• Fri, Aug 30 2013

10 Magical, Over-The-Top Stuffed Animals That Even I Don’t Hate

large_oursvp_16b59__1377868246_74.134.205.46Many of you agreed with me yesterday that stuffed animals can all go to hell but some of you wept giant, sad, drippy tears all over your keyboards over the fact I suggested stuffed animals are stoooopid. And that’s okay! Because even I am not immune to the cuddly charms of all stuffed animals!  If I had a gazillion dollars sitting around and I had all ready bought all of the Ben&Jerry’s Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz ice cream and whisked you all off to a wondrous vacation where we all lounged on the beach and drank foofoo cocktails with cocktail umbrellas in them and donated some money to charity and bought a gigantic house with a special cat room with cat tunnels and cat towers and purchased Koa Beck her own real life Bambi I would totally buy these. But I would need a gazillion dollars to do so because some of these are expensive! So if I had to buy stuffed animals, these are the ones I want. I expect all of you to beat me in the comments by posting even cooler, more outrageous ones that cost even more money because if we are playing the “Here are the stuffed animals I would buy if I had a gazillion dollars game” we may as well do it up big, yo.

A Giant Unicorn. You Can Ride On. 

Screen Shot 2013-08-30 at 7.49.31 AM(Image: Fao Schwartz)

I’m sorry, but I am all about this life. Here I would sit on my giant magical stuffed unicorn and demand that my family bring me cold beverages and do my bidding. It’s not too early for you guys to think about what to get me for Christmas ya know and I’m sure one of you has 800 dollars (sorry, 799.99) just sitting around so you wanna buy me this. If I had this my answer to basically every question ever asked of me, what’s for dinner, Mom? Did you ay the electric bill honey? Would be answered with “I’m on a unicorn, bitches.” 

 The Gi-nourmous Ugly Doll 

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(Image: Thisnext)

This actually caused a HUGE argument with my spouse. We have Ugly Dolls in my home and when I saw this gigantic one in a store I begged my husband to let me buy it. I think his reply was “Are you insane, it costs 800 dollars, where the hell are you going to put that thing?” and my tearful reply was “I have no idea but I waaaaaaaaant itttttt” and he said we would think about it and he knows I am easily distracted so by the time I remembered it, it had sold out in stores. Wahhhhhh. It’s still amazingly cool though.

 A Giant Shark Sleeping Bag 

DEFAULT_192_4be0c21542d9d-300x272(Image: Tumblr)

It makes sense that a 43-year-old woman wants to sleep in this right?

 A Bouquet Of A Dozen Stuffed Unicorns 

f29f_plush_unicorn_bouquet(Image: Think geek)

Who needs roses? Who even wants roses when you can have a dozen stuffed unicorns?

 A Takashi Murakami X-Large Flower Plush 

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(Image:  gagosian)

You know who I bet has these? Kanye West. I bet if he had his way little North West‘s nursery is all done up Murakami-style. We are pretty big Murakami fans up in herrrre, and when my son was younger my husband took him to a show in Brooklyn. When my kid encountered the Lonesome Cowboy (which shows a very angular looking young anime man ejaculating in a giant stream) my son ran away from it yelling DAD I SO DID NOT NEED TO SEE THAT. But I still need this 1500 dollar pillow!

Jennifer Strunge Cotton Monsters  

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(Image: Etsy)

Jennifer makes these amazing creatures for her shop Cotton Monsters but I love her collection of cats called the Von Katz family. They all look like they are saying “nuuuuu.”

 Erwin The Little Patient 

Screen Shot 2013-08-30 at 8.30.00 AM

 

(Image: Wild And Wooly)

I am just obnoxious and wrong enough to give this as a toddler gift because when you open little Erwin up, this happens.

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 We All Need This For Our Game Of Thrones Magical LARP-ing  

pTRU1-12311619dt(Image: Fao Schwartz)

If I had 900 bucks I didn’t know what to do with I would get this and be all:

Alllll the time.

 The Phillipe Starck Band Bear 

33402(Image: Starck.com)

I always meant to buy one of these when my babies were little and I didn’t wanna shell out 90 bucks for one and now they go for a few times that and are impossible to find. Figures.

