• Tue, Aug 13 2013

Helicopter Dad Kanye West Buys Gazillion Dollar SUVs To Protect North West

Kanye west buys luxury SUVS to protect north west I know you all have been super concerned about how baby North West will be shuttled from playdate to playdate but worry no more, because it has been revealed from out good friends at the Daily Mail that Yeezus has purchased two Prombron Iron Diamonds by Dartz Motorz. Show of hands here who knew what a Prombom Iron Diamond was? I have never heard of this before. Like, if you said to me “Yo, Eve, I just got a prombom iron diamond” I would have assumed that you either bought a piece of jewelry or a really fancy exercise machine that I have zero interest in. But in actuality, it’s a type of car!

Inspired by the President’s Limo One, the 36-year-old rapper has reportedly spent $1.2 million each for two Prombron Iron Diamonds by Dartz Motorz.

On the Dartz website, the Iron Diamond is said to prevent kidnapping, hijacking and ‘other problems which can meet rich and lonely lady on the street.’    

 

Hee hee, I like envisioning baby North West as a “rich and lonely lady.” The other thing I really like about this story is that this car company once got a mess of flack for having one of their car models feature a leather interior made from the foreskins of whale penis.

I DON’T KNOW ABOUT YOU GUYS BUT NOTHING SAYS LUXURY LIKE WHALE PENIS FORESKIN.

Rich people, I do not understand thee!

Two-month-old ‘Nori’ should rest easy inside the super-SUV ‘built to withstand attacks from landmines and rocket-propelled grenades.’

Kanye is fully aware that his new family is so high-profile they attract the attention of weirdos and psychopaths,’ a source told the Daily Star.

‘He aims to leave nothing to chance…His priority is to get delivery of the vehicles, especially Kim‘s, before he begins his US tour in October.’

The 21-time Grammy winner apparently decided to beef up security for his family at Jay Z‘s suggestion.

 

Ah, OK, so we get to blame Jay Z. for this. I get it. According to the Daily Star:

The source revealed Kanye is also toying with the idea of employing body doubles for himself and Kim.

The lookalikes would carry a baby doll to throw attackers or kidnappers off the scent.

I think this sounds like a pretty sweet career choice for people who look like Kim and Kanye. You get to walk around and throw baby dolls at people. OFF YOUR SCENT. I wonder if this scent is The Kim Kardashian fragrance you can buy at Walgreens for 33.29? Is that the scent?

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(Image: Tumblr)

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  • Annie

    How would you describe an interior made of whale scrotum? You know they’d have to come up with a completely unrecognizable term for it, like how “kopi luwak” is basically cat digested coffee.

    Just when I thought I couldn’t hate SUV’s any more than I already did.

    (Google says that term is “whale leather”, btw.)

  • Alex Lee

    Prombron. PROMbron. PromBRON.

  • Blah

    He’s a first time parent with money; I really don’t think that going a bit overboard is to be unexpected. He’s just trying to be a good dad in his own way.

  • Rachel Sea

    I can’t even. I don’t care if I was a billionaire, I would be embarrassed to spend that much money on a car. I’d much rather fund a soup kitchen, or homeless shelter for a year. Obviously it’s his money to spend as he wants, but I can’t imagine doing it.

  • The Great Queen Spider

    If you want a safe car and don’t want to be an idiot about it, get a Volvo.. seriously. My boyfriend’s XC90 pretty much saved my life.