STFU Parents: 5 Parents Rejoicing Over Back To School On Facebook

For many students, school is back in session (or starts very soon), but this year I’ve decided to change up my Back-To-School column and laugh with some parents rather than at some parents. There are always going to be parents who obsess over getting their kid the right locker decorations or complain about a teacher being a stupid asshole approximately 26 seconds after meeting him/her, but why focus on those jerks when we can read humorous updates from parents who are, you know, normal?

And if there’s one thing “normal” parents have in common at this time of year, it’s praising lunchbox manufacturers that school has once again returned. I can’t think of a single parent I know who isn’t straight-up elated that their kid is back to the ol’ seven-three grind, if only because those parents value their sanity. Having kids around in the summertime can be awesome, but it’s also headache-inducing, sticky, and involves a lot of carpooling. After several weeks of scorching-hot “bliss,” having the kids around 24/7 begins to feel more like torture than a pleasant trip to the ice cream shoppe. So in that spirit, I’ve compiled several submissions that illustrate how parents really feel about their kids returning to school (even if it’s just part-time pre-school!). The beginning of a new school year is a little bittersweet, but for parents who have dreamed of grocery shopping alone for the past few months, it’s mostly just sweet-as-in-awesome.

1. Seasonal Joy 

STFU Parents

I think what I find most endearing about Kelly’s status update is her reference to a holiday song (when family members are typically all together). Now I’m just picturing her twirling in her kitchen with a margarita at 8:30 in the morning without a care in the world, glancing at framed pictures of her children on the wall and laughing maniacally. The most wonderful time of the year, indeed. MWAHAHAHA

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  • Paul White

    I just read the supply list in Sean Connery’s voice because of that typo.

    • Rebecca R

      Me too, I just about died!

  • Yup

    My dad still sings it’s the most wonderful time of year in September. I’m 30 and a teacher…

    • wmdkitty

      So, what? It’s more like “It’s The Most Horrible Time of the Year”, then?

  • Katie L.

    There was a commercial a few years ago for one of the office supply stores that used “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” for a back to school campaign. It featured a dad joyfully pushing a cart around while his kids trudged miserably behind him.

    #5 is just weird, even without the misspelling. I have never seen a supply list that short and that doesn’t specify quantity or other details. Makes me wonder what is up with that school/teacher.

    • Tara

      I was pretty surprised to get my daughter’s pre-school supply list – all it had was a backpack and standard sized folder. Maybe the younger grades get off easier with less supplies some places?

    • Katie L.

      It might be a pre-school/K list. The Kindergarten at the school I teach at can’t ask for supplies because the district charges for full day K. When they come to me in 1st I have a big list for them because we don’t have money for anything and six year olds are hard on supplies.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I think this was the commercial you were thinking of:

      Though my favorite is the back to school commercial with Alice Cooper:

    • Katie L.

      That’s it! I’d forgotten about the Alice Cooper one, but it’s pretty hilarious.

    • AmazingE

      That’s so awesome, i’d forgotten all about that commercial.

    • goofyjj

      OMG that is so freaking funny! I love it!

    • Persistent Cat

      That commercial ran for years. I think they only recently stopped because I haven’t seen it this year.

  • keelhaulrose

    My oldest starts kindergarten in a little over a week. I’ve read a lot of parents from a nearby district typing eloquent thought about growing up and their children moving to the next phase and all that…

    Not me. I’ll put her on that bus and do a dance at the end of the driveway. Probably with a drink. The last month when she’s had no activities has been crazy, and I’m ready for structure again!

    • Helly

      And then when she starts 1st grade, you’ll dance even harder b/c she’ll actually be gone for a LONGER time :-D (assuming, of course, that her kindergarten only goes till noon)

    • keelhaulrose

      I lucked out and got afternoon kindergarten. One kid at school, one kid napping, and a DVR with shows I can’t watch in front of them.

  • Kasey

    The fifth one… LOL. I am constantly laughing at the typos coming out of my kids’ school. It sort of makes me question what kind of education they are getting there.

    My middle child starts Kindergarten this year and I will be dancing all day long on her first day. Just one more to go until sweet, sweet freedom!

    • CrazyFor Kate

      Agreed. My future kids are SO getting supplemental grammar/writing lessons from Mom after school. Poor English skills WILL NOT be tolerated. (Okay, obviously if the kid genuinely struggles that’s one thing…but if the teacher turns out to be grammatically lazy, I’m taking matters into my own hands! English rocks!)

  • noelle 02

    I homeschool and am still so unbelievably excited when September comes around. I love the structure of school and really prefer it to summer camps and vacations and time off. I love new boxes of crayons and freshly sharpened pencils and brand new notebooks and new textbooks. This post made me happy. I cannot wait for the day after Labor Day!