 A Campana Brothers Banquet Chair  

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(Image: Tumblr)

Moss used to sell these and I think they were around 10 thousand dollars each, but they don’t anymore. These chairs are usually shown in museums doing design retrospectives and since ya know, we are playing the gazillion dollar game we may as well all buy one for our child’s nursery.

(Image: Starck.com)

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  • Tea

    I’m going to have a new niece in November, and she needs a Sigikid Erwin when she’s older. Or I could give her brother one in a year. Hmmm… How patient am I…

    We’re already black sheep, may as well have some fun with it.

    • EmmaFromÉire

      Hell I want one for ME! I study life sciences, and i’ve already linked it to about half of my class, there’s a whole lot of twenty year olds purchasing Sigikid Erwins right now!

  • Shelly Lloyd

    So some artist too all their children’s stuff toys and sewed them onto a chair frame and is making bazzillions of dollars selling them on high end web-sites and museums? Why the hell did I not think of that?

    BTW, that stuffed dog in that last picture is freaking me out.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      am sending you all my stuffed animals for your chair biz!

  • Rachel Sea

    OH! I want the giant Ugly Doll. I might just have to make myself one because that is awesome. Screw beanbag chairs, I want a giant stuffed monster.

    Which reminds me, my sister had an enormous stuffed elephant (big enough for a teenager to use as a spare bed) when we were kids, courtesy of the Excalibur arcade in Vegas. It was filled with little styrofoam balls like a cheap beanbag chair, and was used as a piece of furniture until it exploded rather spectacularly some years later.

    I used to babysit the daughter of a rock star, and that girl had the most spectacular stuffed animals you have ever seen, but by far the most extravagant were the life-sized baby giraffes and ponies. She scarcely played with them.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      You can’t say ROCK STAR and not tell us whooooo or give us hiiiiiiints

    • Rachel Sea

      I will email you. :)

      I don’t talk about him in public setting with people who didn’t know him, because the perceptions, assumptions, and his fans’ sense of ownership make me sad. I liked him a lot.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      This will be the most epic email I will ever receive I can feel it

    • EmmaFromÉire

      I’m super seriously jealous that you’re getting it.

  • Erin Murphy

    Rag-deady Ann and Andy. Made by my lovely and talented mummy.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Oh my gosh how cute your mom is so talented!

  • Rollergirl09

    Coffee Coffee Buzz Buzz Buzz is the best ice cream ever! They don’t sell it in the grocery stores in my part of the country and that is just sad sad sad. In college it was in the cafeteria fridge and could be purchased with my meal plan dollars. It played a key part in my freshman 65!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      It is the best. They stopped carrying it and now my store has it again!

  • quinn

    Ugh, this is so aggravating. I always make a big deal out of telling my family to stop giving my daughter so many stupid stuffed animals that I will eventually throw out, but now I’m feeling like I NEED that giant unicorn. How could I own that and hide it out in my house without anyone every discovering it?? Help!!!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      You could say you have NO idea what they are talking about. when anyone mentions it just be all irate as hell. WHAT unicorn? what are you talking about? Who wants pizza rolls?

  • G.S.

    So, so tempted to DIY that giant ugly doll. I don’t care that my house is way too small for it, it needs that sucker sitting in it. Preferably at an angle where one can always catch his “IDGAF” expression.

    And that stuffed animal couch. Is that where one would sit while wearing Flea’s stuffed animal pants?

  • Annona

    My friend’s husband got her the unicorn bouquet for her birthday. It was pretty epic, and he had it delivered to her work and even her grown male co-workers were jealous.

    I really need that giant unicorn in my life. Or at least a t-shirt that says “I’m on a unicorn, bitches!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

    The bear is a nope nope nope. That thing is freaking me out.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      He’s going to steal your soul <3

  • Athena A

    The fantasy geek in me really really really wants that gigantic dragon. I want to sit on it and shout ‘dracarys’ at people I dislike.

    • Michelle Pittman

      you…i like you…

  • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

    ok going to google that shark sleeping bag right now. I need that.

  • jayne

    Notalie is a 1 metre tall large doll that’s really popular in UK.