• Thu, Aug 29 - 10:00 am ET

10 Foods You Should Never, Ever Eat While Pregnant

pregnant foodThere is so much information out there for moms-to-be about what foods they can and cannot consume during pregnancy. It’s very confusing! This is why you are so lucky to have me because I am here to give you a definitive list about foods that you should absolutely, under-no-circumstances ever consume while you are pregnant because they could have long-term damaging effects to both you and your unborn child!

Sharks

Pregnant women should never eat a shark. I don’t care how hungry you are. Sharks are high in mercury and that can be dangerous for your unborn child. Also, when trying to eat the shark this may backfire and the shark may end up eating you. Plus! I think in some places it’s probably illegal to snack on a shark.

Generic Ice Cream 

This is just a sad thing to eat. Store-brand ice cream never has enough junk in it, whether that junk be fudge ripples or candy pieces or brownie chunks or caramel or pieces of cookie dough. Pregnant women should never ever eat this. Spend the extra few bucks and get yourself the good ice cream. It is better for your mood which in turn is better for your baby.

 Jäger Bombs 

We all know a glass of wine or three while pregnant won’t hurt your unborn child, but I would highly suggest not consuming any shots that are on fire while pregnant. Not only because of the risk of fetal alcohol poisoning, which is so NOT funny, but also because throwing up hard liquor is pretty much the worst thing ever.

Cheetos 

You would assume that eating this snack product is totally okay for pregnant women, but have you ever seen what Cheetos do to your fingers? They leave this dayglo orange powder all over them and when you are pregnant you are extra exhausted and chances are you may be too lazy to wash your hands after eating them and end up with Cheetos dust all over your pants. The only time you should eat Cheetos whilst pregnant is when someone is around to feed them to you.

 Raw Hot Dogs 

I know, nothing sounds more appealing to just about ANYONE, pregnant or not, than just sitting on their sofa, watching some Scandal, and opening up a package of uncooked hot dogs to snack on. Mmmm.. delicious. BUT you should be aware that sometimes uncooked hot dogs can contain a bacteria which can be dangerous to pregnant women called listeriosis which can be potentially harmful.

Dirty Fruits And Vegetables 

86wLg(Photo: Imugr.com)

This seems like such a no-brainer but you would be shocked at how many REPUTABLE news sources tell pregnant women not to eat dirty fruits and vegetables. We are pregnant, not stupid! It’s like they think that once you have a baby inside of you are suddenly rooting in your garden to eat some skankyass soil-covered cucumbers or digging through your local dumpster to find some moldy potatoes. Guess what world! Pregnant ladies wash their produce just like normal peoples!

Canned Frosting And Sour Cream And Onion Potato Chips Chased Down With Root Beer  

DON’T ask me how I know this I just do OK?

Half Of A Shared Plate Of Anything  

Um, eating for two means eating for TWO. Not three. You and your baby, not whatever jerk you are with who suggests you “split an appetizer” or “share a dessert.” If anyone says this to you, you have my permission to stab them. With your dinner fork. Right in their stupid bad-idea face.

Sad Candy  

This is the candy that is not the candy you want. When you are pregnant you should not eat the sad candy. This is when you want something amazing and delicious like sea salt caramels and you find yourself digging through your kid’s leftover Halloween candy and it’s July and all they have are some stray M&Ms and a half-eaten Twizzler. Someone needs to bring you the best candy and they need to bring it to you now. Do not eat the sad candy.

 Anything That Won’t Cause You To Gain The Recommended Amount Of Baby Weight For Your Body 

When you are pregnant is NOT the time to go on a diet. Eat a good variety of foods, eat foods that make you happy and that make you feel good and sometimes eat foods that grow on trees or in the ground and remember to eat a lot of fresh, warm bread with butter and drink a lot of water and preferably have someone else make you these foods on occasion. And do the dishes. You can worry about your post baby body after you are post baby.

(Photo: Kuznetsov Alexey/shutterstock)

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  • Kirsten Larson

    Deli meats and soft/ unpasteurized cheeses can be also be sources of Listeriosis so best to avoid those as well!

    • Toaster

      So can uncooked fruits and vegetables like cantaloupe and lettuce, so everyone should just stick with sushi and Cheetos.

  • historychick79

    Don’t forget it is hugely important to eat awesome food and plenty of it while pregnant (if once you pass by morning sickness/hypermesis–been there), because once that little one arrives ain’t nobody got time for that. C is 3, and I still struggle to slow down and enjoy a quality, uninterrupted meal appreciatively while he’s not around. That’s probably my biggest piece of advice for expecting friends, enjoy your meals now.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      SO TRUE. I have not had a hot meal in 17 years. When I had my newborns I have SO many pics of me nursing them while my husband feeds me with a fork

    • AmazingE

      All I can think of is the dinner scene in A Christmas Story where the second the mom sits down either Ralphie or the father is asking her to get something as the voiceover says “my mother hadn’t had a hot meal in ten years”.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      EXACTLY!

