately not all do and go into it with very unrealistic expectations. Obviously this doesn’t apply in your circumstance but I have to wonder if your parents also had unrealistic ideas about parenting.

      After the fact I would suggest family therapy and individual counseling for all parties involved. A good therapist can often do a lot to improve communication, navigate cultural differences, and address any attachment issues, PTSD, etc the child may have. Also the parent may need to be treated for depression/anxiety and there are several support groups available for parents struggling with adoptive children. There actually are a lot of resources available for adoptive families but many of the Evangelical parents I discussed in my previous comment tend to shun these resources and seek help only within their religious circle where rehoming is not incredibly uncommon. It’s almost always an even worse situation for the kids though since the prevailing attitude among such circles is that the adoptive parents must have been too soft to sufficiently break the child’s will.

    • Amber

      Oh, I’m sure it has a lot to do with unrealistic ideas about parenting. I agree that therapy and counseling and screening would help immensely if the parents were willing but the problem I see is that a person who will throw a kid away like garbage will also lie through their teeth to get what they want and hide their own issues. Very much like the parents you describe. They don’t want any help that might expose them as less than perfect to society. The child’s healthy, safety and development all come second to the parents’ image.

  • Leisel

    TIme to break out the ol’ murder bat. There’s gene pool cleansing afoot

  • Simone

    I think these adults have a part of their brain missing.

    Seriously. A fully functional adult brain would not be capable of this type of behaviour.

    • Amber

      Fully functional adults with whole brains commit horrific crimes every day. They look and act just like everyone else. You’ve seen them in grocery stores, passed them on the street and probably have at least one in your family or your group of friends and you just don’t know it.

      Human beings are capable of monstrous acts.

    • Simone

      I guess it depends on how you use the term ‘fully functional’.

    • Amber

      People who hold jobs, know how to behave in society, develop relationships with people, etc. are fully functional. They can function just fine, it’s that they choose not to in order to suit their own desires.

      Evil people aren’t simply dysfunctional, they’re evil. I honestly don’t know why that’s so hard for people to comprehend. They aren’t broken, they’re evil. They know what they are doing is wrong and they make the conscious decision to do it anyways.

  • JAN

    I can’t even…those articles are just some of the most horrid things I’ve ever read. I have no idea how people can treat another human being in that manner. I mean, I on e fostered a dog that the owner was going to drop at the shelter (long story but I found out about the dog through a rescue network and would have kept it but I already had three dogs in my rental). I had a lot of stress making sure I was finding a happy responsible home for thos dog and iconducted multiple interviews, home visits, and still follow up with the adoption five years later…yet these people just hand off a child to random strangers on the Internet. I just don’t know!

  • Ginny

    So many people think that adoption is sunshine and rainbows, and those people are sorely uneducated. Adoption is never easy. It takes years to form a strong bond with an adopted child. Just because adopted them doesn’t mean you can just well, as I see it, re-sell them. There is no difference in adopting children and giving birth to children besides the way they come home. People like this make me want to throw a vase at someone.

    • whiteroses

      Yes. And this is part of the reason why, when people say “You can always adopt” in response to fertility struggles, I get all ragey and stabby. People look at adoption as if its like going down to the store and choosing a new pair of shoes. It comes with its own set of problems and challenges, and thinking otherwise is setting yourself (and more importantly, the child you adopt) up for epic failure.

  • JLH1986

    Adoption is such a struggle for EVERYONE, even if it’s a happy joyous occasion. Part the problem is that agencies wash their hands of the kids as soon as they are placed. There is not counseling for the parents to help adjust to a child who is likely coming from a horrendous situation, no counseling for kids who feel (whether accurate or not) that they were unwanted and that’s why they were given up, RAD, depression, learning/educational disabilities because of likely being in foster homes etc. It’s oh you want a kid, we’ll take a shite ton of money and fork the kid over but we don’t want to hear from you ever again.

  • Annie

    Fuck every-fucking-thing.

    I have mental illness and am also a mental illness advocate. The mentally ill can be awesome parents. However, can we get some more thorough psychological background checks being done on these people?

  • diabeticdamsel

    I was adopted at birth and now at 23 I’m legally disabled with medical problems and I have many mental health problems that we couldn’t have foreseen such as severe depression and bipolar disorder. My parents have been by my side the entire time and have paid for everything to keep me healthy and happy. I feel so sorry for these children that aren’t as lucky as I am but my parents made a commitment to being parents no matter what and they’ve stuck with it, never once complaining. These “people” make me truly sick.