• Thu, Aug 8 2013

Breaking: Beyonce Cut Off All Her Hair – Someone Tell Me To Put Down The Scissors (Updated With Bonus Koa Pic!)

I knew something was going on in the great big world today because I awoke super early with my Beyonce-sense tingling and lo and behold while we were all minding our business and also minding this sanctimommy’s business THIS happened:

Screen Shot 2013-08-08 at 6.03.35 AM

I CAN’T EVEN. (In a good way)

OK so sheesh, I need to settle down Gladys because, holy cow, we need to analyze this . Fully. The Beyonce haircut.

What does it mean that Bey shore off her locks? Wait, were they even Bey’s locks to begin with, or was she like other celebs who had extensions? Anyway! OK, the reasons why Beyonce cut off her hair!

One: She is pregnant again and having long hair and being pregnant and chasing after a toddler is a total PITA and she got the Beyonce haircut to make her life easier!

Two: She watched all of Orange Is The New Black on Netflix like the rest of us and she also thinks that Samira Wiley is the prettiest ever and wants to have short hair too:

dkM2RX1

(Photo: livejournal)

Three: She wanted to! Which is probably the reason!

We all need to think about this, because I am so not Beyonce. I am not even like as pretty as Beyonce’s feet probably are, and I would LOVE to have a Beyonce haircut like this but zomg I would look so amazingly stupid with hair like this. So stupid. So so stupid.

Screen Shot 2013-08-08 at 6.03.48 AM

 

But I would love to have short hair like this because it would be so free-ing and ugh, the only people who can pull this off are Beyonce. Or someone else with very gamine Bambi-esque features. It’s a total Twiggy. Beyonce pulled a Twiggy!

I have made so many monumental hair eff-ups in my life! So so many! Just recently I bleached my well-below shoulder length hair white and had it colored lilac. It was SO pretty for like two days until my hair started breaking off in unfortunate places and I realized the upkeep on it would be continuous. Plus, I basically spent all day every day deep conditioning my hair. Then I had a mess cut off and dyed a normal color and it is finally starting to feel vaguely like hair again and not horse hay. And when I was pregnant with my daughter I decided I HAD to get really long human hair extensions so I spent piles and piles of money having them put in and when she was born I freaked out over my hair extensions and made my mom who was visiting remove them with a razor. I still have a box of human hair in my basement!

So I basically cannot do a Beyonce haircut to my hair. I can’t. I would regret it terribly and it would look awful on me but I want toooooo. But I bet other girls will totally be storming their salons today and demanding a Beyonce and I am totally jealous in advance. Short hair must be the best when you have little kids. You can just wash it and blow dry it for two minutes and then have a life. But I guess Beyonce would look gorgeous even if she just I don’t know, stuck a pineapple or a house cat on her head and called it a day.

UPDATED:

TECHNICALLY, IT SHOULD BE NOTED, THAT BEY STOLE KOA BECK‘S JAM.

bambihair

LOOK at this gorgeous femme aka MY BOSS Koa who can also rock the amazing pixie hair. I hate both Beyonce and Koa. I was totally going to add her pic when I originally wrote this but I was worried she would be all mad at me but I don’t care. I’ll just be over here with my long dumb hair secretly glaring at these Bambi babes.

(Image: Instagram)

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  • koolchicken

    Why do we even assume she cut it? There’s a very real possibility she’s been wearing a wig this whole time. That or she’s been bleaching and heat styling her hair forever and she just couldn’t hide the damage anymore.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      That could easily be but dayum she looks gorgeous.

    • Sundaydrive00

      Thats what I thought when I first saw these pictures. Miley Cyrus said in an interview the other week that she has always had short hair. She just always wore wigs and extensions to make it look long and full. I’m sure the same is true with Beyonce.

    • koolchicken

      I wouldn’t be surprised if they were all doing it. I know my hair couldn’t handle years of bleaching, curling, and straightening. I’d be in a wig before I let some stylist torch it.

