• Mon, Aug 26 - 11:16 am ET

11 Things You Will Google When You Have A Baby

Parenthood transforms your web browser history like nothing else. Where there was once “Miley Cyrus VMAs” or  ”can I drink during pregnancy?,” there comes a new litany of adorable first-time parenting questions. A new parent’s anxiety about caring for a tiny new person easily manifests in a Google addiction that, sometimes, can make a frazzled mother or father even more detached from reality. But that doesn’t make you any less likely to scour the interwebs with the following inquiries.

1. Umbilical anythingumbilicalstump

Given an umbilical stump’s appearance, even a healthy healing stump can have parents looking for comparisons as well as triple checking any perceived funny business.

2. “Newborn mucus”newbornmucusWhile the pictures aren’t exactly savory, a new parent NEEDS the 411. Should you be concerned? Should you be on the phone with the doctor? Should you have been 20 minutes ago?

3. “Newborn sleep”newbornsleep

Whether you’re looking into getting your kid on a schedule or are concerned about sleep positions, you’ll be looking into this leg of the Internet a lot.

4. “Newborn poop”newbornpoop

Colors, textures, smell. You will become the newborn poop expert.

5. “What is colic?”whatiscolic

You may have stumbled across this in one of your baby books, considered your baby’s cries, and decided to put two and two together. Whether your baby actually has colic should be determined by an actual doctor, but you’ll be starting your research here first. If your doctor just kind of shrugs and is like “colic,” you’ll be hunting through mommy forums looking for “treatment.” God’s speed.

6. “Breastfeeding problems”breastfeedinggoogle“Latch on, “low supply,” “pain,” you name it. You can even enjoy a “breastfeeding gif” between your fevered panic.

7. “Is it normal….”

isitnormalYou’ll probably be using this one a lot in the first year. Whatever you got, Google has seen it ALLLLLLL before.

8. “Baby cries all day…”babycriesalldayIf you’ve traveled the colic terrain to no avail, you’ll soon find yourself over here. Usually at four o’ clock in the morning. With Oreos.

9. “How long can I leave my baby…”howlongcanIleavemybabyNew parents generally get super paranoid about how long they can leave their baby anywhere without burdening them with decades of therapy and perhaps a fear of mobiles. You’ll no doubt end up down a rabbit hole of CIO (Cry It Out) research.

10. “Should I take my baby to the ER for….”

shouldItakemybabytotheerNew parents don’t want to make fools out of themselves for baby symptoms that can wait. But, of course, if you’ve never done babyhood before, it’s difficult to discern what can actually wait. You would wing it, but parenting guilt LOOMS. And usually wins.

11. “Should I have another baby…”

shouldIhaveanotherbabyWhen your baby gets to be about 15 months old or so, you will suddenly be bombarded with questions about, “so, are you having another?” Even if you’ve firmly decided, as a family, to stop at what you have, the slew of inquiries can have you spending some time in the Googlesphere contemplating your choice.

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  • Blueathena623

    Yes to breastfeeding and SLEEP! And colic and crying. But mostly the sleep thing.

  • JulesInNC

    There’s no greater sense of relief, as a new parent, than when the Google search auto-fills your question.

  • NotTakenNotAvailable

    Maybe this is just because I’m an awful person, but given the context, I still can’t stop laughing at the fourth auto-complete entry on # 11.

    • SusannahJoy

      Yeah… i giggled. And then felt kinda bad about it. And then took another sip of a fabulous California chardonnay.

  • HarrietDixon
  • Litterboxjen

    People wait until your kid’s 15 months old to start asking when the next one is coming? I would love to live in that dream world.

  • sara

    The patients we see at the ER I work at do not use the googles enough.

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