    • Ptownsteveschick

      No joke, I have gotten so used to eating room temperature food for the last 2 years that now even after my daughter goes to bed, I let my dinner sit on the table for like 20 minutes because it is too hot. Its so weird.

    • mel

      Before my son could feed himself, I suppose this was true. But now that he does, we sit down and eat together. If he drinks all his juice right away, I make him wait to have more. You don’t have to cater to your child’s every whim during mealtime–and it will teach him a little consideration too.

  • CandaceB

    Half Of A Shared Plate Of Anything-YES! About 2 weeks ago, my husband and I (I am currently 36 weeks pregnant) went out to dinner at a hamburger place. We both placed orders for burgers and then he ordered one side of fries. I said, “Oh you’re not getting any fries?” To which he said, “A side is a lot of fries. We can just share.” I just stared at him in disbelief and hormonal rage. He quickly turned to the waitress and ordered a 2nd side of fries.

    • http://www.twitter.com/ohladyjayne allisonjayne

      Ooooh keep practicing whatever look that you gave your husband so you can use it on your toddler. My kid just laughs and laughs at my ‘mean face’. I think it’s because I’ve got small eyes and a tiny mouth and my mean face looks more like ‘vaguely annoyed rabid mouse’. :(

  • TwentiSomething Mom

    Give in to your cravings- you will be miserable if you don’t. Make sure you eat plenty of fresh fruit and veggies and blah blah blah so you don’t feel guilty when you eat 5 slices of papa john’s pizza and an order of hot wings.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Oh God Hot Wings.

      With American-made bleu cheese dressing (Because if it’s made in America it’s pasteurized therefore safe to eat)

    • SusannahJoy

      OMG I got soooo tired of explaining to people (especially waiters) that yes, I really do want blue cheese, and yes, it is completely safe, and STFU and bring me what I ordered!!!!

    • Emmali Lucia

      I once offered a pregnant friend a piece of my California roll, I have to have real crab in them because krab has gluten, Anyways, she got super offended and was like “Are you TRYING to kill my baby?!” I chalked it up to the pregnancy hormones and calmly explained that real crab is always cooked before being put into sushi or else it would make everyone, not just the pregnant ladies, sick.

      But I did call her a wackadoodle after that. She deserved it for causing a scene.

    • rccola

      that is sooo what i did!!!

  • JD

    Haha, generic ice cream! So true!

    I am 37 weeks with #3 and just realized I never took advantage of asking my husband to buy whatever I was craving any of the times I was pregnant. We live in a city with a LOT of shops nearby. The other day he was going out for something and I asked him to pick up caramel sauce so I could have vanilla ice cream with bananas and caramel. He went to ONE store and brough back Hershey’s chocolate syrup because they didn’t have caramel sauce. I don’t even LIKE chocolate. Grrrrr.

    My two year old is napping on my lap right now, but I need to figure out how to procure some caramel sauce, like, this second.

    • AmazingE
    • JD

      Doing this right now. Thank you!!

    • AmazingE

      You are most welcome, always happy to help a pregnant woman with her food lust. Plus, I know how much of a pain in the ass it is to send someone to the store only to have them come back with the exact opposite of what you asked for.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      It’s too humid to make caramel here today :( Now I am so sad

    • Rachel Sea

      2 cups brown sugar, one stick butter, stir continuously over medium heat until it begins to simmer, simmer 1 minute, remove from heat, cool to prefered temp, pour over ice cream. To make caramels (with sea salt of course), simmer 3 minutes.

  • NicknamesAreDull

    I ate so many Cheetos, I thought my kid was going to be born with orange fingers. I really should have bought stock with the amount of Cheetos I ate..

    In my defense, I was raised vegan and was vegan until my pregnancy, so I had a lot of years of prime Cheeto eating to make up for.

    • DMH

      I was constantly craving those Cup A Noodle things… I can’t even look at them now.

    • AmazingE

      Yeah that was me this time last year. Now I can’t even look at them without getting ridiculous heartburn.

    • Andy

      33 weeks preggo and ate one of those things yesterday-tasty, but ultimately not worth the Goodyear blimp ankles I was sporting about an hour later. Now, a BLT with a side of Cheetos, that is worth the cankles.

    • Leafyleafster

      During my first trimester, those noodle cup things were the only thing I could keep down. I ate soooo many that now the thought alone makes me have terror flashbacks to the morning sickness. =(

    • Emm

      Yesterday I was craving the shrimp flavor Cup A Noodles. I went home last night, took three pregnancy tests, and found out why.