      I think her hair texture is also telling. She’s African American and used to have normal hair. It was obviously chemically straightened and or permed, but it still looked real. As the years went on the texture really started to change and it became more caucasian-esque. There’s no way that was done without artificial hair. :(

  • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

    I am envious, too, Eve. Like B, I have a toddler and am pregnant again. You wouldn’t believe how many parenting websites and/or books recommend getting a “wash and go” cut to make yourself NOT feel like a slob. I, however, couldn’t pull it off.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I think I would seriously look like a deranged person, like I may as well go buy a mess of kitten sweatshirts and start carrying gardening gloves in my back pocket.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      Beyonce is pregnant again?! I thought that was just a rumor!

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      I thought it was, too, but Eve just posted it again in this article. And Eve knows her shit.

  • JLH1986

    Actually short hair requires more work :( I have add ass length hair and short like B’s hair. While I prefer short hair, it’s not like a wash and go thing (at least not for those of us ladies with super fine stick straight hair). I have to add volumizer, root lifter, maybe a flat iron and wax. Long hair you can do a cute bun, braid etc. in just a couple of minutes. Because of my crazy life schedule I am currently rocking a bob because it’s in between. All of that to say…I love this look on her. She is beautiful and can pull of almost anything.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      Word. I’ve got super long hair and I hardly do anything to it – either it’s up in a bun or blow dried and straightened. I’ve had short hair and it took a lot more time, effort and energy.

    • JLH1986

      I would love to rock long hair! But I look like I haven’t showered in a week after about 2 hours so it hasn’t been longer than my shoulders in over a decade.

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      Ahh…I’ve got the thick, horse mane hair that can go a few days in between washings. And since washing and drying take so long with this long hair, that’s what I usually do. Ha!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      UGH that is like my hair. I do not wash mine everyday. Drying it takes like an hour, I haaaate it, and I even have a fancy salon type ceramic dryer

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      Is your hair naturally wavy or curly? Mine is stick straight so blowdrying it straight cuts down on the time I have to spend with the straightener. But I DO blow dry my hair half naked because it is a freaking sweat inducing work-out sometimes.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Because I trashed it with chemicals it’s a bit wavier than usual

    • Elizabeth Wakefield

      Ahh. My mother raised me with the idea that “coloring your hair is messing with God’s perfect work.” So…not a lot of chemicals in mine. A little Catholic guilt goes a LONG way.

    • ChopChick

      Cut it off, drying it will take like 2 minutes. Legit. It takes me two minutes to blow dry my hair when I have a pixie.

    • Rachel Sea

      I think it’s all about finding the products that work for you. I was despairing over my hair until I switched to a shampoo, and conditioner that worked with my dyed hair, and switched using aloe instead of gel to manage flyaways. My hair is so much softer, it’s unreal, and for the first time in my life I can brush my hair without feeling like I am doing battle.

    • JLH1986

      I’ll have to look into that. Because my flyaways? Unreal. I’ve yet to find a shampoo and conditioner that doesn’t cost a small fortune that works with my hair without weighing it down. I keep trying though. Something will stick. lol

    • Rachel Sea

      It has to be 100% aloe, Fruit of the Earth is the only one I’ve been able to find consistently. I’m using Infusium shampoo and conditioner, which is kinda pricey depending on where you buy it, but I use so much less than I did with my old shampoo and conditioner, I think I’m actually saving money.

    • ChopChick

      On the other hand, short hair in my experience requires about 5 minutes of work and looks stunning whereas to get to your long hair’s full potential it takes a LOT longer.

    • Rachel Sea

      My hair is down to my knees and it only takes 10 minutes to do in the morning. My wife has a short mohawk, and it takes her 15.

    • LiteBrite

      Short hair does require more work, at least for me, but I will say that whatever I do lasts longer with short hair than with long. With my short hair, whatever I do to it lasts pretty much all day. When my hair was longer, whatever I did (besides a ponytail) would last approximately 10 seconds.

  • Alex Lee

    Waiting for you to post your box-o-hair on Craigslist.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I’m too busy making a tumblr devoted to Beyonce’s eyebrows.

  • LadyClodia

    After she had her hair caught in that fan, I can’t say I blame her for cutting it. It looks really cute too!
    For me, short hair was actually more work, but I think I liked it better. I had to blow dry it because my hair has just enough wave in it to mess up a style. Also, I’m absolutely horrible about going to the stylist to get it maintained, so it would inevitably grow out weird. At the moment my hair is long-ish, but I just keep it pulled back in a ponytail, and it actually looks worse when I blow dry it. I’ve been thinking about getting it cut again before our trip, but I probably won’t.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I forgot about the fan!