  • JLH1986

    I’m a grad student and love back to school. Mostly because I’m a school supply freak and those 5 years between undergrad and grad school I longed to buy school supplies. So I usually love buying new supplies and having everything neat. However, I’m nearing the blessed end of my program (If you can count 9 months as the end) and I haven’t had a break since January…so I’m like eff it where is a half empty notebook and can I borrow a pen?

    • Rachel

      Haha, I am not in grad school, but its been some time since my undergrad, and I do want to get a graduate degree. I swear, I still have dreams of shopping in my university bookstore before classes start (to say nothing of the ‘oh, crap, I signed up for a class and forgot, and haven’t been attending it all semester, and now I just found out that the final is tomorrow!’ dream).
      The crazy part? I never shopped in the university bookstore in college; I was one of the cheapos who just ordered off of

    • EmmaFromÉire

      As a current uni student, god bless you. My books are so expensive it’s painful.

    • DMH

      Oh god, I still remember the horror of buying books for my first semester at college. Grand total was somewhere around $400 and I lurked on places like, amazon, even the Barnes and Noble bargain site. It didn’t get any better when I started getting into my lit classes.

    • JLH1986

      Be REALLY sure you want a Masters…because this has been painful all around. I found and it compares all the different sites for books to buy/rent etc. It’s saved me a ton. Plus if you go to the publications website you can get a discount. CengageLearning actually manufactures/ships texts for 3-4 publishers they’ll save you a ton if you rent from them v. on campus bookstore!

  • brebay

    hmmm, I’m not sure if I buy the “artist” thing. Maybe racer? Or maybe this kid has serious dyslexia. Anyway, I think it’s hilarious that the teacher hung it as is instead of oh, I don’t know, TEACHING the kid the correct spelling? That’s why pencils have erasers.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      I got the impression that since it was art work in a kindergarten class it was probably done in something no erasable like paint or crayons.

    • AP

      No, no, we don’t correct kids’ spelling any more. It stifles their creativity and damages their self-esteem!

    • Alyson

      In most kindergartens, the teachers encourage invented spellings at the beginning of the year while children work on developing phonemic awareness. How do you pronounce the letter R? “Ar-” – sounds like the beginning of Artist to me! This kid was clearly thinking!

    • brebay

      That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. No wonder no one can spell anymore!

  • Emily Clocke

    I figured racest meant race car driver

    • Madame Ovaries

      Me too, or an Olympic runner or something.

    • SusannahJoy

      I thought race car driver, but I think olympic runner is better, especially because my husband is a huge runner, and now I’m imagining him as a little curly haired kindergartner telling everyone he wants to be a racest. And I find that very amusing.

  • Steph

    My son got a detention slip for not being prepared for class and prepared was spelled wrong. Not even kidding. I framed that shit. Best part is it’s a History class and their assignments were graded on grammar, punctuation, and spelling as well as content.

    • Shelly Lloyd

      Two years ago in middle school my daughter got back a book report with the words “minus 10 points for not including a bibliography. It was written on the bibliography. She said she tried to point that out to her teacher, but he wouldn’t listen to her. So I had to go in and show him. UGH.

    • chvale

      Heh. You should have sent the note back with corrections.

  • Karena

    OMG, I died at “at the Schtore”. AWESOME

    • EcnoTheNeato

      Where’s J’s star? That was great!

  • notorious

    George Takei posted a funny picture – that was obviously staged – of a mom jumping for joy while her kids looked pouty with their backpacks on on his FB page, and you should see the sanctimonious nutters claiming that anyone who found it funny HATED their children. In fact, you can see it now:

    • notorious

      Actually, that goes to the page he shared it from, but there are crazy pants people in that thread too. I don’ t know how to post a link to the comments on his page.

    • Helly

      Here’s the comments on George Takei’s share:

    • notorious


    • Persistent Cat

      I recently watched a forum meltdown and one poster wrote to another poster and said, “aren’t you the one who can’t wait for your kids to go back to school” and proceeded to judge her in the c-wordiest way possible. It was pretty epic.

  • Cee

    Meh, while you rejoice, I now have to put up with all the kiddos! Its only been a week and I want you guys to take them back :p

  • Kat

    I knew someone would copy that commercial. You’re busted, Kelly.

  • wmdkitty

    #4 had me laughing my furry ass off.

  • scooby23

    When I was starting 6th grade, the new principal of the school I was going to sent home a back-to-school letter. This letter had many grammatical errors in it, including in the sentence about how they wanted to improve the Language Arts curriculum.

    • brebay

      must have been working on “phonemic awareness.” (see above comment; loosely translated as bullshit) ;)

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  • jenspillman

    I totally forgot to feed my kid dinner one night. He called out from his bed at about 930 saying he was hungry or I wouldn’t even have realized. whoops.

    • brebay

      been there.

  • NotCinderell

    Anything vuvuzela related is inherently funny. All you have to say is “vuvuzela” and I laugh. I should name my next cat Vuvuzela.

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