A baby’s first word is a pretty romanticized milestone in parenthood. While you may have visions of your baby lovingly looking over at you and uttering “mommy” in perfect intonation as birds tweet outside, such a scenario is rarely the case. Though you consider yourself center to baby’s world, that doesn’t prevent your new person from fixating — and then naming — on a few other routine things from their day.
If you’re a mother who works outside the home, you’re relieved that your kid actually knows who you are despite a wealth of mommy guilt from, well, pretty much everyone. Despite your weepy nights about missing bedtime and only getting to really hang during the weekends, that tiny human finally has a word for you. If you’re a SAHM, you’re secretly thrilled that your baby finally knows who is doing the majority of the babycare around here. Maybe his/her next word will be “thank you.”
WUT. You did not just hear that. You did not just hear your baby articulate the species of your family pet BEFORE any sort of “mama” or “dada” business. You’d be jealous, but that would be even more pathetic. You’re suddenly emphasizing MAMA, MAMA at the end of all sentences.
3. “Dada” (or your partner’s name)
You knew the kid would be a daddy’s girl/boy the minute you popped he or she out and this absolutely nails it. You were already feeling a little anxious about playing second fiddle, but it’s not so bad hearing it outloud like this. Just the inevitable. Nevertheless, you are determined to beat “grandma.”
4. “Truck,” “Car,” or any other toy
You’re snapping photos and asking your bundle to hold that toy again and say it one more time. This shiz is going on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram STAT. You’re furiously texting and emailing and have dubbed “Teddy” the best word. EVER.
5. “Elmo,” “Dora,” or any other TV character
OK, so now you’re regretting not following those “no TV under the age of two” guidelines. In retrospect, maybe you should have been a little more strict about the one show in the early morning while you throw in a load of laundry. God help you, occasionally you gave into two shows. And who knows how many your MIL allowed on the days she so graciously offered to babysitting. Mommy guilt parade.
6. “Fuck,” “shit” or any other swear word
So maybe you didn’t keep your more colorful language 100 percent in check since baby was born. Goodness knows you haven’t let any of your truly spectacular f-bombs hit the floor in the presence of your kid. But it turns out babies are pretty attuned road rage and the three second profanity fest you give yourself when you peruse the mommy forums. This first word will definitely not be shared beyond immediate family.