    • Erin Murphy

      I find my hair is more difficult to maintain when it is short too.

  • TeachSci

    Oh man, if Beyonce can’t even manage long hair while wrangling a toddler with access to a gaggle of helpers, I don’t stand a chance. Luckily she looks totally gorgeous, so when I cut off all of my hair I can say “it’s the Beyonce”, not that I can’t handle my long locks anymore! ; )

    • AlexMMR

      Don’t do it! Long hair is easier to pony tail and keep out of toddler hands. I cut mine to shoulder length while pregnant and it was awesome. My showers were shorter and I just let it air dry out of the shower and it looked styled. I really thought I was all set. Now that I have toddlers, it needs to grow faster so it can securely be ponytailed and not the kind of ponytail that random pieces fall out of.

  • Lhoward

    I don’t know why you’re calling it the Beyonce. Tons of other celebs have chopped their hair off like this before her such as Michelle Williams, Anne Hathaway, Miley Cyrus,etc. Halle Berry has had Beyonce’s new cut forever. I know it is Beyonce and she had gorgeous locks but it’s not a new style she created.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I changed it, am now calling it the KOA

  • emilyg25

    I have long hair now and am very much looking forward to cutting it off after my wedding. I hate having to keep it combed, put it up, wash it, or my god blow dry it (takes forever!!). Of course, short hair isn’t that easier. I have to style it every day and get it cut much more often.

    Also, you should totally try short hair! A different style maybe, but do ittttt.

  • Ptownsteveschick

    This is not good. I get the undeniable urge to chop off my intensely thick and curly hair every single August. I am trying to hard to overcome this. I don’t think it is going to happen. I feel the short end of summer hair coming any day now.

    • crankylex

      I buzzed all my hair off last month (my mom has cancer and her hair fell out and she was sad so I got rid of my hair in solidarity) and it is life-changing to have no hair in July and August in NJ. Seriously, the buzz cut is so awesome.

  • Athena A

    Oh god I could never cut my hair that short. I’m very attached to my long hair. I cut my hair shoulder-length once when I was fifteen and I seriously regretted it very soon after.
    I’ve toyed with the idea of shorter hair but I know I wouldn’t feel like me anymore. Especially not a pixie haircut, you couldn’t pay me to do that. I’d look dreadful, you need a face with sharp angles for that, definitely not for rounder faces. It’s not for everyone.
    I’ve played around with colouring but cutting nah, not any time soon! I wish I was more handy with hair though, here I am with hair halfway down my back but I have no hair skills whatsoever.

  • ScottA

    My hair is down past my shoulders. When I would have the short flat-top I would scare people. When my hair lays straight down I bring visions of Michael Meyers in Rob Zombie’s 2007 version of Halloween.

    So I keep it in a ponytail. And as I sat rocking out in my mini-van parking lot yesterday, (Had to let the song finish) a beautiful twenty-something walked by and said “Nice Tail”.

    So I got that going for me.

  • misspell

    Checks out Beh’s eyebrows. Dayum.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      can we discuss this. Seriously? I know she probably has a fancy pro arch done but is the rest powder? I need to know HOW to do this.

  • EmmaFromÉire

    Good god, how pretty are you Koa?? Stunning!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      HATE KOA

  • Jessie

    Oh man, I WISH I could rock a pixie cut like this. I don’t care how much work it would be or how many products I would have to use on it, I WISH I could.
    But I would look a HOT. DAMNED. MESS with short hair. *le sigh* I can dream though. I can dream that I have the face structure for such an adorable cut while sending out waves of MASSIVE ENVY toward those who actually do. >.>

  • ChopChick

    If one more person tells me “OMG YOUR SHORT HAIR IS SO CUTE BUT I COULD NEEEEEEEEVER DO IT BECAUSE I WOULD LOOK SO UGLY” I may become violent. Listen women with long hair: It is not a Beyonce cut, it is just a pixie cut. You will not look heinous with it, you will look pretty–why? How do I know? Because EVERY woman I know who has cut her hair off looks freakin stunning. Also,you’re so damn used to hiding your face behind your hair curtains and suddenly youre gonna go holy crap! I do have a nice face.
    So just stop. Long hair is not what’s keeping you feminine and beautiful and from turning into a 12 year old boy. A star cutting their hair off shouldn’t be your motivation. Just do it cause it’s cool and its fun and liberating and damn it! Your face is flippin pretty so show that s*** off.
    With love: Girl who is currently growing her hair so that she can do something mroe interesting with it for her wedding but can’t wait to go back to the land of the pixie cut where you do your hair in 2 minutes and everyone tells you how great short hair looks on you.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      Oh snap, guess you told us.

