Ladies who are (or will be) new to the parenting club, high-five. As far as I can tell, motherhood is pretty awesome. But between all the not so awesome mom groups, mom friends, and cultural stigmas, there is a lot of motherhood mythology to wade through in those first couple of years. You may have heard some tall tales about Zeus, Hera, Apollo, and all the rest but I have a few other stories of that ilk to share with you.
1. Motherhood means being deliriously happy all the time
Define “all of the time.” Most of the time? Some of the time?
2. Moms who don’t breastfeed just didn’t try hard enough
Don’t be this mom. Ever.
3. Your maternity leave is like a vacation
Question: do you awaken at three o’ clock in the morning (explicitly NOT to throw up) to feed a very small person on your vacations? Because I don’t!
4. Your baby will instantly love you
Maybe, but maybe not.
5. You will love your baby instantly
Could happen, could not. Wait on it.
6. Postpartum depression is for women who don’t love their babies
I have yet to hear this gem be articulated before me, but the sentiment nevertheless lingers in the way we often talk about women who hadÂ suffer from PPD. The sisterhood — as well as parenting culture in general — has a looooong way to go on this one.
7. Parenting should come “naturally” to you
If that were true, Google would surely cease to exist. Everyone knows that new parents googling the shit out of every which rash and swaddling technique single-handedly sustains a HUGE chunk of the online world.
8. If you’re not completely fulfilled by motherhood, something must be wrong with you
LOLZ for days.