  • EB

    A) I so could have used this list I’m my first pregnancy when I was constantly googling everything to see if it was safe and had totally lost my sense of humor – this would have fixed both problems! Now that I’m pregnant for the second time I’m pretty relaxed about this topic B) Sad Candy! I read that and wondered if you’ve been spying on me. I sooo have resorted to sad candy but never had a word for it. Now I do so thanks!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      brb starting a kickstarter to get you all the candy always

    • EB

      Aww! You’re the best!

  • beth

    I love sexy carrot!

  • SDA

    hahaha – Generic icecream!! SO TRUE! The best thing about being pregnant was the calorie packed B&J!! YUM. A new flavor every few days. The texture…MY GOD!

    It is funny Cheetos is on there. I am pretty strict on a lot of things I eat. Buy the dirty dozen organic, make things from scratch, avoid HFCs and most processed food. But Cheetos are my dirty secret! That started while pregnant. Cheetos & Diet Coke, my secret pleasures.

  • shoey

    This is awesome. As newly pregnant and first timer, I wish there were more articles like these!

  • disqus_RcnfTzAghr

    Every time I see crap candy now there is going to be a voice in my head saying “Saaaad candy”.

  • Blahblah

    I reallyreallyreally needed candy at work one day. There was a bucket of those off brand lollipops. They were so old, they were sticking to their own wrappings. And each other. Like a freaking coral reef of horrible lollies.

    I ate one.

    I am not proud.

  • Shelly Lloyd

    I am going to say that I think the Target brand birthday cake ice-cream is the MOST AMAZING birthday cake ice-cream ever. For some reason this is my favorite. I also think it is my favorite because my kids do not like it so I can buy a carton of it and no one messes with it.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Nooo, Target so does not count as generic because that archer farm brand is amazing. If I had a super target close to here that is all I would eat. I am so jealous of people who have those close by

    • SusannahJoy

      I’m always so disappointed by Archer Farm. It always sounds soooo good, and then tastes sooo…. blah. I think I expect too much. I dont even like their chips.

  • Maria T.

    My husband doesn’t really like food (I know! People like that are real!) which was a challenge when I was pregnant with my first. I was bone-tired my first trimester, but no morning sickness at all. Starving all the time. And dizzy if I wasn’t constantly munching. Anyway, one night after work I texted him to bring me some pizza for dinner. An hour later, he strolls in and says “look honey, I got you pizza!” and handed me ONE SLICE of congealed pizza. I burst into tears and considered throwing it at him but I was so hungry I wolfed it down while crying. He was so confused. Now we joke about “some pizza.”

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      we have a new term everyone! Sad pizza ™

  • evil stepmom

    I eat Cheetos with chopsticks. I hate the orange finger problem. ;)

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I just rip the bag open and pour them into my mouth. :)

    • Psych Student

      My wife *hates* to get her fingers dirty (so dainty, hehehe), so she eats all snack items by pouring them into a bowl and picking them up with her tounge one at a time. Very similar to your brilliant idea! :)

  • BubbleyToes

    “Skanky-ass soil-covered cucumbers” hahahahaha

  • Portia Mount

    I’m ashamed to admit that I pretty much lived on Chik Fil A’s Chicken Biscuits when I was pregnant. Talk about carby fried-chicken goodness. I kept waiting to get sick of eating them but it never happened. I didn’t give up coffee but I did cut down to a 1/2 a cup a day. I found that between the pregnancy hormones and trying to give up coffee, that I was turning into a Rat Woman from hell so I just cut back. Hilarious list.

  • Leafyleafster

    I live in Iowa, so I’m not eating any skanky-trucked-1000-miles shark anyway. =)

    But so much YES on the good ice cream. $4 pints and $10 buckets or I don’t want it!

    I have eaten entirely too much sad candy though. =(

  • Maddi

    I’ve always been skeptical of the “PREGNANT WOMEN MUST NEVER HAVE THESE THINGS EVER” kind of articles… they always seemed so dramatic and over the top. And I really never understood saying no to sushi, how the hell are Japanese mums meant to eat if there’s no raw fish involved?

  • Liz Havlin

    I love this page and read it often. I am expecting again so I started a page and appreciate any humor you might to post! https://www.facebook.com/pages/How-To-Survive-Pregnancy/228865480635207 And, I discovered I can eat baby cheetos without upchucking YAY! I did indulge in sad pizza though. 3 for $1 frozen sad cardboard pizza and I just ended up picking off the happy cheese I melted on top of it trying to cover up the fact that it is made out of wood filler, recycled plastic and nuclear waste.

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  • Cynthia

    Lol this is a funny article, and funny comments :)

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