    • Rachel Sea

      Not me. I came close, when I was a teenager, to cutting off my knee-length hair, until I realized that my VERY curly hair would never lay in a cute little bob or pixie cut – I would have a jew-fro. If I had straight hair I would rock a short cut, but it is not to be.

    • Emmali Lucia

      Same here, I have wavy hair like crazy and it would POOF if I cut it shorter than just above my shoulders.

    • ChopChick

      Okay this is a super fair reason.
      Generally I get many many people telling me (and my other friends with short hair) how cute my hair is and how they just WISH they could do it (I’ve actually been stopped on the street by random strangers) and I am FAR from the cutest person you’ll ever see. I don’t have beautiful bone structure or anything else. But I’ve talked to too many people and stylists who say that when women cut off their hair they feel like they lose all their femininity which is total BS.
      I dont think everyone should have short hair, but not doing it because you think you’ll be ugly (which is most people’s reasoning) is ridiculous and as a short hair haver, it’s annoying. A good stylist can tailor any cut to your face shape!

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      For me it has nothing to do with LOSING MY FEMININITY (Dude, did REM write that song back in the 90′s?) it’s more I would look so derpy. Even if I pin my hair up to pretend I look so dumb

    • http://www.facebook.com/valerisexton.jones Valeri Jones

      Losing my RELIGION…. was the REM song.

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      No, am pretty sure it was Losing my femininity ;)

    • ElleJai

      I wish I could but… I’m fat. Like, double the weight I should be, technically morbidly obese fat. As in, three chins. If I cut my hair that short I’d look awful.

      On the other hand, it’s on the to-do list for when I’ve lost enough weight. I’ve always wanted to try it :)

    • AlexMMR

      I tried it. One day I just went for it and cut my long, thick, wavy hair into a pixie cut. I got a fluffly helmet head.

      My hair is so thick that if it doesn’t have length to weigh it down, it just gets bigger, and Bigger, and BIGGER.

      Never again.

  • Ashley Hunter

    She looks different……..Idk it’s not bad she looks her age. I like it.

  • Ashley Hunter

    Is this picture old? Because she had her short for that one movie where she played aretha Franklin remember?!?!?! Beyounce wouldn’t cut it off just to cut it off??? Is she doing a movie

    • http://Mommyish.com/ Eve Vawter

      I think she was playing someone sort of similar to Diana Ross, you mean in Dreamgirls?

  • Ashley Hunter

    She’s had it short before except it was what a wigg??? For a movie??

  • Ashley Hunter

    Whatever >:|

  • http://www.whatwouldshethink.com/ Rachelle

    Koa.
    Whoa.
    Helloa.

  • hollylou

    I’ve been threatening to buzz off my hair for several months now. I haven’t done it because I know after a couple hours of feeling free I’d be bathing in regret. I guess I need to invest in a cute pixie wig for those days that I’m feeling sassy.

  • LiteBrite

    I think when it comes to hair women especially think the grass is greener on the other side. Your hair is straight and you wish you had natural curls, but those with natural curls hate them because it makes their hair unruly. Those with thick hair wish they had finer hair but those with fine hair hate the limpness. And so on and so on. Or maybe it’s just me.

    Btw, Koa is freaking hot. One of these days we should all post pictures of what we look like in real life. I’ll have to find something current as I HATE getting my picture taken.

    • hollylou

      I’m quite certain you’re adorable and probably far too hard on yourself.
      I hate having my picture taken too, though. I’m the one on holidays holding the camera and there are very few pictures of me, especially with my kids.

    • LiteBrite

      Awww thanks. :) Actually I think I look pretty good when I look in the mirror, but then I see myself in pictures and I’m like “What the hell happened? I didn’t look like THAT when I left